"I'm really not trying to," said Kyara.
"But you do like him," pointed out K.
"Well, yeah," admitted Kyara. "He's ..."
"Super hot?" suggested K.
"Kind," finished Kyara. "He's been kind to me."
All three of her new friends looked at her.
"Damn, girl, you got it bad," said Ashley, her eyes starting to get a little puffy.
Kyara shrugged and smiled, not wanted to flaunt her new feelings in front of her hurting friend.
"I don't have to do anything about it," said Kyara quietly, even as she wished she hadn't.
Ashley straightened her shoulders and shook her head, clearly pushing her feelings away.
We have more in common than I thought, reflected Kyara.
"No," said Ashley. "I've been waiting since we broke up before he went away to college. He's had plenty of time, and so have I. You ... do what you have to do." The blond looked like just saying the words hurt her. Kyara understood.
"Yeah," cut in K, her voice deadpan. "We'll only think you're a total bitch for a little while. Then it'll all be good." Kyara looked at her and was relieved to see a little smile at the corner of her friend's mouth, revealing the joke in her words.
The rest of the walk went quickly, their words turned back to less dangerous topics. K's mother wanted to move in with her. Caitlin was debating going away to law school. When they arrived, they were soon far too busy laying down the gravel and hooking the massive stump up to the SUV for much talk.
Soon the SUV was hooked up and the stump was ready. As a precaution, everyone went far away from the tires. Flying mud had been bad, flying gravel could be disastrous. The moment of truth was almost anti-climactic. The tires of the SUV caught right away, the weight of the extra bags of gravel in back pushing its tires deep into the now rocky ground beneath it. The stump began to move, then popped free of its hole in the ground with a loud crack of snapping roots..
The volunteers sprang into action hauling the stump away and filling the hole that they had just created. Kyara worked with them.
I didn't think I was an outdoorsy type, she reflected as she wiped mud from her cheek. But I could really get used to this.
The next Tuesday brought another surprise. The trail crew all met at Kyara's once again. As she got ready to go with them, they once again went out through the back door, where they had parked a small fleet of....
"What are those doing here?" asked Kyara
Jason smiled proudly at the neatly parked rows of ATVs. He was wearing gray today. He looked good in gray. His eyes shifted to match it, giving the illusion that she was somehow seeing a stormy sky inside him.
"The trail is getting too long to just walk down it. Last weeks you guys spent half the evening walking. So, transportation," explained Jason.
"Ashley rents them out," said K from right behind her. "Along with snowmobiles, skis, all that stuff. Right, Ash?"
Ashley nodded as she walked up.
"Along with the safety equipment and lessons, yeah," the blonde agreed.
"Although I'm pretty sure charging horny tourists for the privileged of holding onto you while an engine vibrates you both doesn't really help keep their minds on safety," added K, her eyebrows waggling.
Ashley gave K a wry look, but let the comment pass. Probably because she knows it’s true, reflected Kyara, looking again over the statuesque blonde. That has got to help her business.
"Anyway, I've got everyone paired off," said Ashley, turning to Jason. "I need you to take Kyara. Remember that she's less experienced at this, so take it easy on her."
Jason's eyebrows shot up.
"Okay..." he said, watching Ashley carefully.
"If you are used to teaching people, maybe I should go with you?" offered Kyara, still remembering the look on her friend's face from the week before.
"She has to take Caitlin," chuckled K. "I've never seen anyone worse on one of these things than that girl is. She'll pull anyone right off."
Ashley nodded, confirming K's statement with a little smile.
"Just hold on to him as tight as you can," advised Ashley, her eyes giving the double meaning to her words. "You're going to do just fine."
Kyara returned Ashley's little smile. Then, on impulse, reached out and gave her a little hug.
Jason watched them, clearly having no idea what was going on.
"Alright, you two, break it up," said K. "You go on any longer and there's going to be a gross run on cheap lotion at the general store."
Kyara let go of Ashley, sure that the embarrassment on her face matched that on Ashley's. Based on the look on Jason's face, though, she might not be far off. He was watching both of them, his eyes sliding from Kyara's dark skin over to Ashley's cream.
Men, reflected Kyara as she arched an eyebrow at Jason, really are the same wherever you go.
"So," said Jason, turning away from her to look at the nearest ATV. "I take it you haven't ridden one of these before."
"They don't have a lot of trails in downtown Atlanta," said Kyara dryly.
"Okay," said Jason. "We don't have time for a full lesson today, so I'm going to just give you the basics." He straddled the machine, his muscular legs stretched wide. He handed her a helmet, and took one for himself. The barrier made him sound strange and far away as he spoke.
"Basically, I want you to just slide on with me." said Jason, easing forward to make room for her. "Good. Now wrap your arms around my waist. Um ... a little higher might be good."
