by Maya Daniels
“I need more than that,” I say simply.
“Sap, you and Meda have been born in the same lifetimes over and over together. Sometimes you’re the mother, she’s the daughter. Sometimes it’s the other way around. You’re from the same soul family group. This is the first time that you were both reincarnated where you aren’t blood relatives as well. She’s missed you because she remembers it all, so we thought maybe you’d like to meet her in this life as well, because eventually you’ll remember it all, so we sped up the process,” says Jezzinta in one breath.
My gaze falls on Meda, who has tears in her eyes. I fight mine, too, because this reminded me of a time long past, a time I have done my best to forget about. It brings back memories of my ex, of the pregnancy, of how happy I was to feel the baby move in my belly, and also that dreadful night when he decided to let his jealousy win, accusing me of looking at another man that I hadn’t even noticed and then he beat me within an inch of my life, killing the baby in the process. He always found a way to accuse me of something. I was either checking someone out—which I never was—or I was dressed so someone could look at me even if I was wearing what he asked me to wear before we went anywhere.
Breathe, Al, just breathe, I tell myself.
“Oh, sister, I am so very sorry.” Meda jumps up and throws her arms around me, weeping for what she read in my mind, what I have no more tears left to shed for.
I see Remi and Jezzinta exchange glances before getting up and exiting the room, leaving both of us in an embrace with me being numb and Meda crying her eyes out in my arms. Knowing what I know now about our previous lifetimes, I hug her closely. I guess this is how it would’ve felt to hold your own child. I kiss the top of her head and she cries harder.
“Shhhh, it’s okay, Meda. It was a long time ago. I was young and stupid, but it’s done. It can’t be changed, so I had to let it go. I gave forgiveness to the apology I never received so I can move on. I thank you, but don’t cry, please. I don’t deserve your sorrow,” I tell her as my hand moves up and down her back in a soothing motion.
“Don’t ever say that, Alexia, no one knows your heart the way I do. If anyone deserves anything, it’s you.” She lifts her head up, her eyes locking on mine.
“Thank you,” I tell her, and I kiss her forehead. It comes naturally to do so, and I don’t know why. I’ve never kissed anyone like that before, but my grandmother always kissed me in the same way.
“You honor me, sister,” Meda says and does the same.
“With what?” I ask as she pulls away.
“The kiss on the third eye is the highest honor among the sisters.” She gives me a wobbly smile, though tears still run down her face. I wipe them with my hand.
“Come on, go wash your face and no more crying for today … or any day,” I add with a frown, and for some reason that makes her laugh a little.
She stands up and as she’s walking out, she turns around towards me. “You’ve always shown me love when I’ve needed it the most. I will give my life to do the same.” Placing her palms together, she puts them on her forehead and bows low before disappearing.
“Let’s hope it never comes to that,” I mumble under my breath. I don’t know what will happen or how, but there is one thing I am sure of: I will die before I let anything happen to any of the three women here with me.
“You want to come help set up the altar in the woods?” Remi pops her head in. After Meda leaves, I am so lost in my thought that it takes a bit for my brain to get into gear.
“Huh?” I look at her.
“Do you want to come help set up the altar? In the woods?” she adds, widening her eyes and trying to be dramatic.
With a sly grin, I meet her eyes. “Sure, asshole, I’ll come help you.” We both laugh at that.
Asshole turned into a term of endearment after our argument, so we call each other that more than we say sister. I guess it’s the same when Jez calls me a sap. I walk after Remi, smiling. We do act like children, but that’s the good thing around here. Even as grown women, we can simply be who we are and no one will judge us for it. I couldn’t ask for more. It’s also nice not to be alone anymore.
Walking through the trees, we carry our tools and offerings, and I shiver a little. It reminds me of that night with Hipster and Smartass. That ended well, so I should stop thinking about it, but it sneaks up from time to time. The best part about the whole thing was listening to Jezzinta telling us how she had them suspended in the air with vines for a while, shaking them while they couldn’t see her until they both passed out from fear. I can only imagine the years of therapy they’ll both need after that. At the end, she told them that if they breathe a word or if they tell Thomas, they won’t be able to leave their homes because the ghosts from these woods will haunt them. We had a good laugh about how fast they ran to their car, leaving skid marks as they disappeared from her sight.
