“Alright, I’ll take a walk. You enjoy.” He smiled and kissed my cheek.
“Are you sure you don’t want to join me?”
“Sweetheart, if we get into bed together, no meditation is going to get accomplished.”
“Good point.” I laughed.
Once Max was gone I settled into a lotus position in the middle of the bed. I took a deep breath and focused on its path through my nostrils down my windpipe and into my chest. Then I released.
I followed the same method several times until my body began to relax. My muscles relaxed and my body felt pounds lighter. Little aches and pains that I didn’t even realize were there offered me some relief as they disappeared.
My face still ached a little from the stings, but I began to forget about the pain. Over and over I inhaled and exhaled. The room around me began to disappear.
I felt Zara surface within me. I felt her strength, her determination, and her courage. I recognized those things as not just a part of the fictional character that I’d birthed, but as a part of me. I’d drawn on my own experience, my own talents, to create Zara. She was as much me as I was.
That fierceness flooded through my veins. My lashes fluttered. An intense release of stress and attempts at control escaped me in a subtle sigh. Internally, I was wiped clean—to the point that my forehead relaxed, my lips parted, and my jaw loosened. The calming sensation spread down through the curves of my shoulders and erased the tension in my upper arms.
By the time I opened my eyes, my attitude was reborn. It didn’t matter that I had bee stings, or that my next book still waited for my attention. I found the moment again, the moment I lived in, the moment in which I was surrounded by love and support.
I stood up and headed to the closet to search for what I’d wear to the reading.
“Sammy?” Max poked his head into the room. “Are you done?”
“Yes.” I spun around and kissed him.
His eyes widened with surprise. “I think I like meditation.”
“Me too.” I grinned. “Let’s head out early, okay? I don’t want to spring the bee stings on Cateline at the last minute.”
Chapter 17
When we walked into the bookstore Cateline was in the middle of arranging chairs. She looked up with a smile that faded when she saw my face.
“Oh, Samantha, what happened?”
“I got a little too in touch with nature.” I laughed. “It’s not as bad as it looks.”
“What did this to you?” She walked over and looked at the welts.
“Bees.”
“Oh, how horrible.” She shook her head. “That doesn’t sound like a very pleasant experience.”
“No, it wasn’t, but it’s over now. I hope you don’t mind, but I have to wear this white cream on the stings tonight to keep them from swelling.”
“No, I don’t mind. I just wish it hadn’t happened.”
“I did at first too, but to be honest, I got a lot of inspiration out of it.”
She shook her head. “Only you could see the positive in such a painful experience.”
“I had a little help from this guy.” I smiled at Max.
“Can I give you a hand with the chairs?” Max walked toward the stack.
“That would be wonderful. We’re going to need at least forty, so if you can make a bit of a semi-circle I think that would be perfect. What do you think, Samantha?”
“Forty?”
“Forty seated. We’ll probably be closer to seventy-five total.”
“Wow.” I looked over the small space and imagined it packed with people. I imagined seventy-five pairs of eyes focused only on me. I wasn’t sure that I was as brave as Zara after all. I drew a deep breath and reminded myself to be in the moment.
“Thanks for all of this, Cateline.”
“No, thank you. All of these people are very likely to buy a copy of your book or many others on display. So it will be very good for the store. Not to mention that everyone is so excited to just get to know you a little bit. It’s been so nice. I hate to share you with Isabella.”
“Isabella?”
“Isabella is your contact for the tour in Italy. She’ll be here for the question and answer session at the end of the week so that you can meet her.”
“I’ll look forward to meeting her. Do you think I should do a run-through of my reading before people arrive?”
“I think natural is always best. When you read to your audience you don’t want to sound rehearsed or you’ll come off as unauthentic—don’t you think?”
I nodded. “It makes sense.”
My heart fluttered. It’s okay to be nervous, Sammy, I assured myself. Just don’t let it stop you from succeeding.
I closed my eyes for a moment and then walked over to help Max with the chairs. It didn’t take us long to have them all set up. When we were finished Max sat down in one of the chairs.
“Go stand at the podium.” He tilted his head toward a small podium with a microphone.
“Oh, Cateline didn’t think I should rehearse.”
“I just want to see you up there.” Max smiled. “I’m so proud of you.”
Inspired by his words, I made my way up to the podium.
I’d almost reached it when my foot got tangled in the cord of the microphone. I tried to shake it loose and reached with my opposite hand to rest my weight on the podium. What I didn’t know—what I couldn’t have possibly known—was that the podium was on wheels. When I leaned on it, it didn’t just shift a little, it flew right out from under my grasp. With my foot still tangled in the cord and the microphone attached to the podium, I ended up in a very uncomfortable split on the floor.
“Ouch.”
Max jumped up and ran over to me. “Oh my god, Sammy, are you alright?” He tucked his hands under my shoulders and lifted.
I stumbled to my feet, finally free of the cord, and looked at him. “I think so.”
“I didn’t know you could do that.” He laughed.
“I don’t think I can.” I shook one leg and then the other to make sure that they were still attached. “Good thing I wore pants.”
