by L. G. Davis
He’s been gone for six weeks now, and I’m still not at the place where I can say he’s dead. I don’t know if that will ever change.
There are times I wonder if he’s really gone because I’d be walking down the street and get the same overwhelming feeling that I’m being watched. But when I look over my shoulder, he’s never there. So, I tell myself my mind is playing tricks on me and take the next step.
I still have the money he left behind. I’ve thought of handing it over to the police, in case it was stolen, but I can’t get myself to do that.
Last week, I went as far as driving to the police station only to turn back. I’ve kept the money well hidden in a kitchen cabinet ever since. I’ll deal with it later, after I move.
“Moving definitely sucks, but I think a new start is what you need right now.” Thalia folds up Ryan’s sheets and lowers the bundle into another box. Like his books, I’ll be donating his sheets and most of his other belongings to charity.
Hanging on to them only brings pain, and pain keeps me stuck.
“I still feel a bit guilty, though.” I slide the elastic band from around my hair and redo the ponytail.
“Why is that?” Thalia sinks to the floor and pulls her legs under her. “Because of Ryan?”
“Yes.” I shrug. “What if he comes back to find his home ...?” I wave a dismissive hand. “You know what? Let’s not talk about that.”
“Are you sure?” She frowns.
“Positive. Today, I choose happiness. Now, let’s get back to work, woman.” Being happy is a decision I get to consciously choose each and every day. But it’s been hard to feel anything but sadness when I’m surrounded by memories of Ryan and his wasted life. That’s one of the reasons I’ve decided to move. I’ve found a small studio apartment by the beach.
I still have a lot of debts to pay, but with only myself to think of, my expenses have reduced quite a bit.
“Aye-aye, captain.” Thalia salutes and lifts herself from the floor. She heaves one of the boxes from the bed and leaves the room with it.
My mind is back to the money Ryan left behind, wondering what I should do with it.
When Thalia returns, I’m still wrapped up in my thoughts.
“I’m exhausted.” She presses her hands to her lower back. “We should take a break. We’ve been working for three hours straight.”
“I think you’re right. My stomach is starting to complain. Should we go out for lunch?”
“Let’s celebrate first.” She disappears again and comes back with a bottle of apple cider and two champagne flutes. She must have brought the bottle with her when she arrived this morning.
My knees creak as I get up off the floor. “What’s there to celebrate, though?”
“A lot. You’re moving on.” She opens the bottle and fills a glass with the sparkling drink. “You’re taking a major step into your new life.”
With a tiny smile, I curl my hand around the cool glass she hands me and go to sit on Ryan’s bare mattress.
Thalia places the bottle at the foot of the bed and sits next to me.
“Yes, I guess that’s true.” I take a sip of the cool, sweet liquid. It lingers on my tongue for a moment before sliding down my throat.
I give myself a moment to observe the room. It’s the last time I’ll see it in this state. Tomorrow, someone will come to repaint it to a white color. In a way that also feels like a loss.
Thalia nudges me with an elbow. “How are things with Mr. Billionaire going? We haven’t had time to catch up.”
“You really have to stop calling him that.” I take another sip. “You know very well he’s much more than that.”
“Can you blame me? The guy is loaded. I need time to get used to thinking of him as a normal man.”
“Well, he is a normal man. Deal with it.” I allow myself to laugh. “We do normal things.”
She raises an eyebrow. “Being flown in a private jet to Mexico for dinner is normal? I don’t think so. Not to me, at least.”
“You know the private jet and the gifts don’t really mean much to me. But I like him for him. He’s good for me.”
“That makes me very happy. Don’t let him go. He’s a keeper.” She drains her glass. “And I’m not talking about the money. I was just joking.”
“I’ll definitely try.” I place both hands around my glass. “Want to know something, though?”
“Sure.”
I inhale the fruit-scented air. “It terrifies me a little that I like him so much.”
“Funny how good things and bad things both have the power to terrify a person, right?”
