Essential English

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Essential English Page 9

by Harold;Crawford Gillan Evans

Why should Police Chief William Stauber be allowed to gulp mouthfuls of newsprint with ‘in the process of determining which would be the best location’ etc., when they are simply thinking of where to build the thing?

  There are two final cautions. Text editors should not alter quotes and reporters should not invent them. By invention I do not mean the completely fictitious quotation dreamed up by Lunchtime O’Booze, which is rare, but the temptation to attribute to direct quotation what is only an acknowledgment of a question. If the words are in quotes they must be the words the speaker has said personally. That is the point of the marks. If the speaker has merely said ‘Yes’ to a long colourful question, then the report should only say ‘He (or she) agreed that …’. It is permissible for reporter or text editor to change the order of sentences to make a statement more coherent, but the sense and individual wording must not be altered.

  The commonest fault is to have people saying things more emphatically than they did. The text editor’s temptation is to edit the quotations produced by the reporter, which gives a second risk of distortion. Deletion within quotes is justified only if the omission of the words is indicated by dots. It has to be judged carefully. Qualifications should not be dropped. Alteration of words within quotes is inexcusable. If the quotes do not add anything the answer is not to improve the quotation but to delete it altogether and revert to reported speech or to pick up only the attractive phrase or word in quotes in a combination of reported speech and quotes.

  Prince Philip warned that the selfish approach to conservation would lead to our generation being ‘loathed and despised by all who come after us till the end of time’.

  That is the limit of tolerance. Once words are enclosed in quotations they should be the words the speaker actually said.

  Here is a report as it arrived (left) and as it was edited:

  The Town Clerk said: ‘The committee reluctantly decided to defer consideration of this request and to ask the owners to meet them to discuss the reasons for, and the implications of, the owner’s proposal.’

  The Town Clerk said: ‘The committee reluctantly decided to ask the owners to meet them to discuss the proposal.’

  The meaning has been subtly changed – and the quotation marks are a lie. It is surprising what text editors, in a rash of confidence, will sometimes do. In another report which appeared a bishop referred to ‘a financial crisis in the diocese’. The text editor inserted the word ‘grave’ in the quotes, reasoning that a crisis must be grave, and then carried the word ‘grave’ into the heading because church and grave seemed apt together. Heresy!

  Courts and hospitals

  Editing court reports needs especial care. But the legal pitfalls do not justify the way police language is reproduced in the majority of humdrum cases in the lower courts. Nor do legal cautions excuse the false gentility of many newspaper reports:

  A milling crowd of students followed a police officer for a distance of a quarter of a mile the night he arrested a fellow student for causing an alleged breach of the peace.

  Magistrates, who fined the student £5, were told that P.C. Alan Goad arrested him …

  A milling crowd of students followed a policeman for a quarter of a mile the night he arrested one of them for a breach of the peace.

  (Policeman will do to describe a male PC – and why ‘an alleged breach’ when the case is found proved?)

  Three other students, who were called as witnesses for the defendant, said in court that the group was orderly.

  Three other students said …

  (The context makes it clear they were in court. ‘Who were called as witnesses’ is almost always verbosity.)

  When apprehended Dooney had in his possession two radios.

  When stopped Dooney had two radios.

  Dennis Bloggs was fined £4 when he admitted behaving in a disorderly manner on a Corporation bus and breaking a bus window.

  Dennis Bloggs was fined £4 for being disorderly on a Corporation bus and breaking a window.

  County police are anxious to know of his whereabouts.

  County police want to find him.

  The constable telephoned headquarters and when two officers hurried to the scene they found the youths on the premises of the store.

  The constable telephoned headquarters and two officers found the youths in the store.

  John Jones was fined £5 for having inefficient brakes on his van and £2 for having an inefficient speedometer.

  ‘Having’ is redundant.

  Editing of injuries and hospital conditions is often equally woolly. There should be an office style:

  Alfred Davidson received a sprained neck when his car was in collision with a truck …

  Did he get it in gift-wrapping?

  Alfred Davidson sprained his neck when his car and a truck collided …

  That is shorter and more direct, but passive reporting predominates:

  Sandy Smith suffered a leg injury.

  Sandy Smith hurt his leg.

  Lawrence Jones was fatally injured.

  Lawrence Jones was killed.

  Howard M. Woods, of 53 Hillside Avenue, was reported in a ‘fair condition’ last night at Central Hospital. He has a heart ailment. He was admitted to the hospital on June 22nd.

  Was ‘fair’ last night … That is enough. The quotation marks reveal that it is the description of his condition.

  He was admitted with a heart ailment on June 22. Where else but to the hospital?

  He was allowed home after treatment.

  He went home after treatment.

  A caution: the quotes on a hospital condition can sometimes look silly:

  Mr J. Smith, city engineer, is ‘ill’ in hospital with a heart condition.

  The text editor knows that this is the hospital’s exact assessment of Mr Smith’s condition. But with an ordinary ailment, the quotes round ‘ill’ read oddly to the ordinary reader – and the ordinary reader is our customer.

