“That’s not true, Max. I do trust you.” I sighed. “There’s no time to talk about this now. We have to get back and fix this.”
We made our way back to the cottage without getting lost—and without speaking.
Max set up his computer as soon as he was inside the room.
I paced back and forth behind him while his fingers flew across the keyboard.
“There. Okay. It’s gone.” He pushed the computer back away from him and stood up. “You can take a look.”
I sat down in his chair and looked over the website. It was back to normal. I sent Cateline a text to confirm it. When I turned around to face Max he was staring out the window.
“Thank you.”
“I’m sorry for making a mistake. I’ll be more careful. If you want to hire someone else to do the job, I’ll understand.”
“Max, I don’t want to hire anyone else.” I walked up to him and ran my hands along his shoulders. “I’m sorry. I got upset.”
“You had a right to be. I’m upset too.” He turned around to face me. “Sammy, I would be fine with you being angry at me about the mistake—it was a huge mistake. But the idea that I made it because I was interested in that woman is—”
“Wrong.” I met his eyes. “I would have been distracted by her too. She was persistent and disruptive. If you made the mistake, it had nothing to do with you being attracted to her, and it was wrong of me to accuse you of that.”
“I’m sorry. I let you down.” He shook his head.
“Hey, we’re going to be working together for a long time. Mistakes are going to happen on my part and your part. I should have handled this better, and I’m sorry that I didn’t. You’re right, I’m feeling insecure, and it’s making me a little paranoid.”
“That’s why I want to take you out to the beach, Sammy. I want you to remember to be proud of yourself.”
“It’s hard here.” I bit into my bottom lip.
“Why?” He brushed my hair back from my face and looked into my eyes. “Why would it be hard here?”
“You saw that woman today, Max. That’s how most of the women in France look. Sure, I’ve lost some weight, but I don’t look like that.”
“Sammy, you were more beautiful than that woman the day I met you, and three years after I met you, and today, as I stand in front of you. Comparing yourself is something you worked hard to leave behind. Don’t let it steal your pride or confidence.”
I sighed and rested my head against his chest. “If only I could transplant your brain into mine.”
“I don’t know if I’m ready for that deep a commitment.” Max laughed. He wrapped his arms around me and held me so tight that I could feel the ripple of his muscles. “I love you so much. I don’t want to fight. I made a mistake and I’m sorry. But I promise you, it won’t happen again.”
“I know it won’t. It’s not a big deal.”
“So, we can still go out for my surprise dinner selection?”
“Oh yes, I wouldn’t want to miss that.”
“Do you want me to call Cateline and apologize?”
“I don’t think that’s necessary. Let’s just let it go. She’ll be happy that it’s done. The truth is, if we’re going to do this, we’re going to have to make sure we have our workspace and our time to work ironed out. It’s great to experience what the places we visit have to offer, but I don’t want to lose ground on getting my next book out. I want to make sure that our focus stays sharp.”
“I agree. We can have work days and play days. But tomorrow is definitely a play day.”
“I know, I know. The beach.” I managed a smile.
Max leaned in close and kissed me.
I pulled away with a sigh. “I should try to get a little work done before dinner.”
“Alright, I’ll make myself scarce so that I don’t distract you.” He slipped out of the cottage.
That afternoon I got quite a bit of work done. It wasn’t too hard to get swept up with Zara and the other characters of my book when I was already feeling adventurous. By the time Max returned, it was late enough to head out for dinner.
“What did you do while you were out for so long?” I grinned as I grabbed my purse.
“I scoped out the beach and wandered a little.”
“Did you see any topless ladies?”
“Actually no, but I did see a perfect place to enjoy the sun.”
“I’m glad that you had fun. So what are you planning for tonight?”
“It’s a surprise, remember?” His eyes gleamed.
I gritted my teeth and smiled.
Chapter 24
The restaurant that Max chose was small, but fancy. There were many paintings hung on the wall of different landscapes around France. While Max ordered, I studied them. It wasn’t until I heard what he’d ordered that I turned to look at him.
“We’ll both have the escargot, please.” He handed the waiter the menus.
“Max.” I stared across the table at him. “You can’t be serious.”
“What do you mean?” Max frowned. “You said you were up for trying something new.”
“New, yes, but Max, escargot?” I shook my head. “Isn’t that snails?”
“Just don’t think about it.” He smiled. “Millions of people consider it a delicacy. It can’t be that bad.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but I knew there was no point. Max had his mind made up and I wasn’t going to get out of it.
When they brought out the dish, even the smell of it made my stomach churn—actually, I’m not sure if that was in actuality or in my imagination, but I know my stomach was in knots. I tried to remind myself that sophisticated well-traveled people adored escargot. I needed to try something new. I needed to step out of my comfort zone.
I poked it with my fork and shuddered.
“Oh, this looks delicious. I can’t believe we’ve never tried this before.” Max gushed over the presentation of the meal.
I narrowed my eyes as I looked across the table at him. “It’s snails.”
“Open your mind, Sammy. It may be delicious. You don’t know until you try.”
