by L. Wilder
“Even you?”
“Yes. Even me.”
“Okay.” Her eyes danced with mischief as she asked, “Here’s a question for ya … What’s your biggest pet peeve?”
“Hmm. I might have to think a second on that one.”
“Oh, you’ve got that many, huh?” She giggled.
“Yeah. I’ve got a few.”
“Okay. Let’s start with your biggest and go from there,” she pushed.
“Well, for starters, I’d say dishonesty is a big one of mine.” My eyes met hers as I added, “If somebody breaks my trust, there’s no getting it back. From there, I’d say they’re pretty typical: clicking the top of a pen over and over or hmmm … someone who is constantly late, and …. uh, those people who scuff their feet on the floor when they walk. God, I can’t stand that.”
“Oh, I can’t either. Man, those are good ones!” she announced excitedly. “For me, I really hate it any time someone chews with their mouth open or … ugh, when skinny girls talk about the crazy diet they’re on. Oh, the absolute worst is when people say ‘no offense’ and they know for a fact that they’re being offensive but want to play it off as nothing.”
“Yep. Those are good ones, too.”
We spent the next hour talking about one random topic to the next. I was enjoying my time with her. It was easy, like we’d known each other for a lifetime, but the truth was, we didn’t know each other at all. She had no idea who I really was, and her curiosity was growing by the minute. Her eyebrows furrowed as she looked over to me and said, “So, I’ve been trying to put the bits and pieces together, but I just don’t get it.”
“Not sure I’m following you. What don’t you get?”
“You. It’s not making any sense. How do you go from working out at a farm with your mom’s ex-boyfriend to”— she pointed her finger towards me—“who you are now?”
“You mean, how did I become a biker?”
“Yes, but not just any biker.” She motioned her hand towards me and her words were overly dramatized as she asked, “How did you become this tough looking, muscled up … badass biker who belongs to a motorcycle club?”
I shook my head and chuckled as I answered, “It’s complicated.”
“I’m sure it is.” As she toyed with a blade of grass, she said, “But I’d still like to hear about it.”
“I don’t know. It’s not like I’d planned on joining Satan’s Fury.” I thought back to those days when it seemed like nothing was going my way, and it was hard to believe how much my life had changed. “After a tour in Afghanistan, I was faced with some hard truths and decided it would be best if I came home to find work. I managed to find some odd jobs here and there, but I had a hard time finding anything permanent. I was out of money and was about to find myself on the streets when I met Gus. He took a chance with me and offered me an opportunity to prospect. From day one, I knew I’d found what I was looking for … a brotherhood like no other. The brothers of Satan’s Fury may not share the same bloodline, but they’re family just the same.”
“Not sure I would call that explanation complicated. I would guess that the brotherhood you found with the club is a lot like what you had in the service.”
“In a lot of ways it is, but it’s much more involved. We get to decide who’s brought into the club … who we think will be a good fit. That isn’t the case in the military. There, it’s just the luck of the draw, and that isn’t always a good thing.”
She shrugged and replied, “That makes sense.”
“There are other differences, too, but I’ll save that for another day.” I stood up and added, “For now, I should probably get going. I’ve kept you long enough.”
When she started to get up, I offered her my hand and helped her to her feet. “But what about my father? I thought you needed to speak to him.”
“I’ll catch up with him some other time.” We headed back to my bike, I grabbed my helmet and said, “Thanks for showing me around.”
“I really enjoyed it. I wasn’t expecting you to be so easy to talk to.”
“I could say the same about you, and I had a really good time, too. We’ll have to do it again sometime,” I suggested.
“I would like that. Maybe when you come back, I can persuade you to take that ride?”
“Only if you’ll agree to take a ride on the Harley with me afterward.”
“Your motorcycle?”
“Yeah, unless you’re scared.” I teased her.
“Oh, no. I’m not scared. In fact, I’d love to go for a ride.”
