She tried to hold back her fears, but her emotions were on overdrive, and the truth poured out. “I’m afraid to believe in this,” she whispered. “In us.”
His brows knitted. “Why?”
“Because I’m so happy, but you’re going to be busy when you go back to your real life, and I’ll dive into one book after the next. And I know I’m rambling about long-term when we’ve only been together a short time, but we have less than a week left. And I want that week, but it’s also scary because then I’ll like you that much more. All this time with you has filled me up with so much happiness, it feels like some kind of spectacular fantasy.”
“Breathe, baby. Slow down and breathe.” He embraced her. “It is spectacular, but it’s not a fantasy. I’m not a put-down-roots kind of guy, and I can’t make promises for something I’m not sure I can do, but I promise you this. Whatever this is between us is real, and it’s the one thing I don’t want to run from.”
“Then you think you really will come visit? Between shows, or something?”
“Nothing could keep me away. And I want to do a few things around here to keep you safe before I go. The thought of anything happening to you…”
“Bodyguard?” she teased.
He raised his brows. “That’s a great idea.”
“Beau!” She swatted his arm.
“Okay, I’ll cancel the bodyguard. I ordered a driveway alarm that I’m going to install before I leave so you’ll be alerted if anyone drives up to the inn.”
“Seriously? They make those?”
“Hell yes. And I’m getting you a dog, too. A big one.”
“It’ll have to learn to feed itself,” she teased. “You know I’m not very good in that department.”
“You’re right. Maybe I’ll let you keep Bandit. At least he knows how to steal food.”
She had a feeling she’d fall just as hard for his thieving dog as she had for him. “I love that you worry about me.” She looked at the horses, then back at the man who made her head spin, and said, “And I still can’t believe you did all of this for me. You brought in horses, cleaned the barn, and got me gorgeous boots. Beau…?”
“When you told me about Winter and how much you loved riding, you lit up the same way you do when you talk about your walks with your grandfather and your life here, your writing. You’ve done so much for me. I wanted to bring those feelings back for you.”
Her eyes dampened again. “I haven’t done anything for you except build a funky dreamscape that you had to help me take down.” After they’d cleaned up, he’d set the jars she’d given him on her dresser, and then he’d written, More Charlotte on a piece of paper and put it in his Hopes and Dreams jar. It was another night she’d never forget.
“You’ve made me feel so many things that I thought were lost to me, and you always make me smile, which doesn’t come easily for me this time of year. Or maybe ever, I don’t know.” He cupped her face and brushed his thumb over her cheek. “You’ve made me happier in these last three weeks than I’ve been in a decade.” He gave her a quick kiss and said, “Now, let’s put those pretty boots to the test. I want to see all your favorite riding spots.”
Emotions bubbled up inside her as she went up on her toes and kissed the center of his chin. His scruff prickled her lips. She liked it so much, she did it again, and he pulled her closer. “I will show you my old favorites, but I think it’s time for new ones. I want to find our own favorite places.”
“That sounds even better.”
It had been so many years since she’d ridden, as they saddled the horses she wondered if she’d forgotten how. But when she mounted Ginger, a familiar sense of peace came over her. The saddle cradled her hips as she shifted her bottom and positioned her legs to accommodate the breadth of the horse.
“Ready to ride, beautiful?” Beau looked regal on the dark horse.
“The horse, or you?” she teased as the horses walked at an easy pace away from the barn.
A wolfish grin slid into place. “The horse now, me later.”
Charlotte’s mind wandered as they explored the trails and hills of the property she’d once known by heart. They galloped in the meadows, the breeze sweeping across her cheeks. The rhythmic sounds of the horses’ hooves brought a euphoric sensation of freedom and a sense of adventure she’d forgotten she had. The horses walked side by side, giving Beau and Charlotte a chance to talk. They cracked up like fools as they tried to kiss without falling off. Beau’s strong hands kept her steady as his lips landed on hers, and as the sun drifted toward the horizon, they came upon an overlook. They tied the horses to trees and sat on a rocky ledge.
