Waiting on my Reason

by Devon Ashley

  Fighting through the overwhelming sensations throbbing throughout my lower body and the spastic thumping my heart was giving way to, I managed to say the one fear that still had a root in my brain. “How do I know you’re not just saying what I want to hear?”

  His head pulled back to see me, allowing just enough space for the tips of our noses to grace the other. “Because you know me. Have I ever lied? Did I ever promise those girls more than what I was willing to give?”

  My head shook softly. No, he hadn’t. The ones he dated were willing to accept that, which was why they never fought about it. None of them really ever had him, not officially.

  His forehead pressed gently into mine, my eyelids feeling so heavy they collapsed under the intoxication. “You, however… I’ll give you everything. I’ll give Jake everything. But if you kick me out right now, there’s no way I’ll survive it.”

  Even after speaking all those amazing words, my voice went mute again. Probably because I was too damn fixated on his left hand as it swept upwards, thumbing its way beneath my cotton ribbed tank, creeping a little higher along my skin…a little bit higher. And as feverish as I felt, my skin still shivered at his touch. “Say it,” he whispered. “Say you need me too.”

  Teeth lightly scraped along my jaw, returning to a hotspot he shouldn’t even know about. His hand reached the intended destination under my tank and fingers began tracing the lower curvature of my breast. I jumped at the touch, jittery bursts of energy filling my lower belly with warmth. His hand enveloped my entire breast, repeatedly massaging the muscle and thumbing my tip playfully. Lips squeezed against the skin beneath my ear and my head fell back against the wall. I swear to God some kind of explosion blasted beneath my belly and I shivered intensely, like I’d been caught in the arctic air for hours. Gasping, I released a moan to the likes I’d never heard before.

  “God,” he said, groaning in his throat, “you have no idea how long I’ve waited to hear you moan like that.”

  My hand blindly reached for the back of his head, kneading my fingers through his locks. I practically gulped my next swallow, rehydrating my throat so my voice wouldn’t crack, but the words still came out hoarse. “Stay,” I said, his head quickly resurfacing into view, a wicked grin slowly spreading cheek to cheek. “I want you to stay, but it can’t be here.” He was confused until I added, “Jake is on the other side of this wall and he’s a very light sleeper.”

  His face expressed a knowing oh and air began to cool my exposed stomach as he pushed back.

  When the hell did my thigh wrap around his hip?

  I let it drop and he pulled my body flush with his again. His hand slipped from my shirt and joined the other at the small of my back. Each step his body took nudged me backwards, getting closer and closer to my bedroom door. My eyes never left his face, lips unable to straighten, too amused by the grin he was flashing, telling me with his eyes everything he was about to do to me.

  I was expecting to be turned into my bedroom, not be slammed up against the end of the hall. That deliciously wicked grin made my eyes widen as he quickly whipped my tank over my head and dipped down, his mouth suddenly licking and sucking my breast. I instinctively moved to cover the other with my forearm, but hell if I didn’t like what he just did!

  “No, not here,” I moaned, but it was in no way convincing. Jesus, I should probably be stripped of all my motherly credibility because my body would totally let him take me right here. I fought my twitching thigh for control, trying to keep it grounded to the floor and not wrapped around his body. I fingered his hair more roughly, fighting the moans. “Shane,” I pleaded, begging for him to both stop and to keep going. What he was doing with his mouth right now…gawd!!!

  Maybe it was because he was really good at what he was doing, or maybe because I hadn’t had sex in years, but my insides were way too sensitive. A burst erupted within me south of his mouth, filling my insides with the warmest shiver ever. The heat between my thighs got even hotter and I couldn’t hide the way my body just shook.

  Shane paused. I wasn’t sure because my eyes were still closed, but I think he was looking up at me, those delicious lips most likely curling upward. “Did you just…?”

  I took in a deep breath and exhaled it in bursts, my smile growing. “Just a little one.”

  “I’ve hardly touched you.”

  Yeah, I was a little surprised by that myself, but it had been so long since anyone touched me like this. “Sorry?” I said light-heartedly, still smiling from the heat flickering beneath my belly.

