by Lisa Cassidy
“Then why am I here?”
“Your father was worried about you after the battle,” he said. “There were still some Mage Guard soldiers on the loose. He thought this was the safest place for you until you woke up. It’s surrounded by Bluecoats.”
Relief at that news brought back her weariness. “I know you must have a lot to do as well. Thank you for coming to ease my mind.”
Cayr hesitated. “I haven’t spoken to Dash, but I know he survived the battle. One of the Bluecoats told me he’s left the city like he originally planned to do.”
She closed her eyes, stifling the pain that thought brought her. “Do Tarrick and Finn know that he’s gone?”
“Yes. The Bluecoat, your friend Casta, told me he’d spoken to them already. Casta wanted to see you too, but you were still sleeping at the time.”
“Thanks.” She tried to keep the grief from her voice, but Cayr knew her too well.
“Alyx, I’m sorry. I can see how...” he faltered, then took a breath and let go of her hand. “I know you too well not to be able to see how you feel about him.”
His withdrawal made her sad, and for a moment she stared at their hands resting near each other on the covers. “I’m sorry too. You will never know how sorry I am.”
“I know.” He sighed. “That doesn’t make it hurt any less.”
“I understand. I still....” It was her turn to falter. “I care about you so much, and I’ll do whatever you need.”
“I don’t think we should marry,” he said. “It’s not right, for either of us. Rionn will manage, especially now your father has returned to being a Taliath and Casovar is dead.”
“I think you’re right.” She swallowed. Even though it wasn’t what she wanted anymore, there was still a sting to the knowledge that the thing she once so desperately dreamed about was gone forever. “There is a greater threat out there, and I think I’m one of the few people who can help stop it. That’s why I can’t stay here in Rionn. The threat Shakar poses is bigger than all of this.”
He nodded sadly. “I wish you didn’t have to leave.”
“Me too.” She smiled faintly. “One day I’ll be back to stay.”
“I’ll leave you to sleep.” He leaned over to kiss her forehead, lingering for a long sweet moment, and then he rose and left.
As soon as she was alone, it was impossible to rest. She couldn’t rid her mind of the memories of Casovar torturing her, raging through her mind unchecked. She’d hoped killing him would make all the horror go away, but it was still there, lurking in the back of her thoughts. He had broken her, if only for a short time, and she somehow had to live with that.
Eventually she managed a fitful sleep. Not long after, the nightmare claimed her. She was still weak and exhausted, and had no strength to fight Shakar’s power as he dragged her relentlessly down the familiar dark tunnel. He was angry about Casovar’s death, and his anger tore away the veneer of civility he’d maintained in his more recent contact.
But he was smug too. She might have defeated Casovar with the help of her friends, but she’d almost killed herself doing it. Casovar’s power was nothing compared to Shakar’s; she had no hope of destroying him. He was cruel, twisting his hooks deep into her mind, bringing back the remembered terror and pain of Casovar ransacking her thoughts and memories.
“No more pretences, girl,” he hissed. “You’ve chosen the wrong side. My Hunters are coming for you. Best start sleeping with one eye open.”
Alyx awoke gasping, the screams lodged in her throat and unable to escape. Sweat soaked through the nightshirt she slept in and ran in rivulets down her face. Terrified, alone, and still not fully awake, she reached for her magic, seeking Dawn, or someone who could hear her. But there wasn’t enough inside her, only a tiny spark, nowhere near strong enough to reach her friend.
Pulling the blankets back over her, she huddled against the headboard, shivers racking her frame. Time passed, she wasn’t sure how much. The darkness closed around her so completely she was forced to get up and light the candle on the table by the bed so that she could breathe.
The sound of the window sliding open almost made her scream in terror, her body instinctively scrabbling backwards against the headboard, her magic too weak to summon. A tall figure swung through the window, landing lightly enough not to make a noise.
“Alyx?”
“Dashan!” She was out of the bed in an instant, hurling herself across the room and into his arms. They wrapped fiercely around her and she shuddered, gripping his shirt and pulling herself as close to him as she could get.
“What are you doing here?” she mumbled, so much relief flooding through her she could barely stand.
“I came for you.” He gently tugged her back so he could look down at her; he was wearing his determined expression. “I know what he did to you, and then I saw you after the battle. I was frantic, but they wouldn’t let me see you, so I found a way.”
Alyx swallowed. “I’m not okay, Dash. They don’t know... I couldn’t tell them, but what he did... I can’t...” she gasped, unable to get the words out, the panic creeping back.
“Hey.” His hand cradled her cheek, his arm steadying her, calming her. “Shush, it’s all right. It’s going to be all right.”
“I don’t know if it will.” She dropped her head into his chest, fighting back tears.
“Let it out, sweetheart.” He rubbed her back gently. “Let it out. It’s me, I’m here.”
So she did. She cried, long, heart-wrenching sobs, and Dashan soothed her with his voice and his arms and his hands, telling her over and over that he loved her and that it was all going to be all right.
When the sobs finally subsided, he leaned back and used the cuff of his shirt to gently wipe the tears from her face. “Better?”
She nodded. “A little. I thought you were leaving?”
