by Maya Daniels
I silently agree with her, even if I’m not one-hundred percent sure.
“Yes, I am sure. That’s why you were attacked tonight. They’ve been tracking you and working on breaking the protection wards around the property,” Inanna informs them, her voice calm.
“Why not tell me this when I came to your temple?” The softly spoken words coming from Remi’s mouth don’t fool me at all. Not when I can see Lucifer vibrating with anger.
I guess I’m not comfortable on a bed like I originally thought but actually draped over Lucifer’s lap, my head resting on his chest using him as a pillow. In that moment, I decide he will always be my pillow from this day forward.
“It was a bit difficult to tell you anything when you came with only one thing on your mind, angel. You needed to fight someone because you felt powerless to stop what has started unraveling. I gave you what you needed.”
“I need nothing from you!” he snaps and I like the gravel of his words rumble in his chest.
“I would beg to differ on that one,” she tells him and I can’t help it. I snort.
“You can stop pretending you’re sleeping, love. I knew the moment you woke,” Inanna says in a gentle tone, like she’s talking to a child.
“We have a winner, ladies and gentlemen,” I mock, opening my eyes and looking right at her.
She stands in the middle of the living room, and with all the bullshit we have dealt with, I find this the most bizarre thing ever. Her hair is loose, falling around her bare shoulders. The dress she wears looks like it’s been painted on her body like poured oil, shimmering black and pooling around her feet. If this was the first time I’d seen her, I would stare dumbfounded and probably reevaluate my sanity while wondering if she was real.
“Stop that. It doesn’t become you.” She sniffs.
“It doesn’t? And what does become me, Mother?” I ask while trying to sit up, but when Lucifer tightens his arms around me with a growl, I realize that’s not going to happen.
Seriously?
“No one is taking me, Lucifer. I need to sit up. My neck hurts from looking up at her. Let me up.”
“No!”
That’s all I get. A no. Apparently, we are all about one-word conversations now. I don’t know if I should laugh or cry. I wiggle and push harder, grinding my teeth.
“Let me go!”
“Let him hold you, Alexia. You were badly hurt, and he couldn’t protect you in time. He needs the contact to stay calm,” Inanna, ever the helpful, says and my hackles go up.
“There is something wrong with all of you!” I huff.
I get raised eyebrows from everyone in the room. My sisters stand around Inanna like the dutiful daughters they are, and I want to laugh. My intentions must show on my face because they frown at me. All of them, the goddess included. Thinking of entities, I collect as much energy as I can and zap Lucifer’s arms with all I’ve got. He jolts hard and jumps to his feet, while I topple onto the floor like a sack of potatoes. I don’t care, though. At least I can sit up now.
“Witch!” He growls again as he inches closer.
I jump up and take a step back, calling fire to my palm, then I wiggle my hand in his face. “Stay back or I’ll burn your ass this time!” I warn him. Taking a deep breath after he stops and frowns, I turn to the rest of this gathering. “Let’s get one thing straight so we can move on to the more important things. First”—I point my flame-burning palm towards Lucifer’s face, making him take a step back, which makes me grin like a fiend—“I don’t need you to protect me, angel. I think somewhere along the way we blurred some lines. I thought we were equal partners in all this. I’m not some damsel in distress who needs saving and I have proved that more than once, thank you very much!”
He opens his mouth, I’m sure to inform me I’m wrong, but I make the fire brighter and he closes it with a snap. Good! I don’t need a discussion of rights and wrongs.
“Second! If you want to be a sexist jerk, get the fuck out of here, or out of this world, for that matter. Don’t misunderstand and think I don’t appreciate what you’ve done, because I do. But before you came, I managed to deal with Enlil on my own. So, let’s get the idea of ‘poor little Alexia needs saving’ out of our heads, shall we? If you want to work with me, together, then by all means let’s do that. I don’t need a bodyguard. All the entities invading my body and mind have made sure of that. Or did we forget that little bit? Awwww, we did!” I finish mockingly.
