In Place of Never

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In Place of Never Page 13

by Julie Anne Lindsey


  “Accidents happen. It’s a difficult truth to accept, but not everything makes sense. That’s life. Sometimes it’s impossible, sometimes frustrating and sometimes beautifully unpredictable. There are things we won’t understand this side of heaven.”

  Maybe, but not this. I planned on figuring this out long before I made it to heaven. Hopefully today. “I heard Faith was drinking that night.”

  Mrs. Allen’s lips parted, but she didn’t speak.

  “I wonder if she decided to go for a swim and got pulled under. I’m not a drinker, so I don’t know how that works.” Massive understatement. I’d missed my high school rebellion years, and I’d make a better designated driver than partier next year. Assuming the party girls had a car I could drive.

  Mrs. Allen frowned. “Swimming alone at night?”

  That didn’t seem right. “Do you think she wasn’t alone?”

  She pursed her lips. “I don’t know. Whatever happened, I’m glad to see you survived.” She tugged the material of my skirt. “Keep surviving, okay? Make your mama and sister proud.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  She turned for the back door and stopped. “Your dad and Pru look good today. It does them well to see you like this. You are loved, Mercy Porter. Don’t forget it.”

  I followed Mrs. Allen back into the reception hall. The bitter scent of black coffee hung in the air. Our talk had gone better than expected. Confidence lifted my chin. I made my way to a trio of girls cooing around a high chair. A baby with tiny black pigtails, wearing a giant pink bib, slapped the tray. Faith’s old color-guard sister spooned something orange into the baby’s mouth.

  “Vanessa?”

  She turned her sunny face to mine. Recognition erased her smile in slow motion. Vanessa straightened at the waist and renewed her smile. “Mercy! It’s so good to see you again.”

  I came to church almost every Sunday, but whatever. “Hey.”

  “You look nice.”

  The two others watched our conversation like a tennis match. Voices and laughter buzzed in the air around us, making it more difficult to ask the tough questions. This wasn’t the perfect venue for the talk I had in mind.

  I extended my hand to them. “I’m Mercy Porter. Pastor Porter’s my dad.”

  The shorter girl clapped. “You’re Pru’s sister? My sister, Cassie, is on color guard with her. We hear about a thousand Pru stories a night.”

  I cringed, hoping none of the most recent Pru stories involved Jason. “Yep. That’s my sister.”

  I turned to Vanessa. “Can I ask you something about Faith?”

  Her lips turned down at the corners. “Um, sure.”

  Her voice quivered. My heart skipped. Vanessa missed her too.

  How had I gone so long thinking only my family had lost a loved one? Despite the venom and gossip, Faith had been loved. Of course she was missed.

  “Did you see Faith the night, you know…”

  She nodded and scooped her baby from the chair, the way I pulled pillows into my lap when Dad cornered me. “We went to the festival together.”

  “And she left you there.”

  Surprise crossed her face. She wiped her baby’s mouth and nuzzled her closer. “She and Brady had a fight. Faith needed some space.”

  “They broke up before the festival, though. Was Brady following her? Was he mean that night? Was he drinking, too?”

  Vanessa’s mouth formed a little O.

  I regrouped. “Sorry. I don’t mean to throw this at you. I know it’s been years and you’ve moved on.”

  Her grip on the baby visibly tightened.

  I was losing her. “Look. I’m leaving for school in a couple weeks and I need to know before I go. What happened that night? Really.”

  Cassie’s sister moved closer. “I heard Brady was drunk and begging her to come back but she humiliated him in front of half the town.”

  Okay. I’d never heard that. I shook it off. I never heard anything, apparently. “Did she leave the festival alone?”

  Cassie’s sister shrugged. “I was at band camp that week. I came home to a different world.”

  Vanessa looked to the ceiling and back. “She didn’t leave alone.”

  I held my breath.

  “She left with a guy from the show. One of the travelers. He was nice. Huge, but kind of sweet. I think they were friends.”

  Anton. Vanessa’s story matched his so far. “Did Brady see her leave with him?”

