by Kelly Oram
The worst part about it was that I felt jealous. Adam seemed to like my parents a lot more than he liked me. With me it was all frowns and lectures, but with my parents it was all laughter and swapping wipeout stories. Adam and I had had a few surprisingly nice moments throughout the day, but I’d never seen him lighten up so much as he did with my parents. I wouldn’t have thought he was capable of it. It irked me that he would relax with them when he didn’t with me.
My mood soured slowly throughout the night and reached a boiling point when we all drove back to Spanish Fork together and the three of them broke down into hysterical laughter for the five-billionth time. “Geez. You guys are all driving me crazy. Why don’t you just adopt him since you love him so much? And what the heck, Adam? Who are you right now, and what have you done with Mr. Grumpy Pants? I didn’t realize you were capable of relaxing and having fun.”
I laughed as I said it, but I must have thrown too much sarcasm and bitterness into it, because the laughter stopped instantly. Dad was driving, so he could only shoot me fleeting glances in the rearview mirror, but Mom and Adam both gaped at me. Mom had to turn all the way around in the passenger seat to do it. “Hey,” she said with a mixture of bemusement and concern in her tone. “What’s that about? What’s the matter with you?”
I willed myself not to blush and turned to look out my window. “Nothing. I’m fine. Sorry.”
Adam’s gaze burned into me, but I was too embarrassed to acknowledge him. I couldn’t believe I’d lost my temper so ridiculously over something so stupid. What did it matter if he liked my parents? Yeah, he’d been surprisingly cool today, but that didn’t make us friends. He was only helping me because Avery had asked him to. I was just some pathetic, crazy girl that he felt sorry for.
“Libby?” Adam’s voice was calm, but I heard the underlying concern in it. It only made me feel even stupider.
When I continued to ignore everyone, Adam reached over and picked up my hand. “Libby, what’s wrong?” I pulled my hand out of his and folded my arms as I continued to stare out the window.
It was Adam’s soft “Are you mad at me?” that got me to break. “Did I do something to upset you?” he asked when I glanced his way.
I shrugged. “It’s just weird, you being all chummy with my parents, like you’re all friends or whatever, when you’ve never…”
My voice trailed off. What was I supposed to say? When you’ve never acted like that with me? “Never mind. I’m just being stupid. You can like whoever you want.”
I looked away again, and things were deafeningly silent for a long, awkward moment until Adam sighed. “I’m sorry I’ve been so hard on you. I like you too, you know. You’re every bit as cool as your parents. But you didn’t ask me to be your friend. You asked me to try and help you, and that’s different.”
Dear Lord, have mercy and take me now. He was patronizing me because I was acting like an idiot. No. Like some pathetic psycho. I hated when he lectured me like this, because it only pointed out how much more together he was than me. Especially because he was right. He wasn’t here to be my friend. I shouldn’t have expected him to treat me like one.
I was dying, and it showed. Curse my adenylyl cyclase for doing its job so well! If my veins allowed my adrenaline to pump any more blood to my face, I was going to hemorrhage. I could see it now: Libby Garrett, the first girl to literally die from blushing.
When he stopped talking, I snuck a glance at him. I should have known he was watching me, waiting for me to break. No one was as patient as Adam when it came to confrontation. When our eyes met, he said, “If I’ve been mean or grumpy or whatever, it’s because this situation is…difficult for me. I’m sorry.”
Okay, that piqued my curiosity enough for me to forget about my humiliation. “Why?”
Adam considered answering me, and then looked away. What the heck? That was a first. Color me intrigued. What was Coffee Man hiding?
I glanced up at my parents, wondering if they’d noticed that too. Dad was watching Adam in the rearview mirror with a knowing look on his face. Whatever was up with Adam, my dad thought he had it figured out. Before I could ask either of them what was up, Adam took a breath and met my gaze again. “I’ll try to lighten up more. I can play Good Cop too, if that’s what you need.”
Then he flashed me his brilliant smile, the one that had first made me notice him—the one that could stop a girl’s heart.
