“What, Katie?
“Does that make you my boyfriend?”
“Yeah. I think it does.”
When he dropped her off, he kissed her in the car, then walked her to the door and asked her if he could pick her up before school tomorrow. She agreed. And the best part? She knew most of the time Johnny rode into school with Riley.
* * *
As Riley’s girlfriend, Katie never missed a show, and she always sat front row. Johnny didn’t seem to care much, but Katie had begun to feel some genuine affection for Riley. They began spending more and more time together, and Riley even put off a few practices to spend time with her. She thought that Riley found in her the same thing she found in him--someone to commiserate with. They both were mourning the loss of their friend Johnny, who was physically present but rarely there. For now, Johnny’s head was full of “baggable chicks” and dreams of the future, which left little room or time for friends.
Their relationship grew hotter and heavier, but Katie was a virgin, and the thought of having sex made her nervous but excited. She didn’t tell him why she didn’t want to have sex; she simply told him she wasn’t ready. She didn’t know that she was prepared to go that far yet, but Riley began putting on the pressure. Katie finally caved and gave him a rather inexpert blow job, but he didn’t seem to mind the lack of training. Still, he continued to beg. She let him go a little further each time but wasn’t ready for the big deed.
One night she was over in the Schultz’s garage watching the band practice. Johnny didn’t like having her there and never said so to her face, but he didn’t have much of a choice. She still held a candle for him, but she tried to ignore him as best she could. When the band was finishing up, Katie continued to sit on a stool in a corner of the garage, waiting for them to finish up. As Johnny, Norberg, and Trent put their guitars back in their cases, she overhead Johnny telling them that he was taking Lisa Coffey to the prom. Katie felt her stomach flip. Lisa was a varsity cheerleader, which meant that now Johnny and the boys were “legit.” They weren’t just a passing fad but were viewed as being as cool as jocks. More than that, though, Katie disliked most of the cheerleaders on principle alone. There were one or two she got along with, but as a group, she disliked them, because they made their ways through life on looks alone. But it was that moment, hearing that Johnny was taking a cheerleader to prom, that helped her make a decision.
Riley looked over at her through his sleepy brown eyes and smiled, then walked over and wrapped his arms around her waist. She kissed him but waited until everyone else had left to tell him what she had planned.
He sat on another stool next to her, their knees touching. Katie felt shy and quiet but wanted to say what was on her mind before she lost her nerve. “So what is it?” Riley asked.
“You know how you keep telling me you want to have sex?”
“It’s only because I love you, Katie.”
She didn’t buy the “love” thing for a second, but no matter. “Well, I think I’m ready.” Riley’s eyes grew large. “I want to do it after prom.”
He nodded his head. She saw his Adam’s apple move underneath his hemp choker as he swallowed. “Yeah. Whenever you’re ready.”
“But two things.”
“Name ‘em.”
She looked down at her lap, feeling embarrassed. “I’m a virgin.”
Riley was quiet and so she finally looked up at him. His face was frozen in near disbelief. He almost whispered, “That explains it.” Then, louder, he asked, “You fuckin’ serious?”
She nodded her head. “Yeah.”
“How does that happen?”
Katie almost giggled. “It’s pretty easy, actually.”
Riley’s face broke into a smile. “Waiting for the right guy?”
“Yeah, I think you could say that.” She hadn’t considered Riley the right guy before, but he was right enough now. “So, anyway, the second thing... I’m not on any kind of birth control, and I don’t know that I could get it arranged in time. Can you...?”
Riley’s smile widened. “Already have that one covered. Anything else?”
“Actually, yeah. I’m really nervous…scared. When we do, just be gentle, okay?”
“Of course, yeah. God, you’re an endangered species. I promise to take good care of you.” He wrapped his arms around her, and Katie was glad she’d made her decision. Let Johnny screw his cheerleader if that was what he wanted.
