The best stroke was the 6 which one would hit through the sea-saw like bowling device which went straight out of the ground. This stroke sometimes had the potential to end the game as in case the bat got stuck in the pitch, all the fielders would collapse as if the ground had been hit by an earthquake that measured 9.8 on the Richter scale.
The superb thing about this game was that one could bowl and bat at the same time. This was the biggest equaliser in the game of cricket because one could be happy and sad at the same time.
19
The Stand-Up Experiences
“Why don’t you imitate me?”
The legendary GR Vishwanath once walked up to me and said this. I couldn’t have got a better compliment!
One of the biggest challenges I face as a comedian is to perform in front of those who are the subject of my material.
This causes anxiety at two levels. One is if they will laugh and the second is if they don’t like it they will start hating me. This mattered to me a great deal because for some reason, I wanted cricketers to respect me for my cricketing knowledge which I believed I had like every Indian. The best compliment I felt was always when a cricketer discussed the game with me. So when Brian Lara once asked me what I thought of his off-side play against Warnie, I knew I had arrived. This was the same feeling I got when Hariharan and Shankar Mahadevan praised me for my singing abilities. Yes I am pompous!
Fortunately for me, this generation of cricketers gave me a little respect because they realised that apart from laughing at the idiosyncrasies of the cricketing world, I still possessed a good understanding of the game. I have always believed that a failed cricketer understands the game better as he knows what hasn’t worked for him.
One of the lessons you learn as a comic is that everyone loves laughing at someone else’s expense but not at their own. So if you are cracking jokes about a certain cricketer in front of other cricketers, they will always laugh. It took me at least 6-7 years before the fraternity accepted me as someone who they could be fine with. It’s strange but every cricketer or wannabe cricketer started his love for cricket by imitating the mannerisms of their icons. I also realised that cricketers like Bhajji and Irfan themselves are a pretty talented lot when it comes to mimicking their colleagues. In fact, there have been times when I’ve picked up a few nuances from them. Surprisingly it was one of the senior most cricketers, Arjuna Ranatunga, who taught me the peculiar butt movements of Hashan Tillakaratne and Sanath Jayasuriya.
Sometimes Indian audiences are sensitive when it comes to their heroes and icons. There have been occasions when members of the audience have come up to me and told me that they liked my show but I should have not immitated Tendulkar or Dravid. You have to keep your mouth shut and take the feedback. I once got scolded by a bunch of South African Indians for doing a joke on Vajpayee and Kumble. I can understand why this happens. When one is away from their homeland you associate the positivity of your home with certain figures and if someone says something about them you get offended as you have mentally invested in them. I guess it’s pretty similar to religion and religious figures.
Even corporate organisers of cricketing events are sensitive about their guest cricketers. An invitation to perform often comes with a list of riders. A typical brief at such events would be, “I want you to be funny. The audience should laugh but please don’t touch religion, sex, politicians and most importantly, no cricketer should be offended.” This is like saying, “I want you to score a hundred at Lord’s against Mitchell Johnson, but make sure you do it without your bat and your abdomen guard.” If by any chance, you offer counter arguments, the organisers will finally plead by saying, “Please don’t do anything dangerous as I will lose my job.” One cannot but sympathise with their dilemma.
As a comedian, over the years I’ve come across a bunch of different types of audiences, some of which I’ve listed below:
I Can Laugh At Anything Or Anyone
This species is the comedian’s best friend. For them it doesn’t matter what you say, they just laugh at everything. I am amused by them because either they live really boring and troubled lives or the part of the brain from where laughter emanates is too big in size and susceptible to any stimuli. Actually these are nice people and I love having them around as it does a lot to boost your ego. The only problem is that their perpetual laughter throws you off in an event because you’re not sure if it was your premise that was funnier or your punch line? Sometimes it makes you believe that your joke was good only to realise in another event that it was not that great.
Who Are You To Make Me Laugh
At the other extreme to the above mentioned species is the most dangerous audience to have. During an entire 45-minute performance, you won’t see even a single cell on their face twitch. They come from a school of thought where showing any form of emotion is seen as a sign of weakness. For some strange reason they think that if someone makes them laugh or smile then it’s like accepting defeat in some kind of battle. I feel for their spouses who must be living terrible lives. For these people everything in life has to do with victory and defeat. They are extreme victims of middle-class conditioning where everything was about coming first in class and if you laughed at a scene from an Amol Palekar film, then you were un-intellectual and frivolous sort, not fit to be a statesman. Sometimes I feel like tickling them because I know their arteries are getting clogged on a daily basis because of their serious lives and if I don’t do anything about it they will collapse any moment. I have also learnt that clapping and laughing are inversely proportional to a person’s net worth. Sometimes the more successful one gets the more egoistic one becomes. These people project that they are unaffected by lowly comedians and that they will only laugh if Amitabh Bachchan tickles them personally.
I have also learnt that clapping and laughing are inversely proportional to a person’s net worth.
