The Veranda (Lavender Shores Book 3)

by Rosalind Abel

  “Fine.” Laughing, I pulled my milk chocolate penis out of the bag and tapped their blunted tips together. “Here’s to penises!”

  “Here’s to your perfect penis, the curve, trimmed balls, and everything.” Spencer opened his mouth toward the cookie and bit the shaft off, leaving him holding the toasted-coconut-covered testicles.

  Luckily, I hadn’t taken a bite of mine, otherwise I probably would’ve choked. “Oh my God! I am never letting you near my dick again! I doubt I’ll ever be able to get that vision out of my mind.”

  He chewed but talked with his mouth full. “I’m willing to bet my skills are worth the risk.”

  I couldn’t argue with that. Instead of responding, I followed his example, but one-upped him, biting off the shaft and then shoving the balls in without taking a second to chew.

  Spencer’s eyes popped wide. “There’s that hungry mouth I’m starting to know so well.”

  I snorted a laugh, which only served to suck cookie particles up my nose and made me choke.

  He waited until I was under control and then brushed his hands over the lapels on my chest. “Already getting crumbs on the new suit.” He tsked. “I’m going to teach you a lesson for that.” Instead of waiting for a response, he slipped his hand into mine once more, finished off his white chocolate testicles, and walked with me through the Castro.

  We let the comfort of the city surround us for a while. Not needing words as we paused here and there to look into shop windows and bars, or to blatantly people watch. Though being with Spencer was new, in many ways, it simply felt like a normal life. Something so completely wonderful, yet commonplace. Natural. Again, I didn’t know if it was the years of longing for him, or because we knew each other so well already, or simply if it was because that’s how love worked. Whatever it was, it just felt right. Beneath the layers of lust, attraction, and desire, it just felt right.

  When he spoke again, Spencer didn’t look at me, just kept his hand in mine and continued our stroll. “What happened with Seth?”

  “Seth?” It was so out of the blue that it took me several heartbeats for my brain to fire the correct synapses together. “Oh, Seth.” Seth Marino was part owner of the Blue Blossom Bed-and-Breakfast. Our time together was so brief that I often forgot it even occurred. We’d barely dated two months, and it had been such an easy breakup that sliding back into being simply friends was easy. “What do you mean what happened?”

  He glanced at me for a second, but I couldn’t read his expression. “He’s the only guy I have known about you dating since I’ve known you. Maybe there were others, but I wasn’t aware.”

  “There weren’t others.” I tried to keep the sudden embarrassment out of my voice. “Honestly, Seth and I dated so shortly that I don’t even count it as a relationship. I always say I’ve had one boyfriend, Paulie. But I suppose Seth counts as number two.”

  “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

  It seemed I hadn’t done such a great job of keeping my embarrassment hidden. “I’m a gay man in his forties. It sounds kind of pathetic to only have had two boyfriends.”

  He didn’t respond to that for a second. “So, what did happen with Seth? I was only around the two of you together that one time, and you broke up right after.”

  I studied him even though he still wasn’t looking at me. I had a sneaking suspicion where this was going. My embarrassment faded, replaced by amusement. “It sounds like you have a theory there, Spencer. You trying to put on the hat of a therapist instead of a lawyer?”

  A grin tugged at the corner of his mouth, and he shrugged.

  Yep, he knew, somehow. And for some reason he wanted to hear it. “I had just met you. You and Erica were going to get married. You were all I could think about. And that wasn’t something that could happen. I decided to distract myself with a relationship of my own. He was the quickest, simplest choice. You know Seth.” I didn’t try to hold back the chuckle. “The man will sleep with anyone at the drop of a hat, so it was easy to do that part with him.” Looking back, I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t noticed the obvious. That I’d chosen someone with whom I clearly wasn’t compatible. A safe relationship if there ever was one. A relationship that was guaranteed not to work out. Although, it hadn’t been his relationship issues that had been the kicker. It had been mine. “As I think you know, I couldn’t get you out of my head. Seth was great, actually. Seth is great. He’s a wonderful guy, still is. He’s just not you. No one is. I wanted you. It wasn’t fair. Not to Seth. Not to myself. So I ended it.” I shrugged. “Not a big deal really. His heart wasn’t broken at all. And mine already was, so no harm done.”

