He raises an eyebrow, and the corner of his mouth twists up into that sexy-as-hell smirk he does so well.
“You got company?”
“No. You have.”
He arches his eyebrow a little further. “I have?”
“Alicia.”
He frowns slightly, and I try to see if I can read anything into his expression, but I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to be looking for; what I’m expecting to see.
“She’s here?”
“She’s waiting in your office.”
“Did she say what she wanted?”
I shake my head, and I keep my eyes fixed firmly on him. “No. She didn’t.” I pick up the coffees and make to go.
“Okay… Lola, hang on a second.”
“I said I’d get her a coffee…”
“Forget the coffee for a minute.”
“Not here, Evan.”
“You don’t know what I’m gonna say yet.”
“We said we wouldn’t do this at work.”
“And we both know that means shit. We need to talk.”
“Now?”
“I’ll take you to lunch.”
“On expenses, huh? You spoil me, Mr. King.”
“C’mon, Lola…”
I look at him, and he cocks his head slightly, and I can see that smirk starting to slowly appear. “Don’t, Evan.”
“Come here.”
“No.”
“No?” He raises an eyebrow, but that smirk’s still there.
I shake my head, but it’s becoming increasingly harder to keep the smile off my face.
“You sure you don’t want to change your mind?”
“Evan…”
“Come here.”
I throw my head back and sigh, putting the mugs of coffee down behind me. “Jesus!” I go over to him, and he slips an arm around my waist, pulling me closer. “If it’ll shut you…” He silences me with a kiss, and I feel every ounce of resistance start to ebb away. “I hate you,” I murmur, my mouth still resting against his.
“Yeah, y’see, you keep saying that, but, I don’t think you do, really.”
“I don’t?”
“Uh uh.”
“Okay…” I smile slightly, and I pull away from him.
“Lunch. You make time for your husband now, y’hear?”
I pick up the mugs of coffee and start to walk away, calling after him over my shoulder. “Don’t forget Alicia.”
Saying her name makes my stomach dip, and I still don’t know why, but it’s not a feeling I’m comfortable with. I love what me and Evan have. I love us. And the idea that any of that could be threatened in any way – it scares me. More than I want to acknowledge…
Evan
We’re going to talk. Over lunch. Although, I don’t know what we’re going to talk about, exactly, because I still don’t want to bring Lola into a mess I’ve already distanced myself from. But she needs to know I’m not shutting her out, I’m not doing that. I really am just trying to protect her; protect us.
She’s already at her desk when I get back to the office, and I glance inside. Alicia’s standing by the window, and her gaze catches mine and she smiles slightly. I look at Lola, and my hand drops to find hers and I gently squeeze her fingers, but her eyes are on her computer screen, she’s not looking at me.
She pulls her hand from mine and I watch her for a second or two as she scans a pile of papers to her left and then starts to enter information into a form on her laptop screen, she’s not my wife right now. She’s my secretary. And I’m beginning to wonder which one of us is finding this whole work/life separation thing the hardest, because she seems to be dealing with it better than I am.
I take a quick, deep breath and head into my office, closing the door behind me.
“I thought you were checking out buildings for Daniel?”
Alicia swings around at the sound of my voice. “I’m between appointments.”
“So, is there something I can do for you? I thought we weren’t meeting until tonight.”
“Would you rather I didn’t show up here, at work?”
I narrow my eyes and walk back behind my desk. “I’m not in the mood for games, Alicia. What do you want?”
“I just wanted to see if you were okay.”
I raise my gaze and narrow my eyes as they meet hers. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Early morning phone calls, you suddenly wanting to talk…”
“Yeah, well, maybe I’m changing my mind on that score.”
“Cold light of day, huh?”
I don’t say anything to that, I just hold her gaze for a couple of beats before I drop it, my eyes falling on the photograph of me and Lola I have on my desk.
“You still coming over tonight?”
I don’t know now. I don’t know if talking is really going to change anything, people are right when they say I’m a stubborn bastard. And this is one situation I’m in no hurry to compromise over. “Maybe it isn’t such a good idea.”
She twists her head slightly and looks out at Lola, who has her back to us as she talks into her phone. “You worried about your wife finding out?”
“I’ve got nothing to hide, Alicia. I just don’t want her involved in any of this, I thought I’d already explained that.”
“Keeping secrets, huh? I always thought that was unhealthy in a marriage, especially one as new as yours.”
I rest my hands knuckle-down on the desk and drop my head again, briefly closing my eyes.
“It’s only dinner, Evan. You said so yourself.”
I take another deep breath and open my eyes and I look at her. She’s right. It’s only dinner. And maybe getting a few things out in the open will help me get past this. Or maybe it won’t, I really don’t know anymore.
“Okay.”
“Okay…?”
“I’ll see you tonight, Alicia.”
She smiles slightly. “Is that a dismissal?”
“I’ve got work to do. And I’m sure you have appointments you need to keep.”
“Yeah. I’m sure I have. I’ll see you tonight.”
I watch her leave; watch as Lola turns her seat away from Alicia as she walks past, neither woman acknowledging the other. And I wait until Lola finishes her call before I beckon her inside.