“I am, but I’m taking you with me.”
“I can’t—”
“My intention was only to come here and say goodbye before I left, to make sure you’re okay.” He framed her face with his hands. “But you’re not okay, and I’m not leaving you like this. I’m getting you out of this city tonight and nothing is going to stop me. Will you trust me?”
Already she felt better, the warmth of his hands and presence soaking through the ice that Casovar had left in her. She met his warm brown eyes. “I’m in love with you, Dashan.”
He stilled, the soft smile she loved so much lighting his face up. “You mentioned that.”
“You ask me to trust you, and I do. I trust you with everything I am. But I also have responsibilities that I can’t walk away from, no matter how deeply I love you.”
“I’m not asking you to walk away from anything.” He reached out, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “I know that you can’t come away with me forever. But before you can do anything, you need to heal. I can help you do that.”
She hesitated only a moment longer before giving him a silent nod. He smiled and stepped back, turning away while she dressed and collected her mage staff. She tried her magic again, relief flooding her when she found enough to use telepathic power.
“Dawn?” Alyx winced at the realisation she was waking her friend from deep sleep, but it couldn’t be helped. “I’m so sorry to wake you.”
“Is there something wrong, is someone hurt?”
“No, everything is fine.”
“Are you all right? You sound strange… did you have another nightmare?”
“I’m physically fine.” She paused. “But I’m going away for a little while. A few days.”
“What? Where? Alyx, you’re not making any sense.” Dawn was trying to collect her sleepy thoughts.
“There’s something I need to do, and I’ll be back soon, I promise you. Tell the others for me?”
“Tarrick will be furious. You can’t just disappear. Shakar is out there.”
“I have to,” Alyx whispered. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. Take care of them f
or me, Dawn.”
Alyx cut off her magic before Dawn could protest, and erected her mental shield. Even that small effort caused the beginnings of a headache throbbing at her temples. Guilt warred with resolve inside her. They would never understand this, and they wouldn’t forgive her for it either.
“Ready?” Dashan asked.
“You want me to climb out a window?” She raised an eyebrow.
He sighed. “I thought you were a warrior mage.”
She smiled genuinely for the first time in weeks, lifting her arms to wrap them around his neck before leaning in to kiss him. He pulled away instinctively, concern and adoration flickering in his eyes. “We can’t. The council... ”
She took a breath, finding the resolve inside herself and reaching down to take hold of his hand. “They will want to kill us whether we’re together or not. I’m not their puppet, and I make my own choices.”
“If you choose this... ” He hesitated. “We won’t be able to be together, not fully, I mean.”
“Unless we can find some way to stop me absorbing your abilities?” She met his eyes. “I know. And we’ll have to keep it secret from everyone to prevent putting the others in danger. It will be difficult and frustrating, I’m under no illusions.”
“You’re sure?” His gaze searched hers, looking for any sign of doubt. She gave him none.
“Yes,” she said simply. “And to be clear, I won’t be marrying Cayr.”
Before he could say anything more, she pulled him down to her and kissed him, tugging him as close as she possibly could. He returned the kiss, sending every nerve ending in her body screaming to full awareness. Oh, how she’d missed this, the way he made her feel! His touch and love flooded through her, already soothing away the sharpest edges of the memory of her torture at Casovar’s hands.
Eventually they parted, Dashan’s forehead resting against hers as their fingers entwined. “I love you, Egalion.”
“Good,” she said, stepping back. “Then give me a leg up to that windowsill.”
Chapter 37
Alyx leaned back against the prow of the boat as it bobbed gently on the water, gazing up at the night sky above. The stars were so much brighter out on the open ocean—an immense carpet of sparkling diamonds. Did Shakar ever look at such beauty? And what did it make him feel when he did? The sudden rocking of the boat shifted her attention to Dashan as he heaved himself up out of the water and onto the deck.
“Much better,” he said, shaking water all over the place.
Alyx said nothing, content to simply lie there and watch him. He wore only a pair of shorts, revealing every inch of his muscular upper body and fair Shiven skin tanned by the summer sun. His chocolate hair was slicked against his skull, and water droplets trickled down his skin. Another smile crossed her face. How scandalized everyone back home would be if they knew she was alone on a boat with a half-naked man!
“What are you grinning about?” Dashan finished wiping himself dry and came to sprawl out beside her, one arm lazily reaching out to wrap around her shoulders.
She shifted closer to him. “Oh, nothing important. You planning on telling me where we’re going?”
“While you were away with Tarrick I got a message from Ladan—he sent it to me on the assumption Casovar was watching you and the others closely. The message said he’d found a location for Terin.”
Alyx scrambled up. “Where?”
“All the message said was that it was in south Rionn. I wrote back straight away, told him I’d meet him in Ester in three weeks, but I wanted to let you know before I left, and you were away with Tarrick. Getting arrested ruined that plan.”
“So we’re going to meet Ladan,” Alyx realised, then raised an amused eyebrow. “You told him to meet you in Ester?’
“Well, if this guy really is Terin, he’s more likely to talk to the child of his old friend than a stranger,” Dashan said. “This way it’s even better, the both of you can go.”
“But not you,” she said quietly.