“Alright, alright.” I poked my fork at the food. I didn’t want to try it. I didn’t even want to smell it. What I wanted was to find a way to get a different meal without Max finding out.
Max dug his fork in and held up a portion of the food.
“Your turn.” He smiled. “We’re going to do this together.”
“Seriously?” I frowned. “Fine.” I jabbed my fork into one of the snails on my plate. I might have stabbed it a little too hard, because a fountain of butter and garlic sauce sprayed across the table and right unto Max’s cheek.
“Sammy.” He grinned and grabbed a napkin. “Starting food fights, I see.”
“Sorry.” I glanced around at the other diners, who didn’t seem to notice what had happened.
“That doesn’t mean that you’re getting out of it. Ready?” He raised his fork in the air.
“How about a toast?” I raised my fork in the air as well.
“Stalling, hm? Okay. To trying new things and experiencing new places.”
We clinked forks and then I tucked the food into my mouth.
The butter and garlic sauce awakened my taste buds just enough that they could be tortured by the foreign taste of the escargot. I tightened my mouth to keep from spitting it out.
I was at a fancy restaurant in France. I could not spit my food onto my plate. At least that’s what I told myself.
I looked across the table at Max, who looked rather green himself. He didn’t chew or swallow. Our eyes met and we both picked up our napkins at the same time. I don’t think we fooled anyone when we dug the food out of our mouths and politely tossed the napkins down on our plates.
“Burgers?’ Max raised an eyebrow.
“Yes, please.” I gulped down my glass of water to get the taste out of my mouth. I drank the water so fast that it hit the back of my throat hard. I started to cou
gh. There was nothing to choke on but water. I still couldn’t catch my breath.
I stood up from my chair to try to clear my airway. Max stood up as well but not before a waiter got hold of me. He must have assumed that I was choking because his arms went around my waist and he began pumping his fists into my stomach. I couldn’t even speak to tell him to stop because his very passionate thrusts forced all of the air out of me.
“She’s okay, I think she’s okay.” Max tried to pry me out of the waiter’s arms.
The waiter only responded to him in French and continued to thrust into my stomach.
I realized that he wasn’t going to stop until he thought he had dislodged something. I made a retching sound and gulped. The man finally released me.
Everyone in the restaurant applauded. The waiter took a bow. I offered him a smile of gratitude.
Max tossed some money down on the table to cover the meal and we rushed out of the restaurant.
“Are you okay?” Max turned to look at me once we were outside.
“I think so.” I laughed. “I might have a few broken ribs.”
“That’s not funny.”
“It’s a little funny.”
“Okay, it is.” He laughed. “Let’s go find some food we can actually eat.”
We spent the rest of the night eating our burgers and laughing about our attempt at enjoying escargot.
Chapter 25
Early the next morning Max woke me.
“Beach time. No excuses.” He tugged me up out of bed.
I trudged into the bathroom. I pulled on my bathing suit.
During the short walk down the path to the beach, I tried to have a good attitude.
Once my toes were in the sand, I perked up a little. The sun and water were quite inviting.
“Let’s go.” Max smiled. His smile stretched at the edges. He reminded me of a kid about to open a present.
My heart raced. Was I really going to do this?
The sand was hot against the bare soles of my feet. I started to hop from one foot to the other.
“It’s hotter than I expected.” Max frowned. “Here, let’s stop here.” He spread out the blanket so I could cool my feet off.
I hopped right on to it and sighed with relief.
“It’s too hot, maybe we should go.”
“No way.” Max folded his arms across his toned chest and eyed me up and down. “We’re not going anywhere. You promised.”
“I promised that I would go to the beach.” I smiled. “I’m here.”
“Sammy, what are you so afraid of?” He caught my hips with the palms of his hands and gazed at me. “I’m shirtless too, you know.”
“That’s not the same, and you know it.” I took a moment to admire him.
“Shouldn’t it be? I mean, think about it. Why is it okay for men to parade around in nothing but shorts, but women are expected to cover up? I’m very proud of your breasts, Sammy. I do, however, think they could use a little sun.”
“Max, you’re not making this any easier.” I blushed.
“Alright, alright. Why don’t we play in the water a bit?” He grabbed my hand before I could answer and pulled me toward the edge of the water.
I followed after him. “But what about sunscreen? What about my hair?”
“Sh.” Max tugged me into the waves that crashed against the shore. “This is supposed to be fun, remember?”
“Okay, I remember.” I splashed at him by sloshing my foot through the water.
He laughed and jumped back from the splash. I lunged toward him, but he was too quick. He grabbed me around the waist and lifted me up out of the water.
“Max, no! Put me down! What are you doing?” I gasped.
“Three, two, one, launch!” Max tossed me through the air and into the water.
I was shocked that he was able to hurl me so easily. But when I re-entered the water the impact of the waves was enough to cause my bikini bottoms to slide down my hips. Lucky for me they caught around my thighs. I tugged them up as fast as I could.
As I swam away from Max, it seemed that the bottoms were not quite on right. I tried to straighten them. They still seemed off.
“Max!”
“What’s wrong?” He swam up next to me.
