by Eric Flint
“More on the line of, ‘She shall cause trouble wherever she goes.’ Have you ever noticed that when our little special envoy turns up, even if she does smile and call herself a junior envoyette, things start to pop?”
“Hadn’t, really.” Stew leaned back. “But now that you mention it... yeah.”
“Darn right. Every time Little Miss Muffet sits her tush down on a tuffet, something happens to it. Firecrackers fizzle when faced with her mere presence.”
“Mother Goose on your mind this morning?” Stew chewed on the splinter he was using as a toothpick.
“I was baby-sitting for Stacey O’Brien’s kids last night. Tom’s out on patrol somewhere, doing his thing, and Stacey had a meeting of some kind at Else Kronacher’s. League of Women Voters, I think.”
“Doing his thing,” Stew echoed her.
Janie looked up at the elaborate ceiling. She put her right hand over her heart while her face assumed the vacuous expression of a Baroque cherub. “We keep reciting that the administration’s policy toward the Ram Rebellion is hands-off. Repeat after me, ‘The citizens of Franconia must exercise self-determination’ while Tom’s out there giving adult education lessons in the safe handling of explosives to ‘citizens’ who’ve been hand-picked by Walt Miller and Matt Trelli. Pardon me, please, while some butter doesn’t melt in my mouth.”
Castle Bimbach, near Bayreuth, late April, 1634
Looking up at Schloss Bimbach as she and Eddie Junker approached it, Noelle didn’t think it looked anything like what she imagined a “castle” ought to look like.
Well, okay. It was on top of a hill. It was big.
“Schloss,” my ass. Just a huge ugly stone barn, is what it is. A whitewashed stone barn.
She’d discovered, since she’d arrived in the seventeenth century in the Ring of Fire, that most German “castles” of the period fell between two stools. As far as her aesthetic sense was concerned, anyway.
Truly medieval castles—or at least ones with a major medieval element—could be pretty impressive, in their own way. She’d visited the Wartburg, after the reconstruction had begun repairing the damage caused by the napalm Mike Stearns had used on it to force the surrender of the Spanish army that had tried to use the castle for a refuge. Even with as much damage as it had sustained, she’d had no trouble understanding why so many Germans considered the Wartburg the archetypical castle of the Germanies.
Granted, the toilet facilities were a joke. But they were still a joke in castles built long after the Wartburg—and at least the Wartburg still had a certain primitive majesty to it.
On the flip side, although she’d never visited it, Noelle had seen plenty of photographs of Versailles, the enormous palace that the French “sun king” Louis XIV had built half a century in the “future.” That was impressive in a completely different way, even though she was pretty sure that the toilet facilities hadn’t improved much. If any.
But German castles in Thuringia and Franconia were generally what people considered “Renaissance”—using the term incredibly loosely. So far as Noelle was concerned, that meant they had been built after the farmers burned down some genuinely medieval castle a century earlier and combined Baroque with the grandiosity of a would-be miniature Versailles with all the stonepile ugliness of medieval construction.
She had no doubt an architect could explain how wrong she was. She also had no doubt that she didn’t care.
“Great ugly stone barn,” she muttered. “Not a turret or a moat in sight. All the architectural charm of a state office building.”
Walking next to her, Eddie grinned. “Please! You are offending my culture. I believe that is grossly—what is the term that Frau Carstairs explained to me?—ah, yes. ‘Politically incorrect’.”
Noelle sniffed. “We’re West Virginians, Eddie. Not much given to political correctness.”
The grin didn’t fade at all. “Indeed. So Frau Carstairs explained to me. In a manner I suspect was deeply incorrect.”
“And it’s still a great ugly stone barn.”
* * *
She was a little mollified once they reached the top of the hill and passed by the front entrance of the Schloss. That, at least, was fairly impressive.
In a great ugly sort of way. The door was immense, double-doored, and made out of some sort of heavy wood that had been painted dead black. Two black columns flanked it on either side, with some sort of semi-circular white stone carvings along the semi-circular top of the doors. She couldn’t remember what that was called. A “frieze,” maybe.
