Mine was damp, too, from nerves, not exertion. “We can save that for next time, but it’s great to finally meet you. How’s the move been?”
“Can’t complain. Things are more laid back than D.C., which is nice, and I’m volunteering on a Habitat for Humanity project.” He was handsome—tall and lean and fit, the type of man I would have imagined for myself, before Jimmy. My gaze fell back to my bad boy, the only guy for me. His strong jaw pulsed, wariness in his wide stance. Unusual for him. Everything about this situation was off, setting alarm bells ringing in my head. My stomach didn’t just lurch. It dropped to my feet.
Jimmy clapped Owen’s shoulder. “Thanks for the game. Next time I’ll kick your ass.”
Taking the cue, Owen picked up his ball. “Not in this lifetime.” He said a final farewell, leaving Jimmy and me alone, facing off.
I waited on his confession, while he was unaware I was hiding the tiny, unimportant, miniscule fact that I’d been hanging out with his father for weeks and had just had a conversation with his mother. Kill me now. Yesterday I’d been on cloud nine, everything in my life falling into place. Now I was just falling.
Still, I couldn’t ignore the tightness on Jimmy’s face, or the fact that he was scared I’d freak out. Words didn’t get more ominous than that.
Practically holding my breath, I asked, “What haven’t you told me?”
Twenty-two
Jimmy
What haven’t you told me? It should have been a simple question, one I’d pored over for weeks. But this was Rachel, the woman who valued family above all else, and I was about to prove I was an asshole. I’d tried to rethink my plan, reassess if walking away was better than spilling the truth. Better than destroying the winery I loved. Then anger would cloud my mind. My father’s nasty words would loop, his choice to cheat our customers unforgivable. This was the only way, and it was time Rachel knew.
“When I told you I joined the contest because I thought it would be fun, I lied.”
“Okay…” She waited, arms folded around her waist, wariness in her stiff stance.
I jammed my hand through my hair and focused on the floor between us. “Offshoot Winery’s head winemaker has been messing with our Cabernet Sauvignon, blending in more than the twenty-five percent of other varietals allowed.”
I looked up, and her eyes widened. “Shit.”
I forced an awkward laugh. “More like huge fucking disaster. I tried talking my brother and father into doing something about it, but they were happy to plod along. It had been happening awhile, without anyone clueing in. They figured if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
“But if people knew, they could be sued, couldn’t they? The wine world would be horrified.”
In Italy, a man had been charged for passing off cheap wine as a premium Brunello. In New York, Rudy Kurniawan had been sentenced to prison for falsely labeling wines and swindling people out of millions. My family’s transgressions weren’t so notorious, but the winery wouldn’t escape unscathed.
I confessed it all to Rachel, spilled the whole sordid story: seeing the contest flyer the night we’d met, needing to expose the lies by leaking them through the final round. My hope to finally let go of my past. As I went on, Rachel’s face transformed from flushed to ashen, one hand clutched over her chest. My heart nearly busted through my ribs.
I expected relief, my secret finally in the open. Instead my neck prickled, the air in the room suddenly suffocating. The sweat on my skin turned clammy.
“You’ll destroy them.” Her anguished whisper nearly cut me down.
I worked my jaw, everything feeling hazy. Wrong. Bad. “Breaking the rules isn’t cool, Ray. It’s gone on too long, and if it bites me in the ass later, my name will be ruined. If I do it now, I can claim I just found out. I’m aware of the fallout, that my family won’t forgive me. It also means they’ll finally leave me alone—us alone. I can move on. Don’t you want that?”
“Yes, I want that. But not like this.”
“It’s the only way.”
She made a frustrated grunt, arms tense, like she wanted to shake me. “In your stubborn head, maybe. But sabotaging your family winery, the winery that’s in your blood, will make it worse, not better.”
I fisted my hands, wishing I was at the gym, punching bag swinging, all my frustrations pummeled into leather. She didn’t understand. Even when she’d worried her mother wouldn’t support her choice of men, Lydia had proven her wrong. Rachel had only ever known love. “I’ve tried. For two years, I’ve tried to put this crap behind me. But my parents aren’t like yours. They are vindictive and selfish. I need to sever my ties with them.”
