“Do you not like my face?” I asked as Devika slipped her fingers between mine. “Just look at them; they’ll batter me to death if they find out.”
“You deserve it, bloody Dracula!” She further clung to me by my arm as the lights dimmed for the show to start.
The programme started with the speeches by the heavily moustached jubilant fathers of the bride and the groom telling the stories of their great grandfathers who stood by each other’s side in the battlefield some hundred years ago and how proud they felt that their kids chose each other to spend the rest of their lives with. They then proudly announced the performance by a certain Meera bai who was a descendant of a royal courtesan. I let Devika navigate my body through the narrow steep staircase of the house to her room. I wasn’t quite comfortable with the idea of making out in the house. Questions like what if all those fierce looking men downstairs barged through the door? What if there were spirits of Devika’s ancestors watching us? The thought of flying daggers and swords spooked me. But the big daredevil that Devika was, she didn’t bother a tiny bit and zonked my mind out with her antics. Suddenly a familiar rugged voice announced the special performance by the children of the family for their beloved brother.
“Shit, shit, shit I have to go,” Devika said. “But this will be continued,” she ordered and ran out of the room.
I followed her a few minutes later, scanned for any staring eyes and climbed down the stairs. I found an inconspicuous spot besides the bar to drink peacefully and got down to business immediately. The performance by the children of the family was a synopsis of Nishi bhaiya’s life and his love story with Nishita. After all the performances were finished, the dance floor was thrown open for the drunken crowd. The groom, the bride, their parents, the cousins – everyone began shaking their leg to the latest item numbers. I was significantly drunk too, so before the courtesan inside me erupted, I decided to leave after I was through with the drink in my hand. No matter how hot a girl looks in the western outfits, it cannot beat the oomph that a traditional lehenga brings out of her. Plus the moves that broke out of Devika, only got me hornier.
“But this will be continued.” Devika’s words ringing in my mind brought a smile.
“Isn’t she something?” he said. I gulped the last sip, looking at him, and semi-banged the glass on the bar.
“Excuse me?” I asked, alcohol adhered extra sharpness to the tone than I intended.
“Her?” He pointed towards Devika with his nose before taking a sip from his glass.
“I know who you meant by she. who are you is what I’m trying to understand.”
“Oh I am so sorry. Avinash,” he said extending his hand towards me. I stood there, my hands tucked in my pockets till his next sentence. “I’m the father you are here to meet.”
In a fraction of a second, my face lost its attitude, shoulders slouched, throat dried, legs stiffened, body went cold, and alcohol began to evaporate through my ears. My hands sprung out of the pockets to shake the hand of ‘to be father-in-law’.
“Hh-hi, Uncle, I mean Sir,” I said uncomfortably. I mean if it was Hrida’s father, the obvious reference to him would be sir, but here I was just pretending, so calling him sir felt really weird.
“Uncle is fine.”
He smiled, “What are you drinking?”
“No, no more, Uncle, I’m through.” I chose to refuse, though I could have well used a bottle to relieve myself of the stress. If I was really dating Devika, I probably wouldn’t have fretted much, but pretending was draining me.
“Oh come on, I insist, please.” He turned to the bartender, waiting for me to name my drink.
“Whiskey... On the rocks...” I mumbled the last part. He gestured the bartender with his head.
I couldn’t believe my luck. I hid sober myself in the room all day to avoid coming face to face with him and when the time came, I was drunk, eyeing his daughter and spewing unnecessary attitude on him. But then he nowhere looked a father of a twenty-seven-year-old girl. He barely looked forty with a slim well toned body, clean shaven face, and a bald head. I had pictured him as a bushy moustached guy with hefty paunchy physique like the rest of the warriors around.
“Here.” He handed me the glass and got back to enjoying his daughter’s dance. I kept whirling the whiskey to death, occasionally looking at him. Then my luck chose to strike again. Devika zoomed up to me and without noticing her father, swigged my drink down.