It looked as if it would take a team of mules to pull it open. Fortunately, they wouldn’t have to find out. The front entrance of a Schloss was not for the likes of them.
They continued past it, walking along the white stone walls toward the rear entrances used by servants and tradesmen. The stables were back there, too, judging from the smell. Far above their heads, she could see grilled windows. Nothing close to ground level, though—which meant there wasn’t much chance of any officious persons spotting them.
Even if they did, it probably wouldn’t matter. A Schloss like this was the center of local government, as much as it was a personal residence. Von Bimbach would have private apartments in one wing of the castle, but much of the edifice would be devoted to administration and record-keeping. Clerks, bureaucrats, tradesmen, cooks, servants—not to mention people just visiting for some sort of business—would come and go from the Schloss all hours of the day. Noelle and Eddie were dressed inconspicuously and were walking along in broad daylight as if they had every right to be there. As long as they didn’t presume to use the front entrance or enter the Freiherr’s private rooms, they would remain beneath notice.
To any except the Schloss’ staff, of course. But, for that, the Ram had already made arrangements.
She hoped, at least. So the letter she’d gotten from him had claimed.
* * *
The letter was accurate. Getting into the Schloss and situated in a small room set aside for them in the servants’ quarters went as smoothly as she could have asked for.
“Now what do we do?” asked Eddie, after the maid who had led them to the room departed.
The small, narrow chamber had only two pieces of furniture, a rickety-looking wooden chair and a solidly made if unattractive bed with a straw mattress. Two thick wool blankets were folded on the bed. There were no pillows of any kind.
Noelle sat down on the bed. “I’m not sure,” she admitted. “It’s already late afternoon, though. So I think the smartest thing to do is just wait until nightfall, and see if the Ram’s people here approach us. If not... we’ll decide tomorrow.”
Eddie nodded. Then, none too cheerfully, examined the rough-hewn wood floor.
“Oh, relax,” said Noelle. “We can share the bed.”
He got a solemn look on his face and placed his hand over his heart. “I vow that I have no intentions on your virtue.”
Noelle chuckled. “I wasn’t actually worried about it.”
She wasn’t, in fact. In the time since they’d started working together, her relationship with Eddie Junker had settled into something quite comfortable for her. For Eddie too, she thought. Something of a cross between friends and older sister/younger brother.
There was certainly nothing romantic about it. That might seem odd to someone observing them, since she and Eddie were both reasonably attractive, intelligent, and were almost the same age. But, for whatever reasons these things happened—or didn’t—there had simply never been any “chemistry” between them.
True, some of that might be due to Noelle’s still-official I’m thinking about becoming a nun position. But, she didn’t think so. She just wasn’t Eddie’s “type,” whatever type that might be. And he certainly wasn’t hers, insofar as she could figure out if there was any type of man who might appeal to her that way. She hadn’t met one yet, leaving aside a couple of casual boyfriends in high school and junior college. Those relationships hadn’t lasted l
ong, however—and she was the only virgin her age she knew.
“So I feared,” groaned Eddie. Noelle chuckled again.
Franconia, late April, 1634
With Margrave Christian’s declaration of neutrality on behalf of himself and his nephews, the Franconian Protestant knights and lords took arms against the USE/SoTF administration, under the leadership of Freiherr Fuchs von Bimbach.
Which, of course, made the newspapers. Banner headlines, in fact.
Steve Salatto was very unhappy.
* * *
Arnold Bellamy was even unhappier, mainly because he had no additional resources whatsoever with which to assist the SoTF administration in Franconia. Nor was the SoTF congress meeting. He spoke urgently with Ed Piazza about the need for a special session.
Mike Stearns was more than profoundly annoyed. Not with Steve Salatto or the Franconian farmers, however, but with Wilhelm Wettin—who was viewing the situation in Franconia with alarm. Great alarm. Quite frequently. Wilhelm thought that something should be done.
