by Jilly Cooper
Typically, Rannaldini delayed and delayed his entrance, so the packed audience would be panicked into thinking he wasn’t coming on. When he finally appeared, women didn’t actually scream, but they gasped, cheered, clapped, bravoed and then swooned at the incredible beauty of Rannaldini’s back on the rostrum. The gleaming pewter pelt emphasized the wide muscular shoulders beneath the impeccably cut midnight-blue tailcoat. The beautiful suntanned hands were shown off by the Kitty-whitened cuffs with the silver cuff-links, which Leonard Bernstein, whose showmanship, if not his excessive emotion, Rannaldini had greatly admired, had given him for his fortieth birthday.
And if Berlioz conducted with a drawn sword, Rannaldini conducted with a newly sharpened Cupid’s arrow. Flora was the only woman in the front row not wearing one of Catchitune’s yellow-and-purple – I LOVE RANNALDINI T-shirts. As he mounted the rostrum, she caught a whiff of Maestro and the white gardenia flown in for his buttonhole wherever he conducted.
The programme might have been chosen for Flora: Strauss’s Don Juan, followed by his Four Last Songs, sung by Hermione. Every time Rannaldini turned to bring her in with Toscanini’s ivory baton, the audience caught a tantalizing glimpse of his haughty profile.
He also took such liberties with a score, branding his own personality on it so forcefully, that afterwards his interpretation seemed to have become the true one. You felt it couldn’t be bettered, and it couldn’t be otherwise.
He and Hermione took bow after bow at the end of the first half. Her gushing ecstasy, blowing kisses and clutching Cellophaned roses to her heaving bosom, was in total contrast to Rannaldini’s cold stillness which became even colder when, glancing down, he saw Flora engrossed in Woman’s Own.
Strauss was followed in the second half by Stravinsky’s The Rite of Spring, which portrays a virgin, who has been offered up for pagan sacrifice, dancing herself to death, and which is difficult enough to unnerve the most sophisticated orchestra.
Having told Hermione he couldn’t see her later that evening because Kitty was in London, Rannaldini had left a note at the box office with Flora’s ticket, saying that, if she met him at Daphne’s in Walton Street at ten o’clock, he would buy her dinner.
Whizzing through The Rite of Spring even faster than Stravinsky himself, so that Toscanini’s stick was a mere blur, in order to get to Flora sooner, Rannaldini’s sexual excitement seemed to have transmitted itself to the orchestra. At the end the audience went berserk.
After a performance, Rannaldini always left the London Met rung out like a dishcloth, but there was not a drop of sweat on his forehead as he unsmilingly took his thirteenth bow. Only then did he deign to look in Flora’s direction, anticipating delirious adulation – her little hands with their bitten nails sore and scarlet with clapping. But her seat was empty. The briefest scrawl on a diary page left at the box office told him she’d had to leave before the end to meet some friends.
Rannaldini was so furious, he went back to the green room and fired ten musicians, including Beatrice, the little blond flautist whose bed he’d been intermittently warming since March. But Flora’s indifference only fuelled his lust.
Justifying his actions by saying Georgie and Guy needed space to sort out their marriage, he encouraged Natasha and the totally smitten Wolfie to invite Flora to Valhalla for half-term.
As Valhalla had many rooms on different levels, it was possible to look out of windows into rooms near by. An outraged Mr Brimscombe, who was increasingly tempted to go back to Larry, was told to leave the shaggy pink clematis montana round Rannaldini’s dressing room which had long since finished flowering, so Rannaldini could peer through it into Flora’s bedroom. But, far worse, Mr Brimscombe was then ordered to hack back from around Flora’s window a rare honeysuckle just as it was emerging into its gold-scented glory. Such was his desire that Rannaldini would have ripped out the Paradise Pearl.
Valhalla, with its tennis and squash courts, cricket pitch, which the village team was occasionally allowed to use, and huge swimming-pool protectively ringed with limes, was a paradise for teenagers. There were also horses to ride and to add excitement, the famous Valhalla Maze planted in the seventeenth century, while the abbey was briefly in the hands of the laity, by Sir William Westall for the entertainment of his descendants. Now twenty feet high, with nearly a quarter of a mile of dark, convoluted alleys, it was alarmingly easy to get lost in.
