“Baby, I am excited,” Michael said. “You have no idea how badly I want to be with you. Always.”
I took a deep breath, trying to hold back the tears. It wasn’t possible to make him understand without making it sound like I was jealous of a basketball team, which I wasn’t.
“No, I do. I know you want to be with me. I know you love me. We’ve established that I’m funny and really fucking cute, and I’m actually a pretty dope graphic designer. The logo for the AskCupid app really needs updating by the way.”
“Come here. Come sit down with me.” He moved toward the kitchen stools but I shook my head.
“No. I can’t.”
He put up his hands in surrender. He knew. It was hard for me to talk about anything coherently when he was touching me. I knew then I had to say it, at least part of the truth, no matter how it sounded. I had to tell him how I really felt.
“God, you’re just so businessy all the time. Like all the time. And it’s great and it works. It works. But…Michael. That was the most unromantic proposal on the face of the Earth. And the timing, baby, it was so shit. The idea that you and I are getting married is so huge and I feel like we can’t even think about it. When I try to put it out of my mind, so I can focus on you and the team, someone asks me if they can see my ring or if we’ve picked a date. I’m in this weird cycle of blessed and fortunate overload, but it feels more like a cycle of suck.”
I think it sunk in then 'cause his expression completely dropped. Everything bubbling up inside of me, I kept to myself. The rest of what I was feeling was perilously close to insensitive and even though I wanted to kick him in the kneecap, I didn’t want to say things I couldn’t take back.
Michael let out a deep breath and scrubbed his hands over his face. “I’m sorry. You are absolutely right.”
We both stood there for a moment, not saying anything. I didn’t want to be upset with him. I didn’t want to be upset period, but something felt unfinished. It occurred to me that we were finally in the middle of it, our first real fight. Like our first fight. I knew it would hurt and I knew it would suck, but I didn’t know it would hurt and suck so bad. I think I took for granted just how well we got along. I couldn’t wrap my mind around actually loving Michael and being this annoyed with him or being this annoyed with anything Michael-adjacent. It felt weird. And then I just felt terrible.
“You caught me off guard in the best and the most awful way possible and since then we’ve barely even been alone. Daniella was asking me about engagement party stuff and I don’t even know if I want one. I don’t even know if you want one. I just wanted to talk to you about us—not like this, but about us and our future and it seems like you don’t have time to do that right now. And that’s fine. I’m glad you bought the team. I just wish you had actually carved out time for us. I want three kids by the way, just in case you’re wondering. All girls, so tell your sperm to cooperate.”
I let out another deep sigh and wiped away the tears that I’d been ignoring. Michael didn’t say anything. He was still processing. Or he was thinking about a delicate way to ask for his ring back.
“Can I be this upset and still want to marry you?”
That fucking smile, just a hint of it touched his lips. “Yes. I’m pretty sure that’s allowed.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I didn’t know how.”
“I understand and I am sorry. I love you very much and I never wanted to make you feel this way.”
“I’m going to get a glass of water and then I think I’m going to go to bed. I’m tired.”
“Okay.”
“I’m gonna hug you first though. If that’s okay.”
“I said come here like five minutes ago.”
“Yeah, yeah.” I walked into Michael’s arms and let him hold me for a long time, which was a horrible idea because the emotions started swirling again and then I started fucking crying again. I still needed a little time to decompress. I let Michael kiss the top of my head and my cheeks a few times. I let him sneak one in on the lips.
“Ewww. Gross. No. Get off me,” I said deadpan before I kissed him again and a few more times. “I think I'm gonna take a hot shower. Rehydrate all the ducts in my head.”
I took a few steps toward the bedroom before I looked back at him. “You coming?”
“I'll be there in sec.”
A sec was a little longer than I expected, but after I got out of the shower I realized how badly I needed a few moments to myself, to just breathe and process what had just happened. I think Michael needed it too. I was bone tired by the time I climbed between our sheets, but I couldn't fall asleep until Michael climbed in the bed with me. He came to upstairs eventually, brought the puppies with him, one under each arm. Then we turned on Jurassic Park. I let him hold me while we watched it together, but soon, I fell asleep.
In the middle of the night all my hydrating hit me. I woke up to run to the restroom, but stopped when I realized Michael was sitting on the edge of the bed. Penny was dead asleep but he was gently petting her side.
“Babe?” I whispered.
“Yes, baby.”
“You okay?”
When he didn't answer I crawled across the sheets and sat beside him on the bed.
“What's up?”
He shook his head. “Just having some revelations.”
“About?”
“You and me.” He leaned over and laid a long lingering kiss on my forehead. “I never thought I'd meet you.”
“Yeah same, but I’m glad we did. Even if it took me being ridiculously broke.”
He went on, but kept his eyes trained on the floor. “I'm sorry I didn't make this special for you. When I was a kid, when something scared me my dad would tell me to break it down into pieces. He'd tell me to take care of the pieces I could handle on my own and then if I had pieces left over I should ask for help. I got so good at taking care of the big pieces on my own, after so many years, I've grown accustomed to not asking for help, even when I'm terrified.”
“Does marriage scare you that bad?” I swallowed nervously. Maybe my little freak out had been more than he wanted to deal with for the next fifty years.
“No, but losing you does. When Sands called about buying the team all I could think about was you and I had this crystal clear moment: marry Kayla, have kids with her, fuck up Holger’s whole job description. And then immediately all I could think of was you saying no.”
“Babe.”
