by Kelly Oram
He gave me the infamous Coffee Man staredown again. I rolled my eyes and tried not to start an argument. “I’m serious. What do I have to do first?”
“Take this seriously,” he answered, scowling.
“Oh, come on. We’re pretending I’m a drug addict because I can’t get over His Holy Hotness. You have to admit it’s a bit ridiculous.”
The scowl turned into a full-on glower. “Ridiculous?” he snapped. “Then what am I doing here, Libby? Do you even want my help?”
I was startled by the outburst, but it made me angry, and I snapped back. “I want my boyfriend to not be embarrassed of me. I want to stop putting up with his crap because I’m afraid no one else will ever love me. I want to stop feeling like there’s something wrong with me. I want my friends back. I want to stop being such a disappointment to everyone. And I want self-righteous sphincters like you to stop judging me. You have no idea what it’s like to be unlovable.”
Adam’s anger vanished. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The muscles in his jaw popped because he was clenching it so tightly. When he opened his eyes again, there was an intensity in them that frightened me. “The only thing wrong with you,” he said in a low, calm voice that was so soft it made me shiver, “is that you don’t believe you can do any of that.”
He had me trapped in his gaze, never taking his eyes off mine. “You have to find hope, Libby. You have to believe that there is a higher power out there, greater than what you know, that can help you heal. Be it God or Fate, however you understand it, you have to surrender yourself to that power. Make a decision right now to put your life in His hands and trust that He will take care of you.”
Adam made it impossible not to feel the weight of his words. He seemed so calm and so sure of what he was saying. I wanted to do what he said. I wished more than anything that I felt the hope he talked about, but I didn’t. I’d been bullied my entire life because I was too smart, too weird, and too fat. He could take me on a journey with a hundred different steps and it wouldn’t change any of those things.
I looked away because I couldn’t stand to see the confidence in his eyes. I didn’t know him, and half the time I didn’t even like him, but the thought of letting him down right now was too much. “Easier said than done,” I muttered, turning my eyes to the half-pipe where the first finalist was making his descent.
For once, Adam wasn’t distracted by the snowboarders. His hand came down on mine, and he used his other one to gently turn my face back to him. “Libby Garrett, you are an intelligent, funny, beautiful woman.” He tucked my hair behind my ear. “You are absolutely lovable. Have faith that you can overcome your demons. I believe you can, or I wouldn’t have agreed to help you.”
My breath froze in my lungs. I was absolutely shattered. All my life I’d been building up walls around my heart to protect it from the hurtful things people said to me—I almost never felt an insult anymore—but I’d never had to shield myself from compliments. I was unprepared for the confusion and the pain. It was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me, and he was completely sincere, so why did I suddenly hurt so badly? Why did his faith make me feel like I was the scum of the earth?
I turned away from him again, and this time he afforded me my space. I tried to focus on the competition, but I couldn’t get Adam’s praise out of my head. The more I repeated each of his compliments in my mind, the more I felt like I didn’t deserve them. Then I couldn’t remember what he’d said at all. I could only think of the letters my friends had read to me, and of all the ways I’d hurt them. I could only see the way my parents looked when I asked if they were disappointed in me.
The truth was, I’d become a horrible person. I’d become irresponsible, selfish, and unkind. Owen had made me so afraid I was unlovable that I’d forgotten there were already plenty of people who did love me. I’d pushed away my true friends for a guy who made me hate myself. I wasn’t smart at all. I was an idiot—a pathetic, desperate, idiot.
If there was such a thing as Fate, she was a cold, cruel Canis lupus familiaris, because right then my phone rang, flashing Owen’s name on the display screen, as if my very thoughts had conjured him. I told myself not to answer the call, even as I hit the TALK button. “What do you want?”
“You know what I want,” Owen purred over the line. “I want you—all night long.”
My insides warmed and turned to mush. His words gave me so much pleasure that I shivered violently. I imagined the room we were supposed to have tonight, and all the use we would get out of it.