I couldn’t breathe. There were a million emotions running through my head, pounding in my chest, sinking in my stomach—basically taking over my whole body. Adam had just completely disarmed me. Thankfully, Mom snapped me out of it. She cleared her throat and directed a question at Adam, but she was looking at me with a hint of a suppressed smile. “So, Adam, tell me more about this get-Libby-over-Owen campaign you’re attempting. What do you guys plan to do?”
That was actually a great question. I’d been so distracted with just the idea of spending time with Adam and having him know about my Owen woes that I hadn’t actually asked him what we would be doing on this journey of ours.
Adam sat up a little straighter in his seat. “The twelve-step program is a little different for everyone,” he said. “It’s very personal—but it always has a few of the same elements. First, we’re going to have to remove Owen from Libby’s life. No more seeing him. No more phone calls…”
Oh yeah, there was total accusation in his voice. I rolled my eyes, and he gave me his best I-mean-business look before turning his attention back toward the front of the car, where my parents were sitting. Lame. But at least things seemed to be getting back to normal.
“After we cut her off from Owen, she’ll need to do an inventory of herself. That’s not always fun. A lot of times people are only going through a twelve-step program because they’re not in a good place. No one likes to take an honest look at themselves, but it’s necessary if they want to accomplish real change and conquer their addiction permanently.”
Ick. He was right. That part was not going to be fun. No doubt Coffee Man already had a nice, long list of my faults ready to throw in my face. Hopefully he was serious about playing Good Cop sometimes.
“Addiction is usually a way of self-medicating. Most addicts are only trying to escape deeper-rooted problems. Relationships can often be used for the same purpose—as seems to be Libby’s case.”
Okay, well, that one was true. I’m not an idiot. I’ve always known that my codependent relationship with Owen was merely a symptom of a much deeper-rooted lack of self-worth. Of course, I still didn’t see how ending the relationship was going to fix that. If anything it would make it worse, because then I wouldn’t have anyone telling me I’m sexy anymore.
“Once we remove the source of the addiction,” Adam droned on like some kind of psychology professor, “we’ll have to figure out what that deeper-rooted problem is, and find a healthy way to treat it. She’ll also need to make amends with those she hurt while she was under the influence. I know Libby’s relationship with Owen wasn’t quite the same as being hooked on an addictive substance, but she was still under his influence and has had some destructive behavior that she needs to claim ownership to.”
I cringed. I hadn’t told my parents about missing the science fair or the intervention, or losing all my friends and being kicked out of the science club. Avery had threatened to tell them, but I didn’t think she’d have the guts, and I was really hoping they’d never find out. Somehow, I doubted Mr. Grumpy Pants Sponsor was going to let me get away with that. Adam saw whatever look was on my face and sighed. “It has to be done, Libby. I know it’s probably going to suck, but you won’t be on your own. I’ll help you figure it out. That’s what I’m here for.”
If he weren’t referring to a humiliating parade of repentance that was going to require a lot of groveling, I’d have thought his offer was really sweet.
My mom turned in her chair so that she could see Adam, and gave him a sad smile. “You really seem to know a lot about this. Ha
ve you been through your own twelve-step program before?”
Adam’s responding sigh was so quiet that I was the only person who heard it.
Oh my heck, I almost died. She was trying to be sympathetic and understanding, but she was still asking Adam if he used to be a junkie. “Mom!”
Mom threw her hands up gently and gave Adam a pleading look. “I’m not judging. Overcoming something like that is admirable. I’m just curious. It would explain a lot.”
Adam shook his head. “It wasn’t me,” he said calmly. “My mother is a severe alcoholic. I know about the program because I’ve had a lifetime of dealing with this type of behavior. But I’ve never done drugs. I don’t drink or smoke, either. I’ve never even tried any of it. I don’t even drink coffee.”
I was so surprised by his confession that I blurted the first thing that came to my mind—however inappropriate it may have been at the time. “But you work in a coffee shop.”