Beyond the maze, deep in the wood was Rannaldini’s tower, and beyond a path had been cut through the undergrowth to the edge of the Valhalla Estate near to Hermione’s house. This was kept clear by Rannaldini’s henchman, Clive, a sinister blond young man, given to black leather on his day off, who doubled up as his master’s dog handler. Outside the tower, Rottweilers prowled, frightening off fans, trespassers and, most of all, Kitty.
When Flora arrived at Valhalla, Rannaldini was away recording Mahler’s Resurrection Symphony in Berlin. A heat wave which had caught the country on the hop was into its second week. The darkening woods seemed to smoulder in the burning noon-day sun. The hayfields quivered. As though his battery was running down, the cuckoo called laboriously from a clump of horse chestnuts, whose candles were already shedding their white and bright pink petals. The dark maze drew the eye like a magnet.
‘It’s always more relaxed when Papa isn’t here,’ said Natasha, as she and Flora peeled themselves off the leather seats of the Mercedes in which Clive had collected them. ‘Papa’s wonderful, but when he doesn’t get his way, the whole building shakes.’
Looking up at the house, grey, brooding and secretive with its tall chimneys, Flora noticed blinds drawn on most of the windows.
‘Imagine Dracula’s victims languishing behind them, unable to take the sun.’
‘Papa likes them down during the day,’ explained Natasha. ‘Sun ruins pictures and tapestries. Beautiful, isn’t it?’
‘Quite.’ Flora refused to be fazed. ‘Bit Hammer House of Horror. In fact, extremely so,’ she added, as Natasha led her in through a side door past a darkly panelled room containing rows of gleaming black riding boots and a daunting collection of spurs, bits with chains and hunting whips, many of them with lashes. ‘I didn’t know your father was into SM.’
Normality was restored by a delicious smell of mint and fennel drifting from the kitchen. Kitty, spectacles misting up, her face as red and shiny as a billiard ball, damp patches under the arms of her straining blue cotton dress, was cooking Sunday lunch.
‘This is my stepmother,’ announced Nastasha disdainfully, dumping two carrier bags of washing on the floor at Kitty’s feet. ‘And please handwash my purple flares. You shrunk my red pair last time.’
‘I thought stepmothers were supposed to be wicked,’ said Flora. ‘My mother has never handwashed anything in her life. You’re bloody lucky, Natasha. How d’you do?’ she smiled at Kitty.
‘Pleased to meet you,’ Kitty wiped a red hand on her apron. ‘Blimey, it’s ’ot.’
‘I’m afraid these melted in the car.’
Giving Kitty a squashed box of Terry’s All Gold, Flora reflected that Kitty reacted as though they really were gold, going even brighter red with pleasure.
‘’Ow very kind of you, Flora, that’s really fortful.’
‘Not really,’ said Natasha bitchily. ‘Wolfie gave them to her, but she doesn’t want any more zits.’
‘That was another box,’ snapped Flora.
‘How are yer mum and dad?’ asked Kitty.
‘OK, but Mum’s getting horribly thin. These are hers although she doesn’t know it.’ Flora held out the bottom of the slate-grey shorts she was wearing with a pale pink camisole top. ‘They’re part of a size ten suit, and they’re already miles too big for her.’
‘They’re gorgeous.’ Natasha took a bottle of wine from the fridge and sloshed it into two glasses. ‘I wish I had a mother over here who was trendy enough to nick clothes from.’
Flushing, Kitty asked her how work was going.
‘Boring, and e
ven more boring talking about it.’ Natasha handed a glass to Flora. ‘I’ll show you your room. I don’t know why you’re bothering about lunch, Kitty. It’s much too hot to eat.’
‘I’m starving,’ said Flora. ‘See you in a bit, Kitty.’
Later she and Natasha sprawled in the window-seat looking at old photographs.
‘Isn’t Papa ravishing?’ sighed Natasha.
‘Quite.’ Flora examined a coloured photograph of Rannaldini shooting in the bracken. ‘He’s a bit urban, as though he pays some peasant to throw mud over his gumboots every morning, and tread in his new Barbour in the autumn like grapes. He is good looking for a wrinkly though,’ she added kindly. ‘What’s his Christian name?’
‘Roberto.’
‘I shall call him Bob,’ said Flora, draining a second glass of wine.
‘I wouldn’t,’ said Natasha. ‘An American baritone called him Bob at a dress rehearsal, and never made the opening night.’
