“I have a light schedule on Tuesday afternoons,” Zack said. “I’ll come with you.”
Caroline will inform the entire hospital within five minutes. Refusing his offer would only invite further speculation, though.
“That would be helpful. As a physician, you’ll have insights into areas beyond my expertise.” Annoyed by the receptionist’s answering smirk, Jan addressed her sternly. “Caroline, I’m going to start following you on Twitter. If I see any messages during work hours, or anything ever in a public forum that pertains to hospital personnel, I will report it to Dr. Rayburn.”
“I won’t. I promise.” The young woman looked suitably chastened. That ought to last for what, half an hour? And it wouldn’t stop her from yakking to her fellow gossips on staff.
Well, no sense making anything more of this. Jan needed to get on the road soon to keep her appointment. And despite the awkwardness, she’d meant what she said about valuing Zack’s observations.
He was on the phone with his nurse, saying, “Good, good.” No problems with his schedule, it appeared.
The trip would also give them a chance to set his next “date” with Kimmie. Beyond that, the two of them got along best when they kept things strictly professional. Just what Jan intended to do.
* * *
RIDING ON THE PASSENGER side of Jan’s sedan, Zack sneaked a glance at her profile—at the shapely nose and expressive face even as she concentrated on the freeway traffic. It surprised him how powerfully he felt connected to her despite the pain they’d inflicted on each other.
When he’d learned Jan had kept their daughter, Zack had been determined to make up for lost time. Realistically, he knew that couldn’t happen overnight, but his sense of justice had demanded compensation for the years he’d lost with Kimmie.
Things were more complicated than he’d expected.
He liked Jan, and her input about Berry was valuable. The situation with Kimmie troubled his older daughter more than he’d anticipated. Having been his first priority since her toddler years, she should feel secure in his love, yet his lunch with Kimmie had upset Berry. The effects persisted despite his efforts to restore a sense of normalcy.
Jan must have been thinking along the same lines. She broke the silence by asking, “How’s Berry?”
“Fine,” he answered automatically.
She slanted a skeptical look at him. “None of my business, right?”
Perhaps. Yet he needed to talk to someone. After Rima’s death Zack had taken Berry to counseling, which had helped them both. In the three years since, he’d relied on occasional conversations with teachers and sitters to fill in the gaps of his own awareness. He’d never faced anything like the changes he saw in her now, however.
Too bad his own parents weren’t a resource. He simply didn’t have that kind of trusting relationship with them.
“Okay, she’s not fine. She’s grumpy and spends a lot of time in her room with the kitten,” he said. “And there are other things. I’m not sure how much is because of me having another daughter and how much is simply because she’s getting older.”
“What things?” Jan prompted.
“Saturday night, while I was on call, she slept at her sitter’s house,” Zack recalled. “She usually enjoys that, but when I picked her up Sunday she complained about having to share a room with their sixteen-month-old. Until now, she’s always enjoyed playing with Rachel.”
“I suspect she felt uneasy about being away from you.” Jan changed lanes to bypass a line of slowing vehicles.
“Probably.” He’d have liked to stop there because the other incident that sprang to mind was embarrassing. But he’d appreciate the feedback. “On Sunday, we were invited to a wedding. You know Paige Brennan?” He and Paige had formed a friendship because both were relatively new at the hospital. Also, learning advanced surgical techniques from Dr. Tartikoff had thrown them together.
“I’ve met her,” Jan acknowledged. “She’s Erica’s obstetrician, and Erica likes her a lot.”
“Well, Berry was excited about going. Then she put on her best dress and it was very short.” Zack’s heart had gone out to his clearly distressed little girl. “Her shoes were too small, as well. It hadn’t occurred to me to take her shopping, and by then it was too late. She wore tights and we made the best of it.”
“Kids grow fast,” Jan replied, as she navigated toward the ramp connecting to another freeway. “I’m sure no one noticed.”
“No one except Berry.” But she was the one who counted.
“How was the wedding?”
“Beautiful, not that I’m any expert.” Held in a chapel overlooking the harbor, the small ceremony had been packed with coworkers and the couple’s family. Paige had two sisters and three brothers, while the groom, detective Mike Aaron, also came from a large family. “Afterwards, Berry asked about Rima’s and my wedding. She wondered why we don’t have any pictures.”
“Why don’t you?”
“We got married at the county courthouse with my parents as witnesses.” Zack wished they’d made Berry a flower girl. What a memorable photo that would have been! But she’d been a toddler at the time, too young to care about such things, and he hadn’t thought about the future.
Jan frowned. “Nobody took pictures?”
“My dad shot a couple that came out so blurry he didn’t save them.” Later, when Zack apologized for not hiring a photographer, Rima had shrugged it off. They’d have plenty of chances to take photos, she’d said. But they couldn’t recapture their wedding.
“How did Berry react when you explained?”