“Yep.” Butterflies explode inside my stomach just thinking about Dylan. “We haven’t been together very long, but it feels like it.” Now that I have the time to focus on my relationship with him, I find myself wanting to be around him all the time. He travels to New York at least once a week, and even when he’s gone only for two or three days, it feels like we’ve been apart for longer.
“When we spoke last night, I almost told him I love him.”
“Woah!” Thalia’s glass hits her knee and the liquid sloshes a little. “You didn’t, I hope.”
“Don’t worry. The words just formed in my mind and wanted to be heard. But I caught them in time.” I finish my drink.
“It’s that serious, huh?”
“It feels like it.” I shrug. “But it’s too soon. I don’t want to scare him away.”
“Wow! That’s so romantic, though.”
“It is, but what if we don’t work? The pain of loss has bonded us, but what if this ... what we have doesn’t last? I don’t want it to end.” I want to continue the candlelight dinners on the beach at midnight and the sharing of fluffy cotton candy high up on a carousel at the local amusement park. I want him in my life.
“Paige, from where I’m standing, I see that you’ve got a great thing going. Don’t over-complicate things. Take it one step at a time and get to know each other. See where it takes you.”
I lower the glass to the floor and flop back onto the pillows, my hands behind my head. “It’s hard not to be serious, though. I don’t know if we’ve taken it slow. The moment we entered into each other’s lives, everything was already serious. Our shared pain of losing someone we love bonded us. We dealt with serious things from the start.”
“I guess that makes a lot of sense.” Thalia refills her glass. I shake my head when she offers me more. “You’re so lucky to have a good relationship. Kevin and I, on the other hand … I feel like we’re doomed to fail. I can’t believe I was put off by him being nice. And now that he’s changed, I don’t seem to like that, either.”
I prop myself onto an elbow. “I thought things were okay. What happened?”
“We fight all the time. Two days ago, we went out for dinner and we fought over which restaurant to go to. He wanted Italian, and I wanted Chinese. The guy just flipped and turned into someone I couldn’t recognize. He has quite a heated temper.”
“You think at the beginning of your relationship he was just pretending to be a nice guy?”
“Of course, he was. Now I wish I could get Mr. Nice Guy back. To be honest, this side to him kind of scares me.” Thalia feigns a shudder.
My mind drifts back to Ryan. I sit up. “I’m going to be honest with you. If you think he terrifies you, you might want to give your relationship some serious thought. If he’s acting that way when you haven’t even been together for that long, how would things be in a few more months or years?”
“You think he could turn out to be dangerous?”
“No.” I sigh. “That’s not what I’m saying. I’m just saying that you should be careful and keep your eyes open.” I’d love to meet Kevin again to read him for myself, but Thalia’s last attempts to get us all to meet up failed. He always found some excuse or other to cancel at the last minute. “What exactly about him annoys you, anyway?”
“Little things, you know. For one, he calls me all the bloody time.”<
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“Dylan calls me a lot, too.” And often we spend hours on the phone, even when we have nothing much to talk about.
“It’s different with Kevin. He …” She purses her lips. “He wants to know where I am throughout the day. It’s starting to get on my nerves.”
I place a hand on her arm. “What’s your heart saying to you? When you think about his behavior, what’s your heart telling you?”
“It’s telling me to run.” She twirls a braid around her finger. “I feel a knot inside my stomach every time he wants to come over, and I feel drained when he leaves. Sometimes I think I should leave him, but I’m a little scared that he might take it badly. What if he hurts me? He almost got physical with me once—”
“Then you call the cops on him.” I grab her hand and squeeze. “If he’s dangerous, it might be riskier to stay with him than to leave.”
Thalia laughs nervously. “This is ridiculous. Look how I’m talking as if Kevin is some kind of monster. I guess he just likes me more than I like him right now.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
“I don’t know. But who cares, really? We have fun together, when we’re not fighting. It’s not as though I’m going to marry him, anyway. I love my independence too much to get married.”