“I so want to eat you right now,” she said grabbing my shirt lustfully and pecked a kiss on my lips. I stared at her father in horror. His face stiffened but he calmly looked on.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, then following the line of my sight she finally noticed her father. “Oh hi, Pa,” she pecked him on his cheek and disappeared in the crowd.
The guy went unusually silent. I mean anyone would in the given situation. I began to mentally prepare myself for a royal thrashing by the supposed father-in-law and his warrior family.
“You see that guy in the brown blazer?” he said in a stern tone.
“Advait, and that’s his father sitting beside him.” I saw what he wanted me to see and got back to intently listening to him.
“Do you like him?” He asked.
“Sorry sir I’m not into boys.” I thought of saying but thankfully he didn’t give me much time to respond.
“He specially flew down from San Francisco to meet Devika, but she refuses to meet him.” I readied my right arm to cover my face in case he decided to slap me.
“You know why?” My eyes twitched and body froze as he raised his hand, “here comes a slap, here comes a slap” a voice yelled in me, but he held my shoulder.
“Because she thinks she loves you, bloody fool!” he said poking his index finger into my chest.
“You know he is an American citizen, reaps around four hundred thousand dollars a year, owns a Jaguar and a bungalow back in SF.”
“Wow uncle, can you put in a word for me? I’ll meet him if Devika isn’t ready.” What do I care how much he earns or what he drives or where he lives.
“Honestly, I’m not a huge fan of the work you do,” the way he said, it I felt like I picked pockets for a living.
“But if being with you is what makes her happy, I’ll have to make do with you.” His eyes were on me. “You better be good, son. We warriors don’t take messing around with our daughters too kindly.” I pasted a very innocent smile and nodded my head vigorously to agree with him.
“I’ll see you around.” He patted my shoulder and joined the crowd.
Devika’s father’s subtle threat made me push a few more drinks down my throat. I climbed up to the roof and collapsed on the charpoy. The winters weren’t far gone so the cold was enough to shrink my ball sack and send shivers up and down my body. A few rounds of heavily inhaling and exhaling the air later, I felt warm air on my lips. The familiar scent of a body brought a smile on my lips.
“Thank you,” she whispered taking a break from kissing.
“Hmm.” I responded and moved to make room for her to sleep besides me.
“Your ‘the talk’ with ‘the father’ really saved my ass,” she said now resting her chin on my chest. “Did you see that guy?”
“Who? Mr Francisco? Yup, your dad even gave me a guided tour of his assets.”
“Bozo was staring at me throughout.”
“I don’t blame him.” I opened my eyes to look at her. She grinned and nuzzled on my chest. “But I wonder what he does with all that money. No booze, no smoking!”
“Spends it on flight tickets to meet girls who don’t want to see him.”
“Ouch! That's mean. You know, I think my dad likes you.”
“Really?”
“Ya.”
“He said that?”
“No, but I can tell from the body language and the way he looked at you. He even referred to you by your name while talking to me.”
“So?”
“I mean, he generally refers to my bo
yfriends as that guy, that loafer, loser, joker or whatever, but never by his name.”
“Aacha!” I pulled her close and wrapped my arm around her. “I see that all the warriors have a liking for this Brahmin.”
“Hmm.” She wrapped her hands around my body and held me close.
You can never tell what life has planned for you. I mean a year ago, I was sitting in some cafe talking to Devika about my wedding plans with Hrida. All of a sudden, I am in Gwalior to convince Devika’s father to let her marry me. I opened my eyes and grazed at the stars as they had stopped spinning around me. Visuals of happy faces of people flashed in front of me – the whole warrior clan, the father, the cousins, Nishi bhaiya, Devika. For a change it was nice to have people around. Coming here wasn’t a bad idea after all, I thought.
“I have to tell you something.” She said still hugging me.
“What?”
“I’m late.”
“For?”
(Long silence)
“I missed my period.”
“Are you saying you are pregnant?” I asked and a while later I looked at her as what I asked her sunk in me.
“Yes, I think I am.”
