by Gina Henning
“Where are we headed?” I glance at him.
“Your surprise.” Jack casts his eyes on me and his sea blues are shining and suddenly I’m warm all over.
“Want to give me a hint?” I bat my lashes at him.
“Sure. The surprise is bigger than a breadbox.”
I laugh. “Whoa…don’t give too much away. That will ruin it for me.” I toss my hair over my shoulders.
“We’re almost there. Would you mind putting on a blindfold?” He pulls out a silk handkerchief from his pocket.
I scrunch my eyebrows together. “Jack, you’re not going fifty shades on me are you?”
He laughs. “No, my tastes are singular…as in you…but that’s the end of my similarity to Grey.”
I roll my eyes. “Good to know, but what’s with the blindfold?” I hold up the silk wrap.
“Please put it on. I think it will be more fun for the reveal.”
I flutter my eyelashes. “All right.” The blood in my veins is rushing all over the place like I need to run or get out of my seat. I’m on edge. What is Jack going to reveal to me? Will we be alone? Is this some sort of surprise party? I’m not sure for what. Maybe a pre-wedding party or something?
The car stops and even as I open my eyes all I see is the dark thread woven tightly together and nothing else. I want to take it off.
“We’re here. Wait just a moment.”
I nod. This is getting weirder. The car door opens on my side and Jack takes my hands and lifts me out of the car. My heels touch down on what I assume to be concrete as it’s hard, not dirt for sure.
“Lauren, I hope you love this place as much as I do. I searched for a very long time for you and now we have a place that together we can call home.”
His hands are behind my head, taking off the blindfold. As the silk leaves my face I take a step back. We’re standing in front of a huge house. But why? I heard what Jack said but it doesn’t add up.
“I don’t—”
“You don’t like it?”
“No, it’s a gorgeous house, but I don’t understand.”
“It’s our house, Lauren. I just closed on it yesterday.”
I take in a deep breath. “You bought a house?”
“Yes, come on, let’s check it out.”
“Wait, you bought a house?”
“Yes, Lauren, I bought a house. For us. We couldn’t stay in your townhouse; it’s too small. This house has several acres. I want to show you. All of it.”
My shoulders slump. I want to be as excited as Jack is about this house. But there is a voice inside my head that is hurt and bothered. Why would Jack buy a house for us to live in without consulting me? Doesn’t he think my vote counts? What if I didn’t like this house? I don’t even know where we are and how far it is from work. This is too much to consider. I can’t believe he could keep something so huge from me. Again. Again. Why? Why does he do this? Why can’t he see that I would have wanted to be a part of this?
I shake my head and let out my breath. “Jack, I can’t believe you would make such a large purchase like this without talking to me about it.”
“What?” He jerks his head back. “Are you worried about the money? The house is paid for. I sold my place in Dallas.”
“No, it’s not the money; it’s that you chose a place for us to live without talking to me about it.”
“I wanted to surprise you.”
“Well you definitely did that.” I shake my head and turn back to the car. I need to brace myself. I hold on to the trunk. All these feelings of insecurity are swirling around in my mind. Am I wrong to be upset? Is this a nice surprise or not? I always imagined that we would buy our first house together. This is not part of any plan or idea I ever had and now it’s done. It’s not like a shirt and he can just go and return it. And yet by the same token it is an amazing piece of property and I don’t want to tarnish it or our first memories of it with my not being okay with Jack purchasing this house on his own. I do care about contributing to the cost but it’s mainly the choosing. It’s like I’m losing my voice. I love that Jack is so confident and direct, but I don’t want to get lost in the shuffle of his decisions. He can’t override me. I can’t do this. I can’t be in a relationship without a say.
Jack’s hands are on my shoulders. “Lauren, I thought you would be happy. I never thought you would be bothered that I surprised you.”
I suck the insides of my cheeks together. “Jack, I do love your surprises but this one is more than a surprise, it’s a house. A place where we are supposed to live together and I think I should have been a part of that decision.”