“Is your thing over yet?” Owen asked. “I felt bad after our fight last night. I’ve been thinking about all the ways I’m going to apologize to you all day, and I can’t wait much longer. I need you now, wildcat.”
Screw it. I’d quit him tomorrow. “It’s not over yet. My dad made it to the finals.”
Owen groaned as if he were in physical pain. I loved the sense of power the sound gave me. “Call me when it’s over, then, and I’ll meet you in Salt Lake,” Owen said. “It’ll be faster that way.”
“I can’t. I drove up with my parents.”
“I’ll come get you, then. I’ll leave right now. Will your thing be done in an hour?”
I jerked back in my seat, surprised he was willing to come all the way to Park City to pick me up. As I started to say okay, a hand slipped into mine. I glanced up, startled, and Adam gave me an encouraging nod.
Donkey dung on a stick! Thirty seconds on the phone with Owen, and I’d completely forgotten about Adam and the whole freaking point of his being with me today. Adam clearly understood my frustration. He squeezed my hand, mouthing the words, “You can do it.”
Yes, I could. All night long, if I wanted to. And our hotel room had a Jacuzzi in it. Adam playfully flicked my nose with his free hand, pulling me out of my X-rated fantasy. Ugh, what was wrong with me?
I shook my head, trying to clear it, and squeezed Adam’s hand as if I were on a labor-and-delivery table. “No, Owen.” I willed my voice not to shake. “I told you last night, I’m done. You don’t need to come get me. I’m not going to the hotel with you tonight.”
There was silence for a second as Owen processed my rejection. His disbelief was monumental. “Babe, you can’t be serious.”
“As an Ebola outbreak, Owen. I’m not seeing you anymore.”
“Is this because I won’t go to your prom?”
Adam leaned over and whispered into the ear I was holding my phone to. “Hey, beautiful, you might want to wrap it up. Your dad’s up next. They just called his name.”
I was so hung up on Adam’s deep, silky voice and the fact that he called me beautiful again that I forgot I was on the phone until Owen reminded me. “Who the hell was that?”
Normally I would be thrilled by his jealousy, but this time it pissed me off. “I had an extra pass and you didn’t want to come, so I asked someone else.”
“You brought some other guy?”
His attitude made me even angrier. “Is that a problem?” I asked, my voice laced with venom.
“Hell yes, it’s a problem. You’re my brainiac, wildcat. You think I want some slimeball prick taking you out instead of me?”
More shocking than his declaration was the hurt in his voice. I pinched my eyes shut because I could feel tears of frustration threatening to form. He was acting like I’d cheated on him. Like it mattered if I dated other people. I hated that I’d hurt him, but I hated even more that his hurt tore me up inside. It was wrong that he could act like a hypocritical pig, and yet his unjustified tantrum made me want to apologize to him. Any girl in her right mind would see how backward this conversation was, but all I saw was hope. Owen cared about me. Curse him for caring about me!
“You’re the one who pointed out that we’re not exclusive,” I said, once I could speak calmly. “You told me last night to ask someone else to take me to prom.”
“I told you to take one of your geek friends. Whoever that asshole hitting on you is, he did
n’t sound like one of those dumb nerds.”
So much for acting in a calm and rational manner. “That’s because he’s not. The guy is sexy as hell.”
“Libby!”
“Tell me something, Owen, what’s more hurt right now: your feelings or your pride? You’ve never agreed to be exclusive with me because you thought you didn’t have to. You thought you could just get with anyone you wanted, but you didn’t have to worry about me doing the same because you didn’t think anyone else would ever want me.”
“Kitten…”
“Don’t you dare try to kitten me right now, you condescending Hominoidea! I am so over you.”
“Libby…” Owen was quiet for a minute, and when he spoke again his voice was soft, pleading. “Baby, don’t do this. I don’t want to lose you.”
It was the most insecure I’d ever heard him, and it was torture. To my horror, a tear rolled down my cheek and I had to sniff when my nose started to run. “I have to do this. I’m through being with someone who’s embarrassed of me. I can’t be your dirty little secret anymore. I’m sorry, Owen.”