“Consider it a plan.” As I gave her one last look, I found myself wanting to reach for her, to kiss her long and hard, but I forced myself to resist. I got on my motorcycle and reached for the ignition. “Until next time.”
“Be safe, Murphy.”
“Always.”
I started the engine, and while heading down her driveway, I realized I wasn’t ready for my time with her to end. That’s when I knew I needed to put Riley Nichols behind me even though it wasn’t something I wanted to do. The plans I’d made to see her again would have to be broken. I didn’t have a choice. I knew what would happen if I didn’t. The one thing I’d learned from my mother and the fucked-up choices she’d made was when you care about someone, you protect them from the pain, you don’t become the cause of it. Deep down I knew I was broken in every way that’d matter to a girl like Riley. I didn’t believe in happy endings. To me, love was just a figment of the imagination, and if I pursued her, I’d only end up breaking her heart. I couldn’t do that to her, and I sure wouldn’t sacrifice her happiness for my own.
8
Riley
Every time I thought back to that morning I spent with Murphy, a warm, fuzzy feeling would wash over me, and I’d start smiling like a loon. I couldn’t believe it. The bad-boy biker had actually swept me off my feet. The very thought of it baffled me. I would’ve never dreamed a man like him could be such a gentleman, so charming and sweet, but he was. In fact, he was all of that and more—much more. I’d had a great time with him and the thought of seeing him again excited me, but sadly, that feeling didn’t last. It had been three weeks since the day Murphy came out to the farm, and I was disheartened by the fact I hadn’t seen nor heard from him since. I simply couldn’t understand it. I’d seen the way he looked at me, and while I hadn’t had a lot of experience with men, I knew enough; a man didn’t look at you like that unless he was interested. It’s possible I’d read him wrong. Maybe he was just suffering from allergies or the sun was in his eyes. Or maybe he was just being nice when he mentioned seeing me again and had no intentions of coming back. There was no way to know what was going through his head, so I was left with no other option. I had to face the facts and come to terms that I’d been blown off.
The notion didn’t sit well with me. Instead, it made me feel even worse. I became angry and bitter, and my only solace was planning his demise—figuratively speaking, of course. I didn’t want the man dead. I just wanted him out of my head, but it wouldn’t be easy, not when it came to a man like Murphy. Thankfully, I had help. After I told Grady everything about Murphy—minus the fact that he was a biker and most likely a criminal—he insisted that I come down for a visit, promising a night that would erase all thoughts of Murphy. I was about to go upstairs to get ready when I heard my father talking in his office. The serious tone in his voice made me concerned that something might be wrong, so I eased over to the closed door and tried to listen to what he was saying.
He sounded hopeful as he asked, “Did the last shipment meet your expectations?”
There was a brief pause before I heard him say, “Good. I’m glad to hear it. I know your boys were concerned, especially that Murphy fella, but I was hoping you’d be pleased with the product.”
At the sound of Murphy’s name, I became even more curious and stepped closer to the door. “Yes. I understood why he’d be worried about that, and if I planned to stay in this much longer, I might consider mak
ing some changes, but the truth is … I’m thinking it’s about time to shut this thing down. Not until I get you the goods you requested, of course, but soon after.”
There was another brief pause before he continued, “Well, I’m hoping that won’t be a problem, but if it does become an issue, I’ll handle it.”
There were a few “um-hmms” and “hmphs” before my father said, “Sounds good. I’ll have them to you by the end of next week. Thanks, Gus.”
He hung up the phone, and moments later, he came barreling out of his office. Fortunately, I’d already made it back to the kitchen, and he had no idea I’d been eavesdropping. He grabbed his coat off the hook and started for the backdoor. Before he had a chance to open the door, I called out to him, “Hey, Dad?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m not gonna be home tonight. I’m heading into Memphis to hang out with Grady.”
Too preoccupied to care, he just mumbled, “Okay.”
“I’ll be back in the morning.”
