by Maya Daniels
“Come on, my love. Open your eyes. Look at me,” I beg her, but her eyes stay closed and the color on her face fades a little. For a moment, her face turns blurry and I panic, only to realize it is because tears are falling down my face. I do not care. Blinking fast, I clear my vision, because it feels like she will disappear if I’m not looking at her. If the tears of an angel are a curse, then let me curse all the realms and everything in them. My heart beats painfully fast as I continue holding her limp body. The sounds of battle rage around me but I am frozen in time and space, unaware of anything.
Then I remember the ruby around my neck, tugging it out of my top. It has faded in color and I can barely sense it vibrating, but it’s not empty. Hope blooms in my chest and I lift my head, looking for Tiamat. I see her fighting Enki in the distance. He must have led her away from us. I cannot concern myself with his motivations, so I concentrate on the woman in my arms.
Calling on Inanna is easy, and she appears in front of me within seconds. When she sees what I’m holding in my arms, she drops on her knees next to me.
“No! This can’t be!” Her shocked voice stabs me more deeply than any blade.
“Stop talking like she is gone! She’s not; I feel her!” I snap, dangling the ruby in her face.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Lucifer!” she says angrily.
“I know exactly what I am talking about,” I say through clenched teeth. “And you are going to help me.”
“I’m not going to the abyss. You are on your own.” She rocks back on her knees. “This shouldn’t have happened,” she adds as if she is talking to herself.
“Don’t you think I know that!” I yell at her face, my powers erratic and out of control.
A ripple through the veil stops our arguing as another entity joins the fight between Enki and Tiamat. In the meantime, hordes of demons have enlisted in the chaos, and it looks like they will overpower Enki at any moment, no matter how much he tries to keep them at bay. It is almost as if we are in a realm of our own while the battle is all around us.
Inanna squints at the newcomers and sucks in a sharp breath. “What is Marduk doing here?” she mumbles.
“The city god of Babylon? I don’t know and I don’t care, Inanna. Will you help me or not? She has done everything for you; you owe her this much!”
“I can’t go, Lucifer. I did that once and disrupted many things. As much as I love her, I will have to let her go until she is born again,” she says sadly. “I truly didn’t think this would happen.”
“Well, I am going and I …”
A thunderous roar shakes the ground, flinging us into the sand, and I curl my body protectively over Alexia. A shadow covers us and Tiamat’s head sits above me with a spear sticking from her forehead right between her brows. The spear is glowing bright as it embeds deeper. She has lost and she knows it, but there is still some fight left in her. Her eyes are almost unseeing and I smile a feral smile in her face. Inanna screams my name and, in slow-motion, I watch as one clawed hand hits me in the head and another grabs Alexia from my arms. A portal opens next to Tiamat and, with a satisfied smirk, she flings Alexia’s body through it. Anzu and the other creature fly through it after her, but before I move, it blinks out of existence. As she releases her last breath and drops onto the sand, a roar rips from my chest, bursting my wings from my back. It goes on forever. I believe I hear Inanna scream and there are some male voices, but all I see is red. There is pain in my back like it’s on fire but I ignore it. It’s nothing compared to the pain in my heart. Everywhere I turn, rivers of blood flow over everyone and everything. Burning pain intensifies at my shoulders but I welcome it. Then silence.
“I will not be the devil for humanity. I shall be the devil the gods will fear.” I do not even recognize the voice coming from me.
“Oh fuck!” Marduk says. My head swivels in his direction and he lifts his hands in surrender. “I came as fast as I could. I am sorry,” he tells me.
“I do not need your sympathy,” I snap at him, then turn to Inanna. “You will stay away from her from this day forward”
“Your wings …” she points towards me, shaking her head, but I have said all I have to say.
With one last look at Enki, who nods gravely at me, I open a portal and go into the abyss to fight a battle I am not sure I can win.
Chapter 43
The abyss
Alexia…
It’s all darkness around me and I feel peace like I’ve never known before. The strangest thing is that I have no body and it’s like I’m everywhere and everything. It’s a little overwhelming at first, but I get used to it. All the inner turmoil and conflict I battled my entire life is gone and all I know is love, contentment, and peace. It’s beautiful and all-consuming.
I have no idea how much time has passed since I’ve been like this. It could’ve been a second or hundreds of years, but I realize it doesn’t even matter. I’m complete. It’s like home.
Some unwanted feeling nags at me, trying to get my attention, but I ignore it. Nothing can compare to this bliss. I’m not a tool here. I have no one I need to protect and no one needs to protect me. Everything is as it should be. I don’t even know why I still think of myself as Alexia. I have no name; I am all names and none of them at the same time.
That nagging feeling is getting persistent and it distracts my peace. I try to will it away but the harder I try, the more annoying it becomes. Something is trying to push me into tight confines but I won’t let it. I’m infinite; I can’t be contained. A tugging feeling starts somewhere on my non-existent body and, even as I struggle to free myself from it, it sucks me in like water through a straw. Bright light blinds me and I close my eyes to stop the headache that it causes. I freeze. I have eyes? What the fuck!