I started to walk toward the podium to put it back in place before Cateline noticed. I heard Max groan from behind me.
“What?” I looked over my shoulder and followed Max’s eyes toward my bottom to see that my brand new French underpants were on display for the world to see—or at least seventy-five people. I looked at my watch. “There’s no time to go back to the room and change.”
“Well, you can have mine.” Max raised an eyebrow.
I looked at his pleated trousers and grimaced. Underwear was one thing, but his pants would be long and bulky on me. It was not the professional image I wanted to project.
“I know!” I snapped my fingers. “Agnes’ jacket! I brought it with me for luck. Can you get it for me?”
“Sure.” Max walked over behind the counter where I’d dropped my purse and the blazer. He brought it back to me.
I slid my arms into the sleeves. They were a little long so I rolled them up. The blazer was just long enough to cover the tear in the seat of my pants.
“What do you think?” I grinned at Max.
“I think you look awesome as always. But are you comfortable?”
“Yes, actually. I’m feeling a breeze.” I laughed. “That should keep me cool during the reading.” I wiggled my bottom to show him how I could make a breeze, just as the door swung open.
A few people stepped in. Max moved in front of me in an attempt to shield my display but I heard a few giggles. Cateline walked out of the back room before I could explain myself. As I watched her try to hide a grin I remembered that she’d told me that there were cameras in the front of the store. My cheeks burned, but that might have been the bee stings.
“Oh, thanks so much. This looks great. Except, what’s the podium doing over here?” Cateline pushed the podium back into place. “You’ll want to be careful Samantha. It’s on wheels, so it m
oves easily.”
I could have been wrong, but I was fairly certain that she gulped back a laugh. I tugged the blazer down over my pants and smiled at the next batch of people who stepped in. Within about twenty minutes at least sixty people had arrived. The chairs were filled and people were also standing near the bookshelves.
“I guess we should get started.” Cateline glanced at her watch, then at me. “Are you ready for this, Samantha?”
Chapter 18
In the moment, in the moment, I chanted in my mind.
“Yes, I am. In the moment.” I winced as Cateline looked confused. “Sorry.”
I made my way toward the podium. Cateline stepped up to it first to introduce me.
“Tonight we have a very special author with us. We’re going to let her kick off our book tour, Worldwide Wonder Women, which as you all know is a tour designed to showcase female authors whose books are particularly inspiring.
“Tonight we have the author of the book Becoming Zara and her new series B.I.G. Girls Club—” She paused as applause interrupted her.
I couldn’t help but smile.
“Yes, it is quite popular.” Cateline laughed. “Samantha, I’ll let you take it from here.”
Bubbles and butterflies danced around in my stomach as I traded places with Cateline at the podium.
“Thank you all for being here tonight. I’m so glad to have the opportunity to share a little bit of my work with you. I’m going to read a passage from Becoming Zara where Zara is also standing in front of a room full of women, much like yourselves.”
I felt the goosebumps up and down my arms as I realized the irony of this moment for myself, and I had to blink back a sudden tear at the emotion I was suddenly feeling as I looked out at the sea of faces looking up at me expectantly. I took a deep breath in.
“I hope that this connect with your hearts.”
I didn’t stop to think about whether my words were cheesy or longwinded.
I opened my copy of the book to the highlighted section that I was to read. I took a deep breath, and felt Zara’s bravery rush through me.
Then I began to read. As I did, I tried to vocalize the emotions that I’d felt as I wrote it.
“I glanced around the brightly lit room, taking in the twenty or so women of various sizes and shapes, most of whom seemed to at least match my two hundred pounds—okay, maybe two hundred pounds on a good day. Peeling off the name tag sticker that I’d just filled out, I caught myself grinning as I patted it down on my jeans—right in the middle of my thigh, which I’d only recently started to appreciate. I stifled a laugh as my new shower ritual played in my mind. Soap up the squeegee thingy and lovingly talk to your body as you wash and caress it. Just that morning I’d told my thighs that they were an absolute thing of beauty and they—so graciously—rewarded me by sliding into my jeans with only a hint of trouble. Turning my attention back to the ladies now seating themselves in the chairs set around the room in a circle, I could see their name tags over their hearts. Mary, Jane, Lucy, Maxine, Susan, Nicole…I glanced down again at my own name tag, giving it one last pat. Zara…warrior princess, I added in my head.”
I continued to read through the next few pages, and as the last word hung in the air, the women in the audience were quiet. I looked up from the book and out to their faces as I wondered if I’d flopped. I noticed that several of the women nodded to one another. Some even dabbed at their eyes with a tissue. There were women of all shapes and sizes, of all ages and races.
They were there because they heard something in my words. They heard what it was like to be a woman—learning to love and accept herself.
As the applause began I barely noticed. My attention was focused on the notes being scribbled, the hands being held, and the words being whispered. I realized then that my words had an impact on a group of strangers. These weren’t women who knew me, or even shared the same city as me. These were women that lived entirely different lives and yet they could relate to everything I’d just read.
Cateline nodded with a smile from the counter.