They’re all staring at me, awestruck, but I don’t care. I’m on the roll here and I’m going to get everything out in the open before I leave the room to attack the rest of my secret stash of chocolate.
“Third! Unless any of you have decided to speak the truth and tell me what the fuck is going on, I suggest you get out of my face. That goes for everyone! I’m tired of half-truths, things you all know but don’t say for one bullshit reason or another. So this is your chance. Any information you wish to share is welcome at this moment. After this, I don’t want to hear one word of what should or shouldn’t happen and what I should or shouldn’t do. Speak now or forever hold your peace!” I look around expectantly.
“Who died and made you the one in charge?” Remi, of course, has to butt heads with me.
“Funny, but so not the time. I meant everything I said. Speak, because the moment I turn around, I won’t listen to another word. And no more sneaking around, either. Everyone will speak in front of everyone else. I’ve had it with secrecy! I thought we were working together, not against each other.”
“I think you’re just angry, love. With everything that has happened and the attack tonight, you need to rest before we talk. You lost a lot of blood and need to heal properly.” The love that shines in Inanna’s eyes does not help at all. In fact, it is like a slap in the face.
“Angry?” I whisper the word. “You think this is anger?” I look at her unblinking, and she frowns.
“Of course it is. Not that anyone blames you for it.”
“Anger!” I repeat like a dumbass.
“It’s okay, Al.” Daisy speaks for the first time. “You should rest. You scared us to death when Lucifer brought you in. You lost so much blood.”
“You think this is anger, too?” I turn on her.
She takes a step back and, with wide eyes, nods jerkily. I look at each of them and they all nod at my question. Even Lucifer gives one jerk of his head. It’s like the planet has been dumped on my chest. My lungs are struggling to pull in enough oxygen and I start panting like a wild animal. Who are these people, these creatures staring at me? Are these the people that love me and know me better than anyone else?
With a heavy sigh, I scrub my hands over my face, the fire long extinguished now. I know I lost a lot of blood, but for whatever reason I’m not hurt, or tired for that matter. I just have the weight from their confused faces crushing my chest.
“It’s not anger I feel, no. What you see as anger is actually grief. That’s what I feel!” I tell them. “I’m grieving for the little girl I was that simply wanted to be cherished by those who were supposed to love and protect her but didn’t.
“The girl who looked through windows at other families and wished with all her heart she could have that, if only one time. That she would not be a freak or an abomination, but just a girl. I grieve for the young woman, too. The one who had dreams and hopes that were crushed because some entity decided she has a destiny and she has no say in that matter. Grief for my sisters who don’t have the option to live life like they deserve, to be happy, to have families of their own instead of living each day like it will be their last, and it very well might be.
“Grief for you, too, Mother. That in all your planning you turned your noble cause into a twisted version of what it should be. While protecting the Divine Feminine, you lost sight of protecting the Masculine, too. Or did you not see the masculine hurting? Should we place them in one bag, all of them and crush them? But most of all, what you call anger is grief for my humanity, which I’ve been
losing more and more of every day since this shitstorm started. You can call it anger and keep trying to run my life because, what the hell, I never had a say in it anyway. The only thing I have and none of you can take away from me is my grief and I’m going to hold on to that until my last breath. All the things I just listed are worth that much to me!”
With those parting words, I turn and head for the kitchen. The silence is deafening in the house, and I swear I can hear the Earth releasing a sigh. For once, they all do the right thing by me. They stay silent and don’t follow me. I need time for myself.
Grabbing as many chocolates as I can carry, I open the door and sneak out outside. I can hear the call of the lake from here. It’s like the water can sense my pain and is whispering for me to take me in her embrace. That is one call I’m more than happy to answer. Surprisingly, I reach the lake and no one has come after me. Lately I’ve been feeling my connection with the other elements growing stronger, but water will always be a part of me. I’m nothing without it.