All I contributed was dead silence.
“Don’t worry, I’ll deal with it when we get back.” She said and hugged me tight.
The words “Yes (then a pause) I think I am” ricocheted inside me for a billion times. The miasmic clouds of guilt began to accumulate in my head. The memories of all my blunders in my life began to ooze out of the plugged dark hole. I messed up my relationship with Hrida, then broke up with her, hurt my parents with my stuck-up shit, dumped Raghu and Shashank, and now I had slept with my best friend and got her pregnant. I was such fabulous selfish fuck up that I screwed my relationship with the only person left in my life who stood by me, no matter how much I sucked. The guilt inside me muted me around Devika. I hardly spoke to her on the wedding day but there were barbarous riots inside me which were ripping me apart.
“What the hell have I done!” Voice One mumbled looking at Devika as she fastened her seat belt in the flight.
“We asked you to get laid, not knock up Devika,” Voice Two said.
“How different are you from the rest of the jerks she has dated?” Voice Three said.
“Ya at least they don’t pretend to be her best friend to use her,” Voice Four said.
“Look how heartbroken and shattered she was and what you did to her,” Voice Two said.
“Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it.” I whispered as the visuals grossed me out.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Devika asked, and I realised my blunder.
“Nothing, it’s the flight, take offs make me jittery.” I said and tightened my seat belt. Devika wasn’t clearly convinced, but she simply smiled and held my hand throughout the two hour long flight back.
“Bloody pile of poop, all you can do is stink,” Voice Two continued.
“Look it isn’t entirely my fault.” Voice One said.
“Classic Arjun Kulkarni, he’ll always find someone to blame,” Voice Three said.
“Go ahead; blame her. Say she seduced you into giving up your innocence,” Voice Two said.
“You disgust me man. If you have empty sex with someone, at least have the balls to own up to it,” Voice Four said.
“It wasn’t empty sex,” Voice One shrieked back.
“Oh great so now you love her too.” Voice Two said.
“No, I don’t, I just...” Voice One said shrieked back.
“Arjun, your bag!” Devika squeaked and ran behind it as the conveyor belt at Mumbai airport began to drag it.
“Freak, it broke my nail,” she said sucking her finger.
“I’m, I’m, I was just, just...I’m really sorry.”
“It’s okay, let’s go now,” she said pushing the trolley away.
My patience was wearing off and the self-belittling voices within had left me disoriented. I closed my eyes and began to breathe heavily. A few minutes later, I saw Devika staring at me as the cab stopped outside my house.
“You want to get down or you coming home with me?” She asked.
“No, I think should go home.” I got off the cab and pulled my bags out.
And the cab zoomed away, the look in her eyes stayed back.
Ten days later, when I was busy holed up out of guilt, an e-mail from Devika tinged on my Blackberry.
Hi,
I am not pregnant anymore. I took care of it. Sorry to have spooked you with the news. You know me, I don’t think much before I talk. Besides that, I told Pa that, it was all a hoax so you don’t need to pretend anymore. Arjun, I am yet to understand the nature of our relationship in the past month. What happened was ought to end, but for that I don’t want to trash the years we spent together. I know you love Hrida and will always do. And another thing I know is that I’m not Hrida, so it’s all cool. You don’t need to worry about anything. ANZ made an offer that I couldn’t resist, so I took up the job. Just boarded the flight for Delhi so will call you when I land. Take care.
Love, Dev.
PS: I’ve left box full of joints back home. They should last a month. Have fun.
When life fucks you, it is advisable to not resist, because your resistance will only leave you feeling raped. So after the fight at the café, I let my life drag me by my leg. Weddings didn’t exactly evoke the feeling of excitement in me but there was nothing to do here in Mumbai other than have endless nerve wracking conversations with myself which could happen irrespective of location. In addition, Voice One came up with reasons to convince me:
One, I had to go away from Hrida or anything that would remind me of her.
Two, I needed something so buzzy that it would annihilate all the psychological aftereffects of my result of 10-flunked-subjects.
