by Carl Weber
Mr. Mahogany finally spoke up. “Proof? He showed you definitive proof?”
I nodded my head. “There’s this guy Larry killed. He had my mother’s gun,” I said. “How would he have gotten his hands on—”
“Whoa, hold up.” Mr. Mahogany raised his hands. “Slow down and tell me everything you know.”
“Well, I don’t know much,” I said. “The man who had her gun is dead. But I know she’s alive.”
“LC, I know it must be hard,” Belinda said. “No one wants to accept the fact that someone they loved so dearly is gone, but understand that just because the man had your mother’s gun doesn’t mean she’s alive.”
“Under ordinary circumstances, I’d agree with you,” I said, “but this isn’t ordinary circumstances. My brother knew all along. We just wanted to accept the fact that our mother was gone and move on. He was right. We were wrong.”
Mr. Mahogany took a moment to process my words.
“I just need your help with this,” I said.
“We can get EJ right on this,” Belinda willingly offered. “See what he can find out.”
“That’s not a bad idea,” Mr. Mahogany said. “He knows people in the area.”
“And he knows people who know people in the area,” Belinda said, immediately convincing me that EJ’s help may be just what was needed to get to the bottom of the situation with Momma. “We can call Walter Matthews, the U.S. Attorney, and have him look into the cops who supposedly found her body.”
“Yeah, between all of them, someone is bound to know something. And whatever they find out and let us know, you’ll know,” Mr. Mahogany added.
“You two don’t know how much I appreciate this,” I said, more grateful than words could express.
“It’s nothing,” Mr. Mahogany said.
“Thank you again.”
Belinda kissed her husband then hugged me before heading back in the house. I waited until she was out of sight before I said, “I hate to ask you this, but I need another favor.”
Chippy
43
“Chippy, I need for you to calm the fuck down.” Lou pulled me a few yards away from Donna. I was so angry that I wanted to scream. I hadn’t had this much hate in me since the day I realized my mother knew my stepfather was raping me and just stood by and let it happen.
“Get the fuck off me, Lou. This is all your damn fault anyway. If it wasn’t for you, she wouldn’t be in our lives right now.” I tried to escape his grasp.
“I know you’re mad, and you got a right to be. This is all my fault. But, Chippy, this ain’t about you or me. This is about Momma.”
I frowned at him, wondering why he was still believing that his mother was alive. “And they say Larry is the crazy one. You’re a fucking lunatic, Lou. You think that heifer is really trying to help you find whoever killed your momma? She’s lying. She’s just saying that to get to—”
Larry cut in. “Chippy, he ain’t lying. Momma is alive.”
“What?” This was the first time I’d heard one of the brothers agree with Lou on this subject, and it made me pause.
“Yes, she’s alive,” Larry said. “Listen, I know how much you love that boy. Everyone does. Ain’t nobody gonna take him away from you and LC. I wouldn’t ever allow that to happen. But you can’t change the fact that Junior is Donna’s son and you took him from her.”
“I didn’t take him. I saved him,” I replied defiantly.
Tears filled my eyes as I thought about Junior. There was no way to describe the amount of love I had for that little boy. From the day he was born, he brought so much joy into my life. I couldn’t imagine how I would handle it if anything ever happened to him. I was ready and willing to do anything for him, including laying down my life. Despite what anyone else thought or said, he was my son. Hell, had it not been for me, he probably wouldn’t have been born. I closed my eyes and thought back to that day, almost five years ago, when I discovered his existence.
“Hey, Chippy!”
I turned around in the parking lot of the Piggly Wiggly and saw Paula, one of the girls I knew from Big Sam’s, walking toward me. Last I’d heard, she stopped working and was living with one of her old johns, but based on the gold hot pants and halter top she wore, it looked like she was still turning tricks. I wasn’t one to judge, though, and Paula was a nice girl, so I stopped to talk with her.
“Hey, girl. How’s things going?”