“We will set it up here, it’s perfect,” says Remi and I swivel my head around to see we are standing in a clearing quite wide in each direction, like a circle. She’s right, too. It is perfect.
“Are we placing the tools on a blanket as a makeshift altar?” I’m very strange when it comes to my tools. I treat them like living things, so putting them on the ground doesn’t sit well with me.
“No,” says Remi, but she doesn’t elaborate.
I was just about to ask them what are we using when the ground under my feet starts shaking like an earthquake and I have to widen my stance so I don’t topple over with everything I’m carrying in my arms.
“What the hell!” I exclaim, but then shut my mouth as I watch on the west side of the clearing as a big, flat rock comes out of the ground.
The shaking continues as it rises to waist level. I gap at Remi wide-eyed. Is she doing this? But she lifts her chin, pointing at something behind me with it, so I turn my head to see Jezzinta standing there with her arms in front of her and eyes closed, chanting something under her breath.
“She’s an earth elemental, remember?” calls out Remi.
Yeah, no shit she’s an earth elemental. It would’ve been nice to have known she could do stuff like that sooner.
The rock stops rising and as I watch, a still mumbling Remi swipes her hands in circles, then throws them in front of her, releasing a strong wind that seems to come out of nowhere that blows all the dirt from the rock, leaving it clean and shiny like we’ve been scrubbing it for hours. As abruptly it started, the wind stops, and I shake my head to get my hair out of my face.
“And I’m an air elemental, as you can see,” Remi adds.
“Obviously,” I add dryly. We leave the things we brought with us on the rock, and Remi and Jezzinta plop their tools in the rightful place. I turn around to see Meda coming towards us, carrying a bag of something with her.
“You need a hand? What is that?” I step towards her.
“Nah, I’m good, friend,” she says, and I snicker at her baby talk. She started doing it earlier and I think it’s cute. Glancing at the bag when she is closer, I can see she is carrying salt.
“What? Are we banishing demons with that much salt?” It’s a huge bag and it probably weighs as much as she does.
Shaking her head, she snorts. “No, silly. We will make a circle and do the sigils with it. No demon can come in,” she winks at me. Duh, sometimes I wonder if I’m really a witch or not. I feel like a fake or an imposter when I say stupid things like that. It’s just that my brain takes a vacation from time to time. It’s something that happens, something I can’t control.
“You are anything but an imposter,” says Meda.
“Who’s an imposter?” Remi turns around and turns to us. I guess she was putting the ceremonial blade on the altar, because she turns around holding it in front of her like a warrior ready to slay the said imposter. Meda and I chortle at the same time. She obviously read my mind.
“What?” Remi frowns at us and we howl louder at her confused expression.
“I was thinki
ng that sometimes I feel like that with the things I say or ask,” I tell her between chuckles. She shakes her head and goes back to what she was doing. Now I want to have some fun, because Remi and Jezzinta are sneaky little shits. Meda starts snorting before I even start. I guess the telepathy is a handy gift.
“Very,” she says, giggling. I move my arms and gather the water from the air. I turn it into two bubbles and throw them at the backs of the two standing at the altar. Remi only takes a sharp breath, but Jezzinta squeals and I chortle, falling down on the grass and holding my stomach.
“Oh, you’ll pay for that, you little shit!” Jezzinta says, and green vines wrap around my arms and legs, holding me on the ground.
“Lift her up, Jez!” Remi says, and my body goes up like I’m a doll suspended in the air. Strong winds swirl around me, making my hair fly wildly around my face, slapping me like Remi is doing it with her own hand.
“Hey! Stop it, asshole, it hurts!” I yell at her. She does it for a second longer and then everything stops. The wind and the vines are gone, and I land on my butt on the ground.
