I’m sure I had one as a child and simply can’t remember, but I have no actual recollection of ever having a nightmare or bad dream. My nights in bed have always been filled with somewhat peaceful thoughts of tomorrow, and what might be required of me to get through it without fault or failure. If for some reason I failed, I knew the only person I could blame was me. As a result, I was not only my worst critic, I was my only critic.
And critical of myself I became.
Now, as an adult, I am confident I am as strong of a woman as could ever exist. If it can be done, I can do it. If anyone is able to endure it, I am able to endure it. No other woman is more capable than I, this I know to be true.
I now lay in bed using every ounce of courage I possess to assist in my becoming stoic.
Until tomorrow.
Tonight, as the silence pressed into my chest like a heavy weight, I found it more difficult to continue to breathe. A lifetime of a blaring television I once viewed as an annoyance I would now welcome as if it were the softest music to my ears. The screams of Victoria I need more pills, I’m in pain which caused me to roll my eyes in agony as I searched the streets for a black market substitute, I now yearn to hear.
I realize my mother is gone, and although I accept it as being just what it is, I am finding it troublesome to live with the change. A lifetime of repetition doesn’t necessarily make accepting change impossible, but without a doubt I have found it to be challenging.
My time away from Parker is time I have found increasingly difficult to live with. Being without him at my side is a simple reminder I have no desire to live my life alone. In some respects my mother’s departure from this earth freed me, and now I yearn to be captured.
Snatched from my life of silence and kept safe from any further changes for a lifetime of lifetimes.
I feel if I expressed my desire to spend all of my available time with Parker to Parker it would cause him to view me as weak and incapable. As a result, I lie in silence and wait for something to startle me from my current state of desire.
Anything.
One moment of unwelcomed silence is more disheartening than a lifetime of incessant screaming.
And the silence deafens me.
PARKER. We’d spent the entire trip to the jeweler discussing the intricacies of a diamond. I had received quite a lesson from Kenton regarding the four C’s of a diamond; cut, color, clarity, and carat weight. After his best effort to explain everything in detail, he insisted he do the all of speaking at the jewelers, to which I conceded. It was further agreed although he may do the negotiating, I’d certainly choose the diamond ring I personally preferred and felt I could afford.
Considering Kenton’s chattering like a chipmunk for the extent of the drive, it was apparent he was far more excited about my proposing to Victoria than I ever would have expected. In the short walk from the parking garage to the jeweler, Kenton’s pace was twice the speed of what Downes and I were walking.
“Christ, you two. Come on. We haven’t got all damned day,” he grinned as he all but skipped down the sidewalk.
As we rounded the corner and approached the entrance, Kenton burst through the doors as if he were walking into a saloon in an old western movie.
“I thought we’d go to Robbins Brothers. I don’t know that I have any business in here,” I gasped as we entered the Harold Stevens Jewelry Studio.
Kenton stopped walking and turned toward me, “Robbins Brothers? Does a true gentlemen take his wife to McDonald’s for a meal to celebrate their anniversary?”
“No sir,” I responded as I looked toward the display cases.
“That place is a chain store. Like McDonald’s or Taco Bell. As you’ve assured me, this is a once in a lifetime event, so you’re going to want a once in a lifetime diamond,” Kenton shook his head in disbelief as we stood inside the doorway.
“Now let’s have a look, shall we?” Kenton said as he motioned toward the well-lighted cases full of jewelry.
“Welcome to Harold Stevens Jewelers, My name is Ryan, how can I assist you gentlemen?” the man behind the counter asked as we approached.
“Ryan, I’m Kenton, to my right is Parker, and behind me, Downes. Parker is going to propose to the woman of his dreams directly, and we’re in the market for an engagement ring. We need to see what you have. Round, colorless, clear, of the finest cut, and only if they exude sophistication from their every facet,” Kenton chuckled.
“Well, congratulations, Parker. And it’s a pleasure to meet you Kenton, Downes,” Ryan nodded.
