“Hey! I thought you weren’t getting home till later.” He came to a stop by the bench as I stood.
“I skipped the gym and came back. I was anxious to see you.” I closed the small distance between us, intending to give him a hug, then remembered we weren’t in San Francisco anymore, and I had to look around and check. There were a few people farther down the trail.
“It’s okay. I’m sweaty anyway.” Donovan smiled, though I thought I saw a flash of disappointment. “You should’ve called. I would’ve met you at my house.”
“I knew you’d be running after you finished your sessions. I didn’t want to interrupt that.” I motioned toward the bench. “Plus, I can’t complain about the view. I figured you’d pass by here at some point. Which only makes the view a billion times better.”
He blushed, looking pleased.
“I almost don’t want to bring this up, because I’m afraid you’ll quit wearing them. But those running shorts—” I clucked my tongue. “—the things they do to your dick…. When we’re back at your house, I think I might want you to just stand in front of me and do jumping jacks for a while or something.”
Donovan burst out in laughter and lowered his hands to cover his crotch.
“Don’t laugh. I’m serious.”
“Oh, I realize.” Donovan stepped around me and took a seat on the bench. “You’re kind of making me hard, which could lead to an embarrassing situation.”
I glanced down, and he lifted his hand. Sure enough, the growing erection was clearly visible. “I so want to be involved in that embarrassing situation.”
He patted the bench. “Here, sit down for a little bit. At least till I get myself under control. Then I can cut the run short, and we can go home. I’ll do cardio in a much more fun way.”
“You trying to make me hard right now too?” Despite the nearness of people on the trail, I gave my crotch a little squeeze and waggled my eyebrows. “Because it’s working.”
Donovan shook his head, his cheeks scarlet. He reached out and gave my hand a quick squeeze before pulling it away.
I hadn’t been planning on mentioning it, but having to restrain ourselves due to the people nearby made me want to tell him. I studied Donovan as I spoke so I could judge his reaction. “So, I came out at work today.”
His eyebrows shot up. “You did?”
I nodded.
“Wow. You don’t waste any time, do you?” He seemed pleased, which was what I’d hoped for. “Was it because of how loud we were in your office?”
“Oddly, no. Although my assistant did keep giving me strange looks today, so I bet she heard something.” I shrugged, unconcerned. I’d probably tell her soon enough, though it could be fun to see how long it took her to bring up whatever she’d heard. “No forced confessions. I just didn’t want to hide it, so I didn’t.”
“How do you feel about that?”
I laughed. “I don’t think you could sound more like a therapist if you tried.”
He laughed along with me. “I suppose you’re right. But I mean it. That’s huge. Are you doing okay?”
“Oh, yeah.” I didn’t even have to pause to consider. “I don’t know if I’ve ever been better, honestly. I feel free. And I think I finally feel like me. Like who I’m supposed to be. Though I’m not really sure what that means. Maybe just that I’m finally who I want to be.”
“I still can’t believe this is real. I’m not used to wanting things so desperately, especially while trying not to want them, and then to have it happen, like this….” Donovan dared to grasp my hand again and held on. “I keep having moments where it hits me that it’s actually true. Just like when I turned around and saw you sitting here. And in that heartbeat, it crashes over me once more that this is actually happening.”
I squeezed his hand before he pulled it back. “It is really happening, Donovan. I’d probably be a lot more nervous about it if it just didn’t feel so right. But it does, it feels right.” I snorted at the next thought but managed to not let the bitterness seep in too much. “If anything, it feels late. Like we should have started this years ago.”
“I’ve actually thought that a couple of times. But….” Donovan hesitated, like he was debating on what to say. “Then I think about Emma and Ethan. They’re supposed to be here. I’m glad there isn’t a world without them. And if us having to wait for this was the price of them being in this world, I’m okay with it.”
