She waved me off with a good-natured smile. “Bo already promised to come get me since Jase is working late, and I’m gonna get all the details of everything we missed while we were away.”
“It was inevitable,” Nate grunted at her.
“I knew it was only a matter of time because a mother always knows, but I still want to hear the story. You, though.” She stared at Nate with a mother’s assessing eye, rubbing his cheek with her thumb. “You give me gray hairs.” Rayanne shook her head and piled more pasta and meatballs and sauce onto his plate.
“Right back atcha, Ma.” He winked at her and Rayanne burst out laughing, smacking his forearm as she laid her head on Rodney’s shoulder. Suddenly, I was very jealous—and grateful for the twist of fate that made my baby a Callahan. Technically.
“This was delicious, Mikki. Spicy, but delicious.” Rayanne smiled up at me, her words sincere.
“My Nonna was born and raised in Italy and I grew up with a great appreciation for peppers.”
“You’ll have to share your secrets with me while I’m in town.”
I didn’t know what that meant so I flashed a smile and a shrug. “Sure.”
Finally, I was able to escape to my room, where my thoughts could roam freely.
Nate
“So, tell me about your relationship with Mikki.”
I groaned, and Ma laughed out loud, resting her hands on the counter where she’d just finished making sandwiches for lunch. “Oh, come on, I waited three full days before asking. Don’t I get any credit for that?”
That had been a delightful surprise and I could see how much effort it took, so I gave in and told the truth. “There is no relationship with me and Mikki, Ma. There could have been, but I screwed it up. I think I screwed it up—I’m not even sure at this point.”
She laughed. “That’s how love goes. You don’t know up from down or east from west.” She sighed wistfully. “And there’s nothing like it on earth.”
It was hard, but I managed to keep my comments to myself. She had been married to Rodney for a few years now and the luster hadn’t worn off. Yet. “I’ll take your word for it, Ma.”
She smacked her lips in disapproval. “I feel like I owe you an apology, Nate. I let your father come and go too many times, let you boys down too many times, and it’s twisted your view of love.” She shook her head at me when I opened my mouth to deny it.
“It wasn’t just that. It was the habit you and Dad have of getting married at least once a decade.”
See, that look of hurt was exactly why I didn’t want to have this conversation.
“I didn’t do it because I loved Jimmy, though I admit he will always have a small piece of my heart because he helped me make you and Jase. I let him keep coming back because I thought it was better for you boys to have a father some of the time rather than not at all.”
“Ma, we don’t need to do this.” Not now. Not ever.
“It’s obvious to me that we do. It’s not love that’s bad, Nate—it’s using it as an excuse to be weak instead of strong that makes it seem bad. The choice is ours, and some of us are weaker than others.”
Her words made sense, but that was easy to say in hindsight. “And what makes you and Rodney different than you and the last few husbands?”
Ma arched a silver brow at me. “You’re not too old for me to take over my knee, boy.”
“I think I am,” I told her with all the bravado of my twelve-year-old self.
“With a bum leg? I’ll take that bet.”
She had an excellent point. “You were saying?”
Her smile came back instantly. “Rodney and I balance each other out. I love him for who he is, and sometimes, that can be stuffy and a snob. But he loves me for me, too, and when he’s too stuffy I take him to do so something ridiculous like a scavenger hunt or seniors’ cruise. But when I want to swim with the sharks, he surprises me with a trip to Hawaii to swim with the dolphins.” She shrugged, seeming happy but not the surface happiness I usually saw. This was something deeper, I realized. A bone-deep contentment that she’d never had other than when it was just me, her and Jase. “And the sex is—”
“Ma ,if you finish that sentence, I promise I’ll stay a bachelor forever.” She opened her mouth and I pointed at her. “And I’ll have a vasectomy.”
“There’s always your brother and Bo.”
I laughed. “Does Bo strike you as the house-full-of-kids kind of wife?”
