by Kiki Swinson
A door slamming caused me to jump. Before I could react, Darwin was moving toward my hiding place. I tried to make it seem like I had just gotten there, but I think my arched eyebrows and slightly opened mouth told him that I was caught out there. He knew I’d been listening. His eyes went dark and his nostrils widened.
“Fuck you doing creeping around? Nobody ain’t ever tell you snooping is rude?” he snarled, standing in my way like he wanted to slap me or push me or better yet, drag me to the front door and toss me outside.
I was a little shaken by his look but I played it off. I rolled my eyes and pushed past him and headed to the kitchen. “If you weren’t doing grimy shit, you wouldn’t be worried about me creeping or listening, now would you?” I retorted. He was hot on my heels. I could feel him behind me like a strong gust of wind. He grabbed my arm and forced me to turn around.
“Ow. Get off me,” I gritted, trying to wrestle my arm free from his tight grip. Pain pulsed in the area he was holding. I bit down into my jaw and spoke through my teeth. “I said get the fuck off me.”
His breath was hot on my face, the stale smell of cigarettes and dirty teeth threatening to singe the hairs in my nose.
“Don’t come in here making trouble. I got a good thing going here and I’m finally free from y’all, your stupid-ass mother, and anybody else standing in the way of me and my relationship with my goddamn mother. What goes on between me and my mother is our business. If you don’t want to be on the streets, I suggest you mind yours,” he said through releasing me with a shove.
“Oh, I’m definitely going to mind my business, and she is my business now,” I gritted. “Don’t think I forgot everything you did to me and my sister when we lived with you. Don’t think I ever forgave you for forcing us to have to go into the system when you were my mother’s blood. I never forget shit.”
Darwin laughed and shook his head. “You think I give a rat’s ass what you remember? Naw, I don’t.” He moved closer to me. “Oh, I found out some stuff about you, Miss Karlie.”
“Yeah, and?” I retorted defensively. My stomach was already in knots before he could even say a word.
“And I know all about that robbery, the money, and that you were the cause of this,” Darwin said, slamming an old newspaper down in front of me.
My eyes roved down to the paper and I quickly snapped them shut. I swallowed hard.
“What? You didn’t know your sister and your man’s murders had made front-page news?” Darwin taunted. “Looka here . . . there’s a reward for any information about the killers. So what do you think that means?”
I shrugged, trying my best to act like he wasn’t getting to me when really I wanted to just turn into a pile of salt on the spot and blow away with the wind.
“C’mon, Karlie, you’re a smart girl,” he pressed, chuckling evilly. “Okay, well, I’ll tell you what it means. It means that if there is a police reward for the killers, there is a street reward for the one person who didn’t die . . . and that would be you,” Darwin said, placing his hand on my shoulder.
His touch made me feel like I was standing barefoot on a patch of ice.
“Fuck you,” I spat.
He let out a raucous, evil laugh. “Naw, you might be the one getting fucked,” Darwin said.
I could literally see fire flashing in his eyes. The last time I had seen that kind of hatred in someone’s eyes, that person had tried to kill me.
CHAPTER 8
FAMILY TIES
The next day, I awoke and went down to the kitchen. I tried to get down there early, before my creepy-ass uncle awoke. I bumped into someone.
“Oh, goodness. You scared me.” I clutched my chest.
“I’m sorry. I’m just gathering a few things before I go,” the short, stout black home health aide said.
“You’re leaving already? I thought my grandmother is supposed to have help until at least eight at night,” I questioned her with my eyebrows raised.
“Oh, you didn’t know? Someone in the family requested that the service be discontinued.”
“What?” My eyebrows shot up into arches. “You must have it wrong. Nobody here would cancel the service. My grandmother can’t walk and can barely get her words out.”
The home health aide slid her pocketbook off her shoulder and dug into it. “Here is the order,” she said, extending the pink paper toward me.
I snatched it and read over it. I bit down on my bottom lip and exhaled.