‘Bob Harefield’s a sweet man,’ said Flora giggling. ‘That ghastly Hermione isn’t short of a few Bobs, is she? Oh Christ!’ Flora suddenly remembered Kitty, who fortunately seemed to be preoccupied, putting peeled prawns and sliced cucumbers round a sea trout.
‘I’m starving now.’ Natasha grabbed a chunk of Cheddar from the fridge and, removing the clingfilm, took a bite, before smoothing away the toothmarks with her thumb. ‘Thank God! Here’s Wolfie; we can have lunch.’
Having been given a Golf GTi for his eighteenth birthday, Wolfie Rannaldini insisted on driving everywhere. Blond, ruddy complexioned, beaky nosed, solemn and ambitious, when he wasn’t training for various school teams, he was swotting for his A levels. He had taken after Rannaldini’s German side, while the volatile, histrionic, over-emotional Natasha seemed all Italian. Unlike his sister, he gave Kitty a hug, before pulling Flora up from the window-seat, seeking her mouth and letting his hand slither under the pink camisole top for a quick squeeze. Having dismissed love as a girl’s concern, he had been knocked for one of the sixes he was always hitting by Flora.
‘Did you beat Fleetley?’ asked Kitty.
‘Slaughtered them.’ Wolfie got a can of beer out of the fridge.
‘Any runs?’
‘A hundred and twenty, and three wickets.’
‘But that’s wonderful.’
Kitty is nice, thought Flora, who could never work up an interest in cricket.
‘They were pissed off,’ went on Wolfie. ‘When we got out of the bus, the Fleetley XI sneered at us, and said: “What’s it like being at a second-rate public school?” I said: “I don’t know, I’ve only just arrived,” and then we buried them. This is seriously funny.’ He unrolled a long school photograph. Flora and Natasha screamed with laughter, for there grinning in the third row, just behind Miss Bottomley was Flora wearing a gorilla mask.
‘They’ve printed six hundred and sent most of them out without checking,’ said Wolfie in amusement. ‘Bottomley will go ape-shit.’
‘Gorilla-shit,’ said Flora. ‘Come and look, Kitty.’
Kitty giggled so much she had to remove her glasses and wipe her eyes.
She’s not much older than us, thought Flora in surprise, and on closer examination decided that if Kitty wasn’t remotely beautiful, she had a sweet crumpled face, and certainly wasn’t the total dog Natasha made out.
‘You look nice, Tasha,’ she said, turning back to the photograph.
Too voluptuous at present, despite long thin legs, Natasha had shaggy black curls, Rannaldini’s heavy-lidded dark eyes, a big pouting mouth like a frog, and a sly, sliding, slightly Asiatic face, giving off the possibility of great glamour to come. Watching the three of them laughing together and seeing Wolfie’s hand creep round Flora’s slim waist to find her breast again, Kitty felt a wave of envy. Then she turned in terror and nearly dropped the potato salad, as the room was plunged into darkness by the unexpected arrival of Rannaldini’s helicopter blotting out the sun.
‘Fuck,’ said Wolfie, who’d been planning to spend the afternoon in the long grass with Flora.
‘Just then flew down a monstrous crow, as black as a tar-barrel,’ said Flora.
Only Natasha was delighted when five minutes later the house was flooded with Mahler and Rannaldini stalked in. He was followed by Tabloid, his favourite and more ferocious Rottweiler, who would have plunged his teeth into Nastasha, when she rushed forward to hug her father, if Rannaldini hadn’t shouted and given the dog a vicious kick in the ribs, which triggered off a serious of howls.
‘Pavarottweiler,’ said Flora disapprovingly. ‘I heard you bullied your soloists.’
‘Was the recording cancelled?’ asked Natasha hastily.
‘I made everyone rise early to beat the heat.’
Once home, Rannaldini established his ascendancy with the inevitable jackbooting. A brilliant imaginative cook, he often produced Sunday lunch himself, cooking as he conducted, keeping five saucepans going at once, mixing, tasting, stirring, ordering Kitty around like a skivvy. But today, as lunch was ready, he kept everyone waiting out of malice, sending Kitty scuttling to get him a drink, going through the synopsis she’d typed of his post, faxes and telephone messages, finding fault with everything, snarling like Tabloid, who lay panting at his feet, if she didn’t know the answer.
In his post was a letter from some distinguished composer saying the concert in the Albert Hall, out of which Flora had walked, had been the most marvellous thing he’d ever heard.