Dropping the chocolates on the ground, I shrug off my shirt and jeans, kick off my shoes, and take my socks off, my eyes never leaving the surface of the water. The air is chilly but luckily there is no wind. I don’t like cold but I need to be in the water. In my bra and panties, I slowly wade through the shallow part until I’m thigh deep, then I dive in.
I might have imagined it, but it sounds like the water breathes a sigh of relief when I fully connect with it. The pressure of it around me is like a balm. Closing my eyes, I surrender to it. The water heals me and I allow it because nothing is more right that this moment.
Unbidden, an image of Lucifer’s face when I woke up next to him pops in my mind. A sharp pang stabs my heart at his actions earlier. He didn’t say the words but he didn’t deny them, either. He doesn’t see me as an equal. He sees me as an object, just like everyone else does, one he can claim and protect simply because no one touches anything that belongs to the mighty Lucifer.
Another pain stabs my heart, and I strengthen my resolve. I will not let him into my heart, even if I have to fight myself on this. He almost broke down the walls I built around it. It’s better this way. I will not be an option to anyone. I deserve to be a choice and to be chosen every second of every day. The sad part about it is I don’t believe I’ll live long enough for anyone to have the chance to choose me. I know deep in my bones that my path will be finished sooner than I think.
At that thought the water ripples around me like it’s distressed by my musings. Twisting around, I search the area in case someone, or something, is here with me. That’s when I see it: a tiny bright light at the bottom is twinkling, calling me closer. I don’t deny its call.
Kicking my feet as hard as I can, I dive deeper in the lake, stretching my arm towards it. As my fingers barely connect with it, a sonic boom of energy slams into my body, flinging me out of the lake and dropping me on the ground next to it like a rock. There’s no pain at all. No, I feel like I can crush this planet and the rest of the realms with barely a thought. My brands— the apple on my wrist, the pentagram on my palm, and my birthmark in the shape of a tree on my spine. pulse like they have a heartbeat of their own. As they pulse, they glow like miniature suns. The light dances around me and on the surface of the lake like a playful spirit. I stare at it, mesmerized, and the water ripples as if the light is playing with it, too. Something clicks inside me, something that has been broken until now snapping back into place. Warmth spreads inside me, and closing my eyes, I tilt my head back and lift my arms at my sides as if waiting to embrace the light, too.
A sharp intake of breath makes me jump and spin around. Everyone is behind me, finally having come to see where I went off to, and I guess they didn’t expect a light show. Oh well, at least they can enjoy its beauty.
“I think I got another gift,” I tell them, shrugging nonchalantly even as I glow like a Christmas tree.
Chapter 19
Lucifer…
All the anger and fear drain from me at Alexia’s words and the raw pain in her eyes. I do not think she allows us see it on purpose. With each word she speaks, the ruby around my neck grows hotter and pulses as if warning me of danger. I stand gobsmacked, not saying a word to stop her. Everything she says is truth. How did I let this happen? How did I let myself turn into a being I no longer recognize? Somewhere along the way, I started treating her like a possession I must selfishly guard.
The more I try to make her see she belongs to me, the more I push her away. She is so strong. It is easy to forget the ever-present bravado is her defense mechanism—her way of contending with the fates and the turmoil they have brought into every one of the lives she has lived. She shows no weakness, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have one. Watching her treading through hellfire with nothing but determination and dedications makes me blind to her humanity. When she tells me she is losing it, something inside me dies.
It cannot be.
No matter what she is and who she is, her humanity is what makes her Alexia. I will do everything in my power to ensure she doesn’t lose herself. Well … I will do it from this moment on, since I was a blinded, stubborn fool until now.
Glancing at everyone, I see they are having their own internal battles. The strangest part is seeing the horror on Inanna’s face when Alexia’s words sink in. I can relate to that. We are so used to dealing with manipulation and struggles for power, but none of that matters to the witch. Out of everyone here, I believe she is the only one who wants nothing when we reach the end of this road. Well, the other witches don’t want anything, either. Their problem is that they’re as stubborn as she is. In their desire to protect Alexia, they don’t realize they’re only making it harder for her.