He took her hand, entangling their fingers. “When I first got the message, I figured I would meet Ladan in Ester and take him up on his job offer. I thought it would be best for everyone if I left Alistriem. Now... well, I have to go to ShadowFall Island, don’t I? See if anyone’s still there. See if I can be trained.”
She nodded, accepting that, and they fell into a comfortable silence. Alyx revelled in the feel of him so close, his arm around her shoulders, his warmth at her side.
“Not that I want to bring the mood down, but... ” Dashan hesitated. “You spoke with Cayr?”
“Yes.” She sighed. “He initiated the conversation. He knows me well enough to realise my feelings, as much as it breaks his heart. I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself for that.”
“I know exactly how you feel.” Genuine pain flashed across his face. “After everything he’s done for me, and I repay him like this.”
Alyx turned towards him. “Despite everything, it feels right to be here. I’m so sick of denying how I feel, to myself, to everyone else.”
He kissed her, capturing her lips gently with his own. She returned it happily, one hand splayed on his chest, another ruffling the hair at the base of his neck.
“Can I ask what changed?” he said tentatively. “I never imagined in a thousand years you would ever feel like this about me.”
She sat up, considering how to answer. “I never imagined it either, not for a second, and I’m not sure exactly when that changed. But when Cayr told me in Carhall that he hadn’t sent you with me to DarkSkull, that you’d volunteered to come...” Her voice trailed off. “It was like a lamp had been turned on in a dark room, and I was so confused. Even though I knew how I was beginning to feel, I denied it.”
He reached out for her hand again. “When I heard you were going back to DarkSkull, I couldn’t bear for you to be on your own again. I thought at least having a familiar face with you would help.”
“Why did you care so much?” she asked. “You didn’t even like me back then.”
“It’s true, you were stubborn and proud and so damned caught up in your own little dream world,” he said, a teasing smile tugging at his mouth.
“Thanks.” She scowled.
He sobered. “Do you remember my tenth birthday?”
“Should I?”
“My father beat me that morning. I think I had accidentally spilled wine in his study the night before.”
Of course! Alyx nodded as the memories came back. “I remember. Cayr and I came over to help prepare for your birthday picnic. You were limping and you had a massive bruise on your cheek. You said you fell over, but I knew you were lying.”
“Your father was there too, he’d brought you in his carriage.” Dashan chuckled. “In front of all of us, you demanded that he ‘reprimand Dash’s father at once’ because he’d hurt me.”
“Did I? I don’t remember that.”
“You practically threw a tantrum. You were furious, especially when your father told you to behave and be quiet. That only made you angrier.”
“I remember being angry,” she mused. “I didn’t remember why until now.”
“That was my best birthday ever, until this year.”
She looked at him in surprise. “Why? You were hurt.”
“You were only seven years old, but on that day you made me believe that there was someone in the world that cared about me, really cared, enough to get so angry I was hurt that she even yelled at her adored father.” Dashan’s eyes were dark.
“I didn’t realise… ” she trailed off at the implication of his words.
“How could you?” he said. “But I loved you from that moment. I knew that I never had a chance, but I loved you. Alyx, I’ve loved you since I was ten years old.”
Alyx stared at him, unable to speak for a long moment because her heart was so full.
“I was a fool,” she said. “A stupid fool.”
“A beautiful fool.” He smiled at her, then si
ghed. “This whole Taliath thing is the absolute worst rotten luck.”
She grinned. “I don’t know. I am a wealthy noblewoman. If you weren’t all muscular and handsome and such a skilled fighter, I probably wouldn’t have looked twice at you.”
His laughter rang warmly through the night air. “In that case, I am suddenly very glad that I’m a Taliath.” He paused, sobering. “How sure are you that only us sleeping together could result in you becoming invulnerable?”
She winced. “Pretty sure. It’s a risk, us being in close proximity, but Shakar is the only one that ever managed it, so it’s impossible to know for certain.”
His eyes fixed on hers. “And how certain are you that becoming invulnerable is really that terrible? And don’t even try to tell me it would automatically turn you into an evil monster.”
Her own thoughts on that had become increasingly complicated, and he waited patiently while she tried to find the words to explain. “Nobody starts out as an evil monster, Dash. They become that way because of circumstances and the choices they make.” She hesitated. “I almost attacked Finn with my magic.”
“Alyx,” he murmured. “The key word there being almost. Have some faith in yourself.”
“It’s not just that. The council would kill us in a heartbeat if they found out. They wouldn’t hesitate for a second. And Tarrick and the twins, even Cario, they would try to protect us. Cayr too. I won’t put their lives in danger like that.”
He nodded thoughtfully. “I do understand that. And while the others are my friends, you are my entire world, mage-girl. If hiding our relationship and being apart keeps you safe, then I’ll do both willingly.”
“We’re going to be apart anyway,” she said sadly. “I have to go back to the council, and you need to learn to be a Taliath.”
Dashan slid down until he was lying flat out on the deck, pulling her down beside him. She curled up around his body, sighing in contentment as his warm arms came around her.
“It won’t be forever,” he murmured, kissing her on the forehead. “It’s been a long day. Sleep, Alyx.”