Kyara followed his directions, pressing herself along the broad expanse of his back. She felt his muscles ripple as he adjusted to her presence. His skin was separated from her own by two thin layers of cotton, a sharp contrast with the seeming distance of his voice.
Kyara flushed as she felt her nipples begin to harden, pressing against him even through her bra. She tried to pull back, but he instantly corrected her, trapping her tight against him by holding his firm arm over hers. His skin was silk over steel, caressing and trapping her at the same time.
"Hold on tight," he chided. "When we start moving, inertia is going to tug you back, and you don't have a handlebar to grip."
I do if I move my hand down, thought Kyara, growing warm at the image.
"If we hit a bump or a hole, we're going to rise into the air a little. Flex your legs as we slam down. It'll make things a little easier. Let my hips and back warn you when that's going to happen. You'll feel me move."
Kyara swallowed, her cheek moving against against him. Did he even know what he was saying?
"Alright," he said. "Hold on." With that, the engine purred to life beneath her, the vibrations rubbing against the insides of her thighs and up along the seam where her body pressed against Jason's.
Oh, my.
Even with the warning, the jolt when they started moving startled Kyara. She gripped Jason more tightly, clinging to him as they moved.
Once they were traveling, though, Kyara started to really enjoy herself. The whole thing, the rumbling of the engine beneath them, the feel of his arms and torso against her, the wind whipping against her skin, felt like power.
I've felt so helpless, lately. This is ... a really good change.
Kyara tipped her face as far forward as she could, her helmet knocking against his.
"Faster" she called into his ear. "Let's really go!"
Without a word, Jason jumped the ATV forward, leaving her breathless and clinging. He zigged between the other riders, rubbing Kyara against him with each sharp turn. They quickly left the others behind, racing and bouncing through the green arches of the newly created trail.
I have got to get me one of these!
They reached the edge of the trail work all too soon. Jason cut the engine and climbed off, turning to help her dismount as well. When he pulled off his helmet, his face was flushed with the same exhilaration she knew must be on hers. She removed her own helmet to meet his eyes, one hand rising to try to tame her hair back into pla
ce.
Jason cleared his throat, holding his helmet in front of himself with both hands.
"So," Jason began, his voice casual. "I was thinking. I know you're busy a lot, but we first met at the farmer's market, and I wondered if you had been to the big one up in Burlington."
Kyara shook her head.
"I haven't really had the time," she said.
He nodded, as if he'd expected that reaction.
"Well, I'm going up on Saturday. I kind of wondered if you'd like to go with me. We could check it out, maybe take a look at Church Street together ..." He at her through his long, dark lashes.
Kyara wasn't sure what to think, but was saved by the arrival of the others, their engines roaring as they pulled up. Ashley was first, a shivering Caitlin clinging to her back. She was glaring daggers at Jason, but stopped as she caught the hum in the air between them.
As the engines died away, Kyara took a deep breath and turned back to Jason.
"I ... can't" Kyara said regretfully, acutely aware of all the people around them pretending they weren't eavesdropping. "The cafe isn't doing so well, and if I give up on my Saturday patrons, it will just be worse."
Jason nodded.
"So, maybe a morning outing, then? Before you open? There's a nice little bakery over in Bradford. I was thinking maybe you'd want to carry some of their stuff at your place? We could go check them out."
Kyara felt her pulse quickening. I really don't have time, but when is the last time I was asked out on a date? And he had a back-up date planned. I can't remember any guy working this hard to spend time with me. Certainly not Devonte.... He mind shied away from that line of thought.
"I'd like that," she found herself saying. "As long as I could be back in time to get my kitchen ready." Kyara tried desperately not to think about all the eyes staring at her as she accepted.
He smiled. His smile lights up his entire face.
"I'm willing to get up early if you are," he said. "Maybe this Thursday?" Kyara did not point out that she was already up at 3:30 every morning. She just nodded, fighting to keep a silly grin off of her face.
Jason handed her a slip of paper, his phone number neatly printed across the top.
Well prepared, or cocky? mused Kyara. Before she could tease him about it, though, he had turned away, heading back to his vehicle.
Jason turned to face the obviously gawking spectators.
"Alright, guys, we've got work to do. Break into teams of three and I'll give you today's assignments," he projected.
Conversation resumed as people tried to find their partners for the day. This would easily supply the town with days of gossip to come. But for once Kyara didn't care. She did try not to look at Ashley, though. Whatever Ashley said, Kyara knew she'd see a loneliness on her friend’s face she knew all too well.
That night, the dream returned again.
Once again, she was braiding Keisha's hair, her fingers wound through with expert precision.
"I'll bring this to the police for you, Darrell. They can get you out. For now, we're just a young
man talking to his preacher. It'll be fine," said Kyara's father, equal parts kind and stern, just as she always remembered him.
