“Some people might say so.” Oh, no. Another answer I wasn’t ready to hear. “But screw them. I served with women who left their children back home. They were overseas, putting their lives at risk, sometimes leaving their kids with extended family. Was that wrong?”
I was quiet. “But they were fighting for their country. I’m fighting for—”
“For Kat? For her future? For what’s right?”
“But if I’m honest, my kids mean more to me than anything else. How can I jeopardize anything to do with them?”
He shrugged. “I don’t think there are easy answers. Selfishly, I’ll admit that you freaked me out today. If I lost you…I don’t know.” He took his eyes off the road just long enough to meet mine. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what you should do. I just know that whatever you choose, it has to be right for you and the kids. That’s the most important thing.”
He sounded as confused as I felt, but hearing his words made me want to consult one more loved one. Well, technically two.
My mom’s sister, Aunt Liz (a.k.a. The Reverend Liz Minter), had always been my closest confidant after Kenna. Serious conversations with her often involved tears, because she got to the heart of things in the most loving ways.
Without my childhood trips to Liz’s Florida home and church, I might have pondered life’s great mysteries alone. Mom liked to keep things light, but Liz encouraged me to ask big questions and try to answer them, despite my youth. She took my perspectives seriously, and her respect gave me confidence. I considered her one of my few soul mates.
“Liz?” I said, when she answered my call. Dean was downstairs watching TV. I’d told him I needed to shower and “take care of a few things.”
“Sweetheart,” she greeted me warmly. “It’s so good to hear from you. How are you?”
“I’ve been better.” After making sure she was doing okay, I launched into my tale, summarizing with, “I just want to do what’s right, and I don’t want to let anyone down.”
“Who would you let down?”
“Anyone and everyone, depending on what I do. My mom. Dean. The kids. Myself. My clients. Even Kenna. I really don’t want to lose Dean or his respect either.”
“No matter what you lose or don’t lose, you’re going to be okay. You know that.”
“Mmhm.” I’d survived a lot and come a long way, but my confidence was flagging. Losing loved ones made it tempting to avoid loss altogether, sometimes at too great a cost.
“So let’s say you search for whoever did this to you, and you get answers, but you get hurt in the process. How would that feel?”
I thought for a moment. “I guess it’s not just about getting answers. It’s still about Kat. I don’t know if I can live life wondering what happened to her. Wondering if she’s okay and what I could have done. She only has a little time to take advantage of certain resources. And my gut tells me today wasn’t her fault.”
“You don’t think the police can sort all that out?”
“I bet she sees the police as the enemy. What if she runs? Even worse, what if she runs with someone awful? Or what if he takes her against her will?”
“So let’s say you pursue Kat for her own good and something terrible happens.”
Tears slipped down my cheeks. “I don’t know,” I said. “I’d feel guilty, but I’d know I did my job, or at least I tried.”
“So tell me more about your jobs in life. What are they?”
“To be a good mom, number one.”
“Okay. What else?”
I sniffed and wiped away tears, hoping Dean was glued to the TV downstairs.
“To be a good daughter, friend, girlfriend, niece, and person in general.”
“Uh-huh.”
“And I want to help victims, especially the ones who can’t afford help otherwise. Although obviously, that’s not a good business plan.”
I laughed a little.
“Right. But you’ve always wanted to do that. Is it going too far to say that feels like a calling?”
“No.”
“So what if you didn’t do that? What if you just played it safe?”
“The thought of it makes me sick.”
“And what if you keep taking risks?”
“I don’t know. That’s the problem. I’m worried about the kids.”
I was beside myself. This was about more than Kat. It was about my career, which had become more dangerous than I ever imagined. In a way, it was about life.
“Can we pray about it?” I asked. I rarely requested this, and it made me feel awkward, but I knew Aunt Liz would put me at ease as much as possible.
“Of course. Do you want me to start?”
“Definitely.”
“Okay. Loving God, we ask that you give Nicki guidance about what is right for her life and work. Please bless her with knowing what’s truly best for her, Jack, Sophie, and Dean. And give her a sense of peace when her choice reflects your wisdom. Amen.”
Tears were falling faster, but now they were tears of relief, because I remembered that I didn’t have to make decisions alone. I could ask for divine help. Sometimes, especially as a single mom, it felt like everything was on my shoulders. Too often, I forgot to share the load.
“What if I don’t get an answer or guidance?” I asked.
“Don’t expect answers that are like lightning bolts or booming voices, okay? They might come in quiet ways. Stay open minded, pay attention, and see how you feel. Notice what gives you the most peace, and talk about it with people whose faith you trust. No matter what, you’re getting support from above. That’s what I believe.”
“Thank you, Aunt Liz,” I said. “For everything.”
She added a prayer of gratitude, which reminded me that some of my decisions were really luxuries. I had everything I needed and more. It also reminded me that despite Dean’s best intentions, his advice to do what was right for me and the kids wasn’t quite broad enough for me.