  “No.” Her face drained of color. She kissed her baby’s head and laid her cheek against the child’s hair. “I covered for her so she could get away.” A quick tear rolled over her bottom lid and she straightened, blotting the droplet off the baby’s head.

  I touched the little girl’s fingertips and three chubby fingers curled around my thumb. Her wide eyes were lined in long, black lashes. The stark contrast between her raven hair and bright blue eyes mesmerized. “She’s beautiful.”

  Vanessa blinked through unshed tears. “Thank you.” She looked at our joined fingers. “Linley, this is Miss Mercy. Miss Mercy, this is Linley. Linley Faith Moore. My daughter.”

  A lump rose in my throat. She’d named her daughter after my sister? A shuddery breath tore through me. Vanessa had graduated with Faith. Faith could’ve had a baby today if things were right in this world. Cassie’s sister handed me a napkin. I dotted tears off my face, nodding like a bobblehead doll. “Nice to meet you, Linley.”

  I sniffled and touched Vanessa’s sleeve. “Um, hey.”

  Vanessa raised her eyebrows. “Yeah?”

  “I helped her sneak out that night.”

  A sad smile formed on her lips. “She had a way of getting people to do things, didn’t she?”

  “Yeah.” I laughed.

  The third girl moved forward a baby step. “I’m Patricia. Patty.” Her cheeks reddened. “Back then everyone called me Patty.”

  I searched her face for recognition. “Oh my goodness.” Fatty Patty. “You look amazing.”

  “I lost fifty pounds after high school. Did you know that even at my heaviest, Faith told me I was beautiful? When I lost Faith, I didn’t know what to do without her support. People are so…”

  Cassie’s sister hugged Patricia against her side. “Assholes.”

  Patricia laughed. “We’re in church.”

  I waved them off, greedy for more about Faith. “It’s the reception hall. Go on.”

  Patricia smiled. “I wanted to honor her, so I tried to live the way she did. Faith loved to run and swim and dance and laugh. She couldn’t do those things anymore, so I decided to do them for her. I pushed myself to enter a half marathon my freshman year of college. She inspired me.”

  Tears raced over my cheeks. “Oh!” I pressed the napkin to my skin. “I am so sorry. I’m a mess today, and you’re all being so kind.” I laughed. “Thank you. I needed this.”

  Patricia handed me a travel pack of tissues from her purse. “Faith talked me into going to college. When my parents said we couldn’t afford it, she helped me find scholarships. She was like ten friends in one, you know? I’m a junior this year because of her.”

  I wiped my nose. “I had no idea she had such great friends.”

  Vanessa and Patricia smiled. Patricia shook a finger. “Do you remember Sara Lions?”

  “Yeah. Sure. She was varsity captain the year I made color guard.”

  Vanessa perked up. “Sara was at the Lovells when Faith and her friend got there. Sara never missed a party. She skipped the River Festival and went straight to the river that night. I remember her saying she saw them arrive. You should see if you can get ahold of her. Maybe she can help.”

  My heart beat faster. “Do you know where she is?”

  Patricia’s shoulders slumped. “No. She went to Vegas after high school, then Los Angeles. Her dreams were always super-sized.”

  “Did she ever tell you anything about how Faith ended up in the river?”
r />   They shook their heads. No.

  Patricia snapped her fingers. “You could ask Sara’s mom how to get ahold of her. She still lives in the big white farmhouse on Oak Street. The one with pygmy goats out back.”

  “Thank you.” I hugged Patricia, Vanessa and Linley, then waved good-bye to Cassie’s sister and headed for the door. My hug count was skyrocketing this week.

  Pru waved me down. “Hey! Are you okay?

  I smiled, wiping my cheeks and eyes. I glanced through the open doorway at Faith’s friends and Linley. “Yeah. I’m good. What’s going on?”

  She wrinkled her nose. “Are you leaving?”

  Energy soared through my limbs. I wanted to run. I bounced on my toes. “I’m going to Brady Dobbs’s house. Do you want to come along? I’m going to ask him about Faith. I ran into a couple of her old friends in the hall and they were great. Really, really nice. They told me to call her friend Sara, too. I might stop at her mom’s after Brady’s. Why? What’s up?”