  “Don’t be sorry,” he replied, standing up and gently gripping my face with both hands. “Just let me be inside you for the next one.”

  Hell, his words practically gave me another one right there. His mouth moved in to caress mine, slowly building with intensity as my hands began exploring his body. I grabbed the bottom seam of his shirt and pulled it northward. Apparently, I wasn’t doing it quickly enough, because he took it from me and yanked it over his head as fast as he had mine.

  I know I probably shouldn’t have paused to ogle his body, but hell if I couldn’t turn my eyes away. He was even more ripped than he was in high school, and heavier all around, which I was a definite fan of. My hands had a mind of their own and began following some of the lines across his abdomen, my eyes locked in six-pack wonderland.

  Unfortunately, my new favorite view dropped out of sight. But I got over it pretty quickly as his kisses trailed downward from my breast bone to my stomach. His hands dipped behind my back as his mouth made its way to my low rise shorts. He pulled my pelvis toward him, his five o’clock shadow tickling my belly. His left hand followed the curve of my hip, thumbing the elastic, and I knew what he was about to do.

  “Shane!” I yelled in a hushed voice. I drew the line at full nudity ten feet from Jake’s room.

  His head lifted to see me, but he made no move to stop his hands from playfully massaging my hips. “Tell me how much you want me and I promise I will lock you inside that room and love on you until we’ve made up for all the years we should’ve been together.”

  I released the puff of air I was apparently holding. “I want you,” I sweetly replied, totally meaning it. I caressed his face, my thumb tracing the line of his jaw. “I’ve always wanted you, and somewhere along the way I fell in love with you. I just didn’t think your level of interest matched mine.”

  He chuckled lightly and sighed as his grip on me lightened, standing up again. His thumb swept across my cheek a few times. “Funny. I had the same problem on my end.” And then his lips were on my mine, gently massaging back and forth, the tip of his tongue slipping in to meet mine for the first time. My whole body just sort of melted, a mixture of soothing content and fiery combustion flushing through every cell in my body, my arms wrapping tightly around his neck, my tippy toes bringing me closer. “I’ve loved you forever too,” he murmured between kisses, guiding me through the bedroom door, turning the lock behind us.

  I fingered the button of his jeans, but he wasn’t interested in letting me do it slowly, so he pulled them off himself, his underwear right along with them. No chance to gawk and stare at the stuff my dreams were made of, as he gave me a push toward the bed and had me flat on my back and smothering my skin within seconds.

  He took a few moments to explore my body with his hands as I kept his mouth held hostage against mine, clasping onto his head with both hands to keep him put. Eventually, he pulled them down and laid them out on the bed above my head, his hands slinking their way down my body.

  Gawd, I was in heaven, my body so euphoric and dizzy it didn’t know up from down.

  And even though I realized exactly where he was headed, I practically gasped when his hand slipped through all the material and made contact between my legs. My core shook and a wave that began at my hips traveled northward, my chest thrusting into the air uncontrollably. He got a kick out of my reaction, and I thought for sure he’d take it one step further and push inside me. But instea
d, his hand came back out and joined the other in grasping my hips. As he leaned back, I felt the pull. He might’ve been quick to rip off everything else tonight, but he was taking his sweet time with my shorts, exposing the hot pink and white leopard bikini inch by inch.

  The way the table lamp dimly lit up his body, I stared obsessively, wanting to remember every little detail of our first time forever. And by the looks of it, he was doing the same to me. As much as I wanted him through the years, I never thought we’d be here now, living in the moment. I guess we were lucky we didn’t lose too much time, that we figured it out now against all odds. Five years seemed like a long time, but if we stuck with each other until the end, we could easily have sixty more.

  My shorts were lost to the ground. His hands slowly slid up my legs and past my knees and thighs, until they lingered at my hips, his fingers thumbing the satin. My breath quickened as he began pulling them down, but it wasn’t because I was about to bare myself to him, but the intense way his eyes were hypnotizing mine as he did it. It made my chest feel heavy, filling it with warmth, and I had never felt so wanted.