I wanted to do what was right in a bigger sense. That sounded overwhelming, but I was used to following my gut, and Dean was used to following his. Maybe we could do this together.
When I came downstairs all freshened up, with foundation covering my evolving bruises, Dean was watching sports highlights.
“Are you into that show?” I asked.
“Nope,” he said, clicking off the TV. “I’m into you.” He stood up and almost crushed me with a bear hug. “You doing okay? You were up there for a while.”
“Sorry. I was talking to Aunt Liz.”
“Oh, that’s good…I think.” He inspected my eyes, which were bloodshot and puffy, despite my efforts to repair them.
“I just feel so confused. That guy Wayne was really degrading Kat today. Kenna and I are okay now, but what about her? She witnessed a serious crime, and she’s in deep with some horrible people. And her time for getting help is limited.”
“Right. And the police are looking into all that. They’re on the lookout for Kat like never before.”
“True. I just wonder if after today, if she saw I was still looking for her, she’d give in and get help. After what that guy did to us, imagine what he might do to her.”
“I know you care, and so do I, but I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
“I get that, believe me. Neither do I. It’s just that my heart is telling me that taking risks, sometimes big ones, isn’t necessarily wrong.”
He sighed. “As much as I want to argue with you, I can’t. You’re preaching to the choir.”
That was the perfect opening, and I had to take it.
“Speaking of preaching and choirs, how often do you pray?”
“I don’t know. I prayed for you today.”
“Really?”
“You think I’m going to lie about praying?” He laughed.
�
��Well, I’ve been praying too. I want to make the right decision together, if possible.”
“Great.”
My cell phone interrupted us, and it was Kenna.
“Kenna? Are you okay?” I asked.
“Turn on Channel Two,” she said. “And call me back.”
“Okay, but remember, the doctor said you’re not supposed to watch TV.”
“I’m not. Andy is.”
At first, I thought maybe Kenna had called to alert Dean, since the breaking story was about a local baseball player who had overdosed, and Dean and Andy attended games together. But soon, I realized she’d been calling for me.
Pitcher AJ Franklin had been found dead in the same motel where I’d interviewed the prostitute, Farrah, back when Dean and I had staked out her room. A nearby gas station’s surveillance camera showed two women who were “persons of interest,” and police were asking for the public’s help in identifying them.
As soon as they played the security video, I hit record and rewound to see it again.
“Do they look familiar?” I asked Dean.
“No, but it’s hard to make out much.”
“When I got my nails done, I heard some girls talking about AJ. He’d been flirting with people at a bar and then went to a strip club. If I remember correctly, they weren’t impressed.”
“It’s disgusting what some of these guys get into.”
The news went to commercial, and my phone rang again.
“Kenna?” I answered.
“No. It’s Andy. Kenna’s under doctor’s orders to rest.”
“I know. I’m so sorry about everything.”
“I think you guys should stay out of this whole thing. I want the case over with, but Kenna insisted I call you.”
“Why? What’s going on?”
“It’s the AJ Franklin thing. For some reason, she wanted me to tell you that I’m not surprised by it.”
“By his death?”
“By any of it. The guy has a reputation. The team tried to keep it under wraps since he’s got a wife and kid, not to mention a bunch of charity ties. But off the record, rumors have been flying this season about partying, drugs, and prostitutes. No one wanted to alienate him or the team without concrete evidence, but all bets are off now. Everyone’s going to be talking.”
“Are you getting any information that’s not on the news?”
“Not yet. I’ve only got what the police give to the press.”
“Tell her,” I heard Kenna hiss in the background.
Andy sighed. “Fine. There’s one more thing, but it’s just a rumor. It’s only a matter of time before it gets out.”
“What’s that?”
“The rumor is that AJ liked his prostitutes, um, young.”
I bit my tongue and didn’t correct his use of the word “prostitutes.” Any youths involved were definitely victims. I’d already upset him enough though, and he was just trying to help.
“How young?” I asked.
“I don’t know. I’m just telling you because I want you to understand how serious this stuff is. You shouldn’t be mixed up in it. Just stay out of it and let the police do their jobs.”
“I appreciate your input, Andy, and I promise not to jeopardize Kenna in any way.”
“Too late, Nicki. But believe it or not, I care about you too. Just take care of yourself. And Kenna.”
“I’m doing my best,” I said.
I hoped that would be good enough.
Twenty-Two
When Mom dropped off the kids, I couldn’t bring myself to tell her about my day, and I was glad heavy-duty makeup concealed most of its evidence. The kids were as thrilled to see Dean as Mom was, which made it hard to resist his request when she left.
“Let me stay tonight,” he said. “I know the ER said you seem okay, but I want to make sure. We don’t know what’s in your system. Tell the kids I’m staying because you’re a little sick. We can go pick up your van with your extra key tomorrow.”
I didn’t hesitate long before agreeing and telling the kids.
