“Mmm.” Julie nodded thoughtfully. “Some people strongly prefer adults, but Casey’s always liked being around kids. I know she likes me, and she and Ben are best friends, but it was Benji who strengthened the friendship. She was over more than my mom when he was a newborn.”
“That’s…kind of funny, isn’t it?” Avery said, trying not to characterize Casey’s interest by using a term that might have a negative connotation.
“I suppose it can be, depending on the person. But Casey’s so…” She frowned briefly. “I don’t want to sound like I’m analyzing her—”
“Are you a therapist?”
“Sort of.” She laughed, showing the easy, warm smile that Benji had. “I mean, I’m a social worker, and I was trained as a counselor, but I work with primary school kids now. I see problems from the kids’ side, rather than the adults.”
“Ahh. I didn’t know what you did for a living. What were you going to say about Casey?”
“I think it’s hard for her to trust fellow adults. She can,” she emphasized, “but she has to know someone pretty well. But with kids?” She snapped her fingers. “I think she identifies with them. Or maybe she just likes their energy. She’s the only person Benji can’t wear out.”
“I think she’s a doll,” Avery’s mom said. “She seems very pure of heart.”
“That’s the absolute truth,” Julie said. “She can be very self-protective, but if she trusts you, she opens up like a flower facing the sun.”
***
In the late afternoon, most of the adults broke into the assortment of Kaaterskill products Ben had brought, while Lisbet had an early dinner. Avery was pleased that no one seemed fazed by her breast-feeding, and she didn’t even try to cover up when she sensed it was a non-issue. Lisbet had eaten slowly, probably losing focus because of all of the activity, but she finally finished. Avery tugged her shirt into place before she sat Lisbet up.
“Can I burp her?” Casey asked. “I want to prime her for the belching contests Benji and I have.”
“Oh, fantastic,” Avery said. “I’ve always hoped my tiny little daughter would be able to belch.” She handed the child over, watching as Casey’s smile grew.
She put her up to her shoulder and gave Lisbet the strong pats she needed, laughing when the baby let out a good one. “Score!” Casey said. “I think she’s going to be a champ.”
She put the baby on her legs, facing her, and grasped her hands. “You’re very good at holding on,” she said, talking to her like she expected a response.
“She’s about ready to sit up on her own,” Avery said, “at least that’s what the baby books say.”
“Benji sat up early,” Julie said, “but he didn’t want to eat solid food until he was seven or eight months old.”
“You should have offered him cookies,” Casey said, gazing deeply into Lisbet’s eyes. “Do you want to let go and see if you can stay up?”
“Give it a try, Lisbet,” Avery said. “The whole world opens up to you once you don’t need anyone to— She did it!” she squealed. “Did you do that because we asked you to? Or was that just kismet?”
“I don’t think the kid knows what kismet is,” Casey said. “At least I hope she doesn’t, because I don’t.”
“It’s like chance or fate or something like that. Look at how pleased she seems.”
“She knows she did something cool.” Casey looked up, but she kept one hand an inch behind Lisbet’s back, and another an inch to her left. “Do you own a phone?”
“Sure. Why?”
“Aren’t you supposed to take pictures of her when she does something for the first time? I mean…”
“Oops!” Avery’s phone was on the table in front of her, and she grabbed it and framed a photo to show not just Lisbet, but her new friend. “Got it,” she said. “Thanks for reminding me.”
“I don’t know what kind of parent you’re going to be if you don’t document everything the kid does so that all of your friends can judge her,” Casey said.
“That’s why I shut down all of my social media. I lurk a little to see what I’m missing out on, but Lisbet’s going to appear on the internet when she puts herself on there.”
“As a mom who went crazy documenting every diaper change,” Julie said, rolling her eyes, “I think you’re making the right choice. We backed off when Benji was still a baby, but he hates it when people in my family tease him about those old photos.”
“People act like I was wearing diapers like yesterday,” he grumbled.
“You’re practically a man,” Casey said. “But I can still pick you up and throw you in the pool.”
“You can not,” he said, indignant.
Casey handed over the baby and chased Benji all over the yard before she put on a burst of speed and caught him. He was over her shoulder in a second, then she slowed down a little, with him laughing and slapping at her back until they got to the edge of the pool. “Can too!” she said, before slipping into the water like a knife.
***
Ben and Julie had to get home, so Avery got up to pack up as soon as they did. Casey walked over and said, “Mind if I take over? I want to change her diaper while you’re here to watch me.”
“Sure. No problem. But you did fine the other day.”
“I think I did, but everyone has their preferences. I want to make sure I’m meeting yours.”
Avery watched her work, so competently and patiently getting Lisbet dressed again. For a moment, she let herself daydream about what it would be like to have a partner. Well, not just any partner. One like Casey. Someone who was crazy about Lisbet.