“Maybe not now, but love has a way of changing a woman’s mind. Especially one who can afford to be a housewife, if she wants to be.” With a confident shrug, she tucked back into her sandwich until it was gone and looked up at me, a renewed determination burning in her eyes. “How about I make dinner for two, and you can see if whatever you screwed up is fixable?”
I wanted to insist I did nothing wrong, but even I wasn’t sure anymore. “Who says I want to fix it?”
She snorted. “You’re still here, aren’t you?” Ma stood and grabbed one of the many notepads Mikki kept lying around the house. “How about a nice barbecue brisket?” Ma didn’t require my input, rattling on about buttery smashed potatoes with dill and cheese, fresh vegetables for a medley, and a bunch of other mouthwatering ideas that made it impossible to say no to. “You’ll be all right for an hour or so on your own, won’t you?”
It was good to see that Rodney’s steady nature hadn’t tamed the whirlwind that was my ma, because she whirled out on a breeze, returning less than an hour later with even more wind under her feet as she zipped and buzzed around the kitchen until the air was filled with irresistible scents. The sweet and tangy aroma of barbecue sauce, butter, and herbs made the place feel warm and inviting. Like home.
Even weirder, it felt like my home. That was a thought I definitely should not be having, so I helped Ma with dinner, peeling potatoes and carrots from my spot at the table—leg elevated, even though I was already walking without a limp.
Hours later, maybe days, the food had finished cooking and the kitchen was warm and filled with so many different scents, I hoped I had the willpower to wait for Mikki to get home. Ma, as usual, had timed everything perfectly.
“Just be your charming self, sweetie, and she won’t be able to resist you.” Ma pinched one cheek and kissed the other, floating towards the door just as Mikki came through it. “Mikki, right on time! Enjoy dinner, see you tomorrow!” With another round of kisses, Ma rushed out like she was afraid one of us would stop her.
Mikki stood and stared at the closed door. “What was that all about?”
I shrugged like I had no idea. “Ma made us dinner.”
She kicked off a pair of mile-high red stilettos and let out a sensual moan. “She didn’t have to, but I am so glad she did. My appetite wasn’t great all day, but now I’m ravenous. I’ll go change and be back down in a few minutes. Need anything?”
It was damn emasculating to have a woman you wanted see you as nothing more than a patient. “Sure.” Nothing I’d done over the past few weeks seemed to make Mikki see me in a different light. Most of the time, she thought I was an invalid who needed her help, and the rest of the time, a player with no regard for women. I had to do better, I knew that. I just didn’t know if I could.
“So, what’s the special occasion?” Mikki appeared out of nowhere, looking youthful and fresh in a pair of fitted cotton pants and a loose t-shirt that showed off hard, braless nipples.
I turned as best I could, taking extra care not to twist my knee in the brace they’d replaced the cast with. “You really want to know?”
She wrapped an arm around her middle and shrugged. “I don’t know, do I?” Dark brows arched skeptically.
“I think she’s matchmaking.” There was no point beating around the bush, and I wasn’t sure that I minded all that much.
“And yet you’re not running away like your backside is on fire, looking completely horrified.” She grabbed a sparkling water doctored with lemon and took her seat, motioning for me to
do the same—a natural caretaker.
“I guess I’m not. Surprised?”
“Somewhat.” She shrugged. “I never know with you, Nate Callahan.”
It was nice to know that she thought of me enough that think she considered me unpredictable. “I think I like keeping you guessing, Mikki. Besides, you’re growing on me.”
“Kind of like a fungus?”
“Not even a little bit, but it does bring me to something else I wanted to talk about. That we need to talk about.”
“Uh, okay.” She froze and her movements became wooden, making me absolutely certain she was lying about the bug being gone. Mikki had been tired and slightly under the weather for weeks, but I thought doing double duty taking care of me and Pretty Feathers had run her ragged. Now, I wasn’t so sure. “What do you—oh, crap.” She pushed her chair back until it fell over and darted down the hall to the half bathroom, where I could hear her emptying her stomach.