“Well, we fucked up royally … all of us,” Faith says the words as if she has plucked them right from my mind.
“It’s not over yet,” Meda says softly, tears brimming in her eyes.
At her words, Inanna jerks her head towards Meda, her eyes widening as if she’s too afraid to hear what else is to come. If I were a better male, I would admit fear crawls up my spine. But since I’m not a better male, I move past that little fact and tuck it away.
“There’s more?” Jezzinta says in a faint voice, and I cannot blame her.
My legs give out from under me and I plop down where I’m standing, not caring that Inanna can see my weakness. She’s not faring any better since she looks like she may collapse, too. And then, like clockwork, everyone sits, all lost in their own thoughts.
“I must fix this!” I’m not sure why the words leave my lips. I don’t need help from anyone. I will figure it out on my own just as I always do, but something compels me to speak.
“There is nothing to fix, Lucifer. Don’t you see that?” Remi tells me solemnly.
“Of course there is. I must make her see that I do not think of her as an object but as my equal.”
Can’t they see it?
“Therein is the problem, angel,” Inanna says sadly. “We’ve all been trying to resolve this, resolve her, and … we’ve screwed it up royally, as Faith so eloquently pointed out.”
“What do you mean it’s not over yet?” Ignoring the goddess, I turn towards the spirit elemental. She has been very quiet after her last vision but I don’t pay much attention to that fact until now. “Meda? There is more of this?”
“Since she came into the dark wizard’s realm, she has been able to shield her mind from me. I thought it was because the evil magic of that place drained me, that it would go back to normal once we got home. It didn’t. She trained with you, yes, but I think her power grew because of Azalea’s gift, Lilith’s sacrifice, and the merge with Inanna. All that power combined should’ve made her go insane. Plus, her soul is living outside her body. Yet here she is, not even aware of it. She has been even more subdued since we returned. At first, I thought it was because she was tired from the search, the fight, and the stress that came with it. Now … I’m not so sure. I feel like something is b
rewing, but I have no idea what it is. And after tonight, I think she is walking away from love, unconditional love to be precise. Whatever it is that is changing her, I think it’s pulling her apart from the inside. I only wish I would’ve known sooner, but I didn’t pay attention because I was so used to being inside peoples’ heads, and there are so many of us here now. It’s a mistake that I hope won’t cost us greatly,” she finishes with a sob, and my gut clenches.
“No words of wisdom, old woman?” I turn on Daisy.
She always seems to be one step ahead of us when it comes to Alexia. Maybe she can point us in the right direction now. I somehow think the hope of fixing this is getting more slippery by the second.
“No. I have no words of wisdom, angel, but I have faith,” she says with so much determination shining in her eyes that I’m taken aback.
“What can Faith do?” At this point, I’ll take any suggestion into consideration just to remove that pain from Alexia’s eyes.
“Not Faith. I said I have faith in Alexia. I believe in her with all that I am. That girl will not succumb or give up. I would bet my life on that. She may be hurt, and we all deserve to see the pain she hides so well. No matter what is pulling her inside or outside, she will fight it tooth and nail and come out on top with the same beautiful soul that she’s always had. Margaret believed in her enough to give her life to protect her. I will do no less!” With those last words, she shoots to her feet, but a tremor in the ground knocks her over and she crumples onto her side.
“Alexia!” I roar and bolt out of the room as fast as I can. No matter how fast I move, everyone else is running right alongside me. Even Daisy.
Like a magnet I’m pulled towards her, heading straight for the lake. Of course she will go in the water to calm herself. It’s as much a part of her as the body she has. As we near it, a blinding light stops us, making us shield our eyes. I panic, gathering my power around me to fight whatever or whoever is standing between me and Alexia. But the light ebbs, and my eyes adjust so I’m able to see. A gasp from the witches sounds like a loud boom to my ears and the vision in front of me turns around to face us.