“Between me and you,” the home health aide whispered, looked over her shoulder and then back at me, “I know it was canceled so that more of the monthly money is freed up. When these older people have these services, there is a certain amount taken from their checks. If they don’t have any services, more money comes in the check. More money in the check sometimes means more for family members to pocket.” She looked around again to make sure we were alone.
“I fully understand,” I said. “I will take care of this right away,” I assured her.
When she was gone, I went to check in on Granny Houston. As soon as I walked into her room, my nostrils were assailed by the smell. I immediately cupped my hand over my nose and mouth. I could hear my grandmother sobbing. My insides melted. Here she was, the woman I’d known all of my life as tough as steel, lying in her own feces, crying like a helpless baby. I grabbed a mask from the tall dresser near the door of her room and stretched it over my nose and mouth. I also grabbed a pair of latex gloves from the home health aide supplies on the dresser.
“Granny, don’t worry. I’m going to make sure you get the care you’re supposed to have. I’m going to help you now,” I told her.
I can’t lie, I was struggling with my own emotions as I went about getting my grandmother out of her soiled clothes. As I went to pull off her housecoat, she grabbed my arm with force. It caused me to freeze. It reminded me of how she would grab us roughly as kids. I crinkled my brows and looked at her with widened eyes.
“Karlie, I always loved you girls,” Granny Houston slurred.
I felt something inside my core tug like little people were pulling on the veins and arteries in my heart. I turned my face away because I couldn’t control the tears I knew were about to fall.
“Your mother was my heart when she came along. I . . . I . . . just loved her so much.”
The tears were running down my face now. My grandmother was struggling to get the words out, which already made it hard, but what she was saying made it even harder to listen.
“Granny,” I croaked, putting my hand up.
“No. I don’t want to leave this earth until you know the truth.”
I couldn’t move. Even with the stench in the room, I was rooted to the floor. I had waited all of my life to hear the story; to try and understand why my grandmother resented us and why my mother couldn’t kick her drug habit.
I nodded.
Granny Houston continued. “When your mother told me my brother had been touching her, I didn’t believe her.” Granny Houston hiccupped a sob. “I was too worried about being accepted by my own family to believe my own child. That changed things inside your mother. She grew angry and withdrawn. She would stay out all times of the night. She would fight me, fight Darwin, and fight your aunt Verona. I knew she was on the drugs, but I ain’t want to believe it. When she came home pregnant with you, I treated her bad. I barely let her eat. I reminded her every day she was a whore.” Granny Houston sobbed out her words.
I was crying so hard my shoulders rocked and my chest quivered. I pulled off the mask because I could barely catch my breath.
“That’s the past,” I whispered, tears running over my lips.
“I was wrong, Karlie. I didn’t know no better. I treated my own child like dirt and my grandkids too. I just want you to know I’m sorry. Now your mother and Miley ain’t here for me to tell them, but I’m telling you. Whatever trouble you’re in . . . you gotta fix it. You have to save yourself. I don’t want to see you end up dead.”
I choked back my tears. “Granny, I won’t end up dead. I promise it will be me and you in this house together until the Lord sees fit,” I said, trying my best to crack a smile to lighten the mood.
“That’s right. Until the Lord sees fit,” Granny Houston agreed.
“Or over somebody’s dead body,” Darwin’s deep voice boomed from behind me.
I whirled around so fast I almost lost my balance and fell on the dirty pile of clothes.
“So you trying to get close to your grandmother all of a sudden,” Darwin snarled. “Well, we don’t need any help around here.”
“Clearly you do. She’s been sitting in her own waste, and the home health aide has been let go for some strange reason,” I retorted. “But maybe it’s not a strange reason at all. Maybe it’s because someone wanted more money to steal. And maybe there’s some government official that might be interested in knowing that.” I folded my arms across my chest and cocked my head to the side for emphasis.
Darwin’s face grew dark and his nostrils flared. “I’ve already warned you to mind your fucking business. This is my last warning. If you don’t want to end up like your sister, you better fall back.”