Scott Blackwell was not as unhappy as Steve. The knights and lords, collectively, could not put many men into the field. Few of them had the financial resources to hire more than a couple dozen professionals. Most were dependent upon calling out a levy of their own subjects, who largely refused to cooperate on the grounds that they had already sworn oaths of allegiance to the State of Thuringia-Franconia, against which their lords were rebelling.
“They’ll get hammered,” he said confidently. “You watch. My money’s on the farmers.”
Steve eyed him quizzically. “I take it you don’t propose to intervene militarily?”
Blackwell shrugged. “Oh, at some point, I imagine I will—here and there, anyway. But I think it’s all to the good to let those arrogant knights get the shit beat out of them. Better still, if it’s done by the local farmers instead of us.”
Steve understood the logic. He didn’t even disagree with it, although it rubbed all his well-honed civil servant instincts the wrong way. But, still...
Unhappily, he gazed down at the newspaper on his desk.
“Big headlines, huh?” said Scott cheerfully.
* * *
“You are not joking?” asked Captain Boetinger.
“No,” replied the lieutenant. “The city council invited a peasant delegation to come into the city. The delegation included a couple of the ram movement’s prominent leaders, including two men from the Gemeinde at Frankenwinheim. And then, no sooner were the gates closed, than they arrested the entire delegation.”
“They say they are going to deliver them, as rebellious and insubordinate subjects, each to his own lord, for a fitting and suitable punishment,” added the sergeant who had come into the headquarters with the lieutenant.
The captain of the USE/SoTF garrison at Gerolzhofen shook his head. “Amazing. Some people seem incapable of learning anything. Ah, well, so be it. Order out the garrison, Lt. Neidhart. We shall continue the educational process, as the Americans call it.”
His second-in-command nodded. “Vigorously?”
“Oh, very vigorously.”
The lieutenant hesitated a moment. “We did promise not to intervene in the city’s domestic affairs.”
“Indeed so. And we have kept the promise. But since the city council took it upon themselves to arrest people who were not citizens of Gerolzhofen, it is no longer a domestic matter.”
He bestowed a grin upon the lieutenant that did not bode well for someone. “I was given most explicit instructions by Colonel Blackwell, should such an event come to pass. Summon the garrison, Lieutenant.”
Less than a quarter of an hour later, the garrison marched out of the Zehnthof and headed for the Rathaus. The streets were noticeably deserted. The captain had expected some sort of opposition, given the intransigent nature of the city’s citizens. But, apparently, even the residents of Gerolzhofen had enough sense to realize that their city council had finally crossed a line.
The entire city council emerged from the Rathaus to meet the garrison, once it entered the city square. They looked nervous, but stubborn.
They had good reason to be nervous, the captain thought. And the stubbornness was handy. There would be no need to track them down.
“You are violating our agreement!” shouted once of the councilmen.
Captain Boetinger’s reply came in a tone of voice that was almost conversational.
“Shoot them,” he commanded.
* * *
“No,” said Scott Blackwell, “you can’t leave the bodies on display.”
Sourly, he stared up at the corpses of the city councilmen, suspended by ropes from the windows of the Rathaus. “You shouldn’t have done that in the first place. I don’t mean the shooting. That was okay, if maybe a little on the extreme side. But this...”
He grimaced. “Dammit, Friedrich, it’s uncivilized.”
Captain Boetinger shrugged. “Yes, true. But what part of We mean it did you think was ever going to remain civilized?”
Scott had no ready answer for that. “Still,” he insisted. “It’ll cause bad public relations. Have them taken down and their bodies delivered to their families.”
“As you wish,” said Boetinger. He walked off, mentally shaking his head. He rather liked the Americans, all things considered. If for no other reason, because they met the payroll on time. But there was no denying they were not sane, about many things.
Bad public relations. As if shooting dead the entire city council with no warning was likely to be popular!
And what difference did it make, in any event? Every citizen in Gerolzhofen might hate the USE and the State of Thuringia-Franconia with a passion. So what? Gerolzhofen’s days of being a thorn in everyone’s side had just come to a complete, total...