Kyara tugged a little harder on Keisha's hair, trying to keep her attention and stop her from listening in on their father's conversation.
Why, Papa? Why do you need to help those gangbangers? Even the ones who are trying to get out are no good.
It made no difference, though. He'd been doing it, quietly and always carefully, since she was fourteen. Even though it had been over ten years, it still terrified her every time he did it. The less Keisha heard, the better.
"What do you want to do after this?" Kyara asked the child.
No, don't ask that. Don't ask. There is no after this.
Keisha tried to turn her head to look at the woman braiding her hair, but Kyara kept her facing firmly forward.
"I want to go buy a shirt like yours," said Keisha, her voice full of admiration.
Kyara glanced down. The shirt was nothing special – a simple, clinging purple cotton. Kyara did have to admit, though, the rich color set off the rich chocolate of her skin quite nicely. And Devante seemed to appreciate the way it clung to her curves.
No not him. Never him. I never want to think about him again.
"Do you like purple?" Kyara asked Keisha, glancing up at the street again.
Who cares about a stupid shirt? Run! Run away! But the dream Kyara sat, just as she had in real life.
A black sedan came around the corner. It would have been like a hundred other cars – solid, boring, and anonymous – if Kyara hadn't noticed the bright yellow chicken hanging from the rear-view mirror. She'd seen it a hundred times, and never failed to ask him to take it down.
That stupid, terrible toy chicken. If not for it, I would never have known.
The thought cut off abruptly as the windows facing her father and Keisha's rolled down and the muzzle of guns appeared.
* * * * *
Kyara sat straight up in the dark, her heart racing.
The clock glared at her from the nightstand, bathing her in harsh, red light.
I'll have to be up in an hour anyway, Kyara told herself, and I don't think I'm getting back to sleep any time soon.
Kyara got out of bed and went to stare at herself in the mirror.
The time working outside has made me even darker, she realized. I thought I'd hate it, but it actually looks pretty good. It did, too. The light gleamed off the dark sheen of her skin, making her eyes seem whiter and larger. Her straightened hair encircled her face like an ebony halo, drawing attention to the red in her lips and cheeks. Damn. I wish I could tell thirteen-year-old me about this. I wasted a lot of sunlight trying to stay light skinned.
Kyara sobered, looking at herself again in the mirror.
Is that when it started? All this chasing after men, trying to be what they want? Never thinking too closely about who they really are?
Kyara studied herself, eyes dark and reflective.
What am I doing? After Devante, I swore I wouldn't do this again. I need to stand on my own, not get tangled up with some guy. Especially, she scolded herself, some guy I've barely spent any time with. I mean, what do I even know about him?
Well, I know that he volunteers, both on the trail and at Crystal's school. I know that he stood up for me. I know he brought people here to eat. I know that he looks great in jeans. And... that's it. I don't even know his last name.
That's not enough. That's not even what I knew about Devante.
I'm making the same mistakes all over again.
I have to cancel.
Kyara nodded to herself, her jaw firming, and turned away to shower.
That morning, Kyara rehearsed what she would say. She couldn't call right away, given how early she was up. That gave her hours to obsess. She almost changed her mind again and again. Each time she reconsidered, she ran her litany of failed boyfriends through her mind, always ending with the worst.
This is my penance, she found herself thinking. I can't ever make up for it, but that doesn't mean I can't try.
Given the early start, Kyara started some extra food, just for herself. While she tried to serve food in the restaurant which seemed like New England food, Kyara always prepared soul food for herself. It was a small part of home she allowed herself to keep. It was a small piece of happiness she was still allowed to have.
So while she readied the ingredients for salads and turkey sandwiches for the lunch crowd on one side of the kitchen, on the other she filled the air with the smell of ham hocks and prepared the makings for fried green tomatoes.
Lunchtime came, but no customers. With the restaurant empty, she couldn't put it off any longer. She took his number from her pocket, walked to the restaurant phone, and dialed.
The ringing of the phone waiting for him to pick up seemed to go on forever. Finally, it clicked over to voicemail.
"If you cal
led me, you know who it is. Leave a message, and I'll get back to you" his voice said into her ear, sounding vaguely fake.
See? I hate stupid messages like that. What if I just had a wrong number? Clearly we weren't meant to be.
"Hey, Jason, it's Kyara. I don't think I can make it tomorrow after all. Sorry to cancel on you, I just ... don't think it's a good idea. I'll ... I'll see you next Tuesday, probably."
The front door opened.
"OK, I have a customer. I have to go. Bye." Kyara hung up the phone abruptly, glad to have had an excuse to cut the message short. She quickly pinned his number to the small bulletin board by the phone, then rushed out to greet her guest.
The Ranger's Passionate Love Page 5