  Once the satin passed my feet, he began a trail of light kisses from the tips of my toes to my knee. His kisses moved to my inner thigh and I slowly opened my legs to make room for him to climb even higher. Massive tingles were growing, expanding outward the higher he got. The anticipation was killing me, I just wanted him inside me so badly. My arms wiggled around on the sheet, my whimpers becoming more profound with each additional love bite. By the time he made it all the way to the tip of my V, my hips were already trying to buck. All I saw were brown locks, and when his tongue began licking me, I threw my head back and gasped, my body shivering as it exploded spastically again.

  Taking short, quick breaths, my fingers pinched at the sheet beneath me.

  Shane’s lips left me, and after a momentary pause to probably stare at me, said, “Are you for real? Did you just orgasm again?”

  I couldn’t help it. I let out a euphoric chuckle.

  “While I appreciate your enthusiasm, do you think you could actually let me earn those orgasms?”

  My smile grew bigger. What could I say? I was an easy conquest tonight. “Okay, I have a confession.”

  “You want to confess something now? While my head is between your legs?”

  I waved my fingers, beckoning him to come a little higher. He sighed but obliged my request, climbing over me and supporting himself up on his forearms, letting his lower body keep mine pinned to the bed. My thighs itched to wrap themselves around his waist, and for once I agreed to it. A natural smile curled my lips as I gently began stroking the hair on both sides of his head.

  “I’m really easy to please right now because I haven’t been with anyone since I found out I was pregnant.”

  His head actually jerked in surprise. “No one? Not a single guy?”

  I shook my head, wrapping my legs more tightly around him, loving the feel of his length pressing against me, my body throbbing, begging to let him in.

  “You sure you want to do this then? Because we can wait.”

  I knew in my heart he would back down if I asked, but I needed him in a way I’d never felt before. Needed him. “Don’t you dare.” Kissing him once on the lips ever so slowly, I added, “I’ve been imagining this for more years than I’d like to admit.”

  “Really?” he replied with a twisted smile. With eager eyes, he said, “Tell me, do you touch yourself when you think of me that way?”

  Damn my smile for getting that big. I had to bite the corner of my lower lip to rein it back in. “Maybe,” I teased.

  He bit and sucked into my neck with just the right amount of pressure. My body arced into his accordingly, more fiery bursts of energy trying to erupt where our hips met. I was so ready to attack. One of my hands fisted and tugged on his hair as the other scratched down his backside, wanting to grab his ass but coming up short, having to settle on his lower back.

  He slipped a condom on before he began rocking us, moaning with me as we caressed lips. I was stunned silent as he pushed inside me, easing his way in gently, my body slowly allowing him to advance with each rock. His eyes stayed locked with mine as we both took in the moment, his lips hovering just out of reach. Finally having him inside me felt so perfect, and I had never felt so loved and protected as I did right then, safely wrapped within his arms. As our night went on and my emotions peaked, I knew he was always meant to be mine, and by the intense way he couldn’t keep his eyes off of me each time we hit our crescendo, I was meant to be his.

  I probably only got a good three hours in and still it was the best sleep of my life. Finally having that girl spread naked across my chest after eight years of dreaming about it just knocked me out. I woke up to metal clanging, like silverware hitting the kitchen floor, and I jerked into a sitting position. Mel was long gone, probably the source of the noise. The door was shut, but I could still hear some type of cartoon playing on the other side of the house.

  Shit, I was already stiff. Again. Even with her out of bed, I could still smell her in the sheets and on my skin, and I ached to be inside her tight little body again. With Jake already up there was no way I was going to get her back in here, so I took a few minutes to calm myself back down. Finally, I collected my clothes still scattered across the floor and combed my fingers through my hair a few times before making my way to the front.

