“Poncho got raped by a baby penis-ed professor today.” Raghu said lighting a match stick for me.
“Why? what did you do?” Hrida asked surprised.
“I didn’t do anything, the guy is a prick,” I said as I took a long drag and exhaled the smoke.
‘The monster ravaged my poor girl’s innocence,’ Raghu mock wept as he stroked my hair and began to laugh.
‘You dished me out to him bitch. I’m never listening to you again,’ I jabbered.
Hrida softly pinched my cheek. A smile propped on my face.
And just like that, all the irritation disappeared. Hrida’s charm worked yet again. Maybe it was really Hrida’s charm and love for me or maybe I had started believing that she could make all my miseries and hurt disappear. Either way, it worked for me.
“I just wish I had enough guts to tell dad that I want to quit,” I said.
“Quitting is fine and if you decide to do it, your father will understand. The question is what you will do after that.”
“I don’t know.” I said putting another cigarette in my mouth, “What will it take for you to pick it up?” I snapped at Raghu getting annoyed by the whirring of his phone vibrating on the table.
“Then, till you know it, hang in there,” she said and pulled the cigarette out of my mouth and crushed it.
“Hey, are you here?” Raghu asked.
“Who are you talking to?” I asked Raghu.
“Okay, wait I’ll come,” he said and hung up. “Give me some change.”
“Who’s coming?” I asked, handing him my wallet.
“Kintu!” Raghu said with an evil grin. He took some money out of my wallet and left.
“What?”
Cut to 1995:
First day of the school, standard seven.
I was more than happy to return to school. In my first year of the new school, I had become friends with Shashank and Devika, and this year Raghu too was shuffled to my class so I was looking forward to it. I sat beside Devika, while Shashank and Raghu sat at the desk behind us. The class teacher walked in with a bunch of new students – three boys and a girl. She introduced them to the whole class and asked us to welcome them. As I looked at all of them, my eyes got stuck on the girl, Kintu.
She had fair skin, a freckled face, small eyes and a cute smile. Her hair was tied up in a single pony tail. I fell in love with her almost instantly. My heart began to jump when the teacher asked me to sit beside her. She didn’t speak to me until the recess. I passed a note to Devika saying “I think I have fallen in love with her, you have to help me.”
So, as always, my knight in shining armour jumped to help me and broke the ice with Kintu. I froze and kept staring at her as Devika introduced us to each other. As the days passed, her cuteness began to grow on me so much that whenever I spoke to her I began to stammer. I would simply follow her all over the school and blindly obey her.
“Arjun baby I feel like eating a chocolate,” and zwoop! A chocolate would come out of my pocket.
“You know baby, the school bus was so crowded in the evening that I hurt my knee yesterday,” Kintu said.
That night I cried to my dad about how the bus was crowded and how I had hurt my knee. My poor dad sent his driver to drop me to school. I made sure I picked and dropped Kintu every day so that she never hurt her knee or anything else again.
I knew that she had a crush on me, so I was itching to ask her out, but could never muster enough courage to tell her how I felt.
“I don’t know what happens to me when I’m around her. I forget what I have to say when I look at her,” I told Devika.
“It’s good that you can’t because she is using you.”
“Don’t say that, Dev. I think she loves me too.”
“Hah! Loves you!” she mocked.
Three years later, one day after fighting off Devika’s disapproval and the heebie-jeebies in my stomach, I finally asked Kintu out on Valentine’s Day. I borrowed some money from Radhika and the car and driver from dad and took her shopping. I bought her clothes, sandals, and accessories. I felt like a grown man buying stuff and carrying the bags for his wife. When she was finally satisfied with all the stuff she bought, I took her to her favourite restaurant. I had carried a note with me telling her how I feel about her just in case the words didn’t come out of my mouth. It never got used.
“I had so much fun today baby. I like being with you,” she stretched across the table and kissed my cheek.
“Wait I have to show you something,” she said and pulled out a leather wallet and handed it to me. “Do you like it?”