Panic flitted across her face. “Your parents don’t deserve this.”
“You don’t know them or what they deserve.” There was that tone of mine again, biting and nasty. The asshole lurking below the surface. When I’d sipped my first glass of Offshoot wine in two years, I’d been rude to Rachel and had cut her off. I’d barked at her when she answered my mother’s call. Now I was lashing out…and it gutted me. I could barely control the sting of my voice. I didn’t understand why the hell my family still affected me so much. Ashamed, I dipped my head and rubbed my neck.
No. I wasn’t over what my parents had done. Not by a long shot. And Rachel was getting dragged along for the bumpy ride.
I was about to apologize, when she said, “Actually, I do know them.”
My head shot up. “My parents?”
Slowly, she nodded. Slowly, apprehension fisted my gut. When she didn’t elaborate, I said, “I don’t follow.” I didn’t want to follow. There was a feral look about her, like she was cornered, no escape in sight.
I stood bare chested and queasy, her khaki shorts and white T-shirt a preppy contrast to my ink. I should have been all over her, teasing her inner thighs with my fingers, getting her ready for me. Instead tension hung between us. And doom. I could sense it. Whatever she was about to say would be the final blow.
It was a sucker punch.
“Your father has been exercising at my gym. For a while. I didn’t know who he was,” she added quickly, talking over herself. “I swear, I didn’t know. Then he was there today with your mother, and they admitted who they are. They are so torn up and sorry and want to make amends. Which means you can’t do this thing. You can’t destroy them and the winery. They want you to run it again, with your brother.”
The room swayed. Rachel knew my fucking parents and wanted me to work with them like nothing had happened? Like they hadn’t committed fraud and booted me from their lives? A sharp pang slammed into my ribs, worse than sparring at the gym. How could she be on their side after everything I’d told her? Unless she’d been lying this whole time, toying with me.
My mind stilled. Eerily, almost. Something shifted, a sinking feeling that had me reliving the shittiest day of my life. The day Sophia had turned down my proposal.
I stepped back from Rachel, bile building. “You’re telling me you’ve spent time with my parents and didn’t tell me? That you didn’t realize who they were?” Lies. Lies. Lies.
She sniffled. “No. I mean, yes…just your father at first, but he didn’t—”
“You know the people who ruined my life, and you never mentioned it? Until what? Until you knew my actions would ruin their winery?” Until she realized what she’d lose. I barely recognized my voice—flat and detached, listing my thoughts as they formed. The pieces of her story slotted into place, taunting me with the truth.
I’d misjudged a woman again.
Calmness weighted my bones, a sudden quiet. Like my heart had simply stopped. “How long have you been planning this?”
She squinted at me. “Planning what?”
She was good, I’d give her that. I gestured wildly, one hand slashing through the air. “This. I mean, I swear to God, Rachel, you certainly had me fooled. Because that’s what I do, I guess. Too damn trusting, like my grandfather. I just never fucking learn.”
She reached out, but something in my glare had her yanking her hand back. “You’re not making sense, but whatever you think I did, you’re wrong. I’d never hurt you. I…” Her brow crumpled. “I love you.”
I winced, her words another harsh blow. God, how I’d wanted to tell her the same. Before her deception. Before my life came crashing down. “Bullshit,” I said.
Her skin paled. “Excuse me?”
“Bullshit. Our relationship has been nothing but lies.”
“What the hell are you talking about? Did that soccer ball hit you in the head?”
Her vehemence was a dagger in my heart, her deception suddenly clear. My body still craved her, needed her in a visceral way, one touch able to dull my turmoil, one kiss obliterating everything but us. It was all poison now.
There was nothing left to do but end this madness.
“You can stop pretending, because I get it—your glorious deceit.” The timbre of my voice dropped, roughened with resentment. “You’ve been after a winery gig since before I met you. You somehow realized who I was at that first bar and thought you maybe had an in. Even asked me to give you a winery if you won our blind tasting. The idiot I am, I didn’t clue in. Thought you were joking around. Looks like the joke’s on me.”
