by L. B. Dunbar
“You look different,” I said in a raspy tone.
“Like a mom, right?” she laughed falsely.
“Like a studious twenty-five year old. Young. Professional. Who shouldn’t be going to bed at ten o’clock on a Friday night.”
“Well, it’s hard to go out when, one, you don’t have a date, and two, you have a child.” She narrowed her eyes at me.
“We could make a date.” I looked at the floor. “I’d like to ask you to go out with me. Or rather, stay in with me,” I said sheepishly.
We were silent for a moment and I slid my hands into my pants pockets when she said my name in that sultry tone I loved.
I watched her scoot farther up the bed and pat the space next to her.
“What did you have in mind?” She smiled at me, biting her lip and pushing loose hair behind her ear.
“I wondered if we could talk, and then maybe sleep…together.”
She looked at me puzzled, and I felt the need to clarify.
“I mean, sleep, literally. I just want to hold you. Is that asking too much?”
She shook her head and propped up the pillows next to her. I kicked off my shoes and pulled off my dress shirt before climbing up next to her. I lay on my stomach, hugging a pillow, and she sat up next to me.
And we talked. I asked about her parents, her current job, and any future plans. I learned that she planned to go back to school to become the teacher she’d always wanted to be now that Gee was older. She learned more details about my interview with Joe Scanlon on Tuesday and I talked about Zoe. I couldn’t make love to Britton after I’d just expounded about my ex, but it felt good to let Britton know about that relationship and assure her that it was over. I briefly mentioned Zoe’s aversion to children, and that’s when Britton admitted again how lucky she was to have Gee. She confided that she couldn’t have other children because of complications with her first pregnancy. I wanted to ask again about the father, but that wasn’t part of this conversation. This was just about getting to know one another in the present.
Eventually my eyes began closing despite our conversation. Britton reached over and ran her fingers through my hair. I hardly moved as she slipped under the blanket. Instinctively, I reached for her, wrapping myself around her with her back to my chest, legs entwined and my arm slid over her stomach. I breathed her summer scent in and thought I heard her say, “I’ve missed you, Gavin.” But I was sure I only dreamt those desired words.
Take 34
Under the Moonlight
Britton woke with a start, sitting up right next to me. I was so soundly asleep that it took me a moment to realize that I was still in her bed, and Gee was standing next to it.
“Gee, lovie, what time is it?”
“Breakfast time,” he said.
He looked at his mother and back at me before speaking again.
“Are you having a sleepover?”
“No,” Britton said as I said, “Yes.”
“Why didn’t I get to come, too?”
I looked at Britton, frozen in the snare of a hunter, and I didn’t know how to respond.
“Because, lovie,…” she had to think of something, but I knew she couldn’t. She was pushing her hair behind her ears continuously, and holding the sheet over her even though she was dressed.
“Because only mommies and daddies sleep together,” I said. Holy shit, where did that come from?
I heard Britton gasp and say my name under her breath as Gee thought for a moment before responding.
“Are you a daddy?” he asked innocently, and it was my turn to suck in air.
“Okay,” Britton sprang over me and picked up Gee with a struggle. “Breakfast. What should we make today? Eggs or pancakes?”
“Pancakes,” Gee replied.
Britton bounced Gee up and down as she walked out her bedroom chanting, “Pancakes, pancakes, pancakes.”
I’m a fucking idiot, I thought, as I threw myself back on the pillow. I stared at the ceiling for a moment before getting out of Britton’s bed to follow them into the kitchen.
The tension in the kitchen was thick and I was rambling as I asked Gee question after question. What’s your favorite movie? Why do you like that character best? It was all an attempt to fill the air and drown out thoughts of the conversation in Britton’s bedroom. Eventually I felt the awkwardness subside, and Gee asked me if I was going to spend the day with him.
I looked at Britton.
“We don’t have any plans, but I know you probably need to get back for some wedding support,” she said, biting her lip.
“Well, the wedding’s at six. I’d like to drive you, like a real date.”
