Dare to Hope

by Caitlin Ricci

  That would work for Chris. Thanks.

  Twenty minutes later, with the pop music blasting so loudly it seemed to shake the building around him, Chris paid the cover and stepped into Renegade, a club the online reviews called the hottest gay club in Thames. It certainly had some of the hottest guys in it. He’d give it that, he decided as he made his way over to the bar so that he could better see everyone. He hadn’t come to hook up, certainly not, but the music and dancing would be good distractions for him if he decided to take advantage of them.

  He found an empty seat next to a guy that gave him a heated once-over, but when Chris didn’t respond, he went back to talking to the guy beside him.

  “What’ll you have?” the bartender asked him, coming over and putting a napkin down in front of him.

  Eight months of not drinking had felt good, but being rejected by Samuel again had left him with a distinct need to figure out a way to deal. And throwing out all the work he’d tried to do seemed like a good plan. That was until he actually went to order the shots he was thinking of starting the night with.

  “Soda.”

  The bartender was cute, especially when he lifted his eyebrows like he was surprised at the order.

  “To start with,” Chris clarified. Maybe he’d drink. Maybe he’d just order something and look at it for a while. Maybe he’d get completely wasted and end up in the bathroom with some guy he wouldn’t even remember the next morning and only really know he hadn’t imagined it by the awful taste in his mouth. He didn’t want to go there in his mind, especially not with the happy music around him and everyone smiling like it was the best night of their lives. But he wasn’t exactly feeling like being good anymore either. Not when being good hadn’t gotten him Samuel.

  “Where you from? Not anywhere around here, that’s for sure,” the bartender said, putting the soda down in front of him.

  Chris smiled and downed half of it in one drink before he came up for air. “No. I’m from New York. America.”

  “I know where New York is, mate,” the bartender said, smiling. “I’m Jeff.”

  “Chris.” Chris offered him his hand, and Jeff shook it. “Busy night?” There were people everywhere around him, most of them dancing, all of them drinking.

  “Usually is. Visiting or planning on moving here?”

  He must not have been that busy, Chris decided, if Jeff was available to make small talk with him. Whatever, he didn’t mind the conversation or the attention. He wouldn’t be taking Jeff home, but it was nice to have someone good-looking actually notice him instead of treating him as a nuisance, like he thought Samuel was doing.

  “Vacationing. Thought I’d spend some time with a friend, but that didn’t work out. Still have a few days left, so I’m exploring the area a bit. Getting into trouble.”

  Jeff laughed and handed him another soda. “I remember when I thought like that. I came down for two weeks, then realized I didn’t want to live anywhere else.”

  “Oh yeah? Where are you from, then? Originally?” It was a nice sentiment to fall in love with a country and just decide to stay, but Chris was damn sure that wouldn’t be happening to him.

  “Portugal. Brought my brother, Aaron, down here with me as well.” Jeff nodded to a man that couldn’t have been much over twenty-one who was bouncing around in the middle of the dance floor, completely oblivious to the attention he was getting from the guys around him, or just not caring.

  “He’s cute,” Chris said absently. The family resemblance was obvious, even past the darker skin and slick black hair. They had the same eyes and the same curved lips. Either of them could have passed for Latin movie stars, but Aaron was far more in that category, with perfect looks that hadn’t yet been chipped away at by life.

  Jeff shook his head. “He’s twenty-two. Likes to dance, but the guys here…. They’re good people, for the most part, but they’re not careful, not like he needs someone to be with him.”

  Chris looked back over his shoulder at Aaron and noticed a few guys getting a bit close. None of them had touched him yet, but Chris knew the look they were giving him. Plenty of guys had given him that look too, especially when he was that age. It was the kind of look that said, in no uncertain terms, that they’d have him up against a wall within the hour, whether he liked it or not.

  “Shit,” Jeff swore behind him. “I’ll send my bouncer over there, let him handle it.”

  “No need. I’ve got this,” Chris said.

  “What are you going to do?” Jeff asked when he was already heading toward Aaron and the three guys beginning to circle around him like sharks.

  Chris threw a smile over his shoulder. “Watch.”