Blinking rapidly, I do my best to clear them so I can see where I am. What on Earth happened? One moment, I am looking at Enki, and the next I’m here. I have this feeling inside that I’m infinite, but it fades so quickly that I convince myself I imagine it. Finally, the light is bearable and I slowly open my eyes.
It’s not bright at all. I’m standing in a huge round room with only one big ass chair—like a throne—in the middle of it. I’m also alone. I’m debating if I should go sit on it to see how fast someone will show up to claim it. I snort. If I know the arrogance of gods as well as I think I do, I bet it’ll be less than a second.
“What is funny?” A beautiful, melodious voice reaches my ears, and I twist around to see who spoke. There is no one there.
“I was thinking of sitting on your throne to see how fast you’d show up,” I say truthfully. “Obviously very fast, since just thinking it made you speak,” I add for good measure.
“Go on then. Sit,” the voice says.
“Ummm, I don’t think so. There’s always a catch. I’m good standing, but thanks for the offer.”
“You think I need tricks to get what I want?” it asks.
“Isn’t that what you are doing now? Hiding while talking to me?” I ask without a trace of sarcasm. I’m so proud of myself.
“Very wise indeed,” the voice says, and I can hear the swishing of fabric right before I see who has been talking.
I can’t tell if it’s a male or a female. The body looks like the universe has been given a shape. It’s dark with stars sparkling all over it. Tiny planets move around it and galaxies pop in and out. But it has a body, along with arms, legs, and long, dark blue hair flowing to its feet. It also has eyes that are scary as fuck because they look like two pebble-sized suns staring at you, glowing. My knees go weak, and without my control, I drop onto them like I’m worshiping whatever it is that’s standing in front of me now.
“Oh, stand up, child. There is no need to kneel before me. Not after you wished to sit on my throne.”
“I don’t want to sit on it. That is all yours, thank you. I was just thinking of a way not to wait too long for someone to show up.” I talk to the ground because I don’t seem to be
able to lift my head.
“You are in a rush, then?” it asks me.
“Well, I did leave my sister in the middle of a fight and she might get hurt. Plus, I think Lucifer needs me, too. Otherwise he and Enki might kill each other.” I have no fucking clue why I’m rambling but I can’t stop the words from spilling out of my mouth.
“And why did you all find yourselves in that predicament, child?”
“Because of some stupid destiny, that’s why. Gods play games and humanity has to pay for it.” My word-vomit continues, spilling everything that comes to mind.
“Hmm. You speak of the tablets of destiny?”
“The very same, yes. We had no other option but to find them,” I say angrily. “It was my destiny,” I add.
“You always have options; you just chose to follow that path.”
“Really? That’s the best you’ve got? I always had options? You think I chose to see my grandmother get killed? Or my sisters sacrifice themselves so we weren’t hunted like animals anymore? Or maybe you think I chose for my own mother to hate me and call me a freak while my so-called father, or creator as he calls himself, tells me I’m a tool? Are those the options we are talking about? If that’s the case, why don’t you pick an option, too? Let’s say pick a fucking gender so I know how to address you. It’ll make shit a helluva lot easier,” I finish my rant, breathing hard like I am sprinting. As soon as I’m done, I wish I can take everything back, because I don’t even know who this is, and I just insulted it. The silence is deafening.
“You want to say that you don’t want to possess the tablets?”
“What do I need them for? I’m neither a god nor a goddess.”
“But you are something else. Are you not?”
“The vessel,” I tell it dejectedly.
“You almost sound as if you wish you were not, when many would do everything to have a clear path in front of them.”
“I don’t want it when it comes with losing everyone I love.”
“Ah, I see. You think this whole thing was about you.”
“Well, it happened to me, so yes, it kinda is about me.”
“Are you certain?”
“I thought you didn’t need manipulations,” I snap at it, my anger getting the better of me.
“Okay. Let us see then if this was about you.” With those words, the fabric moves again, then it sits on the throne.
“Can you at least tell me if you are a she or he? I don’t know what to name you, and calling you ‘it’ doesn’t sound very nice,” I tell it. Tinkling laughter echoes around me, making me smile involuntarily.
“I am both and none of them. But let us see what this was all about, shall we?”
Bright light blinds me for a second, forcing me to close my eyes. When I open them, I can’t believe what I’m seeing. It takes me a second to recognize him. Lucifer looks like a man possessed. His hair is wild, sticking out this way and that all over the place. His clothes look like he has been walking through thorn bushes, ripped in so many places I wonder how they still stay on his body. His wide, bloodshot eyes glow yellowish and they are too big for his face. Most of all, I can’t take my eyes away from his wings. His beautiful wings are pitch black, shimmering in the dim lighting with blood-red tips on every single feather. They are as beautiful as they are terrifying.
What the hell happened to him? I gasp.
* * *
Lucifer…
It feels like an eternity that I have been searching, and still there is no sign of Alexia anywhere. I cannot stop. If I stop, I will destroy everything in my path, including the humans for which she gave her life. Rage and anger suffocate me, and the only thing keeping me sane is the ruby around my neck that slowly fades but still holds a spark. I do not know how much time has passed, but I must find her.