She was still sick, dammit. “Are you all right, Mikki?”
“I will be,” she replied sharply, the door still a barrier between us. When Mikki pulled it open, her gaze still wouldn’t meet mine.
“Anything I should know?” Arms folded, I stared down at her as a thousand questions whirled in my mind.
“I’m sure there’s plenty you should know, but at the moment, none of it occurs to me.”
I smiled, because she was such a smart ass. “When it does, you know where to find me.”
Mikki thought she could keep her secrets, and that only made me more determined than ever to find out what they were.
Mikki
Thirty-three. That’s the exact number of times that I chickened out when it came to telling Nate about my pregnancy. I could have told him when he found me tossing up my guts during dinner a few nights ago, or even when he caught me having a middle of the night snack attack. Or any other hour of any given day because he was living at my house, eating dinner in my kitchen, naked in my shower. Well, one of my showers, anyway. All of those were perfectly good times to reveal my secrets and every single time, I’d chickened out.
But the morning sickness was getting harder to hide since it was lasting more of the day, and it was getting hard to keep my eyes open past eight o’clock in the evening.
At least I spent most days inside Pretty Feathers, helping tourists and locals find pretty clothes to impress their friends and potential lovers. It fulfilled me every single day and it was the most perfect excuse to avoid thinking about my own life, sad state that it was in at the moment. But no matter how many days I put it off, I knew I couldn’t do it forever.
The sooner the better. It’s how I’d felt about Mitchell and Charla—the pain wouldn’t have been so bad if I’d found out sooner. Before I’d gotten used to the idea of living with a man I found likeable enough. Resolved with that decision, I walked around the newly cleaned glass cashier desk and observed the store at large with a fresh set of eyes to see what else could be done to improve business. I had to get on it while I still had the energy to take care of these tasks.
Sometime around the lunch hour, Nate strolled in with a crutch in one hand and a big bag of food in another, carrying the greasy scent right under my nose. If I didn’t know better, I’d say it was some sort of revenge for keeping the secret he didn’t know I was keeping. “Hungry?”
Not really. “Depends on what’s in the bag. Shouldn’t you be resting?”
He shrugged and kept walking through the store, looking utterly masculine as he brushed past the pretty, girly fabrics that swayed in the wind he created. “I should be, yes. Consider this trip mental health maintenance.” His words sounded right, but I had a feeling there was more to this visit that included lunch. Yeah, somethin’ was definitely up.
“What brings you by, Nate?”
He frowned, dropping down on the slightly saggy sofa in the break room. “Can’t a guy bring a friend lunch?”
“He could, but he never has. Which begs the question, why now?”
He looked away for just a flash of a moment and I knew there was an ulterior motive for his visit.
“We never got a chance to talk the other night.”
That’s what had him so worried: the thought that maybe I’d read more into the sex than he wanted me to. My shoulders relaxed and I leaned back against the hard plastic chairs around the long wooden table. “Okay, Nate, I’m all ears. Say whatever it is that’s on your mind.” For a brief second, my conscience mocked me with the notion that he might already know about the baby. But I brushed it off, recognizing the upcoming ‘it’s not you it’s me’ talk.
“We—that is, both of us—you and I, we have been very careless about birth control. It’s something that never occurred to me until the other night, but I’m pretty sure we’ve been negligent every single time.” He sighed and raked a hand through his hair as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders. “I’m not placing blame; I think we were both caught up in the moment.”
Oh god, he does know! That was the only explanation for the odd turn this conversation had taken. “Okay,” I said impatiently, trying to figure out where this talk was headed. And that’s when I knew: this was the moment of truth.
“And even though it’s not ideal—”
He paused, trying to figure out the best way to proceed without hurting my feelings, and certainty washed over me. “Nate,” I started.