  Getting up to them was easy, and surprisingly, so was coming between them. He touched Aaron first, bringing his body flush against his and dragging his fingers through Aaron’s long black hair. He pressed Aaron’s face against his neck as he ground them together, the movement sexual even though his intentions weren’t. He met the gazes of the three men who had planned to be with Aaron and grinned at them, letting them know that Aaron was his and they weren’t welcome to play with him.

  “Who are you?” Aaron asked him as they started moving away.

  “Chris.” He knew how to dance, how to make men want him with little more than a smile and a shake of his hips. That knowledge had come after years of being around men much older than he’d been when he was even younger than Aaron. While Aaron’s dancing was sensual, he wasn’t where Chris had been at twenty-two, and that told him quite a bit and made him smile. He danced like he knew what he wanted, like he wanted to play with whoever would let him, but like he hadn’t been down that road yet. He was hesitant as he touched Chris’s stomach and sides, as if he knew what he should be doing but didn’t have the confidence to actually go through with it.

  “Let me buy you a drink,” Chris said huskily in his ear. “You look like you’re burning up.” The old line had worked on him dozens if not hundreds of times, and it didn’t fail to have Aaron following him off the dance floor and right back to his brother.

  “Fuck if you aren’t sex incarnate,” Jeff said, shaking his head at Chris.

  “Got him out of there, didn’t I?” Chris shot back with a smile.

  Aaron looked confused as his gaze went between the two of them. “What did I miss?”

  Chris took a big drink of his soda before ordering one for Aaron as well. “You need to be more careful when you’re dancing. Those guys would have eaten you alive and picked their teeth with your leftovers.”

  But Aaron only rolled his eyes at the warning. “I could have handled them.”

  Snorting, Chris shook his head. “Bravo for the macho attitude, but take it from someone who has been there—three guys like that, at your age, and you would have been hurting for at least a week.” He finished off his soda and looked to Jeff for another, but like any great bartender, he already had one waiting for him.

  “What do you know of it?” Aaron said defensively.

  His attitude and the fearlessness Chris saw in him made him instantly miss Bran. Talking to him and seeing him out there had been like watching Bran all over again. Only he hadn’t screwed up this kid. He leaned in close so that Aaron would have to listen to every word he said. “I know you’re inexperienced, maybe even a virgin. I know that at your age I thought that sex and love were practically the same thing, and that if I wanted something enough, sex would get it for me. And I know that whatever you want from a guy, you’re not going to get it here, with these guys around you looking like you’re one cute buffet all served up for them and just waiting to be stripped down. You’re cute. Work with that, but don’t ever be cute and stupid.”

  “You don’t know that a good guy isn’t in this crowd. Maybe my Mr. Right is.”

  Chris thought he was far too young to be thinking about Mr. Right, but at thirty-five he’d never had a relationship that lasted longer than six months, so really what the hell did he know about dating and relationships? The
only thing he was absolutely great at when it came to other people was sex, but at least he knew that much. “He could be. But chances are, if he’s trying to buy you drinks and wanting to get you alone the first time he’s met you, then he’s most likely not the guy for you. Unless you want that. But, tip from someone that has been there, the guys that want to fuck you in the bathroom aren’t really the kind of guys that call the next day. Or if they do, it’s so they can take you out and fuck you in another bathroom.”

  He shook his head, remembering plenty of exes that fit that bill. “My point is that hooking up, if that’s what you want to do, is fine. But you say you’re looking for Mr. Right, and he doesn’t come from quick sex. At least not in my experience. And I’ve been with more guys than are in this club. And then some. Decide that you’re worth it and make the guy wait for you. Go out on a real date that doesn’t involve clothes coming off unless you’re going swimming. Have fun and decide if you actually like this guy before you end up wasting yourself with him or anyone else. Sex is by far the most fun thing I can imagine doing. But it’s also really empty when everything is said and done.”

  Aaron gave him a shrewd look, then lowered his lashes as if he was considering something. “What about you?”

  “What about me?” Chris repeated him.

  “Want to go out sometime?”