“You have to be there early. Besides that’s too much driving back and forth. Emily called me yesterday and told me to bring Gee, so I guess it isn’t an official date anymore. I’ll just meet you there, so you don’t have to worry.”
I stood to refill my coffee cup at the counter next to Britton at the sink.
“Don’t do this,” I begged softly.
“What?”
“Don’t brush it off. It’s still a date, even with Gee. Emily never mentioned she called you. And I don’t mind the driving. I’ve been driving here every night for days.”
She looked at me thoughtfully for a moment before apologizing.
“I still think it would be easier if I just drove Gee and me, but if you have no other plans for now, you could stay the day,” she said softly.
I looked behind me to see Gee coloring next to his empty pancake plate, and I turned back to kiss Britton on the cheek.
“I would love that.”
The wedding was at six and I had to meet the guys at five at the Carter’s home. I hadn’t been to Mary and John Carter’s since I was a teenager. I hadn’t returned for the funeral when John had died of a massive heart attack, and I felt guilty. The man had been like a second father for all the time I spent with Jess at their home.
I kissed Mrs. Carter on the cheek as I entered the house. She blushed and commented on being surrounded by so many good-looking men. Jess looked nervous in his tux, but I knew, even from another male’s perspective, Jess was an attractive man. He had a distinct look when he wore his sandy-blond hair pulled back in a ponytail. With it hanging loose to his shoulders for the ceremony, it was model quality. Tom had softer features than Jess with his dark buzz cut and lighter blue eyes that had constant laughter in them. He looked uncomfortable in his tux, and commented several times about monkey suits. Ethan and Jacob looked like they had worn tuxedos on several occasions, as had I. My younger brother was becoming quite the socialite with his fashion model turned fashion designer girlfriend, and her elusive award winning author uncle. Jacob’s rocker hairstyle made him look like a college heart-throb for a day.
I looked at myself in the mirror by the front door as Ethan stood behind me. We could have been twins except for our size. Ethan was bulkier than me, but not by as much as I remembered. We shared the same wavy dark hair that was slightly longer down the neck as is the style, and the same dark chocolate brown eyes. There was something about Ethan’s face that was different. More relaxed and happy. He looked in love, and I took a moment to examine my face closer in the mirror. Did my face look the same?
I thought that it might. I’d had an easy day with Britton and Gee, going to the park despite the threat of rain, having ice cream in town, and sitting on her screened in porch. It was peaceful and I found myself touching her in small ways throughout the day, as if stealing the caress from her. Pushing her hair behind her ear, letting my finger slid down her neck, massaging her hand with my thumb. My lips yearned to kiss her, but I didn’t dare in front of Gee after this morning. I thought again of Gee standing next to the bed, and although it was embarrassing, it hadn’t been horrible. I almost had to admit that I liked waking next to Britton after a full night’s sleep instead of sneaking out to the couch. It was almost comfortable to see Gee standing next to the bed, thinking of us both as his parents. There
I had to stop. My thoughts had gone too far.
“You ready?” Ethan clapped me on the back.
I looked at us reflected in the mirror. “Yep.”
The transformation of the barn was amazing. Creamy white gauze material gently blew in the breeze offered by the open barn door. The rain had finally stopped and it seemed like the sun might peek through the clouds. It wouldn’t be the sunset Emily wanted, but it would be sunny and the view would be glorious.
The tables were formally set, surrounding the dance floor that currently doubled for the wedding ceremony. There was not to be a bride’s side or groom’s side, as Emily didn’t have a large family and they were all in the wedding party. The groomsmen doubled as escorts for family and friends to their seats, and I found my arm supporting a few older ladies. I recognized the woman from the film discussion panel a week ago during the festival. I still hadn’t caught her name. She was jabbering on about how nice it was that I could stay and participate in the wedding.