“And if you don’t want to end up like your sister, you better stop fucking with my grandmother.” With that, I snatched off the dirty gloves, shoved them into his chest, and stormed out of the room.
Darwin was a problem that I needed to get rid of sooner rather than later.
CHAPTER 9
IT’S EITHER MOTIVATION OR DESPERATION
My entire body grew cold until I shivered so hard my teeth chattered.
I balled my fists tight and stared down at Miley’s stiff form. I shook my head side to side. No. No. No.
This wasn’t right. This wasn’t how things were supposed to be. My baby sister wasn’t supposed to be lying dead in front of me while I was still breathing.
“Miley, I’m so sorry,” I whispered, my voice cracking with grief. I couldn’t bear to look at her like this. It wasn’t her, I tried to tell myself. Just a body. No soul. My sister was gone. Even any resemblance of how she used to be was gone. Her beauty had faded with the time between the shooting and this private viewing.
The funeral home had dressed her in an all-white old-lady dress that was provided by them. It was definitely something Miley would’ve never been caught alive or dead in if she’d had her way. The sheer material overlay on the dress fluttered from the air conditioner, making it appear like Miley was still breathing. I blinked a few times to make sure. They had covered her hands in shiny white satin church gloves. Miley would’ve had a fit about that too. She had been too much of a fashionista to be dressed like some old-school church usher.
I placed my hand over my aching heart. Tears ran down my face in streams.
“Oh, Miley. If only I could rewind time,” I sobbed. I wasn’t supposed to outlive her. I was the oldest, and these roles were supposed to be reversed. We were supposed to be old ladies together and I was going to die first.
I wiped my eyes so I could look at her one good time again. All I could do was shake my head and sob some more. Miley definitely didn’t even look like my beautiful little sister anymore. The undertakers had slathered her skin with a thick layer of caked-up makeup, and she seemed to have a permanent grimace on her face. I guess she had died in pain and there was no fixing the terror that had become etched on her face for good, even with that studio makeup. I couldn’t stand to see her like this. I finally doubled over at the waist, too weak to stand up straight any longer. Detective Castle grabbed me just before I hit the floor.
“Sit down, Karlie,” he said, leading me to a row of chairs lined up neatly in front of the casket. I had to admit, Detective Castle had come through just like he’d said he would. Since I couldn’t be in our hometown to handle Miley’s funeral arrangements, he had taken care of it for me. I understood that he’d gone above and beyond what most cops would do for some random black girl like me. Detective Castle had arranged a small, private last viewing and goodbye for Miley at a secret location in a small town right outside of Virginia Beach. Just like he’d promised.
“I can’t believe she’s really gone,” I croaked as I hugged myself and rocked back and forth in the chair. Detective Castle patted my shoulder but remained silent. I guess there was nothing he could say to that.
“What about Sidney?” I asked, sniffing back the snot rimming my nostrils. “Is there going to be a service for him? Did his family claim his body? Will I be able to see him before they put him in the ground?”
Detective Castle stopped patting my shoulder, leaned his forearms on his knees, and hung his head. “Well, that’s complicated, Karlie,” he mumbled.
I furrowed my eyebrows and shifted in my seat. “How complicated can it be? His mother or sister would claim his body and they’d plan a funeral, and you’d take me there with protection so I can say my goodbyes . . . just like you promised. Right?” I replied, urgency lacing my words.
Detective Castle sat back up straight and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Well, Karlie. Sidney’s um . . . family . . . I mean his . . . um . . . his . . .” Detective Castle stammered. I turned slightly in my seat and glared at him. What the hell was his problem? He tugged at the collar of his shirt like it had suddenly gotten too tight for his neck. I had never seen Detective Castle seem so nervous and evasive.
“What the hell are you trying to say? I’m confused. Just tell me,” I demanded.
“Sidney had a woman . . . well . . . another woman,” Detective Castle finally blurted.