“Have you a carat size you’re hoping to see? And regarding price range, where would you prefer to begin and end?” Ryan asked.
“We have no limits, Ryan. Our only concern for the time being is quality,” Kenton responded proudly.
I turned toward Kenton and raised my eyebrows. Immediately I was met with a scowl and a pat on my shoulder by his right hand.
“Well, the new Celtic inspired rings by MAEVONA are quite breathtaking. Maeve Giles has a commitment to excellence as is apparent by his clean lines and distinct feminine style. My only fear is once you’ve seen one, nothing else will suffice,” Ryan smiled.
“I fear nothing. And we’ll require proof,” Kenton chuckled as he squeezed my shoulder in his hand.
Ryan walked to the end of the case and removed a small display of twelve rings, a few of which were fitted with diamonds. They were all gorgeous in their own individual design, but one clearly stood out as exceptional. Close to the center of the display, in a combination of the brightest silver and gold metals, and fitted with a massive round diamond was the most breathtaking example of jewelry I have ever seen.
“Oh my,” I stammered as I pointed to the ring in the center of the display.
“Breathtaking, isn’t it?” Ryan half whispered.
“Quite,” Kenton breathed.
Ryan pulled a cloth from his pocket and carefully removed the ring, “This particular piece is the iconic award winning Celtic solitaire diamond ring design Eriskay. It’s by Maeve Giles, of course. This is the first edition. As you can see, no side stones, just your center stone. It needs nothing else. We can have one designed and fitted with a stone of your choosing.”
“Weight?” Kenton asked as Ryan carefully handed me the ring.
I grasped the cloth in my fingers and held the ring between my thumb and forefinger. It was a true work of art.
“The stone as fitted is five point two two carats,” Ryan responded.
“Well?” Kenton whispered.
I looked up and smiled, “I love it. It’s…it’s…perfect.”
One corner of Kenton’s mouth curled into a smile, “Perfect, huh?”
I nodded eagerly.
“Color?” Kenton asked as he looked down at the ring.
“Colorless.”
“Clarity?” Kenton asked as he admired the ring.
“VVS1, the stone was hand-picked to compliment the ring’s design, and intended to be used for our display of the MAEVONA line.” Ryan responded.
I admired the ring, turning it in my fingers as I marveled at the light refracted through the stone. One could easily get lost in the beauty of the diamond alone. It isn’t any wonder women are drawn to such beauty.
“Price?” Kenton breathed as he continued to admire the stone.
“It isn’t our intent to sell this particular piece, Kenton. It’s used to lure prospective customers to the MAEVONA line. It appears to be working rather well.”
Kenton looked up from admiring the ring, “My boy Parker believes it to be perfect for his beautiful Victoria, Ryan. Everything can be bought. The price?”
“Three hundred thirty two,” Ryan responded.
Thousand.
He means thousand.
Three hundred and thirty-two thousand dollars.
As my knees buckled, I almost dropped the ring. I felt as if I was a little boy again, and someone had just let all of the air out of my birthday balloons. I held the ring for a mome
nt to save some embarrassment, and extended my arm toward Ryan and smiled.
“Give us a moment,” Kenton whispered as Ryan accepted the ring.
His hand still resting on my shoulder, Kenton slowly turned away from the display and faced the entrance of the store. Slowly, he slid his hand across my upper back and rested his arm along my shoulders. Softly, he pulled me in closer to his chest, as if her were preparing to tell me a secret.
“Let me take care of this for you, son,” he whispered.
“Kenton, no. Absolutely not. This isn’t remotely close to proper,” I whispered through my clenched teeth.
“How much money have you saved?” Kenton asked.
Although I had been proud of the amount of money I saved for the ring, I now looked down at my feet as I responded, somewhat embarrassed, “Ten thousand.”
Kenton paused for a moment. I stood without speaking and stared at my feet as I continued to fill with shame.