I was beginning to get anxious about Britton and Gee. The time was growing closer to the wedding hour, and they still had not arrived. When the men had to line up to the right of the makeshift altar and she still wasn’t present, I was in a panic. It was too late to call her. I didn’t want to text her knowing she was driving. I was fidgeting with my shirt cuffs when I looked up to see her slip into a seat on the left side towards the back. Moments later the door opened for the first bridesmaids, but I kept my eyes on Britton. She looked gorgeous.
I’d seen her transforming before me. Shorts and tank tops for casual, flowing skirts and t-shirts for work, and the skin-tight dress for the bachelorette party were her style. But now, she had on a dress that was a replica of the dress she wore when she went to my grandparent’s anniversary party ten years ago. It wasn’t out of style, or even the same dress, but the cut was the same. It had a deep V-cut in the front with thicker shoulders that dipped to expose her back, although not as extreme as when we were younger. The material was a deep blue that I knew matched her eyes, and her blonde hair was pulled up in an elaborate twist to expose her neck. I licked my lips, knowing they wanted to be on that neck even from across the room.
I briefly saw Ella walk down the aisle first before shifting my eyes to Gee, who was kneeling on a chair next to his mother. Britton had her arm around him to support him, and I noticed that Gee was looking at me. Britton used her free hand to point at me and I smiled because I couldn’t wave. Gee waved anyway, and Britton laughed softly, pulling his hand down. He had a mini sports coat on with khaki pants. His normally floppy blond hair was spiked up like the young kids like to wear, and I took in how nice looking he was as a little boy; round face, slight dimples, dark chocolate eyes. A thought crossed my mind, and I pinched my eyebrows before my gaze fell to Pam, who walked down the aisle next.
There had been a feeling of familiarity with Gee when I first held him up in the air the night his mother had scolded him for riding his bike carelessly down the street. It was the eyes that I suddenly realized were familiar. They were dark brown, and I felt like I had seen them somewhere before, on someone. I was still looking at Gee, who turned to watch the next person walk down the aisle: Karyn, my sister.
Karyn didn’t look like my brother or I. Her hair was lighter brown, but wavy if she let it air dry. It was medium in length and she often had it pulled back or straightened. Today she had it up. Her eyes were green like our father’s, and I realized that Karyn looked like my mother, despite the difference in eye color or the peach fuzz hair Mum had now. Karyn, who always acted like Mum, was starting to look like Mum had in her youth.
Tricia came next and she smiled brilliantly as she walked, but I noticed the tension at the sides of her mouth. Her smile was false. I didn’t doubt that Tricia was happy for Jess. They were as close as brother and sister could be, especially after she spent a year living with him, but I knew from yesterday that Tricia was battling her own demons over the love in the room, regardless of having a boyfriend.
Rosie McCormick walked next, whom I had only met the night before at the rehearsal dinner. She was a ball of energy at just over thirty years old with four small children. All girls, all cute, but wild. Emily had refused Rosie’s help yesterday due to the chaos that would entail, and I witnessed it at the rehearsal dinner; little girls everywhere.
Rosie’s entrance signaled what everyone in the room anticipated almost as much as the bride’s entrance. Katie Carter. Dressed in a simple cream white dress, her bleach-blonde hair was pulled up in an elaborate hairstyle that Emily had called a princess-do yesterday. I could tell that Katie was nervous, but she was beaming from the attention. The crowd did not disappoint with their ohs and ahs. I couldn’t really see Jess’ face, but I knew that there was no prouder moment for him, other than maybe the next second, when his beautiful Emily walked toward him.
Emily walked alone, and I thought of Britton who would have no father to escort her down an aisle for a wedding. When the moment came for who gives this woman, it would only be Britton’s choice to take the man, like it was for Emily now. She would not be passed from one man to another, one home to another. She would simply trade her independence for a partnership. I looked at Britton again as all eyes followed Emily down the aisle and watched as Emily placed her hand in Jess’. Britton was smiling and she was talking to Gee out the side of her mouth as she watched the ceremony. I imagined her explaining the details.