“Same ol’ same ol’. I heard you got married,” she said.
“I sure did.” I held up my left hand and proudly displayed the bridal set on my ring finger. “I heard you got a man of your own.”
Her eyes widened as she stared at my ring. Then she looked back at me. “No, not anymore. I’m back working at Big Sam’s, or Shirley’s, or whatever they calling it now.”
“What happened?”
“He got hooked on that stuff and lost his damn mind. Stopped going to work. He even stopped coming home at night.”
I shook my head in disappointment. “That’s terrible.”
“Hell yeah. You know I will put up with a lot of things, but when a nigga start stealing from me, I draw the line. I work too damn hard for my money.” Paula patted the small gold purse hanging from her shoulder.
“I understand,” I told her.
“It’s like he turned into a whole different person. I would have to drive down to G Street all times of the night looking for him in those abandoned houses. It’s terrible down there. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I left him.” Paula said with a sigh.
“I don’t blame you. At least you’re back working and you’re somewhere safe.”
“You’re right about that. But I’m happy for you and LC. Lord knows he dodged a bullet with that girl Donna. It’s sad the way she’s all strung out, especially being pregnant and all.”
I frowned at Paula, wondering what the hell she was talking about. “Donna?”
“Yeah. LC’s ex, she is in a bad way. I ran into her a couple of times down on G Street while I was down there looking for Calvin’s dope-fiend ass.”
I didn’t know what was more shocking: the fact that Donna was a dope addict, or that she was pregnant. Pregnant. Having a baby. It had been months since I had seen her. I tried to think about exactly how long it had been. Then my heart began racing as I started to wonder exactly how pregnant she was. LC and I had been married almost four months. There was no way the baby could be his. Or could it?
There was only one way to find out.
“Well, Paula, it was good talking to you. I gotta go,” I said, turning to leave.
“You ain’t going in the store?” Paula called after me.
I didn’t answer her as I raced back to my car and pulled out of the parking lot. Donna was pregnant. I wondered if LC knew. I couldn’t remember the last time he had even mentioned Donna’s name. He had been consumed with running the station, and he had been talking about expanding it to include a used car lot. Hell, we hadn’t even been talking about me having a baby.
I drove around for hours, wondering what to do. Before I knew it, the entire day was gone. I called LC at the station and told him I was going to be home late, deciding not to explain that the reason was because I had to go and find his ex-fiancée, who was now possibly carrying his baby.
After the sun had set and darkness filled the sky, I set off on my mission. G Street was located in a part of town people avoided. The street was lined with dilapidated shotgun houses, most of which were boarded up and abandoned. It was scary to see during the day, and now, as I drove down the street at night, it was even scarier.
As I searched for Donna, I paused in front of one particular house. A couple of men and a woman were standing around and then disappeared inside. I noticed another man heading in the same direction, so I decided to take a chance. I knew better than to leave my car parked out front. Instead, I parked farther down the street, making sure to lock the door when I got out.
Chippy, this has got to be the craziest
shit you’ve ever done, and you’ve done some crazy shit, I thought as I pulled my coat tighter around me. The fear of being brutally raped and murdered was overshadowed by my determination to see if what Paula had told me was true.
“Uuuuuhhh, hey!” A man called out to me as I got closer to the house.
I stepped away from him, wishing I had thought to bring a knife, a gun, or at least something heavy in case I needed a weapon. I didn’t even have my purse. I placed my fingers around my car key and positioned it in a way that I could easily stab someone if need be. It was pitch black, but I could make out the shadow of a woman staggering toward the side of the house. I walked a little closer, and although she looked familiar, I wasn’t sure.
There was an opening where a door should have been located. The woman went inside, and I went in right behind her. Inside, it looked like something from a horror movie. Men and women were cowering in corners, looking like zombies. Suddenly, the woman turned around, and I stared in disbelief.
“You leave me be!” she hissed at me. “Get away from me.”
“Donna?” I whispered.
“Get the fuck away from me, bitch!”
