“Anyway,” Holo continued, “counting sheep will only make me hungry.”
“That won’t do. You’d best stop.”
Holo flicked a captured flea at Lawrence.
It was a meaningless gesture as they were sharing the same blanket.
“Still,” she said, bringing her tail up to her face and burying it in the thick fur, putting the tail in order with her mouth. “Once we’ve made it down the river and taken the vixen to task, what then?”
She skillfully groomed herself as she talked, but when she finished speaking and opened her mouth, it was covered in fur. She probably needed to prepare for the shedding of her coat once spring arrived.
The thought occurred to Lawrence as he lent a hand to remove some of the fur that was clinging to Holo’s mouth despite her efforts to brush it free. “Here, hold still… What then, you ask?”
“Aye. After.”
Holo narrowed her eyes as the fur was plucked from her; her somewhat solicitous tone was surely meant more to distract Lawrence’s attention from the tightrope he walked rather than strictly to tease him.
The best course of action that Holo and Lawrence could take, as well as the things they could and couldn’t do, had been decided in Lenos.
But that decision did not include any real notion of what would happen after.
“Food and amusements are plentiful where we’re going, so we could easily wait until the snow melts in the mountains. Or if we’re in a hurry, we could arrange for horses back to Lenos, then head north.”
“Into the Roef Mountains, you mean.”
It was the direction from which Holo had come.
If they hurried, the trip would take less than a month. If they moved in earnest, their travels together could end in mere days.
Holo grasped her tail in an especially maidenly fashion.
Lawrence studied her.
She was begging him to lie to her.
“Still, the mountains change when people get into them. If we head up the Roef River, we might well lose our way.” Lawrence mused upon what a high-maintenance wolf he had for a companion as he plucked another bit of brown fur from her mouth and continued. “If we got as far as Nyohhira, you’d know the way, correct? My guess is it would take ten days from Lenos to Nyohhira. If we can’t wait for spring, it will be closer to twenty days – we’ll need to take a path that runs through as many towns and villages as possible.” He counted off on his fingers, unsure of whether that was long or short.
Keep your stays short and your travels long.
The principle was always in his mind as he traveled for business, and even this proposal was leisurely enough to inspire a nagging guilt. When doing business, half of his sales went to paying tariffs and taxes; a further 30 percent went to travel and lodging costs, leaving 20 percent as profit – so a slower, more expensive route hardly sat well with Lawrence.
Yet still, the trip was short enough that when it was over, he knew he would regret it.
He counted on his fingers, then stopped, staring at the next digit, wondering if there was some way he could count it.
“Ten days for a leisurely soak in the hot springs of Nyohhira,” said Holo, reaching out and counting off Lawrence’s last finger.
With their hands overlapping like that, they looked like a married couple trying to keep each other warm.
And indeed, Lawrence smiled broadly, his heart warmed.
Holo looked up and beamed.
It was a terrifying smile.
Ten days’ stay in Nyohhira. If ever a thing was to bring a smile to his face and warmth to his heart, that would be it.
There was no telling how much ten nights’ lodging in a hot springs town would cost. The inn bills could be high, taking advantage of travelers, and the food unpleasant yet expensive. Fresh water was priced unbelievably, and the liquor was thin and poor. There was a fee to enter the baths, and the strongest mineral springs required two daily checkups by a physicker in order to use them. It was quite literally money down the drain.
And yet, given the timing of Holo’s request, he could not very well refuse.
The wisewolf was endlessly cunning.
If he had to be less than honest about his feelings, he might as well smile and feel good about it.
“You are making your money-counting face,” Holo said, pulling Lawrence’s hand to her cheek and nuzzling it, her expression malicious.
Her tail swished about suggestively.
Lawrence considered taking and nuzzling that tail instead.
“There were people there when I passed through, and even I would take human form and use the hot springs sometimes, so I understand the system. But I am Holo, the Wisewolf of Yoitsu. If there’s no one there, you need only add a little bit to your expenses.”
That was certainly the case, but hot springs were places where those who would do anything to extend their lives even a second longer would gather, and even if killed, they did not die.
Such places took on the sense of a pilgrimage, and the harder it was to reach a spring, the more potent its water was said to be, so the most remote locations gained a sort of fame.
Though it was highly doubtful that Holo could find a hot spring that hadn’t already been discovered, one thing was certain.
The “little bit” that Lawrence would have to add to his usual food and lodging expenses would be anything but little.
“Every time you make me spend a bit more on food, my own dreams get that much further away.” If Lawrence didn’t warn Holo off, there was no telling what she would ask of him next.
Holo immediately gave him a nasty look, but Lawrence couldn’t back down.
Not even as outmaneuvered as he was now, having told Holo that he loved her to her face.
“I have a variety of ways to tease you, but first,” said Holo with a cough and a flick of her tail, “are you not the one who kicked aside his dream of owning a store and instead came for me?”
She looked up at him, testing him.
Her red-brown eyes glittered through the whitish breath that escaped from between her thin lips.
“For one thing, I may have kicked it aside, but I didn’t give up on it.”
Holo sighed deeply, as though asking whether he expected that excuse to work.
