by Jilly Cooper
‘Dizzy darling, can you tack up Meutrier?’
Lysander could hear Dizzy’s squawk of disapproval down the telephone, but he was too excited about proving himself to notice.
Horses, their blazes and stars gleaming in the dusk, hung out of their boxes whickering in delight as the grooms put scoops of oats and nuts in each manger. Meutrier, a beautiful chestnut, showing a crescent of white below both eyes, came out with a clatter, not amused at having to postpone his supper.
‘Hang on, he’s as quick as lightning,’ muttered Dizzy in defiance of her boss, ‘and his mouth’s gone, and he’s got a horrific stop.’
‘No-one asked your opinion,’ snapped Rupert, as he gave Lysander a leg up.
‘I ride long,’ said Lysander, gathering up his reins.
‘Not on my horses, you don’t.’ Rupert tugged up the stirrups until Lysander’s long thighs were level with Meutrier’s back.
‘Goodbye, world,’ giggled Lysander.
Like a jewelled hairnet he could see the lights of Penscombe tangling with the bare trees.
‘This is a beautiful horse, Rupert,’ he said as he rode off.
‘Why d’you put him on Meutrier?’ asked Dizzy furiously. ‘He’s a sweet boy.’
‘And needs hacking down to size.’
Having bawled her head off in her room, incensed that not even Taggie, whom she really adored, had come up to comfort her, Tabitha stopped crying. She couldn’t go back to Bagley Hall. She’d never see Ashley again and feel the tickle of his beard. She wished he washed more, but he despised deodorants, thinking the skin ought to be allowed to breathe.
Looking out of the window, she saw her father and Dizzy walking towards the all-weather track that ran for a mile and a half over Rupert’s rolling fields. They were following a rider on – Christ, it was Meutrier. No other horse walked with that fluid grace or that innocence. Tab picked up her binoculars. She couldn’t identify who was on his back, but he rode wonderfully. She’d never seen anyone move so naturally with a horse. For Meutrier, it must have been like dancing with Fred Astaire.
In gratitude the big vicious chestnut put in a terrifying buck. The rider grabbed his mane but didn’t shift in the saddle, then he swung the horse towards the floodlit track, and he was off, hurtling towards the first fence. Meutrier’s ears were flat to the head. He was taking off too near. Meutrier was going to stop. Tab gripped her binoculars in horror. The rider would be killed going at that speed. Then amazingly Meutrier put in a terrific cat jump and sailed over.
Kicking his feet out of the stirrups, stretching his legs, the rider was over the next fence, his body folding beautifully, as he disappeared over the brow of the hill.
Down by the finish, Dizzy forgot the cold and the racing snowflakes and gave a cry of relief as Lysander appeared round the corner. Coming up to the last fence, he dropped his reins and folded his arms, laughing as Meutrier hoisted himself upwards and cleared the birch twigs by a foot. As Lysander pulled up, for a second Rupert’s antagonism, overdrafts, unemployment, even the loss of Kitty were forgotten.
‘This is the most wonderful horse I’ve ever ridden. I’m sure he’d stay twice the distance. I’d give anything to ride him at Cheltenham.’
At that moment Taggie came slipping and sliding down the snowy path. She hadn’t even bothered to put on a jacket.
‘Rupert, you didn’t put Lysander on Meutrier? He was going back tomorrow.’
‘Well, he may not now,’ said Rupert.
His rage had subsided, but, not prepared to be conciliatory, he stalked ahead of them back to the house.
Lysander was sitting at the scrubbed kitchen table eating miraculously light cheese-straws hot from the oven when Tabitha slid round the door like a cat, took one incredulous look at him and shot out again. Then, as Taggie handed him a glass of whisky and settled herself on the window-seat opposite, Tabitha’s amazed face reappeared outside the window.
He couldn’t be real, thought Tabitha, he couldn’t. Such thick brown curls, such a wonderful curving mouth pulled upwards by the short upper lip and such big, kind, laughing eyes.
‘Oooooooh,’ she wailed.
‘Has anyone seen Horse and Hound?’ she muttered as she slid back round the kitchen door a minute later.
‘Hi, darling,’ said Taggie. ‘Help yourself to a drink.’
‘Thanks.’ Tab reached for a sherry glass and filled it up with Coke so it spilled over and over as she gazed at Lysander.
‘Come and sit down,’ Taggie patted the seat beside her.