Adam chuckled. “I took a job where one was available. I serve coffee. I don’t drink it. I stay away from all addictive substances, which includes caffeine. It’s never been hard to do, considering how my mom is.”
“I’m sorry,” Mom whispered. “That must be very difficult.”
Adam shrugged as if it were no big deal, but he turned his head toward his window, and the conversation died. A deafening silence settled on the car so heavily I wondered if the emotional conversation that just occurred had left behind a black hole that was getting ready to suck us all into oblivion.
I wanted to end the silence, but what was there to say? Avery hadn’t breathed a word about Adam to me other than her promise that he was a good guy. I’d never questioned how he knew this stuff, or why. He’d agreed to do this huge thing for me that was apparently difficult for him, and I’d been rude and joked around about it all day. I’d been so caught up in my own problems that I hadn’t bothered to thank him for what he was doing or tried to get to know him at all. I never even called him by his name.
And the female dog award goes to…
Once we reached Spanish Fork, my dad finally broke the silence, daring to speak up in the somber atmosphere. He met Adam’s gaze in the rearview mirror with a serious expression. “Not that I’m not grateful, but why are you doing this? Why help Libby, if dealing with this kind of thing isn’t easy for you?”
I was surprised when Adam met his question with a smile. “I’ve found that usually the more difficult something is, the more important it is.”
Holy profound! I’d given Coffee Man the wrong nickname. I should have been calling him His Holy Wiseness.
“For the last few years, I’ve attended a support group for friends and family of alcoholics. It’s completely changed my life. I’ve learned so much and have had several people step in and help me when I’ve needed it. I’m happy to be able to give back for once.”
Adam sent a smile my way that felt like a promise of the truth of his words, but I couldn’t return it. His answer made me feel so young and naïve. I was just a ridiculous, selfish teenager with a pathetic crush compared to the things he’d had to deal with. Avery had called him an old soul, but that wasn’t it. He was just mature. He’d been forced to grow up young, and it showed. It was no wonder he got along better with my parents than me. He may have been closer to me in age, but mentally he was a grownup. Adam was a man. A soft-spoken, reserved, humble man.
“Plus,” he said, pulling me out of my epiphany, “I’ve met the jerk Libby’s been dating, and I couldn’t, in good conscience, refuse to help once she asked.” There was a smile in his voice as if he’d been teasing, but it disappeared when he said, “She deserves better than a guy like that.”
The fierceness in his statement was startling.
“Damn right she does,” my dad muttered under his breath. He met Adam’s gaze in the mirror again and said, “Thank you.” His voice was as fierce as Adam’s had been. “Just be careful with my little girl.”
Adam didn’t hesitate. “I will.”
It was embarrassing to have them discussing me as if I were a fragile package my father was handing over to Adam for safekeeping. I couldn’t meet either of their gazes the rest of the drive home, but I felt both of them looking my direction off and on.
As if the night hadn’t been torture enough, my dad drove straight home instead of dropping Adam off at his place first. “Wait, Dad; you have to take Adam home.”
“You can take him home.” Dad grinned at me and unbuckled his seat belt. “I figured the two of you probably wanted the chance to say goodnight without your mom and me there to make things awkward.”
“Oh my heck, Dad! Like you saying that didn’t just make things awkward between us for the rest of our lives. I told you, we’re not dating.”
Dad widened his grin and shot me a wink as he got out of the car. Mom followed him, laughing under her breath. I slapped my hands over my face and groaned. “I’m going to petition to add a fourth rule to Newton’s Laws. No matter what variables come into play, there is one universal truth: parents are humiliating.”
Adam burst into laughter and got out of the car to take shotgun. Following his lead, I climbed behind the wheel and backed out of the driveway.
. . . . .
Adam only lived a couple miles from me in a small apartment complex not far from Jo’s. Now I was parked in front of that complex, and my father’s words were looming over my head like the inevitable zombie apocalypse that Levi swears will one day wipe out mankind.