“Owwwww. That was not cool.” I stand up holding my butt, which hurts because I don’t have as much padding there as they do.
I glare at Meda, who is off to the side of us giggling like a schoolgirl, but eventually the glare fades and humorous tears pool in my eyes again.
“We need to grow up,” I say to no one in particular as I come down from the humor high.
“Are you an elemental, too?” I ask her.
“No, I don’t control the elements. I have another gift.” With a wave of her hands, she makes a box in the air.
“I know what a gift is, so there’s really no need for demonstration.”
With a stern face, she focuses on me. “Do you?” she asks, and I have a nagging thought we are not talking about the same thing.
“What is your gift, if you don’t mind me asking? Apart from telepathy, obviously.” We are still staring in each other’s eyes and as I ask, her eyes go from dark chocolate brown to matte white, then back to brown.
“I can see the future.” Her voice doesn’t like sound her own when she says that, and goosebumps cover my body.
“Well, why are we calling on gods when you can do your juju and tell us where the potions are?” I ask because I’m excited. We don’t need Sin now that Meda is here.
“Unfortunately, gifts don’t work that way. I wish they did,” she says sadly. “We all make decisions, A-ma. There are many doors and with every choice we make, we open some and close others. The future is not set in stone.”
“What did you just call me? A-ma? What does that mean?”
“It means mother,” says Remi, and I get goosebumps again.
“It’s just a habit, sister, I’m sorry.” She tilts her head down and guilt punches me in the gut. I swear I need to stop making people regret saying things.
“I only wanted to know what it means. I don’t mind you calling me anything you want, Meda,” I tell her, and she looks up at me with a smile. In less than a day, her happiness has grown to mean so much to me, just like with Remi and Jezzinta. It’s overwhelming at times.
“Okay, ladies, what do we need to do now?” It’s getting dark and I really don’t want to hang around out here unless I have to—like tomorrow night, for example.
“We just need to put protection around this area like a shield, so even if a human walks by they won’t see it. Then we can go have supper,” says Jezzinta.
We all go to one direction each—north, west, east and south. We raise our hands, calling on the guardians of each to come protect the space from prying eyes until we uncover it tomorrow for the full moon. A shimmering shield forms from our outstretched hands and connects together, wrapping the clearing like a glass cover.
“It’s beautiful.” I breathe the words out. It’s so magical that I think if I speak louder, it’ll disappear.
“You always get fascinated by everything,” Remi smiles.
She’s right, but I can’t help it. Some things are just too beautiful for me to ignore them or take them for granted. We walk back towards the house, Remi and Meda in front of me and Jezzinta holding me under my arm. We are quiet. I guess each of us is thinking about tomorrow and how things will go. I don’t even want to imagine what will happen if we don’t get the information we need. Failure is not an option tomorrow. I have no idea how I’m going to win this game, but of one thing I’m certain: I am not going to lose!
Chapter 15
The bright light hits my face so suddenly that it makes me flinch. It’s burning my eyes even through closed lids, and I yell at whoever it is that’s walking through my room, pulling the curtains from the windows.
“Go away, for fuck’s sake!”
“Swearing is very unladylike, sap. Haven’t you been told before?” Jezzinta is prancing around the bed, so I pull the pillow from under my head and throw it at her.
“Get the fuck out, Jez, what’s wrong with you?” She squeals at that. “Don’t you have a room that you can stay in and leave me be? One damn morning is all I ask!” I’m still yelling, but even I don’t know why. I asked her to wake me last night before I went to bed. Granted, I didn’t think I would not be able to sleep almost the entire night, but that’s not her fault.
“You are lucky I love you, elephant, or I would’ve buried you alive for this,” she says, and I open one eye to peer at her. I hit her right in the face with the pillow, which is obvious from her messed-up hair and her narrowed eyes glaring at me. I burst out laughing.
“That’s a very nice look on you,” I tell her, and she whacks me with the same pillow across the face. “Hey.”
