by James Howe
“Delilah!” Stinky Dog wailed as Bath Man retreated through the broken wall.
“I’ll be back,” Bath Man warned him. “And next time I’ll get you . . . and your little bird, too! “YAHAHA (BUBBLEBUBBLE) HAHA!”
A bubble burst on the end of Stinky Dog’s nose. Bath Man was gone—and so was Delilah.
HOWIE’S WRITING JOURNAL
Now what do I do?!
I had this plan, and then I was writing and I forgot the plan and, well, BATH MAN WASN’T SUPPOSED TO WIN!
What is the point of having a plan if you forget it?
Okay. I still have this chapter in my head where Stinky Dog and Little D go to the Doggie Dimension. But how am I going to get them there? And what about Delilah? I mean, I know who Delilah turns out to be in the end, but she wasn’t supposed to faint and get taken away by Bath Man.
I guess I could go back and . . . and . . . revise. But that’s so much work. I have a nap scheduled for 3:30. I’d better just keep moving ahead.
CHAPTER 8:
“FIGHT TO THE FINISH”
Stinky Dog had never felt so ashamed in his entire short, superheroic life! Bath Man had just run off with Delilah, the stinkiest dog he’d ever met (other than himself). And as for Little D, his new best friend and loyal sidekick—well, the little fella’s face was covered with disappointment. And feathers.
“I’m sorry I let you down, Little D,” Stinky Dog said.
“Aw, it’s okay, Big D,” said Little D. “You couldn’t help it. You were immobilized by SUPER-SWEETNESS. I guess it’s true what they say—there’s nobody more powerful than Bath Man.”
Stinky Dog’s shame turned into anger! His anger turned into rage! His rage turned into thoughts that were even stinkier than the ones in the last chapter! He could feel a vaporous propulsion of fumes forming under his super-heroic tushy.
“Let’s go, Little D!” he commanded.
VVVZZZZOOOMM! Up, up, and away they went!
Below them lay Center City, its citizens no longer afraid to stroll the streets, its little old ladies happily holding their handbags, its canines cavorting in compost—all thanks to Stinky Dog and Little D. But there was still much to be done, a fight that had to be fought to the finish. There were laws still to be changed, corruption still to be revealed, and—most urgently—the evil Bath Man still to be found and sent down the drain! But where was he to be found? Try as he might, Stinky Dog could not detect the smell of sweetness over his own SUPER-STENCH.
“Look, Big D!” he heard Little D say.
Stinky Dog looked down. A little old lady was waving her arms at them as if she wanted them to come to her.
“She doesn’t look as if she’s in trouble,” said Stinky Dog, fearful of wasting a moment of precious time. If he didn’t get to Bath Man soon, Delilah might lose all her stinkiness and remain sweet-smelling the rest of her life. Stinky Dog shuddered at the thought. Still, there was something about the way the little old lady was waving that seemed important.
“Come on!” he said.
Imagine his surprise to discover that the little old lady was the very first person he had rescued.
“Nice outfit,” she commented. “I like the cape and the little panty-things. They’re new since I saw you last, aren’t they? Not to mention your sidekick. Hello, birdy.”
“Chirp,” said Little D. His answer seemed to satisfy her.
“I, uh, I don’t mean to be rude,” said Stinky Dog, “but I’ve got—”
“Yes, yes, I know,” said the little old lady. “You’ve got to catch Bath Man and save the world from his evil, bubbly ways. I won’t keep you.”
How did she know about Bath Man? Who was this little old lady, anyway?
“Here,” she said, digging in her purse. “I have something for you. I have something in here for you, too, dear,” she said to Dean, “if you’ll just give me a . . . oh, here they are.”
She broke off a crumb from a stale roll and placed it in Little D’s beak. Then she offered Stinky Dog a chew bone. “I didn’t feel I had thanked you enough,” she said. “Or even sufficiently.”
“Oh, but—”
“Don’t eat it right away, dear,” she said to Stinky Dog. She arched her eyebrows. Stinky Dog had watched enough television to know that arched eyebrows meant something. He never knew what they meant, but he knew they meant something.
He looked down at the chew bone. There was writing on it:
YOU ARE MORE THAN YOU KNOW
These words were followed by the mysterious, enigmatic, and cryptic message: 18 + 18.
“What does this mean?” Stinky Dog asked.
He looked up. The little old lady was no longer there.
HOWIE’S WRITING JOURNAL
That is the best cliffhanger I’ve ever written! Uncle Harold will be so proud of me! I’m going to wait to show him until after I’ve finished the whole book, though. I showed Delilah what I’ve written, and was that a mistake!
(The answer is yes.)
She said she is never going to speak to me again.
Well, I’ve heard that one before. Wait until she sees that final chapter. Then we’ll see what she has to say.
CHAPTER 9:
“THE DOGGIE DIMENSION AND THE TRUTH ABOUT DELILAH”
“Where did she go?” Stinky Dog asked.