I couldn’t speak for a minute. My throat closed and my eyes burned. There it was. The essence of him that constantly disproved every time I’d tried to chalk up my feelings for Donovan as nothing more than lust. He was a good man. Good didn’t even begin to cover it. I knew part of the reason he’d stayed in town instead of going off to live his life was due to my children. Proving that his soul was as stunningly beautiful as his body, and reminding me that I’d fallen in love with him, deeply in love with him, years and years ago. There’d been many times as I’d watched Donovan with Emma and Ethan that I’d learned how to be a better father myself. A different kind than my own.
After a bit, I cleared my throat. I started to speak but my words caught, and I had to clear my throat a second time. “I’d like to tell them soon.” I looked into his brown eyes. “About us.”
So many emotions crossed his face and flitted behind his eyes that I couldn’t tell exactly what he was thinking. “I want you to be sure before we tell them. Totally sure. They can’t be jerked around again.”
I flinched. “What are you talking about? You know I’m sure.”
“I know.” He nodded. “I do. I do know. And like you said, it all feels right, but it’s still a lot of change. And we’re not in San Fran anymore.”
I kissed him. Nearly launched across the bench and kissed him. Hard. He flinched but didn’t jerk away. After a second he kissed me back. And after another second, I broke the kiss and sat back on the bench. “It’s you, Donovan. It will always be you.” He started to look away, and I grabbed his leg, waiting for him to look at me again. “It’s always been you. Even when I tried to make that not be true, it still was.”
A smile played on his lips, but didn’t fully form. He still couldn’t trust it. “I feel the same. But, and I know I’ve said it before, it just seems too good to be true. The more right it seems, the more magical it feels.”
“It’s possible that we’ve both already paid the price required. Don’t you think?”
“Maybe.” He smirked suddenly. “And you just kissed me out in the open. That was pretty much a public announcement for Lavender Shores.”
“I’m fine with that.” I glanced behind Donovan and let out a frustrated breath. The group I had seen before was gone. “Unfortunately, we’re by ourselves.” I looked around, searching, then rolled my eyes. “Are you serious? The one time in this damned town that I actually want people to gossip about me, and there’s nobody here.”
“You want people to gossip about us?”
“Sure. It’ll save us from making announcement after announcement.” I wasn’t even exaggerating. I really would have preferred that over ripping off the Band-Aid slowly. Then I thought of the kids once more. “Although, I guess it’s for the best. As you reminded me, we should probably talk to the kids first.”
Donovan watched me for a little while, and I let him, enjoying his gaze on me. Finally, he smiled again. “I didn’t notice your car, but if you drove, how about we take it back to my house. I can shower, and we can see how loud we can be. Maybe if people hear us through the house walls, that could be an announcement of its own.”
“Sounds like a plan to me.” My cock twitched in anticipation. “But how about you skip the shower. I want to taste you sweaty. And I’m serious about having you do some jumping jacks in those itty-bitty shorts.”
He blushed again, the hue contrasting with his salt-and-pepper scruff, and he shifted in his seat. We had to wait another few minutes before Donovan could stand up and face the world in his little running shorts.
&nbs
p; I’d just hit the unlock button on my fob when a fancy little sports car pulled up beside us. Beside me, Donovan flinched.
The window rolled down, and Gilbert Bryant stuck his head out the window. “Nice shorts, Doc! Good thing for you I’m a married man now.” He winked. “Actually, that’s probably sad for you.” He looked over, as if just seeing me. “Hey, Spence, how are ya?”
“Good, thanks.”
Luckily, Donovan stepped in, saving me from trying to figure out what to say. He walked toward the car and crouched down, his hands on his thighs. “Hey, Walden, why did you marry this jackass again?”
I hadn’t even noticed Walden in the passenger seat. “You know, Donovan, you’re not the first one to ask me that.” They both chuckled, and Gilbert sputtered with indignation, but he clearly enjoyed the attention.
“So how was the honeymoon, boys? I’ve never been to London.” I was impressed how natural Donovan’s voice sounded. I knew he had to be nervous, especially considering the conversation he and I had just been having.