And prom arrived quickly. Katie’s mom and dad fawned over her (their wallflower daughter was finally going on a date with a real boyfriend) and spent lots of money on the whole event. Norberg’s girlfriend Meg had told Katie two weeks before that groups of them partied after prom and some of them got hotel rooms, and she didn’t know how the guys handled it, but the girls allied with one another. So Katie colluded with Meg, and both of them told their parents they were spending the night with the other. Katie hated lying to her parents. She never had before, so she felt guilty doing it now. But she wanted to be alone with Riley, wanted to experience becoming a woman.
Prom itself was a memorable night full of shadows and glitter, mediocre pop songs and aching feet. Riley looked dashing in his black and white tux, and Spawn of Satan played three songs to the frenzied upperclassmen and their dates. Not that the meaning of the song meant much, but Riley actually dedicated one of their songs to his “girlfriend Katie.” Their show was a little more low-key than usual but they were incredible. And when the dance was all over and the band members were packing away their gear afterward, they all passed around a bottle of this and that, hiding bottles in guitar cases, ducking between vehicles to take a sip. Johnny told Riley where the party was. Riley nodded, and Katie thought maybe he’d changed his mind about their evening alone.
But he hadn’t. Instead of going to the party, he drove to a discount hotel, walked in and paid cash, and came back out with a key. He drove around back to find the room, and when they got there, both of them retrieved their bags of “stuff.” Katie had packed as though she were spending the night with Meg--toothbrush, toiletries, makeup, pjs, a change of clothes. Riley had packed various items that rattled around in a backpack. Katie had heard stories about these kinds of places, but when they went in the room, she realized it wasn’t as bad as she’d expected. Aside from a thin, faded comforter on the bed, everything else in the room seemed newer and--more importantly--clean. She took a deep breath and set her bag on the table just inside the door.
Riley said, “Just relax. I’m going to unpack a few things.” Katie made her way to the restroom and, after drinking a cup of water, removed her jewelry and also let her soft brown hair down. It had been in a delicate updo that her mom had spent half an hour on, wispy thin curls framing her pale face. She admired the gown that hugged her body--a blue-grey floor-length halter dress. She felt elegant, pretty, and a little tired. She and Riley had been on the floor a lot that night, mostly during the slow dances, and he’d spent most of that time kissing her. Just once she’d managed to rest her head on his shoulder and glance around the room, only to find Johnny looking their way. It had almost made her change her mind. She’d decided then that if he asked her to dance, she would change her mind. But he didn’t. Probably because Lisa wouldn’t let him out of her sight.
When Katie came back in the bedroom area, Riley had his tuxedo jacket draped over a chair, and he had a CD player plugged in, but he had it tuned to the local rock station. It was turned down low playing Ozzy’s “No More Tears” at the moment. He had even lit a candle, and only one small lamp across the room was burning. He had that stupid bottle of Jack on the table too. But he looked at her and held out his hands, not saying a word. Her hands joined his, and he led her to the bed. His lips began an assault on hers and, within minutes, he had untied the sash on the back of her dress and was groping for the elusive side zipper. She’d unbuttoned his shirt, but she couldn’t stop her hands from trembling. She laid them on his chest. “Riley?”
“Hmm?” His lips
paused on her neck.
“I’m really nervous. I can’t stop shaking.”
He looked in her eyes, and his were almost unrecognizable in this primal state. “I’ve got a cure for that.”
She was going to scream if he offered her Jack Daniels again, his answer for everything, but he didn’t. He walked over to his bag that rested on the dresser up against the wall. He brought over a sandwich bag, and when he got closer, she saw that it was marijuana. She’d never smoked it before, but he had a little gold pipe and a lighter and appeared to be an expert. “Trust me, Katie. This’ll help you relax.” She looked dubious. “Have I ever lied to you?” He packed some of the green stuff into the pipe and wrapped his lips around the end, then lit it. He sucked in the smoke and held it in for a few seconds, then exhaled. He said, “When you inhale, hold it in as long as you can. That helps.”