“This… this is awesome, I really like it... thank...” More than the wallet I liked the fact that she bought a gift for me.
“Really? Aww... you think he’ll like it?” she said holding my hand.
“He? Who?”
“Atul ya, my boyfriend? Oh... didn’t I tell you about him the other day?
“No, you didn’t!”
I never saw her after that day.
My last words to her echoed in my head as I saw her walk towards us. Nothing except her height had changed and that too because of the heels she wore.
“Hiee Arjie, where had my baby been for so long?” Kintu said and hugged me. “Arjie? Since when did you start calling me that?” a voice yelled inside me.
“Hhhh-Hi...” I stammered, I didn’t understand why. Hrida was a zillion times better looking and a better person than her. Perhaps it had something to do with my past with Kintu that turned me into the same fifteen-year-old-boy who lost all power of speech in front of her.
“Kintu, Hrida, Arjun’s girlfriend. Hrida, Kintu, my girlfriend,” Raghu said pulling out a chair for her. His words kept ricocheting in my head. “My girlfriend? How? When? Why?” I gave Raghu one of our patented WTF looks and he winked at me.
“So you are the buyer of all the things she is wearing right now,” I tried to say to him telepathically.
But when I thought of it, I wasn’t really pissed at him. I was indifferent about Raghu dating Kintu. I was with Hrida, ‘The Hrida’ so I didn’t really care about Kintu, or any other girl for that matter.
“Ooooo...So Arjie finally found himself a girlfriend...” Kintu said poking her index finger into my stomach. “I never thought he’d ever have enough guts to propose to a girl.”
“You know, I’m sorry what’s your name?” Kintu said.
“Hrida!”
“Oh ya, Hrida, you know this boy here spent three-and-a-half years following me like a puppy, but never told me that he loved me.”
“Why the fuck did you call her here?” I tried to ask Raghu telepathically again.
“Oh really?” Hrida said and from the looks of it she seemed to be thoroughly enjoying Kintu’s bragging. “That’s odd, he didn’t take that long with me.”
“Ya?” I saw a hint of jealousy on Kintu’s face. “You won’t believe, but he would spend hours staring at me in class. I found it really sweet.”
“I’d freak out if you try anything like that with me.” Hrida said grimacing.
“I felt really bad that I broke his heart, but back then, he was so emotionally immature, I wasn’t ready for someone like that.”
“Bitch, you should have realised it before you brought those clothes with my money…” The intensity with which I yelled in my head, she could have actually heard it.
“No, thank you that you did.” Hrida said and held my hand below the table. “Else I would have had to fight you off at some point.”
Hrida had thwarted all of Kintu’s attempts to belittle my relationship with Hrida, so she finally came up with what she did the best – patronise.
“If ever he breaks up with you or bothers you in any way, come to me, I’ll tell you how to control him,” Kintu said like a school teacher.
“Where else would I go, sister? God knows what I would have done without you, thank you Kintu thank you so so much.” Hrida got up and dramatically hugged her making sure she embarrassed
her enough to shut her up for the rest of the time.
The encounter with Kintu had brought out the ‘protective girlfriend’ side of Hrida which I had never seen before. Every time she looked at me, there was this unexplainable force that pulled me towards her. Everything about Hrida made me feel wanted – the way she held my hand, the warmth with which she spoke to me, her smiles, and her hugs. Waking up to her calls and messages, dropping her to college, bunking lectures, checking the phone a hundred times after she was gone, waiting for her outside her college, evening jogs together, coffee at cafes, and never-ending conversations on the phone at night had all become part of my daily life. I had gotten completely addicted to her. No matter how much time I spent around her, I wanted more of her. I had turned into such a sissy that I couldn’t stop thinking about her. The world around me seemed pink with red heart-shaped balloons floating in the air around me. I knew I had to snap out of it before my own cheesiness choked me.
It had been a week since I attended any lectures, so one morning after much deliberation, I finally dragged myself to college. I checked the time while parking the bike. It was eleven thirty and I had to wait for half-an-hour for the next lecture to begin. I pulled the phone out and there was a scheduled morning message from Hrida.