I raise an eyebrow. “You never want to get married? That’s new.”
“It’s a realization I came to only lately. What if I end up being married to someone like …” She bites her lip and stops talking.
“Like Ryan?” She doesn’t respond, so I take it as a yes. “Hey, even after what I’ve gone through with Ryan, I still want to get married. Marriage doesn’t have to be a prison.”
Thalia stifles a grin. “I bet Dylan will make a good husband.”
“Do not get ahead of yourself. We’ve just been dating for a couple of weeks. I can’t allow myself to think about marriage.” But the truth is, sometimes I lie in bed and wonder. I wonder how he would be as a husband, how our kids would look like. But each time, I push the brakes and drag my mind back to reality.
“Hello, ladies.” We both jump when Dylan appears in the doorway, dressed in denim jeans and a crisp white shirt. “I didn’t mean to startle you.” He bends to kiss me. “The door was open. What are you talking about?”
A tingle of embarrassment sweeps up the back of my neck as I stand to wrap my arms around him. “I thought you’d be in New York until tomorrow night.” I can’t help wondering whether he heard our conversation. But I doubt it. If he did, he’d be running for the hills right now.
“I wanted to be back in time to help you move.” He steps back, rolls up his sleeves, then lifts the box I just taped shut.
“Don’t you dare let him go. He’s amazing,” Thalia whispers to me before following him out the door.
He’s definitely a keeper, which makes it quite hard not to think of a future together.
At noon, the three of us enjoy a family-size pepperoni pizza, and Thalia leaves soon after to meet up with Kevin.
Dylan and I continue working side by side, kissing and holding each other in between finishing up the packing.
Before I know it, the sun has dimmed in the sky and the moving truck has moved most of my belongings to my new place.
Just as we settle into my new home, Dylan tells me to stay where I am in the tiny hallway, that he’ll be back soon. He returns carrying a glossy white box with a powder blue bow. “Your moving in present.”
“Housewarming, you mean? You didn’t need to get me anything.” I giggle when he places the box in my hands. “You’re my present.”
“You can never have enough gifts. Go on, open it.” He sits down on one of the boxes and watches me.
I lift the cover to reveal a beautiful, blush lace evening gown with tiny crystals on the bust, and a flowing chiffon skirt.” I lift the dress out of the box. “Wow, Dylan. This is gorgeous!”
“It’s a perfect match, then.” He pulls me close. “I’m sure it will look stunning on you.”
“But this is too fancy. Where would I wear it? I don’t go to fancy events.”
“Not yet. Maybe it’s time you start doing that. I have one fun party you might want to wear it to.”
“Is that so?” I lift an eyebrow.
“Yes, but first I’d like an answer to something.”
“Sure.” I allow the dress to fall over my arms like a waterfall. “Are you asking me to the ball?”
“Maybe.” He smiles and takes the dress from me, lowers it back into the box. Then he takes my hand and leads me to my bedroom, where we weave our way through the boxes to stand by the window. We don’t speak as we gaze out at the ocean.
“This is a nice place,” he says finally. “But would you consider moving out again? It might be less stressful to do so immediately before you’ve settled in.”
“What are you talking about?”
He inhales deeply. “Paige, I know we’ve only known each other for a short time, but it feels so right to be with you.”
My eyes widen. “Dylan—”
“My life changed the very moment I met you. I never expected to feel this strongly and so soon, but I do. I’m deeply in love with you.” A grin sweeps across his face. His dimples deepen. “What I’m trying to say is, I’d love it if you could move in with me. Come to New York.”
“Dylan, no. I ... I can’t do that. It’s too soon.”
“But I’m crazy about you, Paige. That’s why I’d like to try and change your mind.”
“How do you intend on doing that?” My entire body locks as I wait for his answer.