Little D shrugged. He would have answered, but his mouth was full of a crumb.
“I guess it doesn’t matter,” Stinky Dog said, looking at the chew bone. “This is what she wanted me to know. But what does it mean?”
Little D studied the message on the chew bone. “It means we should go to the corner of Eighteenth Street and Eighteenth Avenue.”
“How do you know that?” Stinky Dog asked.
Little D leaned his head in and whispered confidentially, “We have only twelve pages left to tell the story if you—I mean, Howie Monroe—is going to meet the limit his publisher set for him. I thought I’d better move things along.”
“Good point,” Howie whispered back.
When they got to the corner of 18th and 18th, they found a store called Cozmik Comiks. A clerk waved them in. He arched his eyebrows meaningfully.
“Read this,” the clerk said, handing them a comic book.
“I don’t think we have enough time,” said Stinky Dog.
“Or pages,” Little D pointed out.
“Read this,” the clerk repeated, arching his eyebrows again, indicating either great significance or a medical condition in need of attention.
Stinky Dog gasped. The comic book was called SUPERHEROES OF THE DOGGIE DIMENSION. With his heart in his mouth (it’s an expression, but there’s no time—or pages—to explain) he opened the comic.
SKWRRRK! THUHDDD!
Stinky Dog and Little D crashed through the wall of reality into a big crystal room that looked like it had been carved out of ice, except it wasn’t cold. There were blinking lights everywhere, and a big sign that read:
THE DOGGIE DIMENSION
WHERE YOUR POWER IS UNLEASHED
“Good pun,” Stinky Dog commented to Little D.
They were surrounded by giant video-screens filled with giant talking heads.
“Welcome!” one of the heads said. “I am Kaptain K-9 of the Intergalactic Circle of Power Puppies.”
“Welcome!” another of the heads said. “I am RoboRover. I am a bionic basset hound!”
“Welcome!” said yet another head. “I am The Drooler!”
A familiar face filled the fourth and final screen. Stinky Dog’s jaw dropped.
“Delilah?” he uttered, utterly confused.
“I am the Wise One, the Ultimate Ruler and Superheroic Power of the Doggie Dimension and the Entire Universe,” said the giant Delilah-head.
“C-Cooler than seeds,” sputtered the spellbound sparrow.
“But how . . . what . . . who . . . where . . . when . . . why?” queried the curious caped crusader.
The Wise One said, “If you can stop your sputtering and
querying, I will tell you everything.”
Stinky Dog and Little D stopped their sputtering and querying at once.
“You have been brought back to the place of your birth,” Delilah explained.
“I thought I was born in a pile of muck in front of my house in Center City. After all, Chapter Two is called ‘The Birth of Stinky Dog,’ and I hate to confuse the reader.”
“That was the birth of your special powers,” the Wise One explained. “You were born here in the Doggie Dimension. You were sent to live among ordinary dogs and ordinary people so that you might get to know their ways.”
“What about ordinary cats?” Stinky Dog asked, thinking of his friend Chester.
“There are no ordinary cats,” the Wise One responded.
Stinky Dog nodded. The Wise One really was wise.
“But why was I sent to get to know their ways?” the ever curious and inquisitive superhero asked.
“So that you would know how to move among them when the time came for you to use your superpowers and save the world. You have done well. There is but one task left for you to accomplish.”
“Bath Man,” said Stinky Dog.
“Bath Man,” the Wise One repeated.
“But why can’t you destroy Bath Man?” Stinky Dog asked. “You are wise, not to mention the Ultimate Ruler and Superheroic Power of the Doggie Dimension and the Entire Universe.”
“Because—even though I might wish it otherwise—this story is about you. It’s up to you to save the world. I’ve tried to help you out.”
“The little old lady,” Stinky Dog mused.
“One of my many disguises.”
“So that’s why she didn’t pass out from my stinkiness! But why did you let your Delilah-self be taken by Bath Man?”
“Silly superhero. So you would have to rescue me and destroy Bath Man.”
Stinky Dog hung his head in shame.
“But I failed,” he said.
“Not yet,” said the Wise One. “You have only to take your thinking in a new direction. Stinky thoughts are not the only ones with power. Sometimes you have to fight bubbles with bubbles. Now go—destroy Bath Man, rescue Delilah, and save the world!”
“Cooler than seeds,” Little D said again. Stinky Dog wondered if he was going to start saying it a lot. He supposed he would just have to put it up with it. After all, good sidekicks are hard to find.
CHAPTER 10:
“SWEETS TO THE SWEET”
VVOOOSSHH!
Stinky Dog and Little D sailed through time and space to land directly in front of Bath Man and Delilah.
“YAHAHA (BUBBLEBUBBLE) HAHA! said Bath Man. Stinky Dog feared he might be as limited in his vocabulary as Little D.