“She didn’t say anything.” Zack sighed. “I used to think she had a remarkably calm attitude about things. I’m beginning to realize she simply hides her emotions well.”
“Kimmie’s very open, which isn’t always a blessing,” Jan remarked.
“Has she been acting out?” Zack wondered if postponing their next outing had been a mistake. “Is she upset we didn’t go out last weekend?”
Busy watching the traffic, Jan didn’t respond. Zack was about to repeat the question, when he noticed her lips clamped together.
“She has been, hasn’t she?” he prodded.
“I’m an idiot.” Jan shot him a quick glance. “What did I imagine was going to happen when we came back to this area? I figured you were married with kids, and you’d stay out of the picture. Stupid, stupid, stupid.”
“You’re upset because I want a relationship with my daughter?” That irked him. “I’d be a poor excuse for a father if I didn’t.”
“You took no interest in her seven years ago!” she accused. “No, wait. Stop. Forget I said that, okay?”
He choked back the angry words threatening to overflow his self-control. “I’ll try.”
“It was uncalled for,” Jan agreed. “I have no idea how she feels about you or me. She’s deflecting all her emotions on to the cat business.”
“Cat business?”
“She keeps harping on how unfair it is that Berry gets to keep Smidge.” Jan’s voice frayed.
“It is a little unfair, I suppose,” Zack conceded.
“Now she’s feeding that stray cat she calls Gorilla.” Jan sucked in a breath. “I’ve been looking at ads for apartments but the only ones that accept pets charge higher rent and insist on a large deposit.” She indicated a piece of paper he’d shifted aside when he sat down. “Now she’s nagging to go to that.”
The flyer ad
vertised a pet-adoption fair at the Oahu Lane Shelter on the following Saturday. “Where’d this come from?”
“School.” The car slowed as it entered an off-ramp for Rowland Heights. “If I take her, she’ll only press harder to adopt a kitten.”
“What if I take her?” He’d been looking for an event that might interest Kimmie.
“You don’t mind?”
“Why should I?” Kimmie could hardly nag him, since he had no say in whether she got a cat.
“She’ll be thrilled. You’re already a hero for rescuing Smidge.” Jan’s voice quavered. “I wish...”
“What?” Zack asked.
“I wish I weren’t coming off as the bad guy.”
He hadn’t meant to put her in that light. “Jan, I may resent the way you’ve acted—I do resent it—but I have no intention of undercutting you with Kimmie. That would be unfair to both of you.”
She stopped at a red light. “It’s scary for me. Daddies mean a lot to little girls, especially since she’s never had one.”
Jan was afraid of losing her daughter’s love? Irrational, but understandable, too. “Just because she loves her dad doesn’t mean she’s going to abandon her mom. That’ll never happen.”
“I suppose not.” She swallowed. “She needs both.”
Wistfully, he added, “So does Berry. I do my best.”
“You’ve been wonderful with her. She’s such a sweetie.”
They entered the lot of a large medical building. “Berry’s invited to her best friend’s birthday party on Saturday,” Zack said. “While she’s gone, I can take Kimmie to the fair.”
“Berry won’t mind missing the event? She might want to go, too.” Jan seemed genuinely concerned about his stepdaughter.
“I’ll explain beforehand.” Zack had learned the more kids knew the score in advance, the better things went. “I’ll point out that Kimmie just gets to see the cats, while Berry can keep Smidge.”
“Good idea.” Jan parked between an SUV and a sports car. “Don’t forget to take Berry clothes shopping before the party.”
“Thanks for the reminder.” Zack had no idea what little girls wore to birthday parties these days, but no doubt the saleslady could help.
As he reached for the door, a light touch on his arm halted him. “We don’t have to be at odds, Zack.”
“I never said we were,” he replied, puzzled.
“Let me rephrase that. We both have a lot to gain by working together, for the girls’ sake.” Up close, Jan’s dark eyes were mesmerizing. The softness of her hair and scent of flowers made Zack keenly aware of how much he missed this woman. If her mouth were a few inches closer, he might not be able to stop his lips from descending on hers.
A sharply drawn breath indicated her reaction. If we could start over, if this were fresh and new...
But it wasn’t. And they couldn’t.
Jan drew back. “They’re waiting for us inside.”
“Right.” His throat tight, Zack pushed the door handle.
After the chasm they’d created between them, the best they could hope for now was to cooperate and respect each other. On Saturday, he would take Kimmie to the adoption fair. After that, they’d set up a schedule of regular visits.
Having a predictable system ought to help Berry adjust—and Zack, as well.
* * *
DURING THE NEXT FEW days, the moment when she’d nearly kissed Zack replayed through Jan’s thoughts. They’d both felt the same magnetic pull, the same longings.
What if they hadn’t resisted? Where could it lead?
Over the years she’d wondered what their lives might have been like if not for that incompetent doctor and the lying supervisor at their old hospital. But the real problem was Zack had stood against her instead of giving her the benefit of the doubt.