“Come here, babe.” He wrapped his arms around her, bringing her back against his chest, his legs cradling her hips.
He kissed the top of her head, but he didn’t say a word as ribbons of blues and purples painted the sky. That was the thing about Beau. He didn’t need to talk to get his point across. She could feel how happy he was, the same way she’d felt his tension when he’d first arrived.
She reached behind her and rested her hand on his neck, thinking about how much had changed between them. How much she’d changed, proven by the fact that she was there, enjoying an entire afternoon and evening without panicking over missed word counts. She owed that to Beau.
“I didn’t realize how much I missed riding,” she said, snuggling closer and admiring her pretty new boots. “I forgot how rejuvenating it was. It gives me such a high.”
“Being with you does that to me.” He leaned to the side, tipped her chin up, and kissed her.
“I really like when you tip my face to yours.”
He did it again, kissing her sweetly, contradicting the seriousness in his eyes. “Then I’ll do it more often. I’ve been trying to figure out how to say something to you, and I’m not great with words or expressing my feelings, but I need to say this.”
She turned sideways, putting her legs over one of his so she could see him more clearly. “Okay.”
“I like that you’re not afraid to talk about Tory, and I’m sorry that sometimes I dodge your questions, but it’s not because…” His brows knitted, as if he were grasping for the right words. “I was so young when she and I started going out. We were always ‘Beau and Tory,’ as if we were one entity. That’s how people around town referred to us, like we were one human being. Even though I went away to college, she was part of my life there because she was always in my head, and my heart,” he said with a hint of apology in his voice and his eyes.
“I understand,” she said, feeling a little pang of sadness that she hadn’t been that girl.
“Until I met you, I didn’t think about who I was without her, which seems ridiculous since it’s been so long. But I’ve lived with this guilt that has overshadowed everything in my life.”
“I know—”
“Hear me out, please, because that’s not what I wanted to tell you, but it’s just as important. What I wanted you to know is that things between me and her were very different from what is between you and me. I don’t want you to think that we, you and I, are a rerun of what she and I were. Everything about who I am with you is different from who I was back then or who I have ever been. I’m not a reckless kid, and I was never the type of boyfriend who would do things like borrow horses or buy boots. That wasn’t me back then. That’s who I am with you, Charlotte, and I want you to know how big, or important, or…”
He was trying so hard to show her who he was, and she already knew. “Different?” she suggested.
“Yes, different, that’s it.”
“Beau, I haven’t even once worried that I was a substitute, and I’m not jealous of what you had with her. Not in a bad sense anyway. I really like you, so of course I wish I had history with you. And I probably would be jealous if she were still alive because you clearly still love her.”
“I do, but I’m not in love with her in an active way. I’m not pining for a woman I can’t have.”
“I kn
ow,” she reassured him. “You explained that to me. I meant you love her in a good way, though. I’m glad she was loved before she died. It would be even sadder if she hadn’t ever experienced it. That said, I do hope that one day you will find a way to forgive yourself for not seeing her texts, because if she truly loved you, she wouldn’t want you to carry that burden forever.”
Relief eased the tension around his eyes for only a moment before seriousness overtook him again. She could see he wanted to say more, but he remained quiet as his arms came around her.
She didn’t want to push him, but she truly believed he needed some type of closure in order to really move on, no matter how much she wished otherwise. As they gazed over the picturesque mountains, her thoughts turned inward. In all the years she’d lived at the inn, she’d never longed for human touch, or the type of intimacy she and Beau shared. She’d never experienced it firsthand to know what she was missing. Nestled within the safety of his arms, she knew she’d long for him when he left, and she could only imagine the sense of emptiness Tory had left behind. It was different, but in some respects, it was the same.
She rested her cheek on his chest, thinking about the complexities of love, and she wondered what was worse—having only dreamed of finding love, finding it and letting it slip away, or loving someone so completely that a decade later you were still punishing yourself for having made a mistake?