“I’m sorry about my parents,” I apologized, knowing I couldn’t let him get out of the car without saying anything to him. “I told you, they love to torture me.”
Adam laughed. “Your parents are cool. They only torture you because they love you.”
“Yeah, they do.” I let out a breath, relieved that he didn’t seem embarrassed. “Thanks for coming today. And thanks for…you know…doing this.”
“You’re welcome, Libby. I meant what I said. I’m happy to help.” Adam stared into my eyes, as if making sure I believed him, and didn’t look away until I nodded my understanding.
The silence lingered until Adam cleared his throat and opened his door. “I’m off work at two tomorrow afternoon. Call me if you have some free time, because we have work to do.” Smirking, he added, “I promise I’ll try not to be such a grouch.”
With that, he grabbed his skateboard and jumped out of the Escalade. He never looked back. I watched him take the steps to his second-floor apartment two at a time, and waited until he disappeared inside before I drove away. Adam Koepp unsettled me. I didn’t get him, and I wasn’t used to not understanding stuff.
Adam
Mornings were always the busiest at Jo’s. Weekends were a little slower than the weekdays, though—which I was grateful for this morning, because I’d gotten no rest after my day with Libby. I’d pretended to be asleep when my sister came back to the apartment later that night, because I didn’t want to deal with her questions, but I hadn’t actually slept.
By the time the early morning rush died down, I was cranky and my head ached. At one point the shop emptied, and I leaned my head down on the counter, hoping the cool glass of the display window would dull the throbbing. I don’t think I drifted off, but I nearly jumped out of my pants when someone pounded on the counter next to my head. Kate burst into laughter. “Sleeping on the job, Adam? In a coffee shop? What would your customers think?”
“I wasn’t sleeping.”
“Yeah, sure, you were studying the back of your eyelids.”
“Speaking of studying,” I grumbled, not in the mood for sibling banter at the moment, “how did it go with Avery this morning?”
When Kate groaned, my heart plummeted. I’d been so sure it would work out with Avery. She’d explained the odd thing to me every now and then, and I’d always thought she was a great teacher. I really thought she’d be a big help for Kate. But then Kate said, “If Mrs. Dressler were half as smart as Avery, I wouldn’t need a tutor at all. I feel
like I learned more in the last two hours than I have all year.”
“So you think you’ll be ready for your test this week?”
Kate shrugged, but I could tell she was trying not to smile. “More than I would have been, but Avery says she’ll have my grade up to an A by report cards.”
I smiled my first real smile of the day. A weight lifted off my chest that made me feel a hundred pounds lighter. That was two miracles in a row. First, Libby’s parents didn’t hate me, and now Kate’s school problems were taken care of for no cost. I really needed to thank Avery.
Behind me, Josiah was cleaning the espresso machine. He smiled for Kate too, and said, “That sounds like cause for a celebration. You want a cinnamon roll, kid?”
Kate’s eyes brightened. “Hell, yes! With extra frosting? Thanks, Josiah.”
Laughing, I grabbed a cinnamon roll, and globbed a bunch of frosting on it. Kate had a sweet tooth that could rival Santa Claus. She was drooling before I handed over the warm, gooey pastry. When she tried to snatch it from my fingers, I pulled it back just out of her reach. “This is an advance for a good grade in math. Shameless bribery it may be, but you will owe me if you don’t hold up to your end of the bargain.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, good grades, I got it. Can I have the sugar now? Pretty please?”
I handed it over and watched Kate take a big bite. She groaned with pleasure. “You are my hero.”
I smiled again. She’s a great kid. “You headed over to the skate park?”
Kate shook her head and hopped up to sit on the counter. I glanced back at Josiah, but he just laughed and went back to cleaning. He had as big a soft spot for Kate as I did. “I’ll head over in a bit,” she said. “I came to get details about yesterday.”
It was my turn to groan. Girls and their gossip. At least I had good news for her. “It was crazy. She took me to her dad’s snowboard competition.”