  Being hit on by someone barely old enough to drink was refreshing, and he wanted to laugh, but he held it back once he saw how serious Aaron actually was. “Thanks, I’m flattered, actually. But I’m far too tainted for someone like you. I will dance with you, though, if you want to. I like dancing.”

  Thankfully Aaron didn’t look all that upset by his refusal. “Yeah? Sure. We can dance.”

  Aaron got off his stool, and Chris moved to follow him onto the dance floor, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him, and he turned to look at Jeff.

  “Thanks for that. I’ve been trying to tell him that for months, but I think you were actually able to get to him.”

  Chris gave him a nod. “He reminds me of my best friend when he was Aaron’s age. Maybe if he’d had someone with half a brain talking to him, instead of me, neither one of us would be as fucked up as we are right now. Hopefully he won’t waste himself on horrible guys before the right one comes along and decides that he’s too much trouble to be with.”

  “That what happened to you?” Jeff asked, pulling his hand back and looking sad.

  Chris nodded and forced a smile. “Yeah. We’re going to try to be friends, though, so it’s all good.” The lie was easy, but the truth of it hurt. Jeff gave him a nod, and Chris went back to the floor and danced with Aaron. This time there was nothing sexual between them as they danced together, their movements sensual but friendly. They bounced around and laughed when they ran into each other and some people around them.

  Dancing again and meeting new people, having fun was just what he’d needed, Chris thought as he smiled on his way back to the bar and Jeff for another cool drink. His shirt stuck to his back from the heat and exercise, but he felt more alive than ever. Stopping at the bar, he watched Jeff, who obviously watched someone else. Chris leaned forward to see what the other man was staring at and lost any and all rational thought in his brain.

  There in the dark corner against the wall at the end of the timber bar top sat Samuel as Chris had never seen him. His eyes were obscured in the low light in the club, but Chris’s body went cold then hot when he ran his eyes over Samuel. He’d never seen him in jeans, and he counted his lucky stars he hadn’t, because he would’ve climbed Samuel like a cat in heat. On his upper half, a skintight black muscle shirt showed every ripped bump, dip, and detail. The cuffs appeared stretched to their breaking limit around Samuel’s massive biceps, and his tattoos beckoned Chris closer like a drug. And Samuel looked straight at Chris.

  “He’s something else, isn’t he?” Jeff commented from the other side of the bar.

  “Fuck, yeah.” Chris couldn’t take his eyes off him.

  “He appears to like you too,” Jeff added dryly.

  Chris snorted without breaking his stare off with Samuel. “Believe me, he doesn’t want me. Not really.”

  “Oh, the ‘just friends’ guy?” Jeff managed to piece it all together.

  “Sad, isn’t it? I’m just too messed up to make it worth his time.” He tried to pass it off as lightly as he could. Only it didn’t feel like nothing to Chris. It felt like he’d made a thousand little mistakes that had all led up to one very big one. And that one was why Samuel didn’t want him, but he couldn’t do anything to change any of it now. Part of him didn’t even know if he would have gone back and done his life differently if he’d had the choice. Up until Montana, everything had been perfect. Fucking hot Kiwis had completely changed his priorities up on him.

  “Well, what do I know, but that’s not the look of a guy who doesn’t want you. I’d say he’s pretty much eating you with his eyes right now.” Jeff slid another soda across to Chris, who picked it up and downed half of it in one go. Dancing always made him so thirsty.

  Samuel dropped his one propped-up foot from where it rested against the barstool to the floor and stood up. Chris’s body, already primed with adrenaline from his fun on the dance floor, went into overdrive. His cock was hard as steel in his jeans, and his tight nipples almost hurt as they rubbed against the fabric of his button-down shirt.

  Chris had never seen Samuel like this—almost predatory and so fucking huge. Samuel’s quiet manner nearly made a person overlook his size, but there was no way Chris could miss it tonight. As Samuel made his way over to where Chris stood drooling, the man was wider and taller than most guys present in the club. The thick veins ran in heavy tracks all over his arms, his dark mocha skin shining like liquid caramel.