I continued, smiling at the women in front of me. “As you all know, we all write our own stories. I like to think of our bodies as being the keepers of that story. So when we look at something on our body and consider it a flaw, it’s important to remember that flaw has a story and a purpose—a beauty all its own.”
Another round of applause followed my words. I found Max where he stood in the back of the crowd. His small slow smile reminded me of the first time I knew I loved him. The pride in his eyes was clear.
I stepped away from the podium and headed toward him. Before I could reach him, a woman stood up and stepped in front of me. She reminded me of myself, with her nervous hands and her voluptuous waist.
“Samantha, I know this isn’t the question and answer session, but I was just wondering if I could ask you a quick question.”
Cateline shook her head but I ignored her. I wanted to be available to my readers.
“Sure, what is it?”
“I really love what Zara does—the shower ritual. When I do something like that, it works for me while I’m alone. But the moment I get out into the world with other people, I just want to cover up and hide. How do you get to a point where you’re so comfortable and confident with your body that you don’t feel that shame around other people?”
I stared into her anxious eyes. Her words hit home with me, because her description of how she felt was exactly how I felt about going to the beach with Max. Seeing my own insecurity reflected in this woman’s eyes made me realize just how poorly I treated my own body by telling it it wasn’t good enough for the beach. I felt sympathy for her—and for myself—because we were so programmed to believe that our bodies weren’t perfect.
“I think it takes baby steps. We know in our heart that our bodies are beautiful just the way they are. But when we brace ourselves for the judgment of others, we worry. I’ve gone through different stages of progress in that regard. I hope that one day I’ll be able to say to you that I’m one hundred percent comfortable stark naked in the middle of a crowd. But as of now, I still struggle with that too. I like to think that the brave steps we each take toward accepting our body and loving it will make the path a lot easier for the young women that come after us.”
“You’re so right, Samantha. I’ll remember that. Every time I get scared, I’ll think of how brave you are and remember to be brave too.”
“That’s wonderful.” I smiled. My heart pounded. After this conversation I knew that there was only one thing I could do. If I asked the women who read my books to be brave, I had to be brave too.
Chapter 19
After the woman walked away, Cateline walked up to me. “I see you’re tenderhearted.” She grinned.
“It’s hard not to be. I’m really surprised by the turnout and the reaction, to be honest.”
“You shouldn’t be, Samantha. I have to admit your book is one of my favorites on the tour. It’s just so honest, that’s what I think I like most about it. And you did a great job. When you’re ready we’ll sit down for autographs, but remember, we want these women to come back for the question and answer session, so do your best to keep the conversations short, okay?”
“I will.” I nodded.
As I signed books for each of the women in the audience, I caught sight of Max across the room from me. He was surrounded by a few women and chatted easily with them. It occurred to me that Max had a lot of impact on my life. That he had given me the room to blossom when I needed it—first as my friend, and then as my lover. He caught me looking in his direction and smiled. Then he turned back to the women. I wondered about the idea of including Max in my next book as a way to offer a male’s perspective.
I signed the last book and Cateline walked over to me. “I’m sorry we went almost an hour late. Your hand must be sore!”
“A little.” I grinned.
“I have a surprise for both of you, but you’ll have to rush now
, and I’m sorry for that.”
“What is it?” I glanced at Max and then back at Cateline.
“I wanted you both to have a chance to experience the Riviera. I have a small cottage there. It’s nothing like the huge fancy homes of the wealthy people that live there, but it is a two-minute walk from the water. I took the liberty of buying you two tickets and your flight leaves in just about two hours.” She held out a key to me. “I want you to have fun.”
“Wow! Cateline, that’s too much.” I shook my head.
“Please, I wanted to do it. It’s the beginning of the tour, and you should get to celebrate.” She pressed the key into my hand. “Get some rest and enjoy your days off, alright?”
“Thanks Cateline—for everything.”
Max and I headed home from the bookstore to pack for our flight to St. Tropez.
“You must be tired.” He reached over and rubbed my wrist.
“No, actually, I’m excited. I just had my first reading and it wasn’t a disaster! Now we’re going to jet off to a cottage on the beach.”
“And you learned that you could do the splits.” Max grinned.
The car dropped us off at the bed and breakfast.
“I’ll wait for you.” The driver nodded to us.
Once we were in our room, I changed out of my air-conditioned pants. I hung up Agnes’ blazer in a special spot in the closet. It had become like a talisman for me—a culmination of all of the support and love I had from my fans.
I threw a few things into a smaller suitcase. Max added some of his own too.
“Ready?” He grinned.
“I think so.”
“Well, you’d better be, because we can’t miss our flight. The car is waiting.”
We rushed back out to the car and made the drive to the airport. The plane we took was much smaller than the first, and the flight was short—just enough time for me to catch a quick nap.
When we landed, we made our way to the train station and our final destination of St. Tropez.
The cottage was not hard to find despite the fact that it was dark by this time. My heart raced as I wondered if the key would work. What if she gave me the wrong one? But it turned easily in the lock.
Sammy in France (Single Wide Female Travels #1) Page 6