  Spencer halted and faced me, the polite smile on his face fading instantly. “Your heart was broken?”

  I shrugged again. “Well, yeah. Isn’t that obvious? I’d fallen for you. Completely. You were marrying my sister. There was no chance that I’d ever have you. Unless my heart healed, there was no chance for me to be with anyone else either. At least, not in a relationship that would ever work. Not when I was in love with someone else.”

  He slipped his other hand into my free one, and we stood there, hands clasped, facing each other, the crowd walking around us. “I’m sorry you hurt for so long.”

  “You were hurting too.” My eyes stung but I kept my emotions in check. “And we are here now.”

  “Yes, I am here now. I’m so glad you are too. So glad you weren’t able to move on to someone else.”

  I nodded, this time not trusting my ability to speak. All the years of feeling like a fool, longing for someone I couldn’t have, not trying to have a relationship of my own, all of it suddenly didn’t seem insane. Finally.

  He kissed me, tasting of coconut and chocolate. A long kiss, not one full of heat, but one that promised he truly was there now. That all the years had been worth it. For both of us.

  He broke the kiss with a smile. “Want to head back to the hotel or do you have your heart set on going out dancing?”

  “Oh yes!” I cleared my throat, thankful that he taken the humorous approach. “Nothing sounds better than being surrounded by sweaty twenty-year-olds as they dance to techno music. If that’s what twenty-year-olds still dance to.”

  Spencer chuckled. “Well, don’t ask me. But, I think tomorrow we should find out. Although, I’ve heard those things don’t really get started till eleven o’clock at night. I’m not forty yet, but that just sounds ridiculous.”

  “You really are a man after my own heart. You just suggested going out dancing, then have already found an excuse not to go.”

  He grimaced. “I’m used to getting up at five for work every day. I’m in bed by eleven, not clubbing.”

  “How about we settle for stopping back here tomorrow night and getting another set of chocolate penises?”

  “Yes. That’s the kind of wild night I can sign up for.” He pointed back to the car. “Speaking of wild, I believe we have a new suit to break in this evening.”

  The thought of Spencer naked and fucking me with my suit around my knees was all the suggestion I needed to pick up the pace.

  We were nearly to the car when he spoke again, his cocky humor back once more. “So, if I understood your story about Seth correctly, what you’re saying is even before I showed you my sexual prowess in the bedroom, I’d already ruined you for all other men.” He waggled his eyebrows.

  “Oh, dear Lord! I knew that’s where you were going with that.”

  He shrugged. “Well, that’s what it sounded like to me.”

  He wasn’t wrong. He most definitely wasn’t wrong.

  Fourteen

  Spencer

  Most of the time, I worked straight through from the time I got to the firm until I drove back to Lavender Shores. I didn’t even stop for an official lunch break; there was always food hanging around somewhere I could snag. And even if there wasn’t, as long as I had coffee, I was good. And there it was, noon, and I’d only had one cup. I’d taken a few extra minutes and go
tten an Americano to go from Lavender Leaves and hit the road. One cup. I was shockingly okay with the changes that seemed to keep coming nonstop lately. However, a forced curbing of my coffee addiction was not going to happen.

  Before going back up to the firm, I stopped by a Harvest Coffee located on the first floor of the high-rise. I got a quad shot espresso and one of the premade sandwiches, then took a seat by the window. Look at that, more changes. An actual lunch and I was sitting down somewhere other than my desk. That change made me feel a little uneasy, with all the work I had to do, but maybe it was a change I should get used to. Being happy was leaking into every area of life.

  I sipped the coffee and unintentionally let out a long groan, causing the woman at the table beside me to look over, startled. “Sorry about that. I really needed coffee.”

  “I get that way sometimes. Though I don’t know if I’ve ever had a cup of coffee as good as you made that sound.” Her gaze darted toward my bare ring finger, and then she leaned forward, clearly accentuating her low-cut blouse. “You made that sound better than sex.”