The scenes flipped through my mind, faster and faster. A wildfire surging. My accusations rose with the flames. “You worked me over, had me falling over myself to be with you, while you got to know my parents. You convinced them to let me back in the family business, so you’d end up sitting pretty, working the job you’d always wanted, the prestige of Offshoot Winery putting dollar signs in your eyes. I get it, Rachel. I fucking get it now. It’s pretty smart, actually. Con the broken man with promises of love and affection. It’s all so fucking clear.”
I hadn’t just misjudged her; I didn’t know her at all. And I’d fallen hard. Harder than for Sophia, by a landslide, leaving me lied to and used again, treated like I was a means to an end.
I was an idiot.
Her eyes sparked, the innocence I loved darkened with malice. She poked a furious finger at my chest. “How dare you.”
I snorted, done with her lies. “Pretty sure I’m not the one in the wrong here.”
“Unbelievable.” She shook her head, like I was the traitor. “Did Sophia mess you up this badly? Are you so oblivious you think I’ve been hatching some secret plan to take over your winery? That’s beyond ridiculous.”
“What’s ridiculous is that I let myself be fooled again.”
She flung her arms in the air. “You’re a fool, all right. And an asshole. I made that winery crack at The Blue Door because Cameron mentioned something about it to Gwen. I didn’t know your name then, didn’t have a clue who you were. I can’t even believe what I’m hearing.”
“Enough,” I bellowed, the sound like a hammer on a bell.
Rachel’s shoulders shot toward her ears.
Mine caved forward. “Isn’t it enough?” My energy leached out, my arms loose at my sides. “Just admit what you did and we can both move on.”
A tear slipped down her cheek, the salty slide of it burning through my chest.
“I didn’t lie to you, Jimmy. I love you. I didn’t know who your father was until today, but I’ve grown to like him, and your mother is genuinely crushed. You’re just so stuck in your head, you can’t see it.”
God, she seemed sincere. And devastated, a quiet fury heating her blotchy cheeks. And love? I’d been consumed by my love for her the past weeks, keeping it in, letting it grow. Hearing her say the words was crushing. I couldn’t make sense of anything: her actions, my parents. The wrecking ball Sophia had swung boomeranging back for a final blow. Me possibly duped again. It was worse this time, a swell of betrayal knocking me off my feet. Because Rachel was everything. My head pounded—faster, harder—until the screaming pain nearly blinded me.
Even if she wasn’t lying, Rachel knew how Sophia had manipulated me. I’d shared with her the details of my parents’ betrayal—the tainted wines, my birthright yanked away, my father’s swinging backhand and cruel words. She knew, yet she didn’t care.
I blinked through the pain. “If you really didn’t know who my parents were until today, then tell me who’s side you’re on, because it sounds like you’re more upset about them, about me exposing their lies, than about the hell they put me through.”
Her chin trembled. More moisture shone in her eyes. “Yours,” she said hoarsely. “I’m always on your side, which is why I want you to give them a second chance. So you can heal.”
I could barely look at the woman I thought I loved. “It’s like you don’t even know me. Like you haven’t listened to a word I’ve said the past months.”
“But that’s the thing—I have heard you. I heard your voice when you talked about the winery, the longing and the heartache in it. That place is a part of you. Tearing it down will destroy any chance of returning there, of ever fixing things with your family. And I know your father is a stubborn grump…but he’s also sweet. Once, at the gym, I was telling him about my boyfriend—about you. And he—”
“Jesus. I don’t want to hear about the time you bonded with the asshole who told me I was a mistake. I’m not the mistake here, but you and I…” The air thickened in my throat. “You and I apparently are. I’m done with my family. Done with falling for the wrong women. This is just… I can’t keep…” Breathing hard, I jabbed the toe of my sneaker into the floor. “You’d better go.”