“Good morning.. just woke up.. hope your day in college is going good.. No college for me today.. meeting my school friends later so got to get ready.. call me in the break.”
“Morning baby, just reached college missed second lecture but will attend the rest of them. I’ll see you in the evening?” I replied.
There was a message from Raghu too.
“The word around is.. it’s out.. they’ll be putting it up by recess.. so you better ride your ass up here immediately..”
“I’m here.. buzz me when the lecture ends..” I replied.
Shit! Result day! I walked out of the college and spent the next thirty minutes smoking back to back cigarettes. It was one of those times when my numb mind turned itself into a time machine and transported me to the future showing me every tiny detail of the impending gory situations I was going to get into. I was so piss scared thinking of the aftermath of the results that everything around me – from honking vehicles to chirping birds, from amplified droning noise of the tea stall vendor’s kerosene stove to the continuously barking dog sitting right beside me, that occasionally mimicked a roaring tiger looking at another relatively weaker dog – everything simply got muted.
“Boss, it’s official... they are putting up the ‘resluts’ in an hour,” Raghu said, and as if he read my mind, he scared the growling dog away.
“Sixty more minutes? Shit man... I so hate engineering. This pressure is too much for me...” I said sipping tea. “I cannot handle it anymore.”
“Raunak will hang me if I drop a year,” Raghu said and my mind immediately provided me visuals of Raunak Uncle tightening the noose around Raghu’s neck.
“Screw it man... let’s go get a beer,” I said.
“I veto it.” Raghu grinned.
“Vetoing mean refusal by the way.”
“Oh, okay,” he said scratching his head, “Let’s go”.
Eight strong beers and two hours and fifty minutes later, when our brains were unable to control the swinging in our walk and spinning of our heads, I made the call.
“One, two, three...” I counted the number of times phone rang, and before four, he picked up.
“Sachdev man, how are you?”
“Not bad, Poncho, boozed up at three in the afternoon.”
“Ya man, we were too sacred.”
“We? Raghu’s there too?”
“Yessss...” I said exhaling my breath heavily.
“Okay and what exactly has scared my bitches?”
“Resss... Reslutsssss...” Raghu guffawed as I said it.
“Oh they are out? So what does your slut say?”
“Call him... call him here...” Raghu said.
“Actually we want you to see her for us...” I said, Raghu snatched the phone from me.
“You be the go between for usssss,” Raghu said in a hissing voice and hung up, the guffawing continued.
In the next twenty minutes that Shashank took to reach our college, we gulped three more beers between the two of us. He dumped us in the car and went to check our fates on the resluts board while Raghu and I slept in the back seat of his car. Sometime later, I heard blurred voices of Raghu and Shashank speaking.
“You got six man,” Shashank’s voice said.
“Shit man.. shit man.. shit man.. I”m so screwed.” It was Raghu’s blur voice. “What about Poncho?”
“Ten. Four for first year and six for second.”
“Ten? Are you sure?”
“Ya, I checked it twice.”
“Yippie!” I tried to yell waking up, but couldn’t, so I hugged Raghu and went back to sleep on his shoulder.
A painful sprained back woke me up. My legs were still on the backseat of Shashank’s car, but the rest of my body was on the floor, left hand stuck between the driver’s seat and the gear box, and head resting face down on the dirty mats. Besides the sprained neck, the hangover was killing me, so it took me a while to restart the brain and untangle myself. It had gotten dark outside. I checked the time. I had slept a nice five hours.
“Are you okay?” Neha asked as I walked out of the car trying to tidy myself up.
“Ya I’m fine.” I croaked. Ruffled hair, crumpled clothes, red eyes, a swollen disoriented face and killer headaches. It was the classic ‘hung-over’ me. “Has anyone seen my phone?”
“Here, take it.” Shashank said pulling the phone out from his pocket, “Maushi called twice, but I didn’t pick up.”