“Like this.” Air whooshes out of my lungs when he slides to the floor, one knee meeting the ground. He pulls a small, leather box from his back pocket. “I want you to marry me, Paige Wilson. Please say you’re just as crazy as I am.”
My hands fly to my mouth to stifle a gasp. “I … Dylan. You ... Oh my God.”
“I want only you for the rest of my life. Please say yes.” He opens the box and a huge cushion cut diamond blinks at me from its bed of velvet.
I drop to my knees opposite him, tears in my eyes. Asking me to be his wife is crazy, but it also feels so right.
It really doesn’t matter how long you know a person. It’s how deeply you feel about them that counts. Dylan makes me want to live again. As much as he wants me to be a part of his life, I want to be a part of his. That’s why I don’t hesitate before giving him the answer he wants to hear.
“I’d love to be crazy with you, Dylan Baxter.”
Chapter 22
Whenever I thought of getting married, I’d always imagined having a beach wedding. It’s not surprising given that I love water.
Now it’s happening. But there’s another reason why getting married surrounded by water is important to me. In a weird kind of way, I feel closer to Ryan, as though he can also participate in my happiness.
The sun is just about to set, but the air is still warm against my skin.
After today, everything will be different. I’m not only taking steps toward the man of my dreams, but also the life of my dreams.
Butterflies flutter in the pit of my stomach the closer I get to the dock, where Dylan’s boat is waiting.
From the joy radiating through my chest as I tighten my hands around my baby’s breath and roses bouquet, one would never think I’d called off the engagement only a week after Dylan proposed.
When he’d asked me to be his wife, I had no doubt in my mind that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, which confirms my deep feelings for him. But it also scared me to think we had only known each other for a short time, and I don’t exactly have the best track record of making the right decisions. It didn’t help that the days after he proposed, I sleepwalked almost every night. I took it as a sign that something wasn’t right.
Dylan tried to talk me out of calling off the engagement at first, but then gave up when I told him that maybe I just needed more time to get used to the idea of being someone’s wife. To
my relief, he didn’t break up with me, but gave me my space.
It took three days for me to realize that not marrying him could be an even greater mistake. The idea of not having him in my life made me feel hollow inside.
Now, after a month of being engaged for real, here we are about to tie the knot.
Dylan is standing on the dock, hands in the pockets of his pants. His smile grows brighter as I take the wooden steps leading up to the dock.
The moment I’m close enough to feel his breath on my face, he sweeps me off my feet and carries me onto the boat.
“Hello, gorgeous.” He lowers me onto the deck, where I’m surrounded by beautiful flowers and candles in glass vases. “Ready to take the plunge?”
“I can’t wait.” I lean my head into his neck, unable to wipe the grin off my face. “You bet I am.” His lips brush my cheek.
Thalia, who is carrying a miniature version of my bouquet engulfs me in a hug. “You look so beautiful, honey,” she says, admiring my ivory, satin, and lace knee-length dress with pearly cap sleeves. “I’m so happy for you.”
“I’m happy for me, too.” I give her a wink and move away to stand next to my future husband.
When Dylan suggested we have a small wedding, I quickly jumped on the idea because being the center of attention is not something I’m good at. And besides, having too many people at the wedding would remind me that I have no family left. We both agreed that in a couple of weeks, after our honeymoon, we’ll host a fancy dinner for our friends and colleagues.
Standing by Dylan’s side as best man is his friend, Shaun Reamon, who I only got to meet five days ago, when he flew in from New York. Dylan said they’d been best friends since university and went on to become business partners.
We all take our places in front of the minister from St. Peter Catholic Church, the church in which I’d found peace, a few weeks ago.
“I’m going to make you so happy, Paige Wilson,” Dylan whispers into my ear, his breath brushing my earlobe.
“And I’ll do the same for you.” As I gaze into his eyes, I’m unable to believe that in a few moments I will be Mrs. Paige Baxter. Hopefully, with a new name, I can leave behind the old Paige, the one who hurt all the time.