Walden said something excitedly, but I was too busy watching Gilbert’s expression to really listen. His gaze flicked from Donovan to me, then back to Donovan. I had a feeling he knew exactly what was going on. I wasn’t going to bring that up to Donovan, however. There were few clients, if any, who meant as much to him as Gilbert. And if there was anyone’s opinion that mattered to him outside of Emma’s and Ethan’s, Gilbert would be the one. But I knew enough of Gilbert’s story to trust that he wouldn’t be one to spread it around, or to judge.
Fifteen
Donovan
The only other time I’d been in Walden’s garden was the evening of the party where he and Gilbert announced they’d eloped. It was unlike any place I’d ever seen. Truly like stepping into a fairy tale. One minute you’re in his cute little house, you go out to the yard, then you walk over a bridge and before you know it, you’re in an enchanted wood, complete with a storybook lantern and strings of lights woven through the tree branches overhead. You feel like magic might truly exist. That had been a couple of months before. Actually, only a little more than five weeks. My God, that had been the day after the sex party at Paulie’s house. It felt like years ago. The entire world had changed.
The garden was still stunning in the early evening hue, but not quite as magical as it had been at night. I looked at Gilbert, leaning against the lamppost. “You know, when you invited me over, I was expecting some sort of new announcement. Like maybe you guys were adopting babies or something. I at least figured other people would be here.”
“You’ve been my therapist for the past six hundred years. If you ever say anything about me and babies in the same sentence again, I’m asking for a complete refund. That’s Andrew and Joel’s gig, not mine. Luckily, with how worn-out Walden gets with the kids at school, I don’t see a baby-ache anywhere in our future.” He shrugged. “I did figure you wouldn’t suspect it’d just be the two of us, but I didn’t want to have this conversation in your office, because of professional boundaries”—he waggled his hands in the air—“or whatever. This was Walden’s idea. We have privacy, and it’s in a place separate from therapy.”
“Is Walden here?”
“Nope. He went to Lavender Leaves so we’d have some space. I told him I’d give him a shout when we’re done.” He shrugged. “He didn’t actually suggest we use the garden, just the house. But I like it out here, as you know.”
I had a sneaking suspicion of what Gilbert wanted to talk about. I’d actually expected it during our therapy session the day before. It had been a week since he had seen Spencer and me together. However, I hadn’t been picturing this. “So are you going to tell me what’s going on, or are we just going to sit here and keep being weird.”
“Weird?” Gilbert gave an exaggerated shocked face. “You’re my therapist. You’re not supposed to pass such harsh judgment.”
“Well, you took me out of my office, so it seems you don’t want me to act like your therapist right now.” It really was weird, and I loved him, but I wanted this over. “Let me guess, you’re hoping to play my therapist for a little bit?”
He made a sour expression, but thankfully, Gilbert didn’t drag it out longer, which was much truer to his style. He came over and sat beside me on the bench, then turned to face me directly. “You know I would never judge you, Dr. Car—” He grimaced. “Donovan. And you know me, anything you want to do sexually with somebody, I think is your business. And I’m glad you’re finally getting your freak on.”
Saying such a thing was completely Gilbert, but it still threw me off. Even though I was certain he’d figured out things as soon as he’d seen Spencer and me. This was breaking boundaries much more than we’d ever done before. “Getting my freak on?”
“I don’t want to hear about it. I’m glad it’s happening for you, but I don’t want to hear about it. It would be like hearing about my grandparents fucking. And that just doesn’t need to happen.”
“Well, thank you for that ego boost.”
Gilbert grinned. “I do what I can.”
“Can we get this over with, please? Or skip it entirely, while we’re at it?”
“You know, I’d like to make a comment about how I’ve asked you that same question a billion times in therapy and yet you keep me for the whole hour every single time. We both know it’s just so you can collect full payment.” He pointed at me. “However, you’re in luck. I want this over just as badly as you do, so I’m not going to bring any of that up.” Another smirk.