“Thanks. Where is Hrida man? She hasn’t messaged since morning? Did she call?”
“No, Poncho your result...” Shashank brought up the topic which I was trying not to think about. I had flunked ten subjects out of the sixteen I had appeared.
“Ya I know, where’s Raghu?”
“He went to get your bike.” Shashank said, “So what next?”
“What next? Nothing,” I said trying to sound as unfazed as I could.
“Will you please stop pretending that you don’t care. you’ve just dropped a year.”
“Fuck you man, Shashank! Yes I’ve flunked ten subjects and I know I’ve dropped a year, so what? Do you want me to weep over it?”
“And why is her phone switched off?” I said after I heard the pre-recorded pretentious switched off message from the service provider for the tenth time.
“I need a coffee… can’t fight this sleep anymore,” I said breaking the silence as I snatched Shashank’s cigarette.
You’ve lost a year! Shit! A voice screamed inside me.
“Sir? Sir?” I heard the waiter at the cafe counter saying.
“Hi, get me a double shot of espresso.”
“Sure sir, I’ll send it to your table.”
“No… I’ll take it away, what table?” I turned to where he pointed. “Hrida!”
“Ma’am’s sitting there.”
My heart literally stopped for a couple of seconds when I saw her, and an immediate second later began to jump in its place looking at her smile. It felt like someone drilled a hole in me and drained all the obnoxiousness that was fuming inside me all day. A whole minute after my brain started sending it signals to walk, my legs began to move towards her.
“Hey, why is your phone switched off?” I asked tapping her shoulder.
“Arjun? Hi...” She gave me a why-are-you-stalking-me look. “Its battery died,” she said in a rather bland tone.
“What’s wrong baby?” I asked concerned.
“Arjun, this is Abhimanyu...” she turned to a guy sitting beside her. “Arjun...” she said pointing towards me.
“How you doing, man?” Abhimanyu said extending his one feet long palm to shake my hand.
The man must have been the outcome of some kind of a genetic experiment. Even though he wa
s sitting on the couch, I could tell that he was seven feet tall, had thirty inch biceps, George Clooney’s voice with Tom Cruise’s smile and Brad Pitt’s charm.
“Hi...” I mumbled trying to recollect the name. “Abhimanyu? “The Abhimanyu”?” I asked Hrida, I recollected where I had heard the name, “Abhimanyu... is a ghost man, he just disappeared...” Neha’s voice was saying in my mind.
Hrida just nodded a yes.
“Meeting some friends, haan?” She kept quiet.
“You gotta be kidding me!”
A wave of rage swept me from head to toe snapping a few cables without which you only have your voice to scream out loud and no words to talk, so before I began screaming, I stormed out of the cafe with my soiled face, ruffled hair and crumpled clothes. Leaving the love of my life around everestine charm of “The Abhimanyu”.
“What the fuck… What the fuck… What the fuck…” Voice One yelled.
“Bloody moron, I had told you there was something wrong,” Voice Two yelled.
“What were you fucking thinking?” Voice Three said,
“Did you see that guy? Voice Four said. “No wonder she ran back to him.”
“Why do you have to say that?” Voice One asked.
“Look you fucking cunt, this is why.” Voice Five said, providing visuals of me and the monster standing against the X & Y axis of the graph. He was so tall that he almost touched the infinity mark. I looked like a tiny pebble in front of the Everest plus my mind made every possible effort to make me look like a rag picker in front of the designer-clothes-clad dude.
“God knows if he was ever gone,” Voice Two jumped back. “She was possibly two timing you all this while.”
“That can’t be. Hrida would never do that.” Voice One returned back trying to dominate.
“You are so thick-headed! She flatly lied to you, don’t you get it?” Voice Three said.
“There has to be a reason. She has never lied.” Voice One was defensive.
“Arjun! Wait!” I turned and stopped as I heard Hrida call my name just before I got into Shashank’s car.
“I was going to tell you,” she said breathing heavily as she came close.
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