What was that American expression? Boetinger was charmed by the things.
Ah, yes. Screeching halt. He’d been particularly charmed by that one, after the up-timer Harry Lefferts had demonstrated it to him once, with an American motor vehicle.
Boetinger smiled thinly, thinking of Harry. He wondered what Harry was up to, these days. Boetinger had spent some time with Lefferts, when he’d visited Grantville. The two of them had gotten along very well.
Now there was an American fellow who’d have had no objection at all to stringing up corpses from windows.
* * *
The knights carried out several reprisals. In one case, on the estates of the von Bimbach family—the Catholic branch, near Bamberg—quite severe reprisals.
Blackwell did not order out the troops, however. First, because he didn’t have all that many. Secondly, because he was quite sure the ram was going to retaliate, and was willing to let the farmers do the dirty work. Finally, because he was compiling a list. At the very top of that list was the name “Fuchs von Bimbach.”
Before too long, he thought the list would come in handy. Especially after Noelle Murphy was able to add her findings, now that she’d gotten into the castle. In his own mind, the title of it was Rope to Hang Themselves By.
* * *
The city council of the imperial city of Nuernberg formally notified everyone it could think of, from Gustavus Adolphus and the Council of Princes down through the chain of command to the district administrators of the Aemter of Franconia, that it was seriously concerned about the situation, viewed it with considerable alarm, and would be compelled to take unspecified measures if the imperial knights and petty lords whose lands lay within Nuernberg’s hinterland became involved in the contention between those in Franconia and the administration there.
In short, the knights were put on notice. By one of the most important cities in the USE, and—the knights were gloomily certain—one of Gustav Adolf’s favorites. His great victory at the Alte Veste had been won within eyesight of Nuernberg, hadn’t it? With a great many of the city’s citizens in the ranks of his army—and none too many of the knights.
* * *
Margrave Christian spok
e with representatives of the ram. And started accepting oaths, from market towns as well as from village people. On behalf of his nephews as well. Albrecht, of course, was still very young; Friedrich was in the north with Gustavus Adolphus’ army. So it was his responsibility.
The form of the oath was carefully negotiated between them. Quite carefully.
* * *
Several of the Protestant knights and lords whose lands lay primarily in Ansbach and Bayreuth, led by Freiherr Fuchs von Bimbach, came to the assistance of the branches of their families whose lands lay primarily in Bamberg and Wuerzburg.
* * *
April had arrived. Indeed, it was almost May.
Across Franconia, the ram banners unfurled.
Chapter 12:
“I’m Sick To Death Of These Swaggering Little Lords”
Bamberg, May, 1634
“Looks like you have the current hot spot, Vince,” Steve Salatto remarked. “Or, at least, the hottest one.”
Vince Marcantonio stretched. “Spots.”
“Plural? I rode up because of a report of threats to the lives of priests, nuns, and monks by ravening hordes of perverted and monstrous peasants.”
“Threats,” his chief of staff Georg Rudolf Weckherlin added, “which are being reported in numerous illustrated pamphlets, but which nobody around Wuerzburg has been able to confirm.”
Vince yawned. “I’ve no doubt that there have been threats. Mostly made in taverns by people who are drunk and who don’t have any force to back them up.” He stretched again. “Sometimes I wish that I could just lie down and sleep for a week.
“Anyway, there was one threat that Stew Hawker thought was credible, but it was being made by a merchant in Nuernberg against a little convent with six old nuns in it. He has some kind of reversionary right when the last of them dies. He—the merchant, that is—bought it up about twenty years ago. It’s based on an agreement that was made sixty or more years ago between the convent and some noble who was secularizing church property in his lands after he turned Protestant, that they wouldn’t accept any new novices and he got the land after the last one died. The ones who were already in it have been frustrating the merchant by living on and on and on. I think all six are well over eighty now. Stew thought that he was planning to hire a batch of bullies, burn them out, and blame it on the ram rebellion.”