I hung up before he could argue, and quickly wiped away the incriminating moisture on my cheek. “Did I miss my dad?”
“No. He’s coming up any minute now.”
We fell silent until after my dad’s run. He killed it—as always—and the crowd went crazy, but I couldn’t cheer along with them. This was my dad’s last run in a professional competition, and it was completely marred by Owen’s phone call. It was just another thing I now hated Owen for.
Adam stayed quiet next to me. It was only after the crowd settled down that I realized I was still gripping Adam’s hand as if it were the Holy freaking Grail. “Sorry,” I muttered, and let go.
“It’s all good.” Adam winked at me as he massaged the life back into his fingers. “I think it’ll survive.”
“I thought you said the hand-holding was supposed to be metaphorical.”
Adam’s lips twitched. “I guess it seemed like one of those literal occasions.”
For a second, my heart was lighter. I managed a faint smile but couldn’t keep it there. “I want to call him back,” I blurted out of nowhere. “I want to apologize and try to work something out.”
Adam looked at me without judgment in his expression. “If you do that, he’ll only hurt you again.”
I shook my head, even though he was probably right. “But he was upset. He begged me not to let him go. He has other girls besides me. If he didn’t care about me, he wouldn’t bother with me anymore. He’d just move on to one of them.”
“Do you hear yourself?” Adam was still calm, still speaking without accusation. “If he really cared about you, he wouldn’t have any other girls to move on to. He wouldn’t be able to treat you the way he does. He’s only thinking about himself. He only cares about what he wants. It may suck right now, but trust me: being alone is better than staying in an abusive relationship.”
When I started to speak, Adam cut me off before I could say anything. “Not all abuse is physical, Libby.”
He gave me a look that I couldn’t argue with, and again I got the feeling that he was speaking from personal experience. I wanted to ask him who had hurt him, but before I could work up the courage, the competition came to an end. I let the conversation drop and dragged Adam off to find my parents before they announced the winners.
Adam
I was in over my head. I knew we would be dealing with some heavy topics, but I hadn’t expected Libby to be so real with me. I never dreamed she would open up the way she had.
The day had been one of the best of my life, but it had also been one of the saddest and most frustrating. Hearing Libby talk about herself in such a negative way—so casually, as if it were just common knowledge—killed me, but I couldn’t exactly tell her how wrong she was, either.
I knew Libby was drowning in her relationship with Owen. After watching that awful phone conversation and seeing her basically turn into a zombie afterward, I realized she was a lot further under the water than I’d thought.
I was going to have to be more careful with her than I had been so far, and my personal interest in the matter was only going to complicate things. I had to keep my own feelings out of this. With Owen out of the picture, Libby was going to be a vulnerable mess. She needed to heal. She needed to rebuild her self-confidence. She didn’t need some asshole coffee man trying to start something with her and messing everything up.
This relationship had to stay completely platonic, but I had no idea how I was going to do that. I’d gone from bringing her to near tears to holding her hand. Even though she grabbed onto me first, I knew I’d changed things when I laced our fingers together. I’d seen the shock and panic in her eyes and knew damn well the significance of what I’d done. Hell, I did it on purpose because I wanted to see how she’d react, and I loved every second of it. I’m certain I was the first guy to ever hold her hand like that.
Then, when she started spouting off the statistics of every competitor as they hit the half-pipe, I knew I was a goner. There aren’t enough girls in the world that appreciate extreme sports. Having her explain snowboarding to me was just fun. And the fake cursing by using scientific terms! I didn’t even know what the hell she was saying half the time, but it was the most adorable thing I’d ever seen.
I really was a giant gluteus maximus, because I wanted her. Badly. And I was scared to death that her parents would see right through me the second we met. If her dad tried to kick my ass, I’m not even sure I’d try to stop him, because I deserved a good beating for all the inappropriate thoughts I’d had about Libby today when I was supposed to be helping her.