“You two have fun, but be careful.”
With that, he walked out and shut the door behind him. I eased over to the window and watched as he headed out to the stables. As soon as he was out of sight, I rushed into his office and grabbed his cellphone off his desk, quickly searching for the number of his last call. Once I found the number, I wrote it down on a slip of paper and put in my back pocket. I had no idea what I planned to do with Gus’s phone number, but somehow, having it made me feel more in control. I put my father’s phone back on his desk and was about to run upstairs when Hunter asked, “What are you doing?”
I came to a screeching halt as I answered, “Umm … nothing.”
“Looks like something to me.”
“Well, I hate to break it to you, but you’re mistaken.”
As I started passed him, he asked, “Did I hear you say you were going to see Grady tonight?”
“Yes. I’m leaving as soon as I get out of the shower. Why?”
“I had something I wanted to talk to you about, but it can wait.”
“You sure?”
He nodded. “Yeah, it’s no big deal. Tell Grady I said hi.”
“Okay, I will.”
I started up the stairs, and when I got up to my room, I took the paper out of my back pocket and studied it for a moment. I was such an idiot. There was no way I could call that number without looking completely and totally desperate. I crumpled it up in my hand and was about to toss it into the trash, when I stopped myself and put it in my purse instead.
Pretending that I hadn’t just done something stupid, I headed into the bathroom and took a hot shower. When I got out, I was feeling a little anxious, so it took me longer than usual to find something to wear. Once I’d decided on the perfect outfit, I started to work on my hair and makeup. By the time I was done, it was after nine. Knowing how Grady hated it when I was late, I grabbed my things and rushed downstairs. After I said goodbye to Dad, I hurried out to my car, and in no time, I was on the interstate. Half an hour later, I arrived at the Smoking Gun, and just as I had hoped, it was packed tight—exactly what I needed to take my mind off Murphy.
With a confident smile, I zig-zagged through the crowd towards the back of the bar. As soon as I spotted Grady, I went over to him and said, “What’s shakin’ bacon?”
He cocked his eyebrow at me. “You’re in an awfully good mood.”
“No, I’m not, but I plan to be real soon.” I motioned towards the bar as I told him, “I need a drink.”
“Okay … You want a long island or something stronger?”
“A long island will do for now.”
“You got it.” After he placed our drink order, he led me over to a table in the back. Once we were seated, he leaned back to check out my outfit. “I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen you so dolled up. You trying to impress someone?”
I glanced down at my little black dress and heels. “I didn’t think it would hurt to put in a little extra effort.”
“Well, the extra effort paid off!” The waitress brought over our drinks, and as soon as she placed them on the table, I looked up at her and said, “I’m going to need another one.”
“So, you’re planning to just drink him outta your mind?”
“Maybe,” I answered as I leaned forward and took a quick glance around the bar.
“You looking for him?”
When I realized what I was doing, I sat back with a huff and grumbled, “Good grief. What the hell is wrong with me?”
“Nothing is wrong with you, Lee. You got your hopes up over this guy, and that’s completely understandable,” he assured me. “You can’t help that he was an asshole and ghosted you.”
Grady was right. Murphy had ghosted me. It was the perfect word for what he’d done. He was there one minute, all sweet and charming, then gone the next— disappearing like he’d never existed. I took a long sip of my drink before I replied, “It’s my fault. We only talked for a couple of hours. I don’t even know the guy … not really. I shouldn’t have let myself get carried away, but I’m over it now.”
“No, you’re not, but you will be.”
I let out a deep breath and said, “You know, finding the right guy shouldn’t be this hard.”
“No, it shouldn’t.” He shrugged innocently and added, “And you wonder why I don’t do relationships.”
“I’m beginning to think you’re right. Relationships are for the birds.”
“Exactly.”