“I just want you to know that whatever happens—”
“Nate, I’m pregnant.” Blurting it out like that wasn’t the most mature or elegant way to handle it, but it was painful watching him try to tell me that he’d stick by my side if the worst happened. Meaning a baby. He thought having a baby was the worst possible outcome.
“What?” The look of utter astonishment on his face would have been funny, if not for the anger burning bright in the background. “Come again?”
“I’m pregnant,” I said again, slower this time. “I’ve been trying to find a way to tell you for weeks, but with your broken leg, I couldn’t find the right time.”
“You didn’t know how.” It wasn’t a question so I didn’t bother responding, knowing he needed to work this any way he could. “You expect me to believe you didn’t know there was a goddamn baby growing in your body?” He shook his head. “This is unbelievable.”
He was angry, which I had expected—however, I hadn’t anticipated so much of it. Where was it coming from? “Well, believe it, because it’s the truth. I’ve already checked with my doctor.”
He laughed bitterly. “Is the baby mine or is this just some ploy to get your ex back?”
Well, that didn’t take long to turn ugly, did it? “If that’s how you feel, you’ll be happy to know that you can bow out at any time. I can do this on my own if you don’t want to be involved, and no one in town has to be any wiser.” Deep down, I knew this outcome was always a possibility and though it wasn’t ideal, becoming a single mother in a small southern town, I was set on my course. “As far as you’re concerned, the baby isn’t yours, anyway. Right?”
He glared at me, looking equal parts pissed off and hurt, like I’d done this to him. Like this was something that was done to anyone, and his green eyes held accusation that said he thought I did this. On purpose.
Right, because he’s some big catch.
This whole damn conversation was unbelievable, and I couldn’t stand to be in his presence another moment. I stood up and walked back to the floor, paying extra attention to every little detail until I could feel that I had the store all to myself again. Until it was just me and my thoughts, whirling ten thousand miles an hour with everything that had just happened.
Now that the cat was out of the baby bag, I could come up with a few plans for my future. Mine and my baby’s future, that is.
And I wasn’t shocked, even a little bit, to find Nate and all his things were gone when I got home. Like he’d never even been there.
I guess, in a way, he hadn’t.
Nate
&
nbsp; “Dammit, Nate, I’m sorry about whatever pain you’re in, physical or otherwise, but please, for the love of this gorgeous sunny day, keep it together for another thirty minutes?” Janey had one hand fisted on her hip and the other gripped her camera hard enough to turn her knuckles white.
“I’m doing the best I can, Janey.”
“Are you, Nate? Are you really?” She glared hard enough to burn holes through me, but I couldn’t find an ounce of give-a-damn within me. She was lucky I’d showed up at all, and that was only because Ma and Bo had suckered me over with the promise of a barbecue. Then, Janey showed up with her big, girl-scout eyes, promising it would only take half an hour. “Because I know you can do better than this. I have proof.”
“Use that proof then, Janey. My leg is starting to hurt.”
“That’s crap and you know it. You better start smoldering into this camera—and I mean right now, or so help me I’ll break your other leg. Hero. Got it?”
I nodded, following her instructions even as my mind continued to wander, though I guess fret would be the more accurate word. I hadn’t heard from Mikki all week. She hadn’t called or texted, not even to make sure I’d gotten somewhere safe, though I guess I couldn’t blame her. What in the hell had possessed me to act like such an ass towards her?
“Lift up your shirt.” She tossed it out there so casually I nearly did what she said. Instead, I caught myself and glared. “What? It was worth a shot. How about you just hold the flaps open in a Superman pose?”
What the hell, it was easier than fighting with her about it. “Happy?”
“Ecstatic,” she said and continued to bark out instructions that I obeyed for as long as the pain was manageable, because I couldn’t stop thinking about Mikki. So brave and so strong, willing to do it on her own rather than subject the child to cold indifference—or worse, the cynical, womanizing influence of a mostly absent father. “Look right down into the lens. Like you mean it.”
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