‘A peety you meesed most of it.’ Rannaldini chucked the letter across to her.
‘Expect the old sycophant wants you to commission another symphony,’ said Flora unrepentantly. ‘Basically I thought the Don Juan very self-conscious. You couldn’t hear Strauss for Rannaldini, and I’ve never liked it as music. You keep longing for that divinely soppy theme tune to be repeated and it never is. And I’m not surprised those were Strauss’s Four Last Songs, if he’d known Hermione was going to sing them. My mother’s voice is far more beautiful than that gurgling canary.’
Terrified that Rannaldini might see her laughing, Kitty gave the mayonnaise a stir to check it hadn’t curdled.
‘You will never find a more exquisite voice,’ said Rannaldini icily.
‘Passion and thrust are what matters. Hermione’s got no soul.’
Beneath the pale red fringe which was tangling with her sooty eyelashes, Flora’s cool cactus-green eyes, a mixture of Georgie’s seaweed brown and Guy’s pale azure, were scornful and utterly unafraid.
I must get that girl into bed, thought Rannaldini.
‘Are we never going to have lunch?’ he snapped, turning on Kitty, and when she had laid out a beautiful pink sea trout, a huge bowl of yellow mayonnaise, which he complained should have been sauce verte, a green salad including the tiniest broad beans, and new potatoes, he made no comment, only rejecting the bottles of Muscadet and sending her scuttling back to the dungeons, of which she was terrified, to get some Sancerre.
‘Why don’t you have a little train to get your drinks for you?’ said Flora, unfolding an emerald-green napkin. ‘Then Kitty wouldn’t have had to run around like a barmaid in Happy Hour.’
But Rannaldini was looking at The Times crossword which was normally faxed out to him wherever he was in the world, filling it in as easily as a passport form.
‘Who, Like a black swan as death came on, Poured forth her song in perfect calm?’ he asked the assembled company. ‘Presumably none of you dolts know.’
‘St Cecilia,’ said Flora, accepting a plate of sea trout from Kitty. ‘Yum, that looks good.’
‘Correct,’ said Rannaldini. ‘Unlike my children, you read books.’
‘I’m doing Auden for A level.’
Natasha was still studying the school photograph.
‘Nice one of Marcus Campbell-Black. Have you snogged him yet, Flora?’
‘Too shy. Wouldn’t mind snogging his father though.’
‘Rupert Campbell-Black was the man we voted we’d most like to l
ose our virginity to,’ Natasha told Rannaldini. ‘But you were second, Daddy,’ she added hastily.
Rannaldini’s vile mood returned. Although the food was delectable, he immediately emptied a sootfall of black pepper and a pint of Tabasco over his sea trout before taking a bite. Then, when he had taken one mouthful, snapped at Kitty that the fish must have died of natural causes, and gave the whole lot to Tabloid who promptly gobbled it up, then yelped, his eyes spurting tears, as he encountered the Tabasco and pepper.
‘This sea trout’s perfect,’ protested Flora. ‘You kept lunch waiting. You’re lucky it’s not old and tough, like certain people round here, and that was bloody cruel to that dog.’
Ignoring her, Rannaldini started talking in German to Wolfie. Kitty said nothing throughout lunch, as still as an extra on stage, not wanting to attract a second’s attention from the actor who is speaking. There was another explosion when Rannaldini found the Brie in the fridge.
‘I’m sorry, Rannaldini,’ stammered Kitty, ‘but it was running away in the ’eat.’
‘Don’t blame it,’ said Flora, ‘if it gets shouted at like you do.’
In the silence that followed, Natasha, Wolfie and Kitty gazed at their green ivy-patterned plates and shook.
Rannaldini glared at Flora for a moment, then laughed. ‘You have to practise this afternoon, Natasha. You have homework, Wolfie. I will show Flora the ’ouse.’
Ducking unnecessarily so as to avoid hitting his sleek grey head on the low beams, Rannaldini whisked Flora through endless twisting and turning passages and dark-panelled rooms. Occasionally from the shadows grinned the white or yellowing teeth of a grand piano. On the way Rannaldini pointed out ancient tapestries, Tudor triptychs and family portraits, belonging to other people, because sadly, his left-wing mother had flogged off those of his own family. In the great hall with its minstrels’ gallery, Rannaldini had commissioned a red-and-gold mural of trumpeters, harpists and fiddlers, and a bust of himself in front of the huge organ.