“Would you give me thirty dollars? Right now? If I were getting married, that is?” Kenton whispered.
I looked up from the floor, “Absolutely.”
“Well, thirty dollars is the same percentage to ten thousand that three hundred thousand is to one hundred million. I have far more than one hundred million, but let’s consider only the money I have safely tucked away at four percent. Let’s see…” he paused.
“I’ll make three hundred and thirty thousand this month in interest alone, on my money that is. Look at it as a wedding gift Parker, the equivalent of a thirty dollar wedding gift. The more I think about it, I’m a cheap bastard,” he raised his eyebrows and waited for my approval.
I looked down at the floor as I nervously swirled the toe of my right shoe in a circle, “Kenton, I can’t allow you to buy the engagement ring.”
“Fine, you buy it. But, I insist upon your acceptance of my wedding gift a little early. Today, that is. I’ll have Downes write you a check for a million. It’s the minimum I’d give in cash as a gift to the two of you,” he pressed his index finger against the bottom of my chin until my gaze met his.
“Fine,” I whispered, “after we’re married. I can’t accept it now.”
Kenton shook his head slowly, “Alright, you little smart ass. Now, ask yourself this. On your wedding day, I’ll hand you a fucking gym bag with a million dollars cash in it. Mark my words. I will. And as you hold that bag of money, smiling from ear to ear, would you have any regret of not being able to use a portion of it for this ring today? Something your wife will wear for a lifetime?”
I thought about his statement. I certainly would wish I had been able to spend a portion of the money today. This particular ring was gorgeous – there would never be another like it.
I nodded my head, “I would, yes. But this isn’t proper. It isn’t right. We should just leave.”
Kenton comically raised one eyebrow, “You stubborn little fuck. Okay, look at it like this. I’m going to loan you three hundred fifty thousand today. Buy the ring. Propose. If she says yes, you’ll have a nice wedding gift of a million cash on your wedding day. You can repay me at that time. Look at it as a simple loan. You’re borrowing the money from me. If she says no, give me the ring back. The bottom line? You bought the ring with your money. Fair enough?”
It made perfect sense and saved me some embarrassment. Three hundred thousand dollars was an enormous amount of money to spend on a ring, but at this particular moment it seemed rather reasonable, considering all things.
I studied his face, “A loan?”
He nodded once.
I made an unsuccessful attempt to hide my excitement. As my mouth formed an embarrassing grin, I responded, “Fair enough.”
Kenton’s head immediately swiveled toward Ryan, “We’ll take it,” he shouted excitedly.
Ryan’s face quickly changed to one of disbelief, “Sir?” he asked, still standing with the ring in one hand and the cloth in the other.
“The Celtic ring. The five carat display. We’ll take it,” Kenton turned to face the display case.
I cleared my throat as I turned to face Ryan. In two steps, I was standing at the edge of the case. I realized I shouldn’t touch the glass, but I wanted to make a statement. Proper or not, I placed my hands against the leading edge of the glass, and looked him in the eye as he stood holding the ring. His face began to fill with confusion.
“I’ll take it,” I smiled proudly.
Ryan smiled and wiped the ring with the cloth he held, “Fabulous, Parker. We have many options in regard to structured payment. Let me get the paperwork.”
As I was turning toward Kenton for verbal direction regarding the payment, he responded to Ryan.
“We’ll pay cash. Or a wire transfer if that’s acceptable,” Kenton glanced toward Downes as he spoke.
Downes nodded his head once. Kenton turned and tilted his head toward Ryan, “Wire transfer?”
“A wire transfer would be acceptable, yes,” Ryan grinned as he laid the cloth down and reached under the display case.
Ryan produced a business card and held it at arm’s length, “Let me provide you with our account information.”
Kenton reached for the card with his left hand, and without looking, fluidly flipped his hand over his shoulder as he held it between his thumb and forefinger. Downes took the card from Kenton’s hand and smiled. Immediately, Downes turned away and removed his cell phone from his inner jacket pocket. It was as if they’d performed this maneuver a hundred times.