Katie was still hesitant. She’d never done drugs before and wasn’t sure she wanted to smoke weed. But she looked at Riley and decided that she would trust him. The smoke smelled good. So she took the pipe and inhaled it like Riley said. Only she couldn’t hold it in like he had. She started coughing. Riley smiled. “Try again.” She did and the second time was more successful. They passed the pipe back and forth a few times until Riley set it down and started kissing her again. If anyone had ever asked her, she would have said that no, she’d never been high. But she had to admit that night that it did take the edge off. The illicit substance had, in fact, helped her relax.
So when Riley did find her zipper, she was feeling a whole lot better about the entire thing. Before she knew it, both of them were undressed, bodies touching on top of the bed covers. Riley had touched every part of her naked body except for the area between her legs, and she was eager. She was still nervous but also excited. He whispered, “Are you ready?” She nodded, and he ripped open a condom that he had earlier placed on the bedside table. She watched him roll it over his engorged penis, fascinated, and then his lips were back on her lips, his body on top of hers, his legs in between her two, and his penis in position. He began moving inside her slowly. It felt okay at first, but then it started to hurt as he moved farther in. “Wait. Stop.” She moved her hands to the top of his shoulders, as though pressing down on them could stop his journey inside. But he did pause.
“What’s wrong?”
“It hurts really bad.”
They maintained that position for a while, and Katie would wonder years later how he’d managed to stay hard that whole time. Of course, it probably wasn’t difficult at all for him, ensheathed in that tight little space. Once she’d worked up the courage, she told him to go ahead. He told her she could bite him if she needed to, and she did. She yelled too as he demolished her girlhood, her innocence. And so, maybe not to someone she loved, and maybe a little older than most of the girls she went to school with, Katie Logan lost her virginity on Prom Night her senior year of high school.
Chapter Six
She didn’t think Johnny knew. That Monday felt like any other day. The band members all hung out together at the beginning of school, a new day, nothing special. Katie might have felt a little more mature, but the vibes with everyone felt the same. But the next day, Tuesday, both Johnny and Riley came to school with bruises and scratches on their faces. Neither said much, but Riley told Katie that he and Johnny had been in a scuffle. Nothing to worry about, he told her, just a brotherly scrap.
Did Johnny know what had happened between her and Riley? Katie thought maybe he did, but he hadn’t said anything to her. He and Lisa didn’t last long either, and Katie was pretty sure that, for once, Johnny hadn’t gotten laid. Katie herself had been sore after that first sexual encounter and was horrified at the blood on the bed. Riley had apologized, but she knew it would have to happen sometime, whether it had been Riley or someone else. And Riley had been patient and gentle, so she figured it couldn’t have been any better than that. The next day she found herself limping, so before she even got home, she decided to tell her parents she’d twisted an ankle in her heels at the prom. She spent that whole day walking as little as possible, hoping what happened wasn’t obvious.
But the few weeks before graduation were strange. Riley cooled as quickly as a sidewalk on a winter afternoon. They still saw each other, but it was like Katie wasn’t that exciting to him anymore. They even had sex twice more, and the third time didn’t hurt at all. She still didn’t quite understand what the fuss was about (and figured she’d understand sometime). It wasn’t that it didn’t feel good, but it wasn’t a trip to paradise like she’d always heard. Maybe that would change with age, she wondered.
Part of her wasn’t surprised at all that Riley was putting some distance between the two, but part of her was hurt too, although she wouldn’t admit it. Riley had been her first in many ways. And even though she’d sometimes fantasized that he was Johnny when he was kissing her, he still was her first. She’d never loved him, but he had been a large part of her life, whether she wanted to admit it or not.
She felt empty. Really empty. She was glad graduation was around the corner.
* * *
Sitting on Katie’s couch, Johnny was laughing at the two-page spread of the Battle of the Bands. The pictures were black and white, but the biggest one was of Spawn of Satan. “Look how young we were!”