North Indians Are The Best
Delhi events are of two types. The first is the dealer audience that is not interested in any non-adult humour and unless one cracks risqué stuff, no joke is good enough. They are the aggressive Punjabis who are happy even if you mention Sunny Leone or Malika Sherawat. When God distributed testosterone he started from the North of India and as he went down South, his stock kept decreasing. These audiences are not interested in jokes. Whether it is global marketing summit or a scientific seminar, their idea of enjoyment is item numbers. Over the years, whenever I have performed in Punjab, Delhi or Haryana, I have ensured that I was always slotted somewhere between item numbers so that the onus on entertaining them was not fully on me. Many event managers used to hire either an actress or a local dancer based on their budgets. I remember once a sponsor came to an event manager and said, “Apne toh kaha that koi TV star actress nachegi, ye kaun hein?” The event manager immediately without hestitation said, “Sirji yeh dupahar ke serial mein aati hein, apko kahan time dekhene ka.” The sponsor was happy because after four drinks it didn’t matter who she was, as long as she came on TV. But the good part is that if they like what you do you will be loved like nobody’s business. You will be hugged to death by everyone in the audience and by chance they decide to invite you for paratha breakfast at their homes, refusing them is not an option.
I Like You But Can’t Give A Compliment
Over the years of middle-class male conditioning, one has learnt to neither take nor give any compliments. It is very difficult for most Indian men to say even a single line of appreciation about anyone else. Telling someone that they are good gives them an inferiority complex. Unlike North Indians who express their love overtly, South Indians are very conservative in their social dealings. There are so many times at events in Chennai where people have come to me, smiled and moved their head like a pendulum which is a sort of acknowledgement but nothing more. They will be speechlessly staring at you. So finally out of embarrassment, I have to ask them, “Did you like the show?”, and then the words emerge, “Nice, very nice”, to mine and th
eir relief! Indian males probably have the most unsuccessful marital relationships only because they have not learnt the art of voicing appreciation towards their partners. This single act on their checklist would ensure that they never have any issues with their spouses. I feel this kind of training has to happen at a school level. Men need to be told that it’s ok to say to your wife that her tendli sabji has turned out nice. It doesn’t in any way mean that she is superior and you are weak.
One of the perils of being a comedian is to try and meet people’s expectations about you. A stand-up comic and a doctor are always working, wherever they go. I have rarely been fatigued by my stage shows, but the hour-long audience interactions, post-show kills you. The act is still on because not only do you still have to constantly make them laugh but also listen to their jokes. When it comes to cricket everyone has an incident to share and therefore for the next few hours one has to appreciate stories about how they saw a particular match with their friends and how India won because he did not get up from his seat for 8 hours. One of the perils of consuming alcohol at this time is that the cricketing enthusiasm gets fuelled into the argumentative Indian where one has to listen to sermons that range from how Madan Lal didn’t get his due recognition to why Rahul Dravid is better than Sachin in the second innings of a Test Match. The power of alcohol is such that I have seen people feeling bad for Mohammed Kaif more than he did for himself. Such is the level of involvement of cricket fans. This is the time you know you have to leave the party which is not appreciated by all as I have not heard their entire 70 years of cricketing analysis. Can you imagine what cricketers must be going through?
One of the downsides of being a humourist is that after you have seriously taken it up as a profession, you can’t lead a normal life. You look for humour and observations everywhere. Even at a funeral you spend more time observing idiosyncrasies of the people there than mourning. Everything around you becomes potential material. For me it was a matter of survival as failure would send me back to the world of Powerpoint and Excel which was unacceptable.
It took me years to accept the fact that it was ok to pursue this career I had chosen. Back in my time, it was unheard of for someone with an MBA and a fairly successful career to leave it all behind and pursue stand-up comedy. My grandparents still don’t know what I do. It’s a different story that even I don’t know what I do. I just know that whatever I do is working and because of that the world of cricket which I wanted to be a part of happened to me. I sometimes feel guilty that I have not done anything significant to help the world in the last ten years. Somehow making people laugh doesn’t seem to be a tangible profession. I feel incomplete when I read stories about IT grads making life changing applications and my contemporaries running million dollar corporate companies. Somehow my middle-class mentality doesn’t allow me to believe that the profession of a comedian adds any value to society and God will not forgive me for wasting my time on the planet.