And in truth, some part of it was a lie.
Holo could easily see through such lies and had quite probably already done so, but before it was pointed out to him, Lawrence decided to come clean.
“Though I suppose I did kick it aside in earnest, more or less.”
“’Tis the nature of merchants to use vague words to leave themselves loopholes, I suppose,” said Holo, exasperated.
Lawrence revised his statement. “No, I truly kicked it aside.”
“I’ll wait to suggest wasting some money until after I hear your reason for doing so.”
Lawrence agonized for a moment; he wanted to say, “Thank you ever so kindly,” but instead shrugged and answered this way: “If I opened a shop, I expect I’d take about half as much pleasure in actually doing business.”
“… Huh?”
“When the moment that I’d been waiting for was finally upon me, I suddenly realized it – that once I had a shop, my days of adventuring would be over.”
It wasn’t as though he was no longer enticed by the smell of profit.
But privileging that goal over all others, unmoved by whatever storms might come, focusing solely on material gain – he no longer wanted that.
If he got the shop now, it would be wasted on him, precisely because he had been chasing it for so long and with such single-minded focus.
Holo swept aside her joking expression, murmuring “hmm” to herself.
Surely Holo understood this, as she herself feared today’s joy eventually turning to sorrow.
“Still, you should take into consideration that I feel this way because it was my dream for so long. If I were to get a shop, it wouldn’t be an unhappy thing.”
Holo nodded slowly, but her face was confused as she replied, “Aye, I suppose… there was some misfortune.”
“Yes… wait, what? Misfortune?” asked Lawrence at the word he failed to understand, whereupon Holo made a face as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“Yes, was there not? You had a dream but cast it aside and came for me instead. It’s enough to make even the person who first said the words ‘he who chases two rabbits will catch neither’ throw their hands up in dismay.”
Even as Lawrence realized his mouth was hanging open, he couldn’t manage to close it as he rotated his head toward her.
No matter how many times he reconsidered it, Holo’s words pointed to but one fact.
He had abandoned one rabbit in order to chase another but had failed to catch it.
An unpleasant emotion boiled up in Lawrence’s mind, as though he’d dropped his coin purse.
If this is a joke, I wish she would stop, he thought to himself, turning away. He then looked back at Holo and saw on her face an expression of sad concern, as though she was worried for Lawrence’s health.
“Are you quite all right? Come now, take heart. After all, you haven’t gained a thing, have you?”
Was it anger or sadness or something else entirely?
The same instant Lawrence wondered if Holo was speaking another language, she curled the corners of her mouth up maliciously, her tongue peeking out between her lips.
“Heh. In truth, have you even reached out to me? What a strange notion, to gain something without first reaching for it.”
Lawrence had never wanted to dunk Holo underwater as much as he did that moment, mostly because she was looking at the face he least wanted others to see.
Holo chuckled. “Though I suppose ’tis not as though such territory is marked with visible ropes. How you consider that is up to you,” she said, drawing nearer to Lawrence, nestling close to him as one wolf does to another.
Her white breath puffed against the nape of his neck.
He knew if he looked at her, he would be defeated.
And by the time he realized that, he was defeated.
“In the end, ’tis my wish that you not abandon your dream. And if you find owning a shop satisfying, you might next take an apprentice, might you not? ’Tis a rather profound thing, and you’ll never have a day of rest,” said Holo, snickering and pulling her face away.
Lawrence wondered if this was how a fish felt after being stripped to the bone.
No matter how he struggled, his situation could hardly improve.
So as not to expose anything more unseemly than he already had, he took a deep breath, then exhaled.
Holo laughed quietly as though enjoying the lingering moment.
“Wait, have you ever taken an apprentice?” Lawrence’s voice was still slightly tense, but Holo overlooked it.
“Hmm? Oh yes. I am Holo the Wisewolf, after all. Many wished to learn from me.”
“Huh.”
Forgetting about the conversation thus far, Lawrence found himself genuinely impressed.
Whereupon Holo, possibly not expecting that, turned suddenly bashful.
She may well have been exaggerating in a deliberate attempt to make up for her too-keen teasing. “Well, I do not know if you could quite properly call them ‘apprentices’ though I’m sure they styled themselves as such. In any case, I was the greatest. If you wanted to receive my teachings, hmm. You’d have had to wait behind a hundred certainly.”
Holo now spoke proudly in a complete about-face – but Lawrence found himself unable to laugh at her the way he usually would.
When he thought about it, Holo was certainly worthy of such respect.
But what made him feel such unease at the dignity she surely possessed were the many memories of her that came rising to his mind.
He couldn’t reconcile this supposedly majestic being with the Holo he knew – who laughed, cried, and sulked.
Holo’s expression shifted to a soft smile, and she took Lawrence’s hand. “Of course, you do not just seek my teachings; you would try to take my reins – a rare fool, indeed. You can’t hope to succeed, but there’s no mistaking that you wish to look into my eyes as an equal. I’ve been alone on the mountaintop for a long time. I’ve had quite enough of looking down on others.”
It was a lonely thing being worshiped as a god.
He remembered when they first met, and Holo had said that she had gone traveling to find a friend.