Katie laughed too. She pointed at another picture that had a girl drummer. “Look at her hair. Can you believe we wore it like that then?”
Johnny smiled and looked closer. “Look at some of the clothes.”
Katie snickered again and then caught herself yawning. She covered her mouth. “Sorry.”
Johnny looked up and shook his head. “No, don’t be. Sorry, kid. I guess it’s getting late. Guess I should probably go.” He closed the yearbook and set it on the coffee table. “It’s been fun, though.”
Katie wasn’t about to argue for him to stay. It was Tuesday night, and she still had most of the week to struggle through. If she didn’t get enough sleep tonight, she’d be even sleepier tomorrow, and Grant was due back Thursday. She wanted to be alert and awake when he got back. Katie stood and stretched. “So what’s the plan for the rest of your stay?”
“I’ll probably be here a couple of weeks. I’m going to start making some calls tomorrow, tapping into the local music scene. Start auditioning guys as soon as possible, probably slap together my new band by Monday. That’s the plan anyway. Oh, and hang with my mom. She’ll kill me if I don’t spend more time with her.” He stood up and carried his empty beer bottle in the kitchen. “We’ll have to get together at least once more before I go.”
Katie wandered toward the kitchen. “Yeah.” And, she thought, she’d have to introduce him and Grant to each other too. But that could wait. It was too late now to launch into that spiel tonight. God, she was such a wuss. “We still have catching up to do. But no more beer.”
He grinned. “Deal.” Katie walked toward the door, pausing in front, turning to face Johnny. He said, “It was really good to see you, Katie.”
“You too, Johnny.” They embraced each other. “I always forget how much I miss you until I see you again.” They both patted each other on the back. As she started to pull away, she felt that Johnny wasn’t ready to let go yet. So she leaned her head against his chest again and lost herself in his hug.
Inherent in the hug was the message that he had missed Katie as much as she had missed him. That much she believed and knew in her heart. He did let go, almost reluctantly, Katie thought, and she smiled. It really was good to have her best friend here.
But as she did at last pull back and her eyes met his, she realized she was dead wrong. It was more than that. His pupils were dilated as though he had been in a dark room for several minutes, and they were gazing into hers. Could it be...?
Yes. She read him like her favorite book, and their lips met before she could ponder it more. A thought, an image of Grant flashed for all but a second in her mind, and then it was swept away, along with any guilt
she should have felt. Her brain told her that Johnny had been in her life long before Grant had been, and so what they did together didn’t matter. It was a lame justification, but it was out of her mind almost as quickly as it had entered. This moment had been a fantasy for far too long, and there was no stopping it now.
No one had ever kissed her like Johnny had. Maybe it was the years of unrequited yearning, but she swore he was different. And his gentle tongue was exploring her mouth, warm and tender but insistent. Katie supposed with what fleeting thought she had left that he’d had plenty of practice with plenty of uninhibited women, so of course he would be a good kisser. Every nerve ending in her body stood at attention. She definitely wasn’t sleepy anymore.
She’d always loved the way Johnny smelled--kind of a sweet, woody, salty smell, but up close his scent was an aphrodisiac, and his tongue tasted like he smelled, but sweeter, even when mixed with the leftover remnants of beer. She felt the chemical response of her body, her blood flowing through her veins delivering mood-enhancing drugs, so she felt relaxed but alert and eager as hell.
She heard the CD tray switch over from Nine Inch Nails to Korn, and the back of her mind registered that Johnny had never indicated he was throwing Korn in his deejay mix. She heard the slow, gentle rising tones of soft drums and cymbals, followed by Jonathan Davis’s crying bagpipes as “Dead” began playing in the background. She couldn’t give it any conscious thought, though, as Johnny pressed her back up against the door, leaving no space between their two bodies. She felt her pulse quicken, her breathing deepen. His kisses were persistent and firm, his hands holding her at her hips. What little thought she had left was focused on the fact that this was a moment she had actually dreamed of for more than fifteen years.
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