‘Sorry,’ muttered Tabitha, sliding in beside her stepmother, and putting her chin on Taggie’s shoulder. ‘Didn’t mean it.’
‘I know you didn’t.’ Taggie hugged her. ‘You two haven’t been introduced, have you?’
‘Not properly,’ said Lysander. ‘You look just like your father. D’you ride as well as he does?’
‘Urn.’ Tab had gone crimson and opened her mouth and shut it, when Rupert marched in, dangling the cordless telephone between finger and thumb.
‘It’s Ashley,’ he said softly.
There was a long, tense pause.
‘Tell him I’m not here,’ stammered Tabitha. ‘That I’ve gone back to school, make up something. Arthur’s fantastic,’ she turned adoringly back to Lysander, all thoughts of tractor-drivers forgotten. ‘Can I do him when I come back at weekends?’
Looking from Tab to Lysander, Rupert gave Taggie the faintest smile.
‘All right, you’re on,’ he told Lysander, after he had dealt with Ashley. ‘Three months’ trial, but if you step out of line just once, you’re fired. You can ride out for me, and if any of the other jockeys don’t want a ride in a race you can have it. You’ll need ten wins or places to qualify for the Rutminster.’
Tabitha got up and hugged her father. ‘I love you, Daddy.’
‘Oh gosh, thank you so much. That’s seriously, seriously kind,’ Lysander was able to stammer out at last.
‘You’ll have to lose a stone – which you can ill afford. So you’ll have to build yourself up at the same time. And remember, no booze.’
Lysander turned green. ‘Surely the odd glass of wine wouldn’t matter?’
‘It would be odd if you stopped at one,’ said Rupert. ‘Not a drop till after the Rutminster.’
57
Lysander was so unhappy that the weight dropped off him. He had never been up at six in the morning before unless he’d been partying all night. Nor had he ever been worked so hard. Rupert immediately moved him into Penscombe, putting him up in a little room under the eaves with low beams – ‘one can’t concuss him more than he is already’ – a patchwork quilt and paintings of Rupert’s old ponies on the whitewashed wall.
‘I’m not having you mooning around in Magpie Cottage with your bins trained on Valhalla,’ he told Lysander. ‘I want you here where I can keep an eye on you.’
Lysander would never have survived without Rupert’s girl grooms. Once they realized they weren’t going to get him into bed – and he rejected their offers so sweetly – they stopped squabbling over him and covered up for him instead.
Every morning they would shake him awake, practically dressing him, forcing extra jerseys over his diminishing frame, frogmarching him to whatever difficult horse – Lysander could never remember – that Rupert had earmarked for him the night before.
But however difficult the horse, he seemed to steal into its head and heart before arriving somewhat to his amazement on its back. Horses really wanted to go well for him and seemed delighted by their own capabilities.
His problem was concentration. If he started thinking of Kitty when he was three lengths clear in a gallop, he’d be trailing the field in a matter of seconds. He was also a chatterbox, talking constantly on the gallops and even when jumping fences. If a jockey or a horse had a fall he had to pull up instantly to see if they were all right, and walking Arthur round the Gloucestershire lanes took hours because he stopped to chat to everyone – anything to avoid
going back to clean mountains of tack or spend hours dunking hay in icy water to get rid of the dust.
Having lost an efficient if truculent tractor-driver in Tabitha’s boyfriend Ashley, Rupert made an early mistake of handing over the job to Lysander. Flying home the following evening Rupert was appalled to see lines that should have flowed straight over the rich brown earth tangled together like a kitten’s ball of string. A very harrowing experience, admitted Rupert, when he’d regained his sense of humour and put Lysander back to cleaning tack.
Taggie was the person who really saved Lysander’s life. If he hadn’t been so hopelessly in love with Kitty he would have certainly been smitten. Worried about his pallor and dramatic weight loss, while the other riders were joyously guzzling fried eggs, sausages and bacon sandwiches after the gallops, Taggie tried to tempt Lysander with grilled soles, or steaks dripping with herbs and butter. She put slimming biscuits in a flowered tin in his bedroom and made him hot chocolate with skimmed milk at night to help him sleep, which he surreptitiously emptied down the sink because he couldn’t stand the stuff.
And Taggie listened when he banged on about Kitty – the grooms restricted him to five minutes an hour. Still numb at the loss of her own baby, when she was not cooking for Rupert’s staff, she was always bottle-rearing calves and lambs, or feeding hens and ducks, or Rupert’s dogs, or topping up the birdtable, or smuggling forbidden toast and marmalade to Arthur when he hung forlornly out of his chewed-down half-door.