  Her bottom lip slid forward. “I wanted you to come with me and the guys to get coffee at White Water.”

  My racing heart beat faster. “Who?” Could she mean Anton and Cross? I grabbed my phone for missed texts.

  “The JV color guard and a few guys from school. Come on. It’ll be fun. There are at least eight of us going. You won’t be a third wheel or anything and we can go do the private-investigator thing together when we’re finished.”

  Admittedly, I’d come out of my shell in the past few days, but I was nowhere near ready to hang with Pru and her crowd. I’d barely survived high school. I wasn’t interested in reliving those lost coffee-shop moments. “How about we meet at home this afternoon and I tell you what I find out. You can fill me in on the gossip.”

  “Mercy.” She strung my name into four syllables. “Come on. Please?”

  “Hey.” I narrowed my eyes. “How’d you get Dad to approve this outing? Aren’t you grounded for eternity?”

  A wide, toothy smile slid over her, not unlike the Cheshire cat’s. “I asked him in front of that visiting family. Mary Grace was with me.”

  “Evil.” I laughed. Nothing like putting Dad on the spot. He’d want to make the best impression on a visiting family, and Mary Grace’s mother was the biggest gossip in town, a doubly diabolical move. Pru would hear about it later at home, but she got her way. The last thing Dad would do willingly was feed the town rumor mill by publicly insinuating there was trouble at the Porters’.

  On a whim, I pulled her to my chest. “Bring me a latte and a turnover.”

  She clutched me to her. “It’ll get cold.”

  “I’ll find a way to reheat it.”

  “Fine.” She dropped her arms to her sides. “Are you really going to eat a turnover?”

  My stomach growled. “Yes. Definitely.”

  Pru’s cheeks pinched in a smile. “Okay, deal.” Her palm opened. “Six bucks.”

  “Jeez. That’s steep.” I dug some ones from my pocket. “How long was I in my room?”

  She flung curls over her shoulders and shrugged. “Doesn’t matter now.”

  Huh.

  I checked my phone again. No texts. I sent Pru a stupid unicorn emoji and headed for the Dobbs’ place. I had more work to do.

  Chapter 12

  No Future

  Sunlight winked at me through bushy green treetops of the two-hundred-year-old trees on Maple Street. The St. Mary’s arbor foundation took great pride in our hearty flora. Junior year, a magazine came into town and photographed our white oaks for their cover. Everything in St. Mary’s was historic, from the trees to the buildings. The original firehouse still stood between Sheriff Dobbs’s place and a renovated Mail Pouch Tobacco barn. The township had received government funding to preserve the barn and the painting of chewing tobacco on its side. Ridiculous that so many people were hungry when the government had enough money to maintain an advertisement for an addiction-causing carcinogen.

  I turned for the Dobbs’ walkway with nerve-slicked palms. Brady was out of my league. He was out of everyone’s league. His reign as teen king was infamous. No one had ever been so loved in our town, and for months, I’d been the envy of my class while Faith dated him. Mark had tried to ride his big brother’s fame-wave but never succeeded. Brady was kind and happy. Mark was a two-faced jerk who left his first girlfriend when times got tough and then turned on her. I blew out a breath. I hadn’t seen Brady in three years. What would he think of me now?

  Caw! A murder of crows peppered the field outside the Mail Pouch barn, cawing and flapping their shiny black wings. Not an encouraging sign.

  I forced my feet up the porch steps and rang the bell before I changed my mind. When detectives on television needed answers, they went straight to the source, no matter how intimidating the move seemed. Brady was my source. He’d been Faith’s boyfriend. Broken up or not, he knew her better than most. He’d loved her.

  “Yeah?” A disembodied voice arrived at the door before an occupant.

  “Hello? Brady?” I hoped. It wasn’t Mark’s voice or Sheriff Dobbs’s. I peered through the screen door into a dark room outlined in furniture-shaped shadows. Heavy drapes covered the side window, slashed through with wounds of light at the sides and down the center.