I couldn’t move. Her skin was ashen, and her eyes were dark and sunken. Her hair, once long and full, was now matted and covered in what looked like mud. Gone was the once-pretty young woman, and instead I saw a walking skeleton, dressed in a tattered dress and ragged flip-flops. My eyes traveled down her body and landed on her swollen belly, which was clearly protruding. She must’ve noticed what I was looking at, because she quickly covered her stomach.
“Shit, you are pregnant,” I said.
“No shit, Sherlock.” Her words were slurred.
“Is . . . is it LC’s?” I demanded.
She began laughing like a mad woman. “Fuck LC . . . and his baby.”
My heart sank as her words confirmed my worst fears. “Does he—did you tell him?”
“Fuck you.” She rolled her eyes and stumbled away.
“Donna, you’ve gotta get out of here. You’re sick,” I told her, stepping closer and putting a hand on her arm.
“Leave me the fuck alone.”
“No, you’re coming with me. I can’t leave you. Not like this. Not while you’re having LC’s—”
“Fuck LC.” She stared right into my eyes with a look of pure hatred.
“Donna, please,” I said. “Come on.”
“What do you want?” She leaned against the filthy wall, and I put my hands on either side of her face to get her to focus.
“I want you to come with me. If you stay here and keep doing this, you’re gonna die, and so is the baby.”
“I don’t care. And it ain’t your baby, so you shouldn’t either. You hate me anyway. Get the fuck out and leave me alone.”
“I’m not leaving you here, so shut the fuck up and come on.” I pulled her toward me and started dragging her out of the house. I didn’t know where the hell I was taking her.
She tried to pull away, but it was pointless. She was too weak, and I was way stronger. I put her into the backseat of my car, and she went to sleep. I drove to the only place I knew she would be safe and no one would find out.
I turned onto the tiny dirt road that led to Ms. Emma’s house, and by the time I pulled up, she was already standing on the porch, shotgun in hand. Ms. Emma was an older woman who lived in the back woods with her seven children. She was the closest thing to a doctor for those folks who couldn’t afford one, or those who just didn’t trust hospitals. When Big Sam’s henchmen beat Levi damn near to death, she nursed him back to health.
I got out, and when she recognized me, she rushed over. She saw Donna in the back seat and didn’t say a word as we helped her out of the car and took her inside. The two of us bathed her and gave her what was probably the first hot meal she’d had in months, based on the way she gobbled it up. Then, Ms. Emma made her drink some concoction mixed with hot tea.
Donna had just climbed into a cot Ms. Emma had prepared in a back room when I pulled up a chair beside her.
“What the fuck do you want now? You kidnapped my ass and got me God knows where in some back woods farm. I’m not staying here after tonight,” she told me.
“You can’t leave. You have to stay here—at least until you have the baby. I’ll stay here with you,” I offered.
“I’m not staying here. You’ve lost your damn mind. Especially not with your ass. You’re probably trying to kill me anyway . . . and my baby.”
“I’m not trying to kill you. Shit, if I wanted to kill you, I would’ve left your ass in that shit hole where you were staying. I’m trying to save you and LC’s—I mean, your baby.”
She turned her head slowly and looked at me with sadness in her eyes. “Does he know?”
“No,” I answered. “Not yet.”
“Good. Even more reason for you not to care.” Her angry attitude was back. “Now, leave me be.”
“I do care. I’ll be back to check on you tomorrow.”
“I won’t be here,” she mumbled.
I got up and walked to the front of the house. I thanked Ms. Emma and handed her all the money I had in my purse, promising that I would pay her more to make sure Donna was okay. She agreed not to say anything to anyone about her being there.
I went back the following day, and the day after that. For nearly a month, we nursed Donna back to health and got her clean. Then, late one afternoon, her water broke, and she went into labor. Donna moaned and groaned, screamed and hollered for hours, until finally, she pushed the baby out.
“It’s a boy!” I screamed when she finally delivered.