As we discussed all the reasons why relationships sucked, I finished off my first drink, then a second, and was well on my way with the third. I was just starting to feel the effects of the alcohol when another round appeared on our table. Even though I’d have a few from time to time, I’d never been a big drinker, so it didn’t take much for me to get completely wasted. I knew that I should slow down, especially since I was drinking on an empty stomach, but it was nice to cut loose and forget about things for a while. Besides, with Grady at my side, I didn’t have to worry about doing anything I would come to regret—or so I thought. I’d just started on my fourth drink when I started to feel really lightheaded. Thinking it might help to walk around a bit, I grabbed my purse and said, “I’m going to the ladies’ room.”
When he saw that I was a little wobbly, Grady asked, “Do you need a hand?”
“No, I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m fine, Grady. I’ve only had … like two drinks,” I fussed.
“You’ve had more than two, and they were really strong.”
“They weren’t that strong.” As I started towards the bathroom, I told him, “Stop your worrying. I’ll be right back.”
Trying my best not to run into anyone, I continued towards the back of the bar where the restrooms were located. Between the crowd of people and the loud music, I was starting to feel a little claustrophobic, which didn’t help my spinning head. I was hoping to escape in the bathroom stall, but the line was wrapped around the corner. I tried to wait it out, but as I stood there, I couldn’t help but notice all the different couples that were huddled up together. They all seemed so happy, so in love, and just looking at them filled me with a sense of hopelessness. I’d only had two relationships in my life, and they’d both ended in heartbreak. Then Mom died, and I gave up trying to find my Mr. Right. Until Murphy, it had been over a year since I’d met anyone who’d interested me, and even then, it was short lived. As soon as the guy opened his mouth, I saw that he was just another arrogant asshole, and I lost all interest in seeing him again. As I glanced back over at one of the couples kissing in the corner, I was hit with the revelation that it was my own fault that I was alone. I’d been too guarded, too resistant to finding anyone to love, and when I finally did let someone in, I’d chosen the wrong man.
I was teetering on the edge of tipsy and more towards drunk, which wasn’t the best time for such a revelation. I wasn’t thinking clearly, and all the self-loathing was making me feel like the walls wer
e closing in on me. I needed to get some air before I completely lost it. Relief washed over me when I noticed a backdoor. Without a moment’s hesitation, I rushed past the long line and darted outside. Even though it was dark and not exactly safe, the cold air did wonders to clear my head. I leaned back against the brick wall, and after several deep breaths, I was starting to feel better. Worried that Grady might wonder where I’d gone, I reached into my purse for my cell phone. As I pulled it out, I spotted the crumpled slip of paper that I’d written Gus’s number on. I started to think about how rejected and hurt I’d been feeling over the last couple of weeks. It infuriated me that I’d let Murphy get to me the way he had. The more I thought about it, the angrier I became. Before I realized what I was doing, I’d taken the paper out of my purse and was dialing his number. Seconds later, I heard a man’s voice answer, “Yeah?”
“Um … This Gus?” I stammered.
“Who’s asking?”
“I’m askin’.”
“And who might you be.”
“I’m might be Riley,” I slurred, paying absolutely no mind to the anger I heard in his voice.
“Riley who? And how the hell did you get this number?”
There was no way I could tell him that I stole the number from my father, so I just pushed forward. “I need to talk to Murphyyy.”
“Did you say Murphy?”
“Yessir … Murrr-phyy. He’s this biker guy. Is he around?”
“Um-hmm.” He paused for a moment, then said, “Let me see if I can track him down.”
I could hear men talking in the background, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying—partly because it was muffled and partly because I was three sheets to the wind. I was fighting to keep my concentration when I heard Murphy’s voice say, “Riley?”
“Hellooo, Murphyyy,” I sassed. “Is s’good to know you’re alive and well.”
“Did you know you were calling Gus’s number?” he snapped.
“Mayy-be I did. Mayy-be I didn’.”
“What the hell were you thinking? You don’t just call the president of Satan’s Fury without having a good fucking reason, Riley!”