  The door latch snapped and I jumped back. Brady pushed the screen wide, squinting into the day. “Who wants to know?”

  Brady Dobbs had been a baseball god and all-around teen heartthrob at St. Mary’s High School. He’d had scholarship offers from multiple colleges and grades to rival any Mensa kid. He’d been handsome and sweet. Tough on his teammates. Tender with my sister. Faith’s friends had hated her for landing his undivided attention.

  That was in high school.

  On his porch, Brady was a mess. A cloud of yeasty beer breath and cigarette smoke clung to his wrinkled clothes. Grease stains marked his jeans and forearms. His too-long hair poked free of a high school baseball cap.

  “Brady?”

  “Faith?”

  He staggered forward and I stumbled back, bumping my hip against the porch railing.

  “No. I’m Mercy. Remember?”

  Brady stopped short, settling his weight against the doorjamb, looking sorely disappointed. His glassy eyes shut. Wide palms scrubbed his face and removed his hat. He ran fingers through dirty hair and settled the cap back in place. “Wow. I guess I’m not awake yet.”

  Really? I looked at the bright noonday sun. Birds sang on wires over the street. Children rode bicycles along the sidewalk. “Um. Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you. Are you okay?”

  He rubbed his chest and blinked long and slow. “I’m awesome.” He stretched his arms wide as if to show off the evidence. “How are you?”

  Weirded-out. Fully. “Well, I’m leaving for college in a few weeks.”

  “Where?”

  “What?” My thoughts scrambled to put memories of Brady Dobbs, hometown sports hero, with the disgusting mess before me. “Oh. Tennessee Temple.”

  His lips curved in a sad smile. “Just like Faith. That’s good. I heard you had a tough time, you know? It’s good you’re leaving here. You look like her. I never noticed before. You could be her twin.”

  He reached for me and I moved onto the top step, preparing to run. This wasn’t how I’d expected our conversation to go. I thought he’d look the same, invite me in and offer me some sweet tea or water, and we’d sit at the kitchen table reminiscing about Faith. I thought he’d share stories like Patricia and Vanessa. Panic rose in my chest.

  I needed to get my answers and leave. “Do you remember what happened the night she died?”

  His head jerked back as if I’d slapped him across the face. Pain changed his confused expression to one of massive grief. I knew that look. Too well.

  “Brady?”

  His eyes widened on me.

  “I didn’t come here to upset you. Like I said, I’m leaving soon and I really don’t know what happe
ned that night. Not knowing the truth has tortured me. I’ve heard rumors and read the report, but I want the whole truth.” I stepped back onto the porch. “What you heard about me was right. I had a tough time. I hid in my room for the last three years. At first, I was immobilized by grief and guilt, and then I got better, but didn’t know how to start over. My time’s up now. I have to go soon and I can’t without knowing. Please tell me what was going on with Faith that summer. I thought she and I were best friends, but she kept so much from me.” My voice shook with need. “She loved you. I know you broke up, but she loved you and if you can help me understand, I’d really appreciate the peace.”

  Brady grabbed his mouth and swore behind his fingertips. “I loved her. We were going to get married. I was going to play professional ball. She wanted to open an art studio and rent an apartment upstairs. We were going to have a dog and two kids.” He choked on the words. “I lost everything when she died.”

  Feet pounded along the sidewalk behind me. “Hey!”

  I spun around.

  Mark ran full speed toward their home.

  My heart clenched.

  Mark leaped onto the porch beside me. “What the hell are you doing here? Huh? Aren’t you supposed to be in your room crying or packing to get as far away from here as possible?”

  “What?” My skin burned. This was his reason for running and screaming like the town was on fire? I’d come to his home?

  My limbs went rigid. “I’m done crying, Mark. I came to talk with Brady before I have to leave for school, and I’m not running to the ends of the earth. I’m going to college. Temple is a car drive away.” Moron.

  He turned to Brady. “What’d you open the door for, man? You don’t need this.”

  Brady shook him off. “She wants to know about Faith.” He waved his hand in the air between us. “Look at her. They’re practically twins.”

 

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