Chapter Fifteen
THE DAYS LEADING up to the Mad Prix awards ceremony passed in a flurry of preparations, but it never overshadowed the closeness or the deepening of Beau and Charlotte’s relationship. Charlotte had surprised him and put aside her work last Sunday to spend the day horseback riding with him again before they’d had to return the horses that evening. They’d packed a picnic, and spent the entire day enjoying each other. It was the calm before the awards-ceremony storm. While chefs, waitstaff, housekeepers, groundskeepers, and valets took over the inn, Beau raced through a number of smaller repairs he’d noticed needed tending to, which had turned into bigger jobs, like reframing a window instead of simply replacing a sill. Charlotte was knee-deep in writing again. She’d failed to mention that in addition to innkeepers came a group of massage therapists and an entire office and concierge staff who took over the study, managing phone calls, registrations, and it seemed to Beau, everything else under the sun. Most everyone greeted Charlotte with warm hugs and intimate conversations, catching up on one another’s lives like old friends. She might not have a biological family, but she was clearly loved by many, and he was glad for that.
Beau paced the terrace Saturday afternoon, waiting for Nick, Jillian, and Aiyla to arrive. Nick had called from the airport, and Beau had been tense ever since. Hopefully Nick wasn’t dead set on harassing him the whole time he was there, because if he was, he had another thing coming.
The grounds were crawling with charitable contributors, race staff, and spectators sipping champagne and nibbling on finger foods while they waited for the racers to ascend the last hill before heading down to the finish line. Charlotte was mingling among them.
Cheers told Beau the racers weren’t far off. He descended the steps, excited to see where Ty and Graham would place, and scanned the crowd for Charlotte. Colorful banners emblazoned with sponsors and charity names flapped in the breeze, and just beyond, his beautiful girl stood by the podium, looking carefree and gorgeous in a sexy blue halter dress as she spoke with Parker and Grayson Lacroux and Eric and Kat James. Parker was the founder of the Collins Children’s Foundation, and Grayson was her husband. Eric had started the Foundation for Whole Families. The money earned from the race benefited their charities. Beau knew Eric and Kat well, and he’d been thrilled to meet their six-month-old son, Denny, whom Charlotte was now fawning over with that dreamy expression women got around babies.
Beau stopped to admire her, remembering how she’d said she’d once dreamed of finding Mr. Right and having a family of her own. He wondered what she was thinking as she shifted her attention to Parker and Grayson’s baby girl, Miriam, who hadn’t left her daddy’s protective arms since they arrived.
It had been ages since Beau had given any thought to having a girlfriend, much less a family. But when he’d held Eric’s adorable son and felt the weight of the precious baby in his arms, he’d been hit by a pang of unexpected longing, just like a fucking chick, and had become aware of a void he hadn’t realized existed. Maybe he was misreading it or was just messed up by the tension of Nick showing up today, but for whatever reason, the awareness had burrowed itself under his skin like a tick and he had yet to shake it loose.
Charlotte headed his way, her long dark hair drifting over her shoulders. Her easy manner made his chest feel full. She was leaving for New York tomorrow afternoon, and he knew there weren’t enough renovations on earth to keep him distracted from missing her.
“Hey, beautiful.” He kissed her softly. “Nick called. They should be here any minute.”
“I can’t wait to meet him and Jillian, and to see Aiyla again.”
More cheers rang out. “Sounds like the contestants are nearing the last climb.”
“You can bet Ty is at the front of the pack,” she said. “But it’ll take him some time to breach the hill, and competitors will be coming in for the next few hours. I hope your family makes it in time to see them cross the finish line.”
“My money’s on Graham taking first. My brother has got a competitive streak a mile wide.” He gathered her in his arms. Her skin was warm from the sun and smelled of the lilac body wash he’d lathered on her in the shower earlier that morning. “You did an amazing job. The event came together perfectly.”
“Thanks, but you know I have nothing to do with it. It’s all these wonderful people. Most of them knew my family and they do it for them. I’m glad, though. It’s the one time of year I get to hear stories from my parents’ friends.”