Libby dragged me out of the stands down to the base of the half-pipe, where all the snowboarders were mingling. She knew her way around, but I was completely out of my element. I’d never been any kind of VIP before—except maybe to my sister Kate. Libby introduced me to some of the guys who’d competed. She laughed and joked with them, congratulating some and trash-talking with others. I was starstruck by it all. It was the closest I’d ever come to meeting any kind of celebrity. In fact, this whole day had felt like a bit of a fairy tale.
I’d never done anything like this. It made me realize how different Libby and I were. We came from completely different worlds. That actually helped me keep my feelings in check. Libby was used to so much more than I could ever give her. She deserved so much more.
I was pulled from my pity party for one when Libby shouted, “Dad!”
Swallowing hard, I tried to suppress all my nerves as Libby jumped at her dad and gave him a hug. Sean Garrett’s face lit up brighter than the sun when he saw Libby. He grabbed her up into his arms. “You came!”
“Of course I came,” Libby replied. “I couldn’t miss your grand finale.”
I wondered if her dad noticed the way her cheeks turned pink, as if she were ashamed by his surprise to see her. And he was surprised. He hadn’t thought she was going to be there today. That was sad, but at least she’d eventually made the right choice. I could tell that they were both really glad she hadn’t missed it.
Libby’s father squeezed her once more while she congratulated him and assured him that he’d definitely placed in the top three. When he set her down, he immediately turned to me.
I’d seen Sean Garrett a number of times around town, but I’d never met him. He skateboarded and freeboarded a lot in the off-season, and my buddies and I had gone out to watch him a few times. The guy is just as awesome on any board with wheels as he is on a snowboard.
I’ve always looked up to Sean, so I’d have been a little nervous to meet him anyway, but it was a million times worse being introduced to him by his daughter. I’d seen them together before. I knew they were close. Sean was going to hate me. He smiled, but it was a little strained as he held his hand out for me to shake. “Thank you for bringing her up today. I know you guys had other plans, but it means a lot to me—” He stopped mid-sentence and glanced at
my forehead. I thought he was frowning at my piercing by the way he was looking at the top of my head, but he said, “No offense, but I thought a college basketball player would be taller. You must have one hell of a jump.”
He thought I was Owen. That explained the wariness. Libby quickly came to my rescue. “Um, yeah, actually, Dad, this isn’t Owen.”
She looked mortified by her dad’s mistake, but I wasn’t nearly as worried about it. This was probably the one instance when it was better to be me than Owen Jackson. I’m not usually a parent pleaser, but I got the feeling that Libby’s parents would take anyone over Owen.
“Not Owen?” Her dad’s frown deepened. “But I thought you said—”
Libby shook her head. “Nope. Not Owen. No more Owen. Ever again. Actually, Owen is dead.”
Her dad stepped back, confused, and her mom immediately slid up next to him, sharing his look of concern.
“Okay, maybe he’s only dead in the metaphorical sense,” Libby corrected. “Though, I wouldn’t mind if the lines between metaphorical and literal blurred in this case. The point is, I made it here today, and this is Adam.”
Both her parents looked at me again. I waited for their expressions to change, for them to look at me the way most parents do, but they didn’t. Sean gave me an easy smile as he held out his hand to me, and Libby’s mother’s eyes sparkled with curiosity.
“Adam Koepp,” Libby said, beaming a bright, proud smile at me, “meet my dad, Sean Garrett, half-pipe master, and my mom, Makayla Garrett, the EMT who patches him up when he biffs it on the mountain. Not that he does that often.”
We all shook hands, and then Sean and Makayla looked to Libby for more of an explanation. She shook her head, sucking in a deep breath through her nose. “Long story.”
One that I was not looking forward to explaining. I wondered how Libby was going to tackle the subject, and how her parents would react. Hopefully they’d be supportive, because Libby was going to need all the help she could get, but I didn’t really expect them to take what we were trying to do seriously.