Owners bored Rupert, but Taggie was always ready with a sympathetic ear, a cup of tea and home-made chocolate cake.
This led to problems. Checking on Arthur one afternoon, Lysander was amazed to discover Taggie cringing at the back of the box, stroking an outraged Tiny.
‘What are you doing?’
‘Hush!’ Taggie went scarlet. ‘Mr Pandopoulos is here, and he keeps groping me. If Rupert found out he’d hit him across the yard and tell him to take his horses away, and we really can’t afford it at the moment.’
Lysander’s face fell. ‘And Rupert’s keeping me and Arthur and Tiny for nothing. Oh, when’s he going to let me race ride, so I can start earning my keep?’
‘You’re doing that already. Rupert’s really pleased with the way the horses have improved. Being tough is the only way he feels he can get results.’
Lysander had never met a couple so aware of each other, as they drifted together, watching, touching, like each other’s shadows. Their love filled Lysander with envy. But Rupert was very tricky. Lysander had to be careful not to be too friendly to Taggie. The only thing male and beautiful Rupert really wanted in his yard was horses.
Lysander hardly noticed the war, as bulletins came and went on the tack-room radio, but, reeling from one of Rupert’s tongue-lashings, he often felt like Baghdad after a night’s bombardment.
In the second week in February he was just schooling a vastly improved but still cussed Meutrier over a row of fences. The setting sun, like an exploding ball of flame rising into a thick black nuclear cloud, seemed to symbolize everyone’s worries over the approaching land war.
Planes had roared overhead all day. Rupert, who was in a particularly foul mood because King Hussein, a fellow old Harrovian, appeared to be supporting the Iraqis, called Lysander over.
‘Why the fuck don’t you use your whip?’
‘My Uncle Alastair said it was a lazy way of riding,’ said Lysander, quaking but defiant. ‘Meutrier was really trying, so it’s stupid to hit him. And when horses are exhausted, it only slows them down. Honestly, Rupert, it makes me sick to see jockeys flogging horses. There’s no need to hit them so hard.’
This was an oblique reference to Jimmy Jardine, Rupert’s second jockey, who’d just begun a fortnight’s suspension for excessive use of the whip – probably at Rupert’s instructions.
‘So, you think Jimmy’s had nearly ninety winners this season just by feeding his horses sugar lumps. If you ride for me, you use your whip.’
For a second they glared at each other. Lysander lowered his eyes first. He couldn’t face that cold dismissive contempt. Swinging Meutrier round, he rode wearily back to the yard. Overtaking them in the Land-Rover, Rupert was on the tack-room telephone when Lysander got back.
‘OK, Marcia, Jimmy’s been suspended, but I’m not sure he and Hopeless were twin souls. Anyway, I’m putting a new boy, Lysander Hawkley, up on him. You’ll like him, Marcia, he’s better-looking than Jimmy. Yes, the 2.30 tomorrow, Maiden Hurdle, Worcester.’
Putting back the telephone, Rupert saw Lysander mouthing helplessly in the doorway, hanging for support from Meutrier’s sweating chestnut neck.
‘You heard me,’ said Rupert. ‘And you’d better take a whip or you won’t get Hopeless off the starting line.’
Unplaced in her last eight races, Hopeless was an appropriately named chestnut mare with spindly legs, wild eyes and a punk mane, too sparse even to plait. Her owner, Marcia Melling, a glamorous but ageing divorcée, only kept the horse in training because she had a massive crush on Rupert, who in turn only trained the horse, and then with minimum effort, because he charged Marcia three times as much as any other owner.
It was not with any hopes of victory that Lysander set out with Samantha and Maura, two of the girl grooms, in Rupert’s lorry on the thirty-five mile drive to Worcester the following morning. To distract him from his desperate nerves, Rupert had given him the responsibility of loading the five runners and their tack.
It was a beautiful day, with soft brown trees sunlit against the khaki fields, catkins hanging like golden Tiffany lamps, and coltsfoot exploding in a sulphur haze on the verges.
‘Arthur always enjoys being read to,’ said Lysander, as he turned the lorry towards the motorway. ‘He likes the Sun better than the Independent, but he likes Dear Deirdre best.’