  Jake was in the living room eating a bowl of cereal, attention locked on the Avenger’s cartoon. Mel had her back to me, hair pulled up in a messy knot, washing dishes in an old, chipped farm sink that was probably original to the house. She was dressed in a fitted white t-shirt that clearly showed the bandage wrapped around her forearm. It made my chest hurt to see that, but once my eyes drifted to the low-riding denim shorts that exposed the smooth skin I’d kill to run my hand up right now, my smile hitched a little. Having a kid around was definitely going to be a huge adjustment for me. I’d never had to watch my mouth, cover up in the house or worry about a kid coming to check out what all the bedroom noise was about. But I’d learn to do it all if it meant she was mine.

  I slid in behind her soundlessly, making her jump as my hands swept across her stomach. She whispered a startled curse, then checked to see if Jake had caught on – he hadn’t. “You gave me a heart attack.” I kissed the back of her neck, then rested my chin on her shoulder as we gently swayed in place. Her head fell back against my shoulder and she moaned her content.

  Shit. She was going to have to stop moaning outside the bedroom less I suffered a constant hard-on.

  “Today’s Wednesday.”

  “Mmm-hmm,” I murmured, kissing her bare neck. “Comes after Tuesday.”

  “That means I have to work the last shift.”

  My lips froze, my eyes on alert. Lifting my head back up, I quietly but firmly asked, “You aren’t seriously going back to work already, are you? That’s the one place Brad knows where to find you.” I suddenly wanted to wrap her up in a bear hug and never let go, no matter the struggle she put forth.

  “I need to work, Shane. Sully gave me a few paid days off, but it’s time to get back to reality. And I promise he’s not going to let me shut down the bar by myself anymore. From here on out at least two people have to be working at all times. Marcus is going to stay with me once he closes the kitchen each night.”

  I had to admit I felt a little better knowing that, seeing as how he was big enough to give an NFL linebacker a solid fight. I wished I had the money to take her and Jake away from here, somewhere Brad would never find them. But I didn’t. And I wouldn’t until I finished my education.

  Part of me really wanted to show up those last few hours of her shift, when I knew the bar was practically empty, but there was also the superhero-sized elephant in the room that concerned me even more. Mel had a chance fighting Brad, she’d already proven that. Jake didn’t. I hated to admit it, but he probably needed me way more than Mel did right now.

  “What about Jak
e?”

  Hearing his name, his head swung around and he tilted his head, taking us in with a look of curiosity. We broke free and I put a few feet of distance between us before she answered, “Jake goes to see Mrs. Weatherly on Wednesdays.”

  By the sour expression disfiguring his natural cuteness, I guessed he wasn’t a huge fan of hanging out at the Weatherly household. “Isn’t she the one who taught all the kids piano lessons?”

  “She smells,” Jake said flatly, turning back to the animated explosion on television.

  Mel shook her head and rolled her eyes. “She smells?” I teased.

  “She doesn’t smell badly, she just smells…”

  “Like an old woman?” I offered with a smile.

  “Something like that,” she replied, grabbing the towel to dry her hands and turning to face me.

  “Well, I could watch him,” I offered. Old Mrs. Weatherly was ancient even ten years ago. She wouldn’t be able to handle Brad if he ever managed to track down Jake.

  I’d never seen a girl’s forehead crease so much. “You?” Jesus. Could she look any less enthused?

  “Yeah me. I have a little sister if you recall, with a kid of her own already. I do have experience babysitting.” She looked like she was still debating it in her mind, looking back and forth between me and Jake. “Oh, come on. It’s not like he can’t feed himself or go to the bathroom on his own.” I suddenly turned to Jake. “You can, right?” I asked him. He overexaggerated his nod. “See? How could I possibly screw this up?”

  “Yeah!” Jake shouted from the sofa.

  Basking in the glory of his camaraderie, I swung my arm his way. “See? He has faith in me.”

  “He’s four.”

  I stared her down, ready to throw down the big guns, but still not wanting to. Softly, I said, “Who would you rather be around if Brad shows up again?”

  She shifted uncomfortably on her feet, her arms crossing loosely across her chest as she stared at the back of Jake’s head, the little guy already attuned back to the animation again. “You sure you can handle him? He’s quite the manipulator.”