Jack bites his knuckle and stares up at the sky. “Wow. I thought you would be excited.”
“I am excited about it. But—”
“Oh, not a but—don’t say whatever follows.” Jack runs a hand through his hair.
“Jack, I—”
“No, listen. I’m sorry, I never intended to upset you by buying a house.” He lets out a laugh.
It does sound ridiculous when the words are uttered from his mouth. His beautiful lips that belong to his gorgeous face that is linked to his amazingly big heart.
I rush up to him and wrap my arms around his large frame. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. It’s the best I can do. Jack leans down and kisses my head. His blue eyes are twinkling at me. He’s obviously going to let my ungratefulness go.
“Look, why don’t we check it out? I picked this house with you in mind, only you, but if you don’t like it then I’ll sell it and we’ll find another house—together.” Jack pulls me into him and his woodsy scent of apples and sandalwood waves over my nose and I’m falling back into a place where I don’t even care if I don’t like the house. I suppose it doesn’t matter where I live as long as I’m with Jack. All my sense of reasoning is being wiped away as his lips meet mine and his tongue searches for a response from me. He is reaching out and asking me a question, one that requires a response. Not words nor thoughts but something with my body. Our dance is slower with intention and purpose. Like he is reminding me of how our relationship is built on more than bricks and mortar. It’s stacked with layers of love.
The house really is gorgeous. It’s a two-story colonial style with black shutters and white solid columns. It’s set away from the road by at least a football field length and from the nearest house that I can see. Which would make for quite a hike to ask for a cup of sugar. Jack laces our fingers together and we walk up the circular path. It almost seems unnatural to check out this house before we are married. Then again, it’s not like we are deciding on buying it since Jack has already bought it.
A twinge of unsettledness pulls at my insides. I’m sure lots of women would be excited about a man buying a house for them as a surprise. And I do love surprises. But this purchase and decision is one we should have made together. I swallow as we stand in front of the door. This door could lead into a house full of great memories to be made. Or crossing this threshold could be one more step of me relinquishing my say in our relationship.
I glance up at Jack. He is unlocking the door and the black realtor box as well. Staring up at him warms my chilling thoughts that I might be letting go of me. Am I doing the right thing here? I want to let go of these feelings of uncertainty but I can’t help it. I’m annoyed that I wasn’t consulted. Does he not think my opinion matters? I slump my shoulders. Back on the boat on the Fourth of July we had agreed that we were partners and that we would make decisions together as equals.
“Are you all right, Lauren? Do you not like the exterior?” His eyes are wide and full of concern. But where was this concern when he was signing his name on the line about where we would live?
“No, it’s not that. The house is gorgeous. It really is.” I nod as if I’m agreeing with myself. I bite my inner cheek. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to make anything about this experience negative. If this is where we live I don’t want our first steps into this house to be imbued with negative energy.
Jack cocks his head to the right. “What is it then?” He tips my chin up so that our eyes meet. His blue eyes study my face as if he can pull the answer from my skin. Like his eyes are searching my brain and picking through my thoughts. I blink as if I can shut him out of my mind.
“Nothing, it’s just all overwhelming.” I stand on my tippy toes and kiss his him. He wraps his arms around me and swings me into a bridal hold. His lips remain on mine as his tongue searches my mouth like it’s on a path for the right dance partner. I am the right dance partner. Jack and I are meant to be. I meet each swirl of his tongue with my own. He pushes open the door and I break our kiss so that I can take in the sight. My breath has vanished.
This is the most beautiful entryway I’ve ever seen. It’s an older home that has been redone in a modern style and the floors are a nice dark wood. It’s like I’d lived in a tower locked away from everything and I am seeing life for the first time. Which couldn’t be farther from the truth. I have a great townhouse and my parents’ house is a nice Craftsman. But this…this doesn’t even begin to compare.
Jack swings me around the room. “You love it, don’t you?” His face is beaming.