Still, Jan was glad he’d accompanied her to the egg bank. On the drive home, he’d made useful observations about the facility’s procedures, recruitment techniques and counseling services. What a twist of fate that of all the doctors at Safe Harbor, he took the keenest interest in the egg-donor program.
Later in the week Jan met with the Safe Harbor attorney to discuss the rights of egg donors and recipients. Kate’s husband, a thoughtful man in his mid-thirties, welcomed her into his large office and answered her questions with care.
“In the early days, the field of egg donation used to be the Wild West—unregulated territory,” Tony explained from behind his broad desk. “So did surrogate motherhood and other fertility practices. Since then, laws and court rulings have gone a long way toward spelling out all parties’ rights and obligations.”
Jan already knew the donor had to sign a contract agreeing to undergo medical and psychological screening, as well as genetic testing. The contract specified that the egg recipient and father of the child became the legal parents.
“In addition, in California, both the egg recipient and the father, once they’ve signed documents, have legal obligations regarding the child regardless of whether they’re genetically related to it,” Tony continued. “The egg donor is protected, too. For example, just as with a sperm donor, she can’t be sued for child support.”
“The prospective parents want to be certain no one can come after them and take their child away.” Knowing how she’d worried about the possibility of Zack claiming rights to Kimmie, Jan empathized.
“That issue arose in the UCI scandal,” Tony replied. Behind him, through a large window, Jan caught a distant glimmer of the ocean. “In that instance the genetic mothers hadn’t agreed to give up their eggs.”
“What happened?” She’d heard a lot about the case, but not the individual outcomes.
“By the time the scandal broke, many of the children were toddlers or nearing school age,” Tony said. “Most of the unwilling donors understood the kids and the recipients were innocent victims, but it was heartbreaking. To the best of my knowledge, none of the children were removed from their homes. I believe in some cases the genetic parents were allowed limited contact.”
Jan shuddered. “It must have been horrible for everyone.”
“Which is why we will be very, very careful with our contracts and procedures,” Tony said. “As I’m sure you agree.”
“Absolutely.”
After they went over other questions raised by the support group, Jan left his office with extensive notes and Tony’s promise to attend the next meeting with her. And, of course, for the two of them to consult further as he drew up the contracts.
All might be well on the work front, but at home, Kimmie continued to sneak food to the cat. By now, it seemed highly unlikely Gorilla had an owner.
“Do you want to take him to the shelter tomorrow so he can find a home?” Jan asked her daughter on Friday.
“No!” Kimmie glared at her. “They’ll kill him.”
“They don’t do that.”
“He’d hate it,” the little girl insisted. “I won’t let you!”
Since she, too, disliked the idea of handing over the cat, Jan dropped the subject. On Saturday morning, however, she wished she hadn’t.
Chapter Ten
At four-thirty in the morning the yowling of tomcats awakened Jan. Grumpily, she pulled the pillow over her head.
Over the next half-hour random noises disturbed her sleep. Worn-out from an intense week, she barely broke the surface of awareness.
Then a series of screeches vibrated through her head, so loud they might
have originated in the next room. Startled and annoyed, she shot out of bed. She’d closed her window last night, so why was she hearing...
“Stop it! Stop it now!” Kimmie screamed.
Without bothering with slippers or robe, Jan bolted across the room and flung open the door.
Two furry shapes flew around her living room, their squalling punctuated by a sharp, offensive odor. Cowering in a corner, Kimmie waved her hands uselessly at a pair of battling tomcats.
“What on earth?” As she stepped into the room Jan’s first thought was to protect her daughter. “Kimmie, stay back.”
“The bad cat chased Gorilla in here! He’s hurting him.”
The front door stood wide-open. As she registered that fact, Jan realized the landlord couldn’t fail to notice this disturbance directly beneath him. Well, she’d deal with him later. Right now she had to focus on getting these crazed cats out of her apartment.
A large gray-and-white creature barely recognizable as Gorilla raced by, pursued by an even bigger black cat with a brown patch over its nose. They became a furious ball atop her sofa. One of them caught a claw in the fabric then ripped it free, leaving a gash with stuffing poking out. Shaky with shock, Jan ran to the closet and grabbed a broom.
“Don’t hurt Gorilla!” Kimmie cried.
“Go in your room and close the door,” Jan commanded. “There’s no telling how they’re going to react. I don’t want you injured.”
“But, Mom!”
“Do you want your clothes and toys ruined, too? Go, and shut the door tight!”
Her daughter obeyed tearfully.
Jan hated seeing Kimmie upset, although she supposed there was a good lesson here. If her daughter had followed the rules this wouldn’t have happened. As for the cats, she aimed her fury at the irresponsible people who’d left them to battle over territory.
A few whacks of the broom failed to connect with the fast-moving animals, but the near misses sent them skittering out the doorway. A few more screeches and they were gone.
SH Medical 09 - The M.D.'s Secret Daughter Page 10