“What about when you go back to Port Hudson tomorrow? Will you see old neighbors? People who knew your family?”
“Not this trip. My editor, Chelsea, emailed earlier. They’re setting up a meeting with the marketing department before I meet with her. My publicist, Luce Palmer, will be there for that, and then I’ll meet with Chelsea in the afternoon. And then it’s me and the LWW girls all night long. We have a lot to catch up on.” She ran her finger down his chest and said, “I have a boyfriend to rave about, you know.”
“Are you nervous?”
“No. Yes. A little, because I’m not sure my book is perfect, but we’ll see. This is my fifth book, and I still worry with every one, so that’s normal.”
“I’m sure it’s great, and if it needs tweaking, you’ll tweak it. I wish I could be there to watch you in action.”
Heat brimmed in her eyes, and she whispered, “You got to watch me in action last night.”
“Man, did I ever.” His cock twitched with the memory of her riding him rough and wild.
“Hey.” She touched his cheek, bringing his eyes to hers. “Stop thinking about me naked.”
He brushed his lips over hers and said, “But it’s such an awesome visual. I love seeing you in the throes of passion.”
“Okay,” she said in a singsong voice. “If you want your brother, sister, and Aiyla to see you with tented pants, because either that’s Jilly and Nick, or you have a fan club led by another burgundy-haired woman.”
He turned around just in time to catch Jillian throwing her arms around him.
“Beau!” She acted like she hadn’t seen him in years. The air around her buzzed with excitement. “Jax wanted to come with us to see Graham run, but he’s got a huge wedding this weekend, and you know how anal he is about being available for the brides on their big day. Can’t have any bridal gown mishaps.”
Aiyla waved, the calm to Jillian’s whirlwind, while Nick stood protectively beside her, giving off a don’t-fuck-with-me vibe. His thick dark hair sprouted out from beneath his ever-present black cowboy hat, brushing the collar of his tight T-shirt. Tight
was the only type of shirt he owned. Where Beau was fit, Nick had insanely large, bulbous muscles.
“I’m sure Aiyla will take enough pictures that he’ll feel like he was here,” Beau said as Aiyla hugged Charlotte.
“You look amazing,” Charlotte said. “I’m sorry you’re not racing this year.”
“Next year it’s mine,” Aiyla said confidently. “I’ve been training, and next year it’s me and Ty again all the way.” Her shirt had TY BRADEN’S #1 FAN emblazoned across the chest, and her shorts revealed her flesh-colored prosthetic leg, on which she’d written #TEAMTY and #TEAMBRADEN in red marker. She carried a camera over one shoulder and moved it out of the way as she hugged Charlotte. Her honey-blond hair was as light as Charlotte’s hair was dark.
Beau placed a hand on Charlotte’s back and said, “Jilly, Nick, this is—”
“Only the most amazing romance writer on the planet!” Jillian said excitedly as she hugged Charlotte. “I love your books so much. I want a man just like your hero Daryl Magnum from Crazy, Sexy, Sinful. Think you can whip one up for me?”
Nick and Beau shook their heads.
“Daryl is a fan favorite. Everyone loves the mysterious, stoic bad boy,” Charlotte said. “My social media pages are always filled with fans wanting more of him.” She glanced at Beau and then leaned closer to Jillian, lowered her voice, and said, “I think we’d better talk about that when Paul Bunyan and Burly Beau aren’t around,” Charlotte said.
“Burly Beau!” Jillian laughed. “They’re growly, but they’re softies at heart.”
“Bullshit,” Nick said at the same time Beau said, “Softy, my ass.”
The girls giggled.
“Remind me to corner you later,” Jillian said to Charlotte. “I brought a copy of Crazy, Sexy, Sinful that I was hoping you’d autograph. Beau said he’d get me your autograph, but last night he said he forgot, which is guy code for he hadn’t done it because he was too embarrassed to ask.”
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