I laugh. “It’s beautiful.” I take in a deep breath.
“Oh, Lauren, I’d knew you love it.” He laughs. “And you haven’t even really seen it yet. But I can tell you will fall in love with each room and we will make sure to christen all of them for good luck.” Jack wiggles his eyebrows at me.
“Oh really? I wasn’t aware of this tradition.”
“Yeah it’s an old Irish tradition to make a home truly a home and filled with lots of blessings.” He raises his eyebrows at the operative word. “You have to christen each room with love.” Jack takes my hand and kisses each knuckle. “And I intend to do just that.”
Warm tingles spread up my arms. “I’m keen on that idea.” I laugh.
Jack reaches around me and kisses my neck. He leads me into the kitchen. It’s enormous and overflowing with countertops and space. I pull back and take it all in. This is like a chef’s dream come true and I’m not even a chef. I’m barely a baker even with the award… I hardly ever bake. And my award isn’t anything to be excited about. Jack on the other hand has more than a one up on me in the culinary department.
“Wow, Jack, this is incredible. What types of meals are you going to make for me in here?” I raise my eyebrows at him.
“Meals that are going to make your mouth water.” Jack taps on the island. “This is imported from Japan. It’s made out of walnut wood.”
“Not pecans?” I laugh. “When did you order it?” I run my fingers along the wood.
Jack smiles. “A few weeks ago.”
“When did you buy this house?” I squint my eyes, trying to read Jack’s mind, but I can’t. Because if I could then I would have had some indication about this house purchase, and this woodcutting block purchase. But I didn’t know about any of this.
“I closed yesterday, but I set the ball rolling a few weeks ago.”
“When you were here to see me?”
“Yes, I flew in early and Brianna arranged for the meeting so that I could get everything signed before I picked you up from work.” He leans in to kiss me and I pull back. His eyes lighten and he retracts his body from mine.
“Hold on a second. Brianna handled your closing?” I blink my eyes several times as if I can adjust the vision in front of me of Jack, my Jack who has gone behind my back with my best friend and I had no idea of any of it.
“Yes, I asked her to help me find a house and we really thought this was the best one of all the houses we checked out.”
“Stop.” My chest is tight and I can’t breathe. I shake my head and take a step back. I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Jack and Brianna were house hunting together? What kind of messed-up situation is that? I should have been with Jack not Brianna. And she didn’t even once tell me. Anything. Not even a hint. Not a word. Not an eye raise or discussion. My stomach is churning and squeezing and rolling over. I’m dizzy. I have to get out of this house. I can’t be here. I’ve got to leave. I head towards the front door. Jack rushes after me.
“Lauren, what’s going on?” He stands in front of me, blocking my way. I can’t face him right now. I need to be alone. I need to think about this situation and everything that it encompasses. I edge to the right and he meets me.
“Lauren, talk to me, what are you thinking?” His piercing blue eyes are staring down at me and I’m too lost to fall into his ocean of blue. I’m hurt and confused. I don’t understand why he would take the fun memory-making moment of buying a house together and give that to Brianna. I can’t imagine making my own memories now in this house knowing that she helped my soon-to-be-husband pick it out. I shake my head and push past Jack. I’ve got to get outside. I need to breathe. I’m closed in and drowning in the nausea of whether or not I’m making the right decision by being with Jack. Does it make sense for me to partner with someone who would partner with my best friend in selecting our house?
I rush outside and down the path away from the car. I don’t want to be on the road. I can’t be on a defined path when I’m lost on my own. I need to run free in an unpaved field and get out of this moment. I need fresh air and space to think. Away from this house already filled with memories by someone else. Jack walked through this house with my best friend instead of me. My heart is squeezing tight. I let out a small cry of pain. It hurts. I’m so lost. I run past the back of the house, past the backyard and into a forest.