Three, I would get to meet the newly-born offspring of my cousin Malini and,
Four, with a year to kill, Raghu was ready to go with me.
So when Mom asked me to pack my bags for Jammu, I quietly agreed.
Billions of images of Hrida and the everestine Abhimanyu cozying and snuggling up to each other brought out best of my mind’s preposterously outrageous comments, abnormally amplifying the level of frustration in the thirty-six-hour-long train journey from Mumbai to Jammu. I was so exhausted by the internal contorted noises of the voices speaking to themselves that I muted myself externally. All the conversations happening around me were a montage of sequences that I wasn’t interested in.
“Radzzz!” Malini didi screamed and hugged Radhika as she unlocked the netted door of her house. A minute after screaming, hugging, kissing and jumping with her, she squeezed me and then Raghu after screaming our names out loud. Touching of the feet of my parents by jiju, Bittu and other younger members in the house took place followed by me, Radhika and Raghu repeating the same with didi’s in-laws and other senior members. Thanks to Radhika and Raghu’s excessive chattering, I got away with only a smile which I had to force my face to display. But then when my facial muscles refused to fake the smile threatening to blow my cover, something happened and I no longer had to force a smile.
“Here, bug your Mamu now.” Malini di said handing Rishi to me.
My first nephew. A five-month-old with balloon-like pink cheeks, dark brown glinted eyes, scanty hair, red drool-dripping lips, four frontal teeth and tiny fingers with cuspated nails that clawed my face at the first opportunity. I could only look at him and smile, and smile. No matter how good you are with words, it is impossible to explain the feeling that holding a baby that belongs to your bloodline generates inside you.
“Hello baby!!” I said and shook his hand.
“Phhrrrrrrrrrr...” came the reply with a spray of drool, followed by “Kheerrrk, kheerrrk, kheerrrk kheerrrkhhh,” some hearty laughter.
Never in my life had I thought I’d enjoy being spat upon by someone. Conversations with him were simple. Everything was phrrrrrrrrrr, kheerrrk, ghrrruup, yaaayaamm, oowwhuuoohh. T
he best part was the giggle he attached to his vocab. In just a few minutes, the baby unleashed its charm on all the Mumbaikars and got them gyrating to his clowning.
Three hours later, when the superstar got drowsy and everyone finally got saturated with the greetings and jubilation, Raghu and I exchanged a look. It had been close to forty hours that both of us had let cigarette smoke inside us. The house was so crowded that it would get extremely challenging to notice two missing boys for a few minutes. So at the first opportunity, both of us ran to the nearest cigarette shop and burnt the hell out of our lungs.
Raghu instantly befriended the convenience store owner. since we were going to be here for fifteen days, it was extremely necessary to gather information on location of nearby cigarette shops.
“Can you believe it? This guy delivers suttas at home.” Raghu said almost jumping at the news. I found it oddly comforting. Since we were not in Mumbai, there was no reason for us to step out of the house frequently.
“Did you get it?” Bittu asked Raghu.
“Hmm.” Raghu responded.
“Quick, light it.” She ordered Raghu.
“Do you want one?” she asked the girl who was with her. She shrugged a yes, so Raghu lit three cigarettes and handed one each to Bittu, me, and the girl.
“Poncho, you guys haven’t met before right?” Bittu asked as the smoke escaped out of her nose and mouth.
“No,” the girl said and I shook my head.
“She is Smiley, my cousin.” She said, “Arjun, bhabi’s cousin, and this is Raghu, her almost cousin.” everyone laughed.
“Bittu!” Radhika barged in banging the door open. Crap! I dropped my cigarette in fright, Smiley hid hers behind her while Bittu continued smoking,
“I saw that,” she said glaring at me.
“You smoke too?” she asked Bittu in a scandalised tone. “Yuck!”
“And you two… imagine what jiju will do to you when he finds out you are supplying cigarettes to his sister.”
Part-Time Devdaas... Page 12