“Hey, you guys. Dean’s going to be here overnight to help take care of you, okay? I had a long, hard day, and I’m tired. He’s going to sleep in the guest room, but please don’t wake him up unless it’s an emergency. We all need a good night’s sleep.”
“What time can we get him up in the morning?” Sophie asked. I was sure she’d watch the clock like a hawk.
“How about seven thirty?” Dean asked. “But remember, when someone wakes me up, I turn into a tickle monster, so watch out.”
Jack and Sophie laughed. “Can we watch a movie with you tonight?” Jack asked. “And can you tell me a story about being in the Army?”
“If your mom joins us. She needs some relaxing time off from work.”
“I do,” I agreed. “And if I fall asleep, Dean can tuck you in.”
“You should go to bed now, Mom,” Sophie said. “You look tired.”
Gee, thanks. No question with whom she preferred to hang out.
“I’ll watch part of the movie, at least,” I said.
We put in a DVD and, for the first time, cuddled all together. Jack and Sophie argued over who got prime spots next to Dean, and he ended up in the middle. I snuggled up to my iPad, checking the news frequently and noting ideas as they occurred to me.
About halfway through the animated film, I got an iPad text from Kenna, who was using Andy’s phone, since both of ours were missing.
Going to bed, she said. Not feeling great, but I’ll be okay. You?
I’m fine. Dean is spending the night in the guest room. Get a good night’s sleep. You’re not supposed to be texting. Love you.
You too. Hey, something for you to consider: Any chance you’re abstaining to protect yourself from getting hurt? Just a thought.
Kenna, stop texting. Go rest. Goodnight. J ♥
I felt Dean’s eyes on me and knew I must have made a noise. I smiled at him and mouthed, “It’s fine.”
But Kenna’s comment had caught me off guard. Was there a chance I’d talked myself into abstinence just to keep Dean at a safe distance? The increase in my heart rate told me maybe so. Now medical issues would skew my decision even more.
I expertly tuned out the movie’s songs and antics so I could think about Kat and where she might be. I also searched the internet and databases for anything related to the case.
Nothing seemed significant, and my eyes were beginning to close on their own.
I began listing the risky people who might be in Kat’s life: Daddy B, Big Tim, Bobby, Wayne, Shawna. I drifted off with a surprising image in mind: Kat’s biological father. I’d seen his mug shot online and researched his background, and his eyes resembled Kat’s. Thinking of him while falling asleep seemed creepy. But when I remembered it the next day, it wasn’t scary. It was intriguing.
Seeing Dean in the morning was heaven, not just because he wore cotton pajama pants that barely hid his physique (although that was ah-may-zing), but because he fit in so naturally.
He made pancakes with our organic mix and stirred blueberries into Sophie’s syrup, just the way she requested. He walked Jack and Sophie to the bus stop, which was a compromise for me because it would prompt endless questions from my neighborhood friends. And he didn’t seem to mind that I’d fallen asleep in my bathrobe and stumbled around with bed head that no hair accessory could fix. On school mornings, there was simply no time to shower until everyone was up and out. This morning, the same went for him.
“Did you call in sick or something?” I asked. “Don’t you have to get to work?”
“I called in late. I said I had an emergency.”
I buried my head in his chest. “I’m your emergency?”
“You and the kids. You can be my emergencies anytime, by the way.”
“How did you sleep?”
“Not very well,” he admitted. My heart sank. Had one of the kids bothered him? Was my house too noisy? Too cold? Too hot? “It was hard to be so close, but so far away.” He pulled me tighter.
“Oh.” I stifled an expression that might have seemed a bit too happy. “I felt the same way. But I was a little afraid of the tickle monster.”
“Ha.”
He snuck a finger under my ribs and got me laughing and running.
He chased me to my bathroom door, where I said I needed to take a shower before I did anything else.
“Funny. That’s what I need to do too.”
Uh-oh. Apparently the usual day-to-day routine was ending here. Even if I wanted him to use the kids’ bathroom, it wasn’t clean enough for any guest.
I guessed that only left us one option.
Some seriously steamy fun.
Before Dean and I picked up my van, I checked in with Kenna, who was ordered to stay home. Then I called in sick to XXXTC for both of us, saying we’d been in an accident. That was an understatement.
“So what are you going to do today?” Dean asked while we cleaned up from breakfast and he impressed me with his dishwasher-loading skills—an underrated art, in my opinion.
“Actually, I’m going to visit Kat’s dad in prison.”
“What? That’s not what I expected.”
“Me either. I thought of it while I was falling asleep. He’s been in prison for a long time, and Corey wrote him off. When we took the case, Kenna and I applied online to visit him, and we got approved. Obviously, she can’t go.”
“So what’s your goal for the visit?”
“Just to be complete. I’ve done all my research, and he’s been completely out of the picture. But I can’t say I fully investigated Kat without talking to him, if possible.”
“I guess that’s reasonable. I’m not sure how I feel about you visiting a felon though.”
Skydive Page 19