It was moments like these, where I wanted to strangle him, that reminded me why he was so dear to my heart. “When I get drunk tonight to remedy the headache you’re giving me, it’ll be your fault.”
“Then you’re welcome, and tell Spencer he’s welcome too. I’m willing to bet you’re even more of a freak when you’re drunk.” He pointed at me again. “Do not confirm that.” He gave an exaggerated shudder. “But now that we’re on the topic, like I said, there is no judgment, I just wanted to check in with you. You’ve seen what I’ve gone through in this town. And I know it’s not quite the same thing, but this is going to send shockwaves. If nothing else, your dad is gonna flip. He represents two founding families in one.”
“He has absolutely no room to judge. The last thing I care about—”
He held up his hands at my explosion. “Cool down, Doctor. Use some of the breathing techniques you’re so determined to shove down my throat. I don’t give a fuck about what your father thinks either. He was just an example. It isn’t fun to have the whole town talking about you. Granted, you’re not a teenager, so it will be easier, but still, you’re fucking around with your half-sister’s ex-husband. You’re a Carlisle; he’s an Epstein. Lavender Shores is going to have fun with that for a long time.”
Gilbert was right on several things, all of which I’d already processed. I didn’t care, not what the town thought, not what my father thought. I did worry that it might hurt Erica, but I doubted it would sting that much. But Gilbert, he was a different story; his opinion of me mattered. “Are you sure it’s the town you’re worried about? Or is it you? Are you going to see me differently? Will it cause you to wonder about our sessions together, undermine the progress we’ve made?”
His expression was all the answer I needed. The bravado and exaggeration fell away. He actually looked hurt. “Are you serious? Like anything you could do would ever make me feel that way. Surely you know that. How many times over the past years have you been the only reason that I hung on? Do you really think—”
“No, of course not.” I had to swallow. I hadn’t said that to get a reaction from him, but while I knew Gilbert loved me, I had never heard him speak quite so plainly. “I didn’t think that. But thank you.”
“Thank me? For what?”
I searched for words that would capture what I felt while still maintaining some semblance of professional distance, though why I bothered at this point, I had no idea. There’d been many times ove
r the years, when I looked past my effect on my niece and nephews, that I wondered how much good I’d really done. Whether I could’ve helped much more somewhere else. But I knew what Gilbert said was true. Without me, without our time together, he wouldn’t still be here. There would be no life with Walden, there would be a Gilbert-sized hole in the world. “Just… thank you. I’m glad you’re here.”
He blinked a couple of times, almost making me think he was teary, and his lips moved silently for several seconds. “And I’m glad you’re happy, Doc. At least you sure look like it, more than I’ve ever seen you before. I wanted to make sure you had your eyes open, which I should’ve assumed that you did. I just needed to make certain. And… you know that I’ve got your back no matter what, right?”
I barked out a little laugh. “Yeah, Gilbert. I never have any doubt of that.”
“Good. We’re done, then.” He gave a shake of his head, and the Gilbert I was much more familiar with returned once more. “So, you and the hot lawyer, huh? Like I said, I don’t want to hear any sex details from you, and if you have pictures, keep that shit locked up tight. I don’t need to accidentally stumble onto that while looking at porn. But I’ve got to ask, when you two role-play, does he ever hold you in contempt of court, and then come up with perverted little sentences for you to pay your debt to society?”
I rolled my eyes at him.
“What? Like I said, I definitely don’t want to picture that. But when I’m not picturing that, that’s exactly what I wouldn’t picture.”
I’d thought I was already at peace with everything. But as I drove back home, the feeling increased. I wouldn’t have said that I needed Gilbert’s blessing, but having it meant the world. I wasn’t sure how Emma and Ethan would deal with the change in their father’s and my relationship, but I doubted it would be a big deal, though I wanted to approach it carefully. I didn’t even foresee huge drama with Erica. I was one of the few she never turned her cutting actions upon. Plus, she’d moved on. She moved on before the marriage had even been over. She’d be fine.
The Veranda (Lavender Shores Book 3) Page 15