  “Don’t get me wrong, I have a very strong and devoted relationship with coffee, but if it’s better than sex, then you’re doing it with the wrong person.”

  Her eyes lit up and her red lips curved. “Oh really? Maybe I have been doing it with the wrong person.”

  I straightened, realizing where this was headed. I searched for the quickest way to shut it down. “Yeah, trust me, part of why I’m so exhausted today was my boyfriend doing things all weekend that were so much better than coffee.”

  “Of course.” Her shoulders slumped, and she shook her head and offered a smile, though her voice sounded frustrated. “I should’ve known with how good-looking you are. Happens nine times out of ten. Shit, most of the time it’s ten times out of ten. I think I need to get the hell out of San Francisco.” She stood, gathering her things and picking up her cup of coffee. “Have a good day. And send me some of your luck on finding someone who can make me feel better than coffee.”

  “You got it.” I watched her walk away and then realized what had just happened. Without more than a thought, I’d referred to Donovan as my boyfriend. I took a sip of the coffee as I tried to let that sink in. I wasn’t sure what the biggest part of that was. Donovan being my boyfriend or that I’d just told someone other than my parents, my ex-wife, and my ex-brother-in-law that I was gay. Well, and Nick the hookup paralegal queen.

  Holy fucking shit.

  My heart rate had already increased, thanks to the caffeine, but it nearly sped out of control for a few seconds. This was really happening. I hadn’t woken up and discovered it was all a dream. And I’d just confessed to a stranger.

  No, that wasn’t right. That didn’t feel right at all. That hadn’t been a confession. Nothing laden with guilt or a desire to repent. So, what was it?

  The answer to that was easy, really. It was evident in the peace that settled over me, despite my pattering heart. That was me just being me. Being Spencer Epstein. Or being Spencer Barton. Whatever combination of the two I was now. My hand reached up and felt for the tattoo over my suit jacket before I realized what I was doing. I dropped it back down. For the first time in my life, I was being exactly who I was. And while maybe that should’ve been the most terrifying thing in the world, it felt absolutely amazing.

  When I’d gone to Lavender Shores that night, intent on putting reparative therapy behind me, closing the door on God, and getting oh so very gay, I had been nearly sick with dread. But now the doors were still closed on all of that, and being gay, actually admitting who I truly loved, wasn’t scary. If anything, it was relaxing. I wouldn’t ever have predicted that. And I didn’t give a flying fuck about what anyone else thought. Another new sensation to add to the books. After our time in San Francisco, I had no more doubts. Not that I’d really had any before. And, sooner or later, Donovan and I could be as open in Lavender Shores as we were in the city. There were only three people whose opinion of me really mattered. Donovan, and he’d made his feelings abundantly clear. Emma and Ethan. As much as I loved them, and as well as I knew them, I wasn’t certain how they would take it. That wasn’t exactly true either. They adored Donovan. And the gay thing wouldn’t be an issue. They were Lavender Shores natives. Being gay was celebrated, and we had plenty of gay family members, on both the Epstein and the Carlisle side. But I was a lawyer, not a child psychologist. I’d spent thirty-nine years getting ready for this change. Maybe it made sense that when it finally clicked, it clicked. For them, it would be out of the blue. I didn’t think it would hurt them, but I wasn’t sure.

  Still, this was San Francisco, not Lavender Shores. My kids weren’t here.

  “Hey, Spence, nice job closing the Masters case this morning.” Mark First, another lawyer in the firm, plopped down in the chair across from me, barely managing to not spill his coffee. “Do you ever get sick of being congratulated on your cases?”

  “You know, I don’t. Feel free to write a song about how wonderful I am and sing it as I walk into the office every day.”

  I’d expected a laugh, but Mark narrowed his eyes, studying me. “Since when did you get a sense of humor?”

  “Hey, that’s mean.” Although, he wasn’t wrong. I knew my reputation for being overly staid and a workaholic.

  “No, I’m serious. Something’s different. I noticed in the courtroom this morning. You were practically floating as you addressed the judge.” He leered at me good-naturedly. “You’re getting some. You old dog, getting back on the saddle again. Don’t even try to deny it.”