“Everything all right?” she asks as she hovers in the doorway.
“Everything’s fine. Alicia’s checking out offices for Daniel Fellman while she’s here in New York, so, she just thought she’d stop by. Say hello. He – Daniel – is thinking of setting up a branch of the firm here. In New York.”
She frowns slightly, folding her arms as she leans against the doorpost. “Competition for us, huh?”
“Possibly. But Daniel Fellman’s no match for me.”
I throw her a grin and she smiles back.
“Nothing wrong with your ego, then.” She looks straight at me, and there’s something in her expression that worries me. I just don’t know why, exactly. “Anyway, I’d better go finish up filing those papers before lunch.”
“Yeah. Yeah, okay… Lola?”
She swings back around to look at me, her arms still folded across her chest.
“Are we good?”
“Of course we are. I’ll just finish up here, then we can go grab something to eat.”
I watch her go back to her desk, I can’t take my eyes off her. This woman has become my world, and yet, I’m jeopardizing all of that because I’m too stubborn to share my feelings with her. My wife. But I’m happy here, with her, with this life we’re slowly creating for ourselves. And I’m just not willing to risk that. For anything.
Nine
Lola
“We were supposed to talk.”
“And you didn’t?”
Jess sits down and tucks her legs up underneath herself, leaning forward to pick up her bottle of beer.
“Oh, we talked. But he’s still avoiding anything to do with his family. He just shuts tha
t subject down, he refuses to go there.” I look at Jess, and I let out a heavy sigh. A frustrated sigh. “He’s not going to his own father’s funeral, Jess. So something’s obviously wrong, something happened, to make him that cold towards his family. I just don’t get why he won’t tell me. And yet, he’s talking to others.”
“Others?” Jess frowns and downs another mouthful of beer.
“Dana. Alicia. He’s talked to both of them, I know he has. But he won’t talk to me; to his wife.”
“Did you tell him this? Did you tell him how you’re feeling?”
“I tried to. But there’ve been times when just broaching the subject has put a strain on things, and I don’t want that to happen. I don’t want to push him away.”
“Even if that’s what you feel he’s doing to you?”
I look down at my fingers pulling absentmindedly at a loose thread in the knee of my ripped jeans. “When did this happen, Jess?” I raise my gaze and Jess’s eyes meet mine. “When did it all change? I mean, one minute we’re happy, just married; in love. The next his father’s dead, Dana’s leaving, an old girlfriend turns up, and he just – he changes.” I shrug, and I know I’m pulling harder on that loose thread but I can’t stop myself. It’s strangely comforting. “Has he ever spoken much about his family? Do you know anything about them?”
“I don’t think there’s anyone at Cavendish King who really knows anything at all about Evan King. Apart from Dana. And you.”
“What I know only scratches the surface. And then there’s Alicia…”
I trail off and stop picking at my jeans, leaning forward to grab my beer, and I down a long, welcome mouthful.
“That’s what’s really worrying you, isn’t it?”
I look at Jess, and I frown. “Sorry?”
“Alicia. She’s what’s really bothering you.”
“No, Jess, what’s really bothering me is that he’d rather talk to anyone but me. And I’m trying to do as you said, give him some space and hope he comes to me when he’s ready, but I’m not sure he’ll ever be ready.”
“Would you be feeling this defensive if she wasn’t around?”
“I’m not jealous, Jess.”
“I didn’t say you were.”
“It’s what you’re implying.”
She puts down her beer and leans forward slightly, clasping her hands together in her lap. “I’m not trying to trip you up here, Lola. I’m the one you can open up to, okay? If you’re jealous, then say so, and we’ll go make a voodoo doll of her right now, I’m not joking. I’ve done it before.”
I narrow my eyes, the corner of my mouth twisting up into a disbelieving smile. “No you haven’t.”
She picks her beer back up and takes another drink, raising an eyebrow as she does so. And I laugh. This is why I love Jess. She can lighten a mood within seconds; make me suddenly start thinking rationally when before I was acting just a little bit crazy. Or I was veering in that direction, anyway.
I throw myself back against the couch pillows and let out a short, frustrated cry. “Jesus! What is he turning me into, Jess?”
“He’s not turning you into anything. You’re turning yourself into a crazy woman. Mind you, I can’t say I blame you. I mean, this Alicia, she’s not exactly harsh on the eye, is she?”
I throw her a look. “You know you’re supposed to be making me feel better, right?”
“Am I? I thought I was supposed to be kicking some sense into you. Evan King loves you, Lola. Come on, the man gets a hard-on every time he looks at you.”
“Yeah, okay, that’s far enough now.”
“He loves you, Lola.”
“I know. I know he does.”
“So quit with the crazy shit, all right? So an old girlfriend’s turned up. It was business-related, she hasn’t come here to claim back her man. His father’s just died, Dana’s about to head off to L.A., so it stands to reason his behavior’s gonna be a little, I dunno – different, for a while. But this is Evan King we’re talking about, remember?”
“And Evan King once had a reputation.”
“You’re giving me a headache now.”