Holo’s smile remained, though it was a bit lonely now. “Come now, you did come after me, did you not?”
The words themselves were teasing, but paired with her lonely smile, he could hardly imagine they were meant that way.
Lawrence couldn’t help the bitter smile that rose to his lips, which Holo made a sullen face at.
When he put his arm around her shoulder and drew her near, he felt her sigh.
He wondered if the note of satisfaction he detected in that sigh was just his imagination.
“But now, I…” she began, again turning her body so that her eyes looked directly up into his. “I truly, truly enjoy looking up at you thus.”
There beside him, she looked for all the world like a fetching maiden with gaze upturned.
Though he might become accustomed to their exchanges, this was one thing he could never get used to.
“No doubt because the face you’re looking up to is a fool’s face indeed,” answered Lawrence with a wince, and the wolf girl clung to him in delight.
Holo’s tail wagged, sending fleas jumping free, as though they couldn’t be expected to stay on such an appendage. It stands to reason, Lawrence thought to himself, a warmth rising in his chest. Holo smiled, her face pressed against him.
Lawrence returned the smile. It was true – their exchanges were so foolish that if they were seen this way, even the most faithful apprentice would have a hard time calling him master.
Lawrence murmured an excuse to himself – that if it was what Holo wanted, there was nothing else to be done.
Suddenly there were signs of someone moving on the other side of the pile of cargo, and sure enough, there was Ragusa, strange lines pressed into his face, as though he’d used his arm as a pillow, and stretching hugely.
He first looked at Lawrence, then cast his gaze at Holo, who leaned against Lawrence, sleeping. Ragusa grinned and yawned.
When Lawrence looked ahead of the boat to where Ragusa pointed, he saw docks built up on both sides of the river. It was a tariff station, just like the ones that were unavoidable when crossing mountains and plains by wagon.
There was still some distance to go before they reached it, but apparently Ragusa could doze off and still know from experience when to wake. It was said that sailors could orient themselves at sea not by using landmarks, but simply from the smell of the ocean. Perhaps Ragusa was like this as well. Ragusa thrust a pole into the river and cried out, causing the pleasantly sleeping Holo to twitch awake.
“This is a checkpoint of the Diejin dukedom, which recently had a change of leadership. We’ll include the head count tax in your fare – apparently he’s mad about deer hunting, so taxes are high, my friend!”
Lawrence replied that he didn’t see the connection between deer hunting and high taxes, and Ragusa laughed and answered, “The duke’s never seen the field of battle, yet he proclaims himself the finest shot in the world with a bow. In other words, he thinks he can’t but loose an arrow without hitting a deer.”
While the hardships of retainers who had to hunt with the duke would be hidden, it would mean good work for the hunters in the region who hunted and killed the duke’s prey ahead of time.
Lawrence couldn’t help but chuckle at what sprang to mind – a round-faced, ringlet-haired lord oblivious to the ways of the world and the laughingstock of the town.
“Ah,” said Lawrence. “It must be quite a burden on his household.”
“On top of that, he’s dead set on capturing the heart of his cho
sen princess. Of course, there’s the rumor that he’s started realizing the truth about his own abilities.”
For some reason, the most beloved lords were often the ones most ill spoken of – an ignorant, haughty ruler might be hated, but as soon as he said some absurd thing, his charm would increase. The lording business was a difficult one since lending a careful ear to one’s subjects and being serious and severe – these things did not guarantee success.
Ragusa, too, made fun of the duke, but when it came time to pay the toll, he had it ready and was by no means reluctant to hand it over.
Should war come to the land, it would be much easier for the laughingstock Duke Diejin to rally support than it would be for other lords. It was better by far to have the people feel it was their duty to join, rather than to be ordered to do so from on high.
Lawrence suddenly realized that the notion had relevance to his own situation and looked at Holo, who was right beside him.
“Have you something you wish to say?” she asked.
“No, nothing.”
Ragusa gradually slowed the craft, drawing close to another boat that was nearing the checkpoint’s dock.
It didn’t take an experienced river hand like Ragusa to be able to tell that something was awry upon the docks.
Someone was there, arguing with a soldier who was armed with a pike.
It wasn’t clear what was being said, but it was obvious enough that both parties were shouting.
The handler of the boat that was ahead of Ragusa’s also watched the situation, craning his neck to see.
“Strange to see such quarreling,” said Ragusa mildly, shading his eyes with his hand.
“Do you think there’s a complaint about the high toll?”
“Doubtful. It’s only the ones coming from the sea that complain about the taxes. They have to pay for horses to pull their craft upstream, then pay cargo taxes on top of that.”
Holo yawned, showing her fangs as she gazed at the scene, then Lawrence realized something strange.
“But isn’t that true for both seagoing and river-going ships?” he asked, patting Holo’s head as she wiped the corners of her eyes on Lawrence’s clothes.
Ragusa pulled the pole up and smiled broadly. “For those like us, who live by the river, the river is home. It’s only natural to pay rent for one’s home. But for the sailors of the ocean, it’s merely a road. It’s no wonder they’re angry – anyone would be angry if they had to pay simply to walk down the road.”
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