  “I wouldn’t dream of denying anything, Mark. I might still be under oath.”

  “And there he goes again, with the jokes. We’ve got a clown wearing a suit in our midst, ladies and gentlemen.” He leaned closer, lowering his voice. “So, who is she? That new twenty-year-old with the push-up bra who just got hired on the twenty-fourth floor? What’s her name…?” He squinted. “Sky or something, right?”

  I paused for a second; this was it. Just what I’d been thinking about. If I made this leap, there would be no going back. I couldn’t pretend or act like he’d misheard.

  I didn’t want to go back.

  “Her name is Skyler, actually. She’s twenty-six and has a boyfriend.” Here we go. Here we go. “One thing we have in common, we each have a boyfriend. Mine’s name is Donovan, and he’s in his forties. And yeah, I’m getting some.”

  It looked like Mark almost fell off his chair. “No shit? You’re gay?”

  I nodded.

  “Huh.” He shook his head. “I never would’ve seen that one coming.”

  My father had done his job well. Thanks to him, I’d made it nearly four decades without anyone seeing it coming. Still, Mark must not have been in the office on Friday, or Donovan and I had been quieter than I’d thought.

  “Well, that’s awesome, dude. I’m glad you’re happy.” Mark leaned forward again, his whisper even lower this time. “So, back to Sky, or whatever you said her name was. Sounds like you know quite a bit about her. Is she happy with her boyfriend or do you think I’ve got a chance?”

  Yes... relaxing. After the initial shock of fear, that felt extremely relaxing. I would probably need to work on my delivery, but I was looking forward to making that announcement whenever I needed to. Time to be exactly whoever and whatever Spencer Epstein was.

  Reclining against the wooden bench, I crossed my arms and legs and stared out at the view. I’d come to Lavender Shores expecting certain things and had gotten something completely different. I reconsidered that thought. Maybe it took ten years, a little more than that, but it seemed I was getting exactly what I’d originally intended. There were just some twists and turns along the way. A wife, a house that was no longer home, two beautiful children, and an extended family that was rather intense at the best of times. The one thing that hadn’t changed since that first night in Lavender Shores was how beautiful the town was. A decade later, and it still took my breath a
way. There I sat on a park bench, the charming town at my back, the ocean spread out in front of me, lush and jagged cliffs giving way to the sea. And on either side, verdant forests you could get lost in for hours.

  I was certain the Spencer I had been all those years ago would stand in condemnation of the Spencer I was now. I no longer found solace or refuge in God and religion, although maybe I never had. It’d just been an illusion. Now, I found those things right where I was. In the sand at the beach, in a herd of elk grazing in a meadow. The fog that rolled over the town most evenings. When the loneliness and the sensation of being trapped in a marriage that wasn’t working became too much and I couldn’t disappear into work, I disappeared here instead. Into the beauty that seemed specific to Lavender Shores. I hadn’t noticed, but at some point over the years, that beauty had taken a sad tone. All of it melancholy.

  Now it was like I was seeing it with fresh eyes. Maybe even clearer than I had those first few hours in town. It felt bright once more, soft. Full of hope. Maybe that was all just me, or maybe I finally matched my surroundings.

  Could this really be my life? Could I really have it all?

  As if answering my thoughts, the steady sound of pounding feet sounded to my right. I glanced down the trail, and sure enough, there he was. Blue tank top showing off tanned, muscled arms. Those small running shorts were as perfect as anything nature had to offer. The bounce of Donovan’s package captured my attention. Out of habit, I glanced away, then remembered I didn’t have to do that anymore. Not only could I look as his bulge jiggled, but I was allowed to do anything I wanted with it later. I managed to tear my gaze away from it finally, and looked up at his handsome face as he jogged nearer. His earphones were in—doubtlessly he was listening to some audiobook—and he was focused on the sea. Probably feeling my stare, after a few more strides, he looked my way, his pace faltering in surprise. His expression lit up and he pulled out his earphones, hurrying over to me.