My stomach immediately clenched. I started breathing hard.
“A woman? What? What are you talking about?” I pressed, shaking my head no. “You’re wrong. I am . . . was. I mean . . . I am his woman,” I snapped, getting to my feet, my strength quickly restored.
“I’m sorry, Karlie. I know how hard this news must be to hear. I didn’t want to be the bearer of bad news, but I wanted you to know what was going on,” Detective Castle lamented.
I laughed, which contradicted the way I was really feeling at that moment.
“I don’t fucking believe you. You’re lying. Sidney was with me and only me. You just don’t want to be bothered with taking me to the funeral,” I accused, jutting my finger in the detective’s face.
“I wouldn’t lie to you. I know how much you’ve been through, Karlie,” Detective Castle replied. I buried my face in my hands and more tears came. Deep down inside I knew that he wouldn’t lie to me. I just didn’t want to believe it.
“How? Why?” I cried.
“When it was time to claim his body, I was surprised to learn that a woman had come forward along with Sidney’s mother and two sisters. She said she was his . . .” Detective Castle paused. I guess he was trying to gauge how much more this information would destroy me. I knew Sidney had had moments of cheating, but having someone else who felt comfortable enough to claim his body was insane.
“Wife,” I filled in the word in an almost inaudible whisper.
Detective Castle nodded. “Yes. She said she was his wife.”
I shot up from my chair and ran out of the chapel. Outside, I wrapped my arms around my waist and paced as my shoulders shook with sobs. This news just made everything worse. If Sidney was alive and I’d found out he had a wife all of this time, I would’ve wanted to kill him all over again. It just didn’t make sense. All of those nights he’d spent with me. All of the plans we had made together. I had been to his so-called house and met his mother and sisters. It just didn’t make any sense that he had been living a double life.
Within a few minutes Detective Castle was at my side.
“Karlie, I’m sorry for all of this,” he said, shoving his hands deep into his pants pockets. “This is all so unfortunate. I wish I could make it all change.”
“What else haven’t you told me?” I asked, pausing for a few minutes with my eyes squinted at him. “What other secrets do you have to reveal, because I want to know everything I a
m up against. So no more surprises. I’ve had enough of that,” I said with feeling.
“Well,” Detective Castle said, dragging out the last L.
I let out a windstorm of breath. I had to silently ask myself how much more shit could I take.
“I was going to wait until you had your time with your sister and had a chance to properly say goodbye before I brought this up, but if you want to know . . .”
“Tell me!” I snapped, causing Detective Castle’s eyebrows to shoot up on his face. “I can’t deal with these fucking secrets. Everybody has all of these fucking secrets,” I shouted.
“We think we have a lead on who might’ve made the hit on you, Miley, and Sidney,” Detective Castle said. His words were slow and deliberate, like he wanted to drive home the point. “It’s such a strong lead that I have more than two guys from my squad running it down. We are doing what we can to verify the information.”
I dropped my hands at my sides and tilted my head expectantly. I didn’t even realize right away that my foot was tapping.
“Get to the point,” I grumbled.
“Guy named Jay King,” Detective Castle said, hesitating a little bit. “Pretty long rap sheet. Lives in the Tidewater area. Used to be a petty thug, but moved up over the years. Dangerous.”
“Yeah, and what does he have to do with me and my sister? Why would this random guy, Jay King, want to harm us? I’ve never heard his name a day in my life.”
“I’m getting to that,” Detective Castle said, holding his hands up in front of his chest as if to tell me to calm down. “I hear he is the cousin of Ashton King.”
“Who? Who the fuck is Ashton King?” I was getting really freaking confused and my patience was growing short.
“Ashton King is the man you came to know as El Jefe. The one that had you and Miley when we busted in and saved you both.”
The words El Jefe caused my heart to slam so hard it stabbed against my chest bone.
“You mean to tell me this nightmare is not over?” I said, my words coming out on short, exasperated puffs of breath.