“Payback is a bitch, sap! Payback is a bitch,” she singsongs as she walks out.
“No kidding,” I mumble, and she chuckles from behind the closed door. I don’t want to get out of bed. I want to sleep all day and night, then I want to wake up tomorrow to my sisters telling me it’s over and they’ve done it alone. I need coffee. I can’t even get anxious properly without it.
I crawl out of bed, grab whatever I can find by touch, and go to have a shower. While I’m brushing my teeth, I’m staring at myself in the mirror. At least I’m not pale anymore. I guess that’s an improvement, but there’s a sadness in my eyes that wasn’t there before. I always do this—analyze myself like it’s not me I’m looking at. Grandmother used to say my spirit was so strong that it comes out to inspect me just to make sure I’m on the right path. I smile at that thought, then laugh, because I’m like an idiot with the toothpaste foaming in my mouth.
“Rawr!” I growl at the reflection, then laugh again at my stupidities. I think I’m finally losing my mind. I head downstairs, slowly dragging my feet because I know what’s coming. As soon as I show my face, they’ll start with the advice and it’ll drive me nuts. I’m entering the kitchen sooner than I want, though, that’s for sure.
“Morning,” I mumble and walk straight for the pot. I pour coffee in the largest mug I can find, wondering why I just don’t take the coffee pot and drink straight from it. Much easier, plus less dishes for washing. Ha! Look at me, all economical and shit.
Turning, I step toward the doorway and stop. Why hasn’t anyone said anything? I watch them and they are all drinking from their cups, one reading, one staring into space, and the other checking her nails. Hmmm, this seems fishy, but I need coffee before I attempt a conversation.
Sitting on the porch with the coffee while the swing is rocking gently is so relaxing that I zone out staring at the trees. I jump a little when someone sits on the swing next to me, turning my gaze to Remi.
“Here, have one.” She’s holding a pack of Marlboros in front of me. I look at the smokes, then up at her.
“I don’t smoke anymore,” I point out.
“Yeah, asshole, neither do I, but we could use it today.” She holds the pack in face. Shrugging, I take one because she does have a point. Pulling out a lighter, she lights mine, then hers. We sit there t
ogether, staring in front of us, puffing circles of smoke in the air.
“Remember the hookahs?” she asks, and I get flashes of memories. Both of us sitting on pillows, each with a hookah in front, laughing at who makes a bigger circle of smoke. Judging by what we are wearing, it’s somewhere between 400 and 300 B.C. I smile at her.
“Now I do.”
“It was a good life, that one,” she says.
“Well, I remember the hookahs because I just saw it in my mind, but not the life,” I tell her.
“We were priestesses in one of Inanna’s temples in that lifetime. It was perfect, and we were happy.” There is a faraway look in her eyes. “We managed to stay alive into our thirties that time.” She shakes her head.
“Wow. Please don’t tell me about the other lifetimes if that was a good one,” I say, and I mean it. It sounds awful.
“Well, it would’ve been longer if you hadn’t decided to follow you heart, as always,” she says, then laughs because I elbow her.
“I’m telling the truth. I love you, but you’re a sucker when it comes to love. Thanks to watching you, I’ve decided that no matter how many lifetimes I get reincarnated in, I’m staying away from that shit. It’s not for me, thank you very much.” I’m sad to hear her talk like that. Even not knowing anything about the previous lives and all the crap I’ve had happen in this one, I will still not give up on love.
“All there is is love, Remi. It’s the only truth. If there is no love, then there is nothing,” I say quietly. “I’m sorry my misfortunes have made you not even willing to give it a chance,” I add.
“Nothing to be sorry about. I’m perfectly happy the way I am. I can’t deal with another person. I’m just not relationship material. I mean, look at me. You can barely deal with me. Can you imagine a man?” She laughs at her own joke, but her words make me even sadder.
“The right man will,” I tell her.
“Mhm, and how is that working out for you? Dealing with the right man, I mean?” I can tell she’s frustrated by my persistence.