  As Samuel’s features caught some light, the liquid silver gaze burnt Chris as it ran over his body, like a physical touch setting him alight. Samuel moved right into Chris’s personal space until he could smell the spearmint chewing gum on his breath.

  “Making friends?” Samuel raised one eyebrow in question as he cast a quick glance toward Jeff behind the bar.

  Chris instantly bristled but then realized Samuel wasn’t asking him if he was interested in Jeff or if he’d gone from Samuel to Jeff so quickly. He was asking for an introduction, and that made Chris smile as he glanced between them.

  “Samuel, this is Jeff. His little brother, Aaron, is around here somewhere,” Chris said by way of a simple introduction. He turned on his stool to face Samuel fully and wanted to pull him between his thighs, to feel him against all the most sensitive parts of his own body. He practically needed it as he looked Samuel over and tried not to fucking drool like an idiot over how good he looked. Half the bar didn’t have that problem, though, as he caught all kinds of men staring at Samuel, most of them not being discreet about it at all. While Chris didn’t blame them, considering how damn good Samuel looked right then, he still wanted to put a giant trash bag over Samuel and run him out of the bar so that none of the other men could stare at Samuel like he was.

  “Hey,” Jeff said, leaning over the bar to shake Samuel’s hand.

  Chris watched the movement out of the corner of his eye and felt ridiculously, stupidly jealous as they shook hands because he wanted Samuel’s hands on him. He was high on adrenaline and burning up from dancing for at least an hour already. Those two combined left him practically begging to be touched by Samuel. Anyone else he would have kicked in their dick, but he wanted Samuel’s hands on him.

  Going from needing space from him to seeing him there and feeling this desperate to have him was a mindfuck for Chris, but he was glad to have him there. “Did you come to dance or to make sure I didn’t do anything stupid?” Chris asked him. Part of him loved the idea that Samuel wanted to look after him, if he’d come to Renegade for that. The rest of him, though, that bit of him felt a bit defensive and maybe even paranoid about Samuel showing up there. He tried to quash that annoying part of him as quic
kly as possible.

  Before Samuel answered him, though, Aaron spoke up from over his shoulder.

  “Wow. Uh. Hi.”

  Chris glanced back to see Aaron openly staring at Samuel. “Put your tongue back in your mouth. He’s off limits.”

  “Because I’m twenty-two?” Aaron asked, sounding pissy.

  Chris turned back to Samuel. The real answer was because he wanted Samuel and he needed another chance with him. But he’d screwed that up as far as he was concerned, and Samuel didn’t want him anyway. Not as he was.

  Aaron poked him hard in his shoulder, and Chris forced himself to look away from Samuel long enough to glare at Aaron.

  “He’s not available for you. Leave it at that.”

  Aaron huffed and moved away from him, which left Chris rolling his eyes. “Why are you here?” Chris repeated himself and hoped there would be no further interruptions while he waited for Samuel to answer him.

  “I was curious,” Samuel admitted.

  Chris stared at him in disbelief. “Curious about what? There’s not much about me you don’t know already.”

  Samuel grinned, reached out and took his hand while pulling him toward the dance floor. “To see if you could dance.”

  Chris grinned devilishly. “Can I dance? Why the hell would I come to a club to dance if I can’t do it?”

  Samuel laughed. “Look around—not everyone who thinks they can dance can actually pull it off… ahhh—” Samuel seemed to scramble for the right word. “—gracefully.”

  Chris laughed out loud. “No, you’re right. But they sure do have fun being ungraceful. So I must show you whether I can dance or not? Is it a challenge?”

  Samuel shook his head. “No, mere curiosity. If it’s anything like Bran’s lap dancing, I’m going to have to kick my own ass, if I can reach it.”

  “If not, I can kick it for you,” Chris offered as he advanced on Samuel, using his body to push him into the crowd of writhing people on the floor. “But for now, we dance.”

  Chris knew the evening wouldn’t end up the way he dreamed of, but he forced himself to forget about the fact for the moments he had with Samuel. He let his concerns, pain, and disappointment drift away and immersed himself in the flow of the music, and his body became an instrument of seduction. For one man only.