“You can’t destroy me with your stinkiness,” Bath Man said. “You’re washed up, Stinky Dog. You’re going to have to come clean, and I’m just the one to do the job.”
“Not so fast, Bath Man! I’m not as dumb as I look.” (That wasn’t what he meant to say, but, oh, well.) “I know my stinkiness can’t destroy you. Stinkiness is what you need. Without it, you’re down the drain. In fact, if all the world were clean and sweet-smelling, you’d be out of business.”
A look of terror appeared in Bath Man’s eyes. All Stinky Dog had to do now was think sweet thoughts.
“Rose gardens, spring rain, powdered baby bottoms,” Little D prompted. But these words just prompted Bath Man to break into wild, uproarious laughter.
“You think you can destroy me with sweetie-pateetie stuff like that. Grow up and fight like real superheroes!”
Stinky Dog hit the panic button. What kind of sweet thoughts would work? He had no idea. All he knew was that Delilah was losing her stinkiness. He couldn’t let that happen to her! He . . . yes, he loved her! He loved her fluttering eyelashes and her blonde curly ears. He loved the way she played Rip-the-Rag and the way she told him that he didn’t know how to write female characters. He loved the twinkle in her eyes and . . .
Bath Man was growing smaller. His bubbles were popping. His eyes were becoming faint.
FIZZZU! POP! SSSSSS! SHPLLMURRZZETGLURBL.
Bath Man was a little puddle on the floor!
Stinky Dog tore off his mask!
“Howie!” Delilah gasped. “My hero!”
“This will have to be our little secret,” said Howie.
“Of course, my darling,” said Delilah, “just as it will be our little secret that I am really the Wise One, the Ultimate Ruler and Superheroic Power of the Doggie Dimension and the Entire Universe.”
“Er, right,” said Howie.
“Cooler than seeds,” said Little D.
The three friends laughed as they walked off into a golden sunset.
THE END
HOWIE’S WRITING JOURNAL
I asked Uncle Harold what he thinks of my story and he said it’s terrific, but next time he’s going to hide the thesaurus. That Uncle Harold—he’s such a kidder.
Delilah loves it! She said it’s the best thing I’ve ever written. “You finally know how to write female characters,” she told me. Then she said, “Do you really love me, Howie?”
I was going to remind her that I write fiction, but when she blinked those long eyelashes at me and tossed those curly blonde ears I found myself asking, “Delilah, will you go out with me?”
“Oh, Howie,” she said. “I would love to.”
We’re meeting at the compost heap at seven.
Life is even better than fiction.
Especially when you’re a dog.
James Howe is the author of the award-winning best-seller Bunnicula and its sequels, as well as many other popular books for young readers, including The Misfits and the Pinky and Rex series for younger readers. He lives in New York State.
Tales from the House of Bunnicula Books by James Howe:
It Came from Beneath the Bed!
Invasion of the Mind Swappers from Asteroid 6!
Howie Monroe and the Doghouse of Doom
Screaming Mummies of the Pharaoh’s Tomb II
Bud Barkin, Private Eye
The Amazing Odorous Adventures of Stinky Dog
Other Bunnicula Books by James Howe:
Bunnicula (with Deborah Howe)
Howliday Inn
The Celery Stalks at Midnight
Nighty-Nightmare
Return to Howliday Inn
Bunnicula Strikes Again!
Bunnicula and Friends Books by James Howe:
The Vampire Bunny
Hot Fudge
This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real locales are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
First Aladdin Paperbacks edition September 2004
Text copyright © 2003 by James Howe
Illustrations copyright © 2003 by Brett Helquist
ALADDIN PAPERBACKS
An imprint of Simon & Schuster
Children’s Publishing Division
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020
www.SimonandSchuster.com
All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form.
Also available in an Atheneum Books for Young Readers hardcover edition.
Designed by Ann Bobco
The text of this book was set in Berkeley.
The illustrations were rendered in acrylics and oils.
The Library of Congress has cataloged the hardcover edition as follows:
Howe, James, 1946–
The Amazing Odorous Adventures of Stinky Dog / James Howe; illustrated by Brett Helquist.
p. cm.—(Tales from the House of Bunnicula, #6)
Summary: Under a deadline from his editor, Howie the wirehaired dachshund creates a story featuring a superhero whose ability to stink enables him and his sideki
ck, a sparrow named Little D, to fight crime in Central City.
[1. Authorship—Fiction. 2. Heroes—Fiction. 3. Dachshunds—Fiction. 4. Dogs—Fiction. 5. Humorous stories.] I. Helquist, Brett, ill. II. Title. III: Series: Howe, James, 1946- Tales from the House of Bunnicula, #6.
PZ7. H83727 Am 2003
[Fic.]—dc21 2003001661
ISBN 0-689-87412-X (pbk.)
ISBN 978-1-4424-8735-2 (eBook)