‘Dear Deirdre, I am in love with a married woman who will not leave her husband, Arthur must be quite sick of that one,’ said Samantha, handing Lysander her last cigarette. ‘You can’t stop here,’ she said in horror as Lysander screeched to a halt to much honking and fist-waving.
‘I’ve got to. I took half a bottle of Cascara last night to lose the last three pounds and I’m about to explode. Open the fucking door.’ Lysander leapt across them out of the lorry and bounded up the hard shoulder.
Rupert and Taggie were flying to Worcester from London with Mr Pandopoulos and Freddie Jones, the co-owner of Penscombe Pride. Tabitha, back for half-term, was being given a lift by Dizzy, Rupert’s tough, blond, glamorous head girl, who had recently returned to work for him after getting a divorce.
Racing into the yard, Tabitha greeted her own ponies, then, armed with a Twix, rushed off to see Arthur. Coming out of his box, just avoiding Tiny’s teeth, she gave a gasp, for in the next box, rugged, bandaged, plaited up and fast asleep was Penscombe Pride.
‘Dizzy,’ screamed Tab, banging on the groom’s flat window.
‘What is it?’ said Dizzy, who rather fancied Mr Pandopoulos as a sugar daddy, turning off the hair drier.
‘Isn’t Pridie running in the 3.15?’
‘Certainly is. He should be halfway to Worcester by now.’
‘The hell he is, he’s still in his box.’
‘Jesus.’ Dizzy dropped the hairdrier. ‘That stupid fucker must have forgotten to load him. Sam and Maura are so in love with him, they wouldn’t have noticed.’
‘We’ve got to get him there,’ said Tabitha in panic. ‘Daddy’ll boot Lysander straight out if he finds out.’
One of Rupert’s lorries was in for a service, the other had gone to Folkestone. There only remained the trailer used for ferrying pigs, calves and Tab’s ponies around – transport ill-fitting the winner of the Cotchester Gold Cup two years running and the yard’s biggest earner.
‘I daren’t risk it,’ said Dizzy. ‘We could borrow one of Ricky France-Lynch’s lorries.’
‘Ten miles in the wrong direction,’ urged Tab. ‘Pridie’ll enjoy the fresh air and at least his tack�
�s gone on already.’
‘I’m going to be sick,’ said Tabitha, hanging out of the window as the speedometer hit sixty miles an hour along the narrow, winding high-banked country lanes.
‘I’m going to be sacked,’ said Dizzy. ‘Is Pridie still there?’
‘He’s fine.’ Leaning round Tabitha could see his lovely dark bay head, with the instantly recognizable zigzag blaze, and large, wide-set eyes looking over the top of the trailer at the russet cottages and orchards.
As they rattled through Pershore, two women with shopping bags cheered in amazed excitement. As they hit race-day traffic, more and more people started laughing and waving to see little Pridie so close.
‘Like the Pope in his Popemobile,’ giggled Tab.
‘I’ve backed that horse in the 3.15, so get a move on,’ said a man in a Jaguar drawing alongside them at some traffic-lights. ‘What are you two doing for dinner tonight?’
‘Someone’s bound to tell Daddy,’ said Tab despairingly.
‘He nearly killed Lysander for forgetting Mr Sparky’s bridle last week,’ said Dizzy, drawing the attention of the man on the gate to the green trainer’s badge on the windscreen.
‘If only Lysander weren’t so lush,’ sighed Tab. ‘D’you think there’s any hope for me?’
‘Doubt it,’ said Dizzy, bumping over the muddy track, ‘seems so set on this Kitty, he’s determined to practise being faithful.’
‘My brother Marcus only practises the piano for eight hours a day. Oh, thank God! There’s Dad’s lorry.’
Ahead, beside horse boxes belonging to Martin Pipe and Jenny Pitman, was parked the familiar dark blue lorry with RUPERT CAMPBELL-BLACK in large letters on the side. Stamping could be heard from within. With the cough and viruses about, Rupert preferred to leave horses in the lorry which was about as luxurious inside as the Ritz.
‘If we can reload Pridie, we might get away with it,’ said Dizzy, leaping out.
‘Oh, hell, there’s Lysander,’ muttered Tab. ‘Have you got a comb and some blusher, Dizz?’
Leaning against Rupert’s lorry as white and elongated as a piece of spaghetti tested on a wall, Lysander was chatting to Penscombe Pride’s champion jockey, Bluey Charteris. Tough as hell – you couldn’t kill him with a machine-gun – Bluey worked hard and played hard.