Do you Emily Marie Post take John James Carter to be your lawfully wedded husband?
I watched Britton. Would she marry one day? Marry the man from the moonlight wedding she described? I still couldn’t see the man’s face.
Do you John James Carter take Emily Marie Post to be your lawfully wedded wife?
I wondered if Britton would ever consider marrying me. Did she ever think about being my wife? Why didn’t she call me when she was pregnant? I could have helped her somehow. Gee must have asked something serious, because Britton looked directly at me with that panicked expression in her eyes. I tried to speak to her with my questioning gaze, but she shook her head as if it was nothing.
With the vows completed and the pictures taken, the real party was ready to begin. The catering staff moved the chairs from the wedding ceremony to the tables for seating and the dance floor was now open. The focus in the room went from the makeshift altar to the opposite side of the barn where a band was set up for the evening entertainment.
There’s nothing a small town loves more than a good party, and I felt like most of the town was invited to this wedding. It was a private affair, but as the night grew I had a feeling that a few wedding crashers had appeared to partake in the festivities. It had only been a week since Harbor Days and the unofficial close to the summer, but this wedding marked a new beginning. The gathering was alive with energy.
I danced with my sister, my mum, and the Carter girls. I danced several times with Britton, who had her own following of dance partners, including Gee. But at one point, Britton found herself in the arms of George Carpenter, and I felt that familiar jealousy flare. I was headed for the dance floor to claim her when I was intercepted by Jess again.
“Not here,” Jess said, pulling me aside. “We’ll watch them from here,” he continued as we sat at the table where Gee was sitting with Katie, coloring in a book.
“I think she can hold her own with him anyway,” Jess added. I knew he was right, but I suddenly felt very protective of her.
“Man, I don’t think I can smile and thank one more person for coming,” Jess laughed as he reached for a beer provided by a passing waiter.
My attention was on the dance floor, so I didn’t see the woman from the discussion panel approach the table with my own mother.
“Thank you for coming, Mrs. Drismond,” Jess muttered through his clenched jaw. I looked at my friend and then turned to the woman standing next to Mum. It suddenly clicked with me that this woman was my second grade teacher. I hadn’t seen her since I was six or seven years old.
“The wedding was so lovely. Your bride is the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen,” said the woman, clapping her hands together before her chest.
“And,” she turned her gaze to me, “I didn’t know you were married. You have such a lovely family.”
The next moment passed in slow motion for me. We called it delayed time in the movie industry.
I looked at the older woman as I spoke. “Oh, I’m not married.” The words tasted like cotton balls in my mouth as I saw the look of confusion on the older woman’s face.
“Oh, I just assumed…” she was clearly embarrassed, “the boy looks just like you when you were in grade school.”
I looked at Gee, who was continuing to color, then I heard my mother’s stressed voice question me.
“Gavin?”
But the surprise of it all was the echo as I answered her.
“Yes?”
I looked from my mother to Gee, who was also looking at Mum, and then searched for his own mother.
Mum’s eyes were glistening with moisture. I could see panic in them, similar to the panic I had seen in Britton’s face so often over the past weeks.
Britton. Gee. My brain was slow to register.
“What did you say?” I turned to the boy.
Gee looked at me and back at my mum.
“Yes?” He raised his eyebrows like I was an imbecile.
I glanced again at my own mother before returning to the child.
“Gee, what’s your real name? Not your nickname, but your real name?”
A sudden look of fear crossed the small round face as he looked with hooded eyes again at us.
“Gavin John,” he whispered, as if he were in trouble.
I sucked in a breath and then couldn’t get any more air.
“That’s my name.” I reached for the child’s small arms and shook him slightly.
Several voices were in my head as I gripped the boy, searching the brown eyes that I knew I recognized. I looked for a moment longer into the eyes of the boy. The familiarity clicked. I had seen these eyes as I looked in the mirror next to Ethan. They were the same. This boy had the Scott’s brothers’ eyes. Dark, chocolate brown. These eyes were my own.