“He’s tiny, but he’s healthy.” Ms. Emma took the slimy, squealing newborn and wrapped him in a blanket.
I could see that Donna was exhausted, physically and emotionally. As Ms. Emma made sure her afterbirth needs were handled, Donna finally drifted off into a deep slumber. For hours, I held that beautiful baby boy in my arms. I gave him his first bath, his first bottle, and did as any new mother would—counted his fingers and toes. He was perfect, looking like a tiny version of LC. I knew that, had he been there, LC would have been beaming with pride at his first-born son. I also knew that this baby being born would change our lives, especially with Donna being the mother. I couldn’t take any chances.
Donna began to stir on the cot, and her eyes opened.
“You wanna hold him?” I asked, holding the baby out to her.
She shook her head then closed her eyes again. “No, I want to get outta here.”
“What are you going to name him?”
“I don’t know. I don’t even care. I don’t even want that damn baby.”
“Donna—”
“Chippy, why won’t you just leave me alone? What the fuck do you want?” She turned her body away from me.
Then I got an idea.
“Let me have him. I’ll take him.”
She whipped her head around and looked at me like I was the crazy one. “I ain’t giving you shit. I’ll put his ass in an orphanage first, bitch.”
“But he’s LC’s son. He should be with his father.” I was sure she could hear the pleading in my voice, but I didn’t care. I already loved that little baby, and I wouldn’t ever let her give him to anyone else.
“Fuck you and LC. That baby’s going to an orphanage.”
My first thought was to kill her. It wouldn’t have been that difficult. I’d just go over to my purse, pull out the little . 22 I carried, and shoot her in the head. Ms. Emma wouldn’t be too happy about it, but that wasn’t anything $10,000 wouldn’t solve. Then I thought about Ms. Emma’s kids running around outside and put that idea to rest, only to come up with what I felt was a much better one.
“I’ll pay you.”
She stared at me, I suppose trying to figure out if I was serious. “What do you mean, you’ll pay me?”
I could tell she was contemplating my offer, and I felt hopeful it would work. “I’ll give you a thousand dollars and a one-way b
us ticket to New York. But you must sign papers giving me and LC full custody. You also have to promise not to contact me, LC, and our family ever again.”
“A thousand dollars?” she repeated.
“And this.” I held up a small, clear bag that held the thing she had been asking for the past month. It had been in my bag for quite a while. Ms. Emma had told me to get a few grams because it might be needed to help ease her off the drugs. This was all that was left of the original, but it might be just what I needed.
She reached for it, but I took a step back. “Do we have a deal?”
As I stood before her with her son cradled in one arm and the plastic bag in the other, I wondered which one she was truly reaching for. The room stood silent, until she finally announced, “Deal.” I felt slightly bad about giving her the drugs, but I was desperate, and she was going to find some sooner or later anyway.
“Do you understand, Chippy? Chippy?” Lou’s voice woke me from my trance.
I turned and stared at him. “What?”
“I need for you to just get in your car and leave so we can handle this.”
I was still mad, but I knew there was nothing more I could do right now. “Fine.”
“Where did you park?” Lou asked.
“Around back.”
We walked past the front of the building. I looked inside and saw Larry talking to Donna near the front door. Lou must have noticed my body tense up, because he put a hand on my shoulder and said, “Keep walking.”
We made our way around to the back, where things only got worse.
“Fuck,” I muttered under my breath.
Lou asked, “Where’s your car?”
“Fuck the car. Where the hell is Levi and those damn dogs?”
Big Shirley
44
“Saint Simons Island is beautiful, isn’t it?” Eric asked. He was lying beside me on a beach chair, holding my hand as we stared up at the sky with dark shades covering our eyes.
“Beautiful doesn’t even begin to describe it,” he said.
This right here was the life—the life I deserved. I’d finally convinced myself that I was worthy to be at this beach house vacation home, lying out and catching the sun’s rays without a care in the world.