The trees are green and lush and I keep going. I run and run and run. As far as my feet will take me. I’ve got to get away. I’m sadder than I’ve ever been and I’m afraid. What will come of this situation? And of us? Can I look past this moment and move on? The answer is I don’t know. I’ve never had to deal with anything like this before. The one person who I would call to consult about it is part of the problem.
I can’t believe Brianna would keep this from me. Does she value her job over our friendship? Was getting Jack’s business more important than telling me what was going on? I’m crushed. I stop running and crash onto the ground. I kneel down and let the tears fall. I don’t care about the black mascara that is staining my cheeks. I’m in pain. My heart is breaking. Two of my favorite people have been dealing with things behind my back. In secret. And neither gave any indication of what was going on. Nothing.
I can hear Jack calling my name. I can’t face him right now. I get up and I charge off farther into the forest. I’m running farther and farther away from the house and Jack. I’m not sure if I should stop and turn around or keep going. At what point do you quit? At what point do you have to give up? And at what point do you realize that maybe you’re wrong? Something catches my leg and I stumble and fall. I try and stop myself but my foot is caught in some sort of a divot. I hit the ground hard. My hands are covered in dirt and blood. I’m in pain. Physically and emotionally. Have I ever been this low? To be lying on the ground covered in dirt and heartbroken. I want to hide under the leaves and branches and hope that Jack won’t find me. Humiliation is only the beginning of my torture.
The sound of Jack’s voice is nearer. The leaves are crunching underneath his feet. His voice is full of concern. He sounds worried. About me. But why? He had no concern when he went behind my back. I swallow and curl up into a ball. Maybe if I’m in a ball he won’t notice me.
“Lauren, what happened?” He kneels down next to me. His hands reach mine. They are warm and my pain is intensified. I want to be with him. I do. But I’m confused and hurt and I don’t know what to say in response to what happened. Do I tell him how I feel and how hurt I am? I’m a mess. Tears stream down my face and Jack pulls me into his arms. His mouth is against my head, his breath is warm, everything about him is warm…except the house. Why did he choose to buy a house with my best friend? I just can’t even wrap my head around it.
“Lauren, please talk to me. Whatever it is we can figure it out.” Ja
ck’s fingers run through my hair and I’m comforted and falling and the feelings of hopelessness and fear are being pulled away from my mind, and yet I’m not ready to let them go. I can’t. Can we figure this out? I really don’t know. I don’t recall ever watching a show where the guy buys a house for his fiancée prior to marrying her and does it in secret and utilizes the help of her best friend the realtor agent. I shake my head.
“I don’t know, Jack.” I bite my lip. “I just…I don’t understand why you kept all of this a secret from me?”
“I wanted to surprise you.” Jack tips my chin up towards him so that our eyes meet. “I thought you liked surprises?”
My eyes strain to focus on his face. “A house is not a little surprise. That is a huge decision and a major purchase, a life-changing event. Yes, I like little fun surprises, but this is so different.” I swallow. “And honestly, it makes me uncomfortable to know that you were house hunting with Brianna.” I sigh. “And not me.” I shake my head. “It should have been me.”
Jack’s body is retracting from mine and it’s almost as if the physical distance between our two bodies is being multiplied by light years. I don’t want to upset him but he has really upset me and I can’t just move forward without letting him know how I feel. I can’t sit silent and ignore how this situation is making me feel. I can’t. I won’t.
“I’m sorry, Lauren, I am a complete jackass.” We both laugh. “Seriously, though, I didn’t even once consider the fact that you would be bothered by not being a part of the house hunting or that I involved Brianna.” He grabs my hand and rubs his thumb over my palm. “I honestly thought you would be excited about the purchase and that I asked Brianna to help make it happen.” He kisses my fingers and I’m melting.
Am I wrong to be bothered? Is it not a big deal? Should I just be okay with it? Am I being foolish and immature? I wish I could talk to Br—no…I wish I could talk to Megan right now. But I can’t “phone a friend” during an intense moment with my soon-to-be-husband. My partner. No, I need to pony up and get us together in this whole process.