I hold up my hands in mock-surrender. “Okay. Okay, I’ll shut up. I’ll stop worrying over shit that hasn’t happened yet…”
She throws me a stern look, and there’s nothing mock about that. She’s serious.
“Shit that probably won’t happen at all.”
“That’s better.” She pulls herself up off the chair and starts collecting the empty take-out cartons from the coffee table in front of us. “Come on.”
“Where are we going?”
“We’re gonna put this lot in the trash, then we’re going to a little dive bar I know two blocks away for a game of pool and the best beer you’ll get anywhere in the Village.”
“A dive bar?”
“You never been to one of those?”
“Of course I have. There used to be a great little neighborhood bar not far from mine and Kat’s old place. I just didn’t think they’d be your thing.”
“Oh, I’m full of surprises, believe me. Come on. Let’s get out of here.”
“Maybe I should be getting home.” I look at my watch. It’s only eight-thirty, but I’m not sure I’m in the mood for a loud, busy bar.
“Is he gonna be there?”
I look up. “Hmm? Sorry, what?”
“Evan. Is he home?”
“No… no, he’s out. Said he had a late meeting.”
“So, you’d be going back to an empty apartment.”
I get up, throwing her a look as I grab my jacket from the back of the couch, but I’m smiling. Because she’s right. The last thing I want is to go home to an empty apartment and over think everything. “Okay. You win. Let’s go. But the first round’s on you.”
She comes out of the kitchen and grins at me. “We ain’t buying shit, girl.”
“All right… You got a plan?”
“Always.” She throws me a wink, grabs her keys, and I follow her to the door. “Watch and learn, kiddo. Watch and learn.”
Yeah. I’m quite glad I’m not going home just yet. I don’t want to go home, not right now. And as we step out of the elevator and head toward the West Village, I can already feel my mood lightening.
It’s going to be okay. Me and Evan, we’re going to be okay. I know we are…
Evan
“They didn’t tell you, Evan, because to them you were always their son. Your real parents, as you call them, they never knew you. You never knew them, you had no contact with them, at all. You were taken away seconds after you were born and from that moment on Marcy and Derek were your family. They gave you this life. They gave you all those opportunities, what the hell would it have been like if you’d stayed with your birth parents, huh?”
“That isn’t the point, Alicia…”
“It’s exactly the point, Evan. Because your birth parents died before you even hit two years old. Of a heroin overdose. You do understand that, don’t you? You do realize that things could have turned out very different for you if Marcy and Derek hadn’t adopted you?”
I get up and stand by the window, looking outside, the dark sidewalk illuminated only by a sliver of moonlight and dim streetlamps. And I know that everything Alicia’s telling me is true, my life could have been very different. But the one thing I don’t like; I’ve never liked being lied to. Especially by the people who are supposed to love and care about me.
“So they lied to you… No, I’m sorry, I refuse to call what they did lying…”
I swing around and glare at her. And I’m beginning to think this really was a mistake, coming here. Because I’m lying to Lola, aren’t I? I’m lying to her, so that makes me nothing more than the kind of hypocrite I’m accusing my parents of being.
“They should have told me.”
“This is ridiculous, Evan.” Alicia puts down her drink and comes over to me. “Just, for once in your fucking life, stop and think about how others are feeling, okay? Your
mom has just lost the man she was married to for almost fifty years. Heath’s lost his father. And so have you…”
“He wasn’t my father.”
“No? Okay, you want to do it this way? All right, we’ll do it this way. Your “real” father was a messed up drug addict, your “real” mother was hooked on crystal meth but wasn’t averse to experimenting with anything your daddy could lay his hands on, and you – when you were born you had heroin in your system, Evan. You were born an addict, and you’re fucking angry that Marcy and Derek got you out of there and gave you the life you’ve got now?” She laughs, a cold laugh, a disbelieving laugh, and she turns away from me, shaking her head. And she keeps her back to me for a few long beats before she turns back to face me. “Do you have any idea how selfish you sound?”
“They weren’t perfect, Alicia, so don’t make out that they were.”
“They were good people. And they loved you.”
“As long as we followed in their footsteps, tread the same path they did…”
“Because they wanted you to be someone, Evan!”
“At what cost, huh? Come on, Alicia. You’re making them sound like they were living out some great, romantic love story when you know as well as I do that they got together purely because their families wanted them to. Their marriage was one of convenience, it was arranged, a fucking business deal, that’s what it was. And them adopting me, that was all part of their big charade…”
“They never told anyone you were adopted.”
“No. They didn’t.”
I’m losing control again, and I’m trying to pull it back but for some reason the anger just won’t leave me. I’m still holding onto so many raw and unresolved feelings toward my family, my upbringing, and yet, deep down that rational part of me knows that Alicia is right. Mostly. But right now I’m still too conflicted, too confused. I’m still too bloody angry that I didn’t find out I wasn’t really their son until I was almost forty years old.
“This was a mistake. I’m going home.”
I try to walk away but Alicia lays a hand on my arm and I stop, and I look at her. “You’re really gonna go home? In that state? I thought you didn’t want your wife to know any of this.”
Willfully Hers (The Dirty Business Series Book 2) Page 7