Her tears streamed then, and I wanted to reach for her. Apologize and rewind. Tell her I loved her so much it hurt. It all felt so real, her anguish.
But if she truly loved me, she would stand by me when it counted. She wouldn’t be here, begging me to forgive my parents and turn a blind eye to the wines they’d defiled. Her devastation was either an act to keep me and the winery she craved, or her version of love needed an overhaul. Whatever her motivation, I was done being used. I was done always finishing last.
Never again would I let a woman close to my heart.
She walked toward the door, but stopped with her hand on the knob. She looked over her shoulder, eyes wet with tears and…something else. Something forlorn twisted her features, as though she were lost. “I never expected to meet a man like you. You made me better, made me feel so much. And this pain right now? It’s because of you, too. I love you more than I thought I could ever love another person. I’ve also never felt so betrayed. I’m not Sophia. You’re the one I care about, not your family or your money. But you’ve got the chance to fix things before it’s too late, and that’s a chance I never had. I know how much more that hurts than anything your parents said in anger. Don’t ruin it the way you just ruined us.”
With that she left. She didn’t slam the door. She walked out, stoic, but my fortitude slipped. It downright shattered. The finality of her words and the desolation on her face sent ice through my veins. The walls spun. They fucking tilted.
I dropped forward, hands to my knees. My temples pulsed with a strobe light of shame. I still couldn’t see the truth, couldn’t recognize a tree in the forest pressing closer. I had no clue if I was right or wrong or just plain stupid. I was sure I was over Sophia’s actions, past all that bullshit. Had I been deluding myself?
Everything was tangled—her, my parents, however the hell Rachel had met my father. I tried to picture him at the gym, but couldn’t imagine the man in sweats. He was always in slacks, thinning hair slicked back, dress shirts crisply ironed. If I didn’t feel like I was about to puke, the image would have been comical.
The contest was in three hours. That left one hundred and eighty minutes to figure out what to do. I grabbed my workout bag and boxing gloves, shooting out the door and peeling off on my bike to the gym.
When my first punch landed on the leather bag, the vibration rattled up my neck. I hit harder. And harder.
Whack. Sophia tearing out my heart.
Whack. My parents capsizing my life.
Whack. Rache
l crying.
Whack. Rachel hurting.
Whack. Rachel walking out the door.
Whack. Whack. Whack.
I punched until my knuckles throbbed, pummeled the bag until I could barely hold up my arms. It took an hour before my mind began to clear. Thoughts I’d avoided for years got knocked loose, each memory more painful than the last. I’d buried them, thinking it was the only way to move on. All I’d done was let them fester, poison me. Air sliced through my lungs as I slumped on a bench, towel around my neck. Sweat dripped off my forehead.
Rachel must have been telling the truth. Too much had happened between us for it to all have been lies. She hadn’t been taking their side, she’d been trying to do what she thought was best for me, so I didn’t live with devastating regrets. I’d been too messed up to listen, to see.
I saw now.
A right hook to the jaw would hurt less.
There was only one way to make things right. I had to get her back; that wasn’t optional. But I had to sort my life first. Stop running and deal with my family and my past.
Twenty-three
Jimmy
The sun lit my table, the outdoor café busy with friends sharing stories over espresso and biscotti. Two women beside me laughed, a nearby man and young girl chatted warmly. My impending get-together wouldn’t be so blithe.
Especially not with how dead I felt inside.
However I’d suffered after Sophia, it didn’t hold a candle to the past week. Eating had been a challenge, sleeping a write-off.
After that intense boxing session, I’d pushed into Crush and told Alonzo I was stepping down. The relief that crashed over me had flooded my chest. I hadn’t realized how tense I’d been, that I’d been dreading following through with my plan. April took my spot and wound up beating the Schnozinator. Quite the win for her. Still, whatever release I’d achieved was short lived.
Since then, I’d powered through my shifts at Rudy’s Tavern, my remaining hours spent on my bike or boxing, none of it easing the sting of hurting the woman I loved. Now I was meeting the person partly responsible for my bad decisions.
Legs (One Wild Wish, #1) Page 21