  Finally, some other types of needless repetition:

  Unnecessary doubt: A small Renoir painting was reportedly stolen yesterday. The painting was taken from a wall. ‘Was stolen’ is enough. Is there reason for doubt? We retell facts, not rumour.

  Useless caution: Why keep saying ‘It was learned that …’? It is no legal protection if the facts are not right. We could say ‘it was learned that …’ before every fact in the paper.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Watch this Language

  To write simply is as difficult as to be good.

  SOMERSET MAUGHAM

  The previous two chapters have set down a set of conditions to guide the text editor. Negatively, the series of don’ts means rewriting long sentences, complicated sentences, negative sentences, passive sentences, and a succession of sentences of the same structure. It means avoiding complex words, abstract words, and omitting all needless words. Some of this is summed up in an adaptation of an old nursery rhyme:

  If I had a donkey as wouldn’t go

  Do you think I’d wallop him, oh No.

  I’d give him some corn and cry out ‘Whoa’,

  ‘Gee up, Neddy’.

  which would appear in too many news columns as:

  If I had an ass that refused to proceed,

  Do you suppose that I should castigate him, no indeed.

  I should present him with some cereals and observe proceed,

  Continue, Edward.

  Edward the donkey is a reminder of what text editors are up against. They have to work fast. They have to recognise Edward as Neddy in disguise. They have to be ready with the better word. The three lists that follow are an attempt to help. They are words that spell waste. All are taken from newspaper reports. Text editors should know the lists thoroughly. They are not exhaustive. Text editors should add to them themselves. If they then cultivate an animus to the offending words, there is a good chance these words will spring out of the copy; text editors will have a substitute already in mind. Busy text editors will have no tim
e to consult a thesaurus or sit and ponder.

  The first list gives the bad expressions on the left. They are not all necessarily wrong. Some of them are, but the alternatives on the right are usually crisper and shorter. They’re not synonymous but they frequently express the desired meaning. If no alternative is given the word is simply one to avoid. The second list is of redundancies, and the third of common newspaper clichés.

  Wasteful Words

  Don’t say

  Prefer

  abrasions and contusions

  cuts and bruises

  absence of

  no

  accede to

  grant/allow

  accommodate

  hold/seat

  accommodation

  rooms, seats, etc.

  accordingly

  so

  acquaint

  tell

  act as

  bad substitute for verb ‘to be’

  a cut on his ear

  a cut ear

  adequate bus transportation

  enough buses

  adjacent to

  near

  adumbrate

  outline/sketch

  affluent

  rich/well-off

  ahead of schedule

  early

  a large proportion of

  many

  a man by the name of

  named

  ameliorate

  improve

  a percentage of

  some

  approximately

  about

  arrangements were in the hands of

  arranged by

  ascertain

  learn

  as far as … is concerned

  as for (but it is better to be direct)

  assistance

  help/aid

  at an early date

  soon

  attempt

  try

  at the present time/at present

  now

  attired in

  wore

  best of health

  well/healthy

  beverage

  drink

  bid (except at auction)

  attempt

  bifurcation

  division/split

  called a halt

  stopped

  carry out the work

  do the work

  caused injuries to

  injured

  centre round

  centre on/in

  cloudburst

  heavy rain

  commence, commencement

  begin, beginning

  compared with

  than

  concerning

  about/on

  conflagration

  fire

  conservative (estimate)

  low/cautious

  consist of

  bad substitute for verb ‘to be’

  constructed of wood

  made of wood/wooden

  continue to remain

  stay

  currently

  now

  customary

  usual

  decease

  death/die

  deceased, defendant

  prefer the name

  demise

  death

  demonstrate

  show

  dentures

  false teeth

  described as

  called

  despite the fact that

  although

  discontinue

  stop

  dispatched

  sent

  donate, contribute

  give

  donation

  gift

  draw the attention of

  show/remind/point out

  dwell

  live

  edifice

  building

  endeavour

  try

  en route

  on the way

  evince

  show

  exceedingly

  very

  exceeding the speed limit

  speeding

  expedite

  hasten/hurry

  expensive

  dear

  facilitate

  ease/help

  filled to capacity

  full

  fissiparous

  separatist/breakaway

  following (i.e. later in time)

  after

  freighter

  (cargo) ship

  from out of the

  out of/from

  gained entrance to

  got in

  gathered together

  met

  give consideration to

  consider

  give rise to

  cause

  hails from

  comes from

  headache (except literally)

  problem, difficulty, puzzle

  heretofore

  before/until now

  I am hopeful that

  I hope that

  hospitalised

  went to hospital

  illuminated

  lit up

  implement (verb)

  carry out/fulfil/do

  implementation

  impossible of discovery

  cannot be found

  in addition

  also

  in addition to

  besides, as well as, also

  in advance of his meeting with …

  before meeting …

  in attendance

  present/there

  incapacitated

  (put out of action)

  in conjunction with

  and/or

  in consequence of

  because of

  inferno

  fire

  inform

  tell

  in isolation

 

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