“And then when I convinced myself that that wasn't likely considering all the poetry you've written about my genitals, all I could think about was screwing this up. I had this... vision of me becoming this man that I'm not. Unfaithful, inattentive, and then I reminded myself that would never happen considering all the poetry I've secretly written about your amazing tits and that butt that just won't quit. They’re saved on my phone, but I haven't gotten up the nerve to send them to you yet. They're not as good as yours.”
“You'll have to show me someday. I'm sure they’re great.”
“They'll take the place of my vows. But yeah, I thought about just not being enough.” He turned to me and I could barely breathe. His voice was steady, but there were tears in his eyes threatening to spill over. “I look at you and you—you are pure sunshine, Kayla Renee Davis. I think about how happy you make me and I'm terrified that I'm not enough. I was so scared you'd leave me before we never really got started. So. I took that fear and broke it apart into pieces. Talked to your parents first so they wouldn't hate me even more. And then I bought a ring and then the prenup and then we went to Half Moon Bay so I could catch my breath. The alternative was frisbee throwing the prenup at you and hiding behind Holger while you looked it over.”
“You wouldn't do that.” I laughed quietly.
“I strongly considered it. My love for you isn't something to be scared of, though. I'm just an old man who didn't think to fight against his old habits.”
“You know, I love you just as muc
h. It scares me too. I went from not even really thinking about dating to stumbling upon this amazing man who luckily turned out to be absolutely perfect for me. You're my butter pecan apple pie a la mode. You're so sweet. I love you so much. And my parents don't hate you.”
“Your father doesn't, but your mom is firmly on the fence.”
“You'll wear her down. I'm sure of it.”
I leaned up and kissed him, then wiped away his tears. And then he wiped away mine. We were a mess, the two of us.
“You know what I realized? I actually hate surprises. Even surprises I kinda know about. How about we don't surprise each other anymore? Let's be one of those couples that everyone hates. One of those couples that are so transparent with each other it's kinda creepy. Like we tell each other stuff, like when we’re scared or when we’re unsure. I'll tell you ninety weeks in advance about my plan to eventually get a cat and you can mention that maybe you want to spend our first anniversary somewhere with snow.”
“Do you want that?”
“Sweet god, yes. Why is it so fucking hot down here?”
“Can't be helped, I'm afraid.”
“We’re a team, yeah? I have the ill-fitting jerseys to prove it.”
“We are. I can't promise I'll never surprise you again. I wouldn't feel right going a lifetime without catching my lady a little off guard every now and then. But no more taking things apart without you.”
“I love the sound of that. Now. I need to know. Do you need help getting back to sleep?”
“Do you have something particular in mind?”
“Fucking. We should fuck until we’re sleepy again. But first. I have to pee.” I jumped up and ran to the bathroom, the deep sound of Michael’s quiet laughter finally making me feel whole again.
I moved a little closer to Michael on the stone bench. “Comfortable?” he asked.
“Actually my ass is killing me, thank you very much.”
“You were the one begging for it last night. If I remember clearly you said something along the lines of fuck me harder. And then you added a please.”
“Yeah, whatever.”
Michael laughed, then pulled me a little closer. “Smile,” he whispered.
He’d been completely right. By the following Monday morning the media had completely forgotten about us. Nothing exciting had happened, but the twenty-four hour click bait cycle made us old news after forty-eight hours. The fact that neither Michael nor I responded to the crappy comments about our interracial relationship only hastened the process. People were dicks, but we weren’t going to waste our time schooling racists on the Internet when we had our own lives to enjoy.
We talked and talked some more, and spent as much time together as possible. We both still had work upon work to do, but we were able to figure out some important things. No engagement party, but that didn’t stop us from getting a ton of gifts from celebs and athletes and random tech CEOs. We were going to do a small wedding, just friends and family, and we were going to do it in Michigan. Doing it there, close to his family, just felt right. And we talked about kids. Three, we both agreed. We’d get started as soon as we got K&D off the ground for real and hired a few more employees to help Daniella out with operations and me with design.
After I finished the whole line for Queer Qards, I suggested a trip to visit Michael’s parents. We could scout wedding locations while we were there, and during our flight up North, I admitted to Michael there was one thing I wanted: engagement photos. His parents’ backyard on the lake provided the perfect setting.
“Kayla if you can, just move your hand a little to the right. Penny?” Our photographer, Shannon asked.
“That’s Patch.”
“Yes, sorry, the adorable Patch’s head is blocking your ring.” I slid my hand a little further up Michael’s forearm.
“Is that better?”
“Perfect.” It had been over a month since we picked them up at the shelter and they were still hyper as puppies can be, but both Penny and Patch had mastered simple commands. They were behaving so well for our little family photo shoot.
We went for another hour, moving around the yard and the edge of the lake, before Michael and I were satisfied with the variety of shots she’d taken. We saw Shannon off and then headed back inside to join Michael’s family for dinner. I squirmed as Michael’s hand moved over my ass.
“Behave yourself,” I grumbled as we slipped through the back door.
“With you?” He leaned down and nipped my neck. “Never.”
THE END
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About the Author
Rebekah Weatherspoon is a multi award-winning author from Southern New Hampshire who now lives in Southern California with her favorite human and their two fur companions.
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Copyright © 2016 Rebekah Weatherspoon
All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce, distribute, or transmit in any form or by any means. For information regarding subsidiary rights, please contact the author.
First Edition: May 2016
Credits
Editor: Tara Scott
Cover Design by Awesomesauce Designs
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events are purely coincidental.
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