As I stood in front of the display and attempted to catch another glimpse of the ring while Ryan polished it with the cloth, Kenton stepped back to my side and placed his hand on my shoulder.
“Ten to fifteen minutes for the transfer,” Downes said sharply from behind where we stood.
“Well, that should give me time to get the certification for the stone from the safe and quickly polish it for delivery, excuse me gentlemen,” Ryan said as he turned and walked toward the rear of the store.
“Well, I’m sure Victoria will be quite shocked and rather pleased. So, what about the wedding? Soon?” Kenton asked.
“I’d prefer it to be, yes. You know how I am, rather conventional. Well no, I think they call it old school now. I feel a need to get her away from her mother’s house and have her live with me. It’s something I can’t do in the absence of marriage. We can’t live together out of wedlock, I wouldn’t dream of it,” I responded.
Kenton grinned and squeezed my shoulder in his hand, “One of the many things I like about you Parker, one of many.”
As I silently stood and waited for Ryan to return, I realized although Kenton wasn’t my biological father, he had taken on many of the duties of a father. Through the course of our friendship, even initially, his advice to me was always well thought out, and noteworthy. His excitement over my announcement to propose marriage to Victoria was quite cute, and far from what I had expected. All in all, I viewed Kenton as the closest thing to a father I could ever expect to have, and for this I was truly grateful. Filled with gratitude, I tilted my head toward him and smiled. Without speaking he smiled in return.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“For?” he asked in a whisper.
“For,” I hesitated.
“For being you.”
PARKER. I stood at the window staring out into the courtyard as I held the ring tightly with the polishing cloth the jeweler so graciously provided. I turned the ring in my fingers, causing the light to reflect through the diamond differently. Each facet changed colors with the minutest movement of my hand. I had been standing here for no less than an hour admiring the ring and trying to develop a way to meet Victoria for dinner and not tell her I wanted to marry her.
As excited as I was, Kenton remained far more enthusiastic than I. For a man who found zero value in telephone conversations, he had called half a dozen times in the last three hours asking when we were going to have dinner next. His level of excitement was beginning to cause me to become more nervous,
if that was even possible.
If you have something you feel a need to say, simply say it. Anything more causes you to look foolish and indecisive.
I often wonder if my grandmother will haunt me until the day I die. It seems everything I question in life, if she hasn’t already provided the answer, Kenton surely will at some point. Considering the vast knowledge regarding life the two of them share, it’s a shame they will never have an opportunity to meet. I walked to the table, wiped the ring free of smudges, and placed it in the velvet lined slot of the crystal box. Then, I picked up my phone and scrolled to Victoria’s number, and pressed send.
Before the first ring was complete, she answered.
“Hey,” she breathed into the phone.
“How do you feel?” I asked.
“Oh, pretty good now. I took some Tylenol and my headache’s gone. Probably just too much time in the sun, I’m guessing.”
“I see. Well, I’m glad you’re feeling better. So, Kenton was wondering when we’d like to come over to eat. He’s itching to get together,” I asked.
“When?” she asked.
It sounded as if someone was juggling broken glass in the background. I held the phone at arm’s length, and the noise remained audible.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Oh, sorry. Looking for bobby pins.”
The noise stopped.
“When are you thinking?” she asked.
“It’s up to you. Whenever you’re up to it, I suppose.”
The broken glass sound began again.
“Pick me up in an hour?” she asked.
I rotated my wrist and glanced at my watch. 4:30. Leaving her house at 5:30, we would arrive at Kenton’s house by 6:00, which should work well for Kenton.
“Sure. 5:30?” I asked.
Over the sound of crushing glass, she responded, “Sounds great. I better get ready.”
I shook my head as I wondered where she kept her bobby pins. “I’ll see you in an hour.”
Finding Parker Page 15