Out of nowhere, the ruby flares to life so fast the bright red light from it blinds me. I wrap my fist around it, my heart beating fast like it will break through my chest. Something is happening, and I shall go mad if I don’t have something go right for me finally. A bright light blinds me and I stumble into a big round room. A gasp makes me turn around and my knees go weak when I see Alexia kneeling on the ground looking up at me. I drop down, opening my arms to her. Without missing a beat, she crawls towards me and throws herself at my chest. I take a breath for the first time in what feels like an eternity.
“I found you,” I say hoarsely, burying my face in her neck and breathing her in. My hands are trembling but I squeeze her tight to my chest. “I’m never letting go of you again,” I tell her.
“Okay, don’t, but I can’t breathe,” she wheezes, and I loosen my hold—not by much, though. I’m not ready for that yet.
Pulling her head back, she searches my face, and I drink in her face with my own eyes. Her eyes are open, the blue orbs glowing brightly as she is looking at me. That is all I want.
“Jezzinta?” she says the name as a question. Closing my eyes for a second, I shake my head slowly. She moans but doesn’t say or do anything.
“Hello, Lucifer,” a voice speaks, and I jump up, pulling Alexia flush to my back. “There is no need to fear. I am the one who brought you here.”
“Nyx?” I frown, not sure that it is her.
“I have been known by that name, yes.”
“The goddess of the stars?” Alexia pokes her head around my shoulder. It makes me warm all over to see her animated even when she still won’t let me protect her as I want to.
“One and the same.”
“Can I call you that? It’s much easier,” Alexia says, and I wonder if she has been here the entire time I was searching.
“If you wish. Naming things is human nature. We are boundless and endless. We don’t need labels.”
“How very nice for you,” Alexia quips, and a laugh bursts from my chest, startling me. I did not think I would ever hear myself laugh again.
“You are here for a reason, Lucifer.” Those glowing eyes settle on me.
“Yes, I know. I am here because I am taking Alexia with me.”
“That will be a little difficult.”
“There is nothing to discuss; she will come with me because that’s where she belongs.”
“Is that so? And where does she belong, angel?”
“With me!” I say with everything in me. “I will either take her with me or follow wherever she goes. It is that simple!”
“Are you so desperate for power you will do anything to keep the tablets of destiny?” The entity before me watches me with so much intensity the tiny hairs on my body stand on end.
“The tablets? I do not care about your god-forsaken tablets. If you can take them from her, it will be better. She, however, comes with me.”
“I see.”
“Listen. I don’t know what you have heard or what you think you know, but Lucifer has helped me a lot throughout this whole damn thing. He is not trying to keep the tablets, of that I am one-hundred percent sure,” Alexia says as she steps out from behind me, and I want to weep from the conviction I hear in her voice.
“Very well,” the entity says, and Alexia crumbles at my feet. The weight of the ruby becomes lighter around my neck.
“No!” I scream and drop down, pulling her to me “Bring her back,” I say desperately.
“Did you not say you don’t want the tablets?”
“But I want her! I need her!” I whisper, lifting Alexia’s head and pressing her under my chin.
“Even if she is mortal?”
“Yes!”
“Even if she is human and has no power?”
“Yes!”
“Even if she does not remember you when you take her back?”
“Ye—wait, what?” I frown.
“Will you want her back if she doesn’t remember who and what you are to her?”
I look down at Alexia’s face. I cannot let her go. I will not let her go, even if that means she has to get to know me and trust me all over again.
“Yes,” I s
ay as I bend down and kiss her, one tear trickling down my face. Who knows how long it will be until I can do that again?
“And what will you give me?”
“Making her powerless, mortal, and not remembering me is not enough?”
“What will it be, angel?”
“Anything. Everything. Take anything you want but her!”
“That was all you had to say. Only the one willing to sacrifice everything for love can be the keeper of the tablets. She was always willing to do that. You, on the other hand, were not—not until now. The tablets were always meant to be in her. She is a woman, after all. A vessel for the feminine. Their words are written in her DNA and in her bones. Her destiny was to bring you back to your heart, for you, as a vessel of the masculine, had lost your way. She has succeeded in that, very impressively if I may say so, even when she had to suffer to achieve it. Your destiny begins now, however. You must bring her the light. It will be a difficult path but I do have faith in you. Until we meet again, Lucifer”
With those words, a force pushes me through the veils, and I tighten my arms around Alexia, not chancing that she may slip away. When the spinning ends, I see that we are in Alexia’s house. It’s empty and quiet. I hope she will not hurt too much when she awakens, but I promise myself I will be there every step of the way. An ear-splitting scream makes me cringe and my mouth drops open when Alexia flails her arms and legs in her haste to get away from me.
“Alexia, please. I mean you no harm.” I lift my hands in surrender, praying silently that she does not ask me to leave.
She pants, holding her hand on her chest over her heart. Frowning, she glances around.
“I didn’t hit my head, Lucifer. I know you don’t mean harm. I had a feeling I couldn’t breathe,” she huffs. I stare at her dumbfounded. “What?” she asks.
“You remember me?”