“What’s wrong with my swimsuit?” I tugged at the waistband. “Something doesn’t feel right.”
Max looked down into the water. “Did you put something in there?”
“What?” I glared at him. “Of course not.”
“Hm.” Max grabbed the waistband and tugged it away from my skin. “Are you sure? It looks like something is stuck inside.”
“Max, this isn’t funny.” I splashed him. “Are you trying to get me to freak out and rip off my bottoms?”
“Sammy, it’s moving!”
“It is not!” Then I gulped. There was an unmistakable flutter against my cheeks. I didn’t care who saw me, I jerked down my bottoms. “Get it out! Get it out! Max, get it out!” I jumped up and down in the water, which provided anyone on the beach with a clear view of my rear end peeking up out of the water with each leap.
If anyone hadn’t noticed, my squeals drew their attention. Max scooped his hand between my legs and a tiny fish swam free of my swimsuit and off into the water.
“There aren’t any more, are there?”
“No, you’re fish-free.” Max laughed.
I was not amused. I was mortified. I ran for the beach. I didn’t want to be in the water with bikini-invading fish any more. I climbed the sand to our blanket and then sat down on it. Then I draped the sides of it over me.
I wanted to hide. I wanted to disappear. All I knew for sure was that I was not about to remove any other part of my bathing suit.
Most of the people on the beach returned to their relaxation. I wasn’t more than a memory to them—one that they’d probably share amidst laughter and wine with friends one day.
Max stared at me from the water. I expected him to come up and join me on the beach. Instead he swam away. I wondered if I’d upset him. It honestly bothered me that he was so determined to get me to do something I was obviously uncomfortable with.
After about a half hour Max sloshed out of the water and crossed the sand toward me.
“Ready to go?” His voice was tight.
“Yes, please.”
“Okay.” He held out his hand to help me up.
I managed to get to my feet with the blanket still wrapped around me.
He shook his head but didn’t say a word.
When we got back to the cottage he made an excuse to leave. I was left alone to think about what happened.
I decided to write a little to try to get to the bottom of why my beach excursion had ended up with me wrapped up in a blanket. What would I say to a fan of my book that had the same experience?
I slipped into Zara mode and churned out a few inspirational passages. What it came down to was that I was afraid. I was afraid that if I crossed that line I would never be able to hide myself again.
Being overweight for me had been all about being invisible. I dressed nice, but never to grab attention. I blended well, so that no one would point out how big I was. I didn’t think that anyone should have to look at me.
It made my heart ache to think that I treated myself that way. What was even worse was that in many ways, I still did it. Maybe I was more confident, but the truth was, I still had the instinct to hide.
That night when Max returned he brought me a special meal and lit a candle.
“I’m sorry I took off. I just wanted some time to clear my head.”
“It’s okay, Max. I know you need your space. We’re working and living together. We have to be okay with giving one another space when we need it.”
“You’re right, but I don’t want you to think I needed time away from you. I just needed some time in my own head.”
“I understand.”
We shared our meal and he kissed me as usual. But I noticed some distance.
I didn’t think I imagined it.
As we prepared for bed I paused beside him.
“Max, are you upset with me?”
“No.”
“It’s okay if you are.”
“I’m not.”
“I’d rather talk about it than sweep it under the rug.”
“There’s nothing to sweep, Sammy, it’s fine. I’m sorry I pushed you so hard. It’s your body and your choice to do with it what you want. I shouldn’t have made such a big deal out of it.”
“I’m sorry, Max.”
“Sweetheart, don’t apologize to me.” His lips were warm as he kissed me. When he pulled away he looked into my eyes. “I love you, Sammy—even if you won’t go topless for me.” He cracked a smile.
I smiled back.
Chapter 26
Even though Max claimed he wasn’t mad, when he rolled over with his back to me it was the first time that he hadn’t held me as we fell asleep since we’d gotten married. I had let him down, not because I broke a promise, and not even because I hadn’t taken my bikini top off, but because I didn’t trust him enough to confide how uncomfortable I was feeling. I sighed and closed my eyes.
I tried to force myself into sleep. But my mind raced too fast to allow it. So much flickered through my thoughts, from the anticipation of Italy to the disappointment of my beach excursion.
When I finally fell asleep, I slipped right into a dream.
I stood in front of a crowd of women. I blinked a few times. I couldn’t remember how I’d gotten there, or what I was supposed to be doing. I looked down at the podium. Instead of a book, I saw a picture of the beach that Max and I had visited.
When I looked out at the audience, I realized that there was something very odd about the people that I saw. They all had the same face. It took a moment before I recognized the face. Every person in the audience had their hand in the air to ask a question. I had no idea how I would answer all of their questions. Before I could call on any person, they all began to ask the same question.
“How can you be brave? How can you be brave?”
I gulped and stumbled back from the podium. The floor turned into deep sand. The more I tried to run, the deeper I sank into it.
I woke up with a jolt to find that I’d kicked the blanket off the bed and gotten my feet tangled in the sheets. Max must have turned over in his sleep, because he was snuggled up close to me. I gulped down a few breaths of air.
Sammy in France (Single Wide Female Travels #1) Page 8