For someone who was fortunate enough to get things relatively easily, I try to give back to society by contributing in whatever way I can to overcome that guilt. So be it setting up a charity foundation to support youngsters or helping the underprivileged. Over the years I am proud to say that me and my friend Sunandan have, with the help of a few cricketers in a small way, touched the lives of many people. One of the experiences that is etched in my memory is when Sachin met 50 visually impaired children at a function we organised. That’s when I realised in the true sense what Sachin meant to people from all walks of life. The children in the room had no clue why they had gathered there. Before Sachin got there, their teacher asked me to do any one imitation. I randomly did a quick Tony Greig imitation and within no time the entire bunch shouted, “Tony Greig!” I was shocked by the ability of these 12 year olds to identify Tony Greig within 5 seconds. Their teacher walked up to me and said, “Vikram their ears and nose are their eyes and they never forget sounds.” I had tears in my eyes. These kids were just superb. After a few minutes Sunandan asked the kids, “Cricket ka badshah kaun?” They all shouted Sachin! “Acha toh apko milne aj Sachin aaya hein”. When he mentioned this there was a sudden silence in the room and the facial expressions of the kids were simply priceless. This is the time the teacher sprayed perfume around the room to signify to the kids that this was a special moment. The kids suddenly burst out screaming “Sachin, Sachin.” This was one moment that I’d never forget. Once Sachin took over, the kids listened patiently. They asked him all sorts of questions and he replied to each one of them with a touch of humour. I think even he felt liberated in their presence. It was true love that he was experiencing from the fans who loved him. Then he individually went and touched every kid’s hands making them all feel very special. The kids were so inspired by his visit that we later came to know that they released an audio book on Sachin and now want to start a channel on the web dedicated to cricket. Cricket has the power to affect people in many ways.
I realised that day what genuine love was and what impact it can have on people. Even when I tell this story to anyone I still get teary eyed. I realised as an entertainer that these were the kind of events that healed the soul and made you feel worthwhile. One of the other shows I do regularly was for the spinal cord injury patients. These are patients who are mostly wheelchair bound and are either paraplegic or quadriplegic depending on the nature of the injury they have suffered. When I did it for the first time I almost started crying on stage looking at 300 injured patients in front of me. I somehow gathered courage and went on to do one of the most amazing shows ever. I spent time with each of them and heard their amazing stories of how they recovered from their troubles. Stories that were truly inspiring…people climbing mountains on wheelchairs, making art with their legs and many more. After hearing these I realised that many of us despite having all our organs in place are far more disabled than they are.
We once visited the Army hospital and centre where jawans who were injured in insurgency operations were getting treated. A lot of them were on wheelchairs as they had their legs blown off during demining operations. They played a game of basketball amongst themselves with Sachin watching the game. It was the most amazing example of the human spirit I had seen. When you see that kind of spirit you know that the nation is in safe hands.
Sachin and this world of cricket gave me the opportunity to live the game that I love, travel the world and be part of stories that maybe would have been difficult if I had taken up any other profession. I just know that I got lucky with my timing in life just as in comedy and the next phase of my life will probably be to touch as many people and make their lives a little better. But for all that you gave us and Indian cricket…THANK YOU SACHIN.
Published by Harsha Bhatkal
for Popular Prakashan Pvt. Ltd.
301, Mahalaxmi Chambers
22, Bhulabhai Desai Road
Mumbai 400026
www.popularprakashan.com
© 2014 Vikram Sathaye
First Published 2014
WORLD RIGHTS RESERVED.
The contents are original and copyrighted. No portion of this book shall be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the written permission of the author and the publisher.
DISCLAIMER: The opinions in this book are solely those of the author.
Popular Prakashan Pvt. Ltd. assumes no responibility for the content.
(4412)
ISBN 978-81-7991-853-1
Cover Design: Karthikeyan Ramachandran
Back Cover Photograph: Tamagna Ghosh
Front Cover Sachin’s Photograph: Suman Chattopadyay
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About the Author
Vikram Sathaye has the distinction of being the first English Stand-up Comedian in India and has performed in more than 1,200 corporate events acr
oss the world over the last 11 years.
An MBA in Marketing from the Symbiosis Institute of Business Management, Vikram worked for 7 years with companies like MTV and PMG. While at MTV he had been performing stand-up sketches along with the MTV VJ’s since 1998. In 2003, he got the opportunity to be part of Extra Innings on SET MAX as a cricket humourist. On his return he was offered to perform a sketch at the 2003-2004 CEAT Cricket Awards. Encouraged by the overwhelming response from the audiences Vikram then launched himself as a professional stand-up comedian.
His television stints include being a presenter on SET MAX during the World Cup in 2003 and Champions Trophy 2004, India’s Tour of South Africa on ESPN Star Sports in 2006 and the ICC World Cup 2011 on IBN Lokmat.
His stand-up repertoire includes everything from sports, politics, current affairs, Bollywood, to popular culture and solutions for marital disputes.
As an entrepreneur, Vikram is the Director of a sports and entertainment company called White Copper Entertainment Pvt. Ltd. He is also one of the founding member of “Bawraas” - an initiative along with Bollywood musicians Swanand Kirkire and Shantanu Moitra, to support young promising Indians who have taken up unconventional careers. Another interesting activity he is involved in is “Think Cricket” - a platform started along with leading cricket expert Harsha Bhogle and Anita Bhogle aimed at senior corporate executives, to discuss all matters cricket.
@vikramsathaye /vikramsathaye
/vikramsathaye www.justvikram.com
How Sachin Destroyed My Life: but gave me an All Access Pass to the world of Cricket Page 17