She sighed, thinking of how fantastic it would be to have someone to share not just the burden, but the worry. In six and a half months, Avery was sure she’d woken in a panic at least a hundred times, worrying about everything from whether Lisbet was breathing, to the state of her digestion, her milk consumption, and whether the bus exhaust coming in through the window would hurt her delicate little lungs. If she’d been able to give voice to some of those fears, she might have gotten right back to sleep, which would have made her work day significantly better.
Now she had her mom, and to a lesser extent, her dad close by, and they were both more than willing to listen to her and reassure her. But it just wasn’t the same as it would have been with a partner. Even with her mom, she felt…indebted to her. Like her mom was doing her a favor. She didn’t ever act like she minded, but she hadn’t chosen to have Lisbet. A partner would have been all in from the beginning, and that would have been very, very reassuring. Especially if the woman had been a nurturer like Casey. But that would only happen when angels starting hooking up with women to raise babies, and that seemed decidedly unlikely.
***
Avery watched Casey put the carseat back into the family car, admiring how easily she accomplished the feat. On the day the seat had arrived, Avery had spent over an hour watching every You Tube video available, read the manual twice, and only managed to wind up sitting on the floor of the car, crying. If her father hadn’t come home and figured out how to do it, she might still be there.
She was just about to slip Lisbet into the backseat when she heard a man’s voice say, “Hi there.”
Turning around, Avery saw Casey’s dad, freshly showered, wearing an orange T-shirt and dark jeans. From the corner of her eye, she caught her mom giving him a long look. She’d always had a thing for rugged guys who performed manual labor, and Chris was the alpha king of them. The salt and pepper stubble on his chin added a little rough charm, but his warm, brown eyes really sealed the deal. He must have had to fight women, and a substantial portion of gay men, off with a stick.
“Hi, Chris,” Avery said. “Thanks so much for letting Lisbet and me rent your house.”
“You’re doing me a favor,” he said, flashing his gleaming teeth. On him, the gap between his front teeth just added to his good looks.
“We thought we’d move in next week. We want to have a few thi
ngs ready before we make the trek to our new place.”
“Oh, it’s far from new,” he said, scowling slightly. “I’ll have to do some major upgrades to make a dime off the place.” He scratched at the back of his head, showing off his excellent haircut. “When that will be, I have no idea. But I can guarantee you’ll be able to stay for six months. Is that good enough?”
“Absolutely. Did you want me to sign a lease?”
“Not necessary,” he said, waving off the idea. “I trust you, and I’m not worried about wear and tear.” He took a look at Lisbet, nodding. “Don’t worry about anything, including the carpet. It’s all going to go.”
“Fantastic. I think I have a check in my wallet.” Avery tucked Lisbet onto her hip so she could reach into the car to extract her wallet from her bag. “Two months rent?”
“One’s fine. I don’t need a damage deposit, since it’s fine with me if you rip the cabinets off the walls and pry the linoleum off the kitchen floor. Actually, that would save me time.”
“Boy, I wish I could have rented this when I actually had parties. We could have easily demolished the interior for you.”
Her mom held the baby while Chris watched Avery use the roof of the car to write the check, adding, “Just make the check to cash if you don’t mind.”
“I don’t mind at all.” Avery finished writing and handed it over. “First of the month?”
“A month from today’s fine. Don’t worry if you’re a day or two late.”
“Thanks so much, Chris. I’m sure we’ll enjoy our new home.”
“Call if you have any problems. Or let Casey know,” he added. “Everything should be fine, but with a house that old you never know what’s going to break next.”
“Will do, and thanks.” She watched him walk around to the front of the house, wondering how he’d known exactly when to come out. He’d allowed just enough time to get a check, but not enough to socialize. Yet another odd bird. Casey had a cage-full of them to contend with.
***
They hadn’t been in the car for more than a minute when her mom said, “So what was up with all of that flirting?”
“Flirting? On whose part?”
“Yours,” she said, angling her rearview mirror to grin at Avery. “You like Casey. I can tell.”
“Well, she’s awfully likable, and she’s as interested in Lisbet as she would have been if she’d given birth to her, so…”
“You’re avoiding the question. I didn’t accuse you of being grateful, honey. I’m saying that you’re treating her like you treated Elizabeth back when you still thought you were straight.” She paused a beat, then said, “You didn’t name Lisbet after her, did you?”
“My first girlfriend? No!”
“Well, say what you will, but when you were falling for Elizabeth you acted just like you were acting with Casey today.”
“I’m nice to her,” she insisted. “She’s just about the kindest person I’ve ever met, and she’s very easy to be around. But I don’t think I’m flirting with her. At least I’m not trying to.”
“Are you sure? I know you’re certain she’s not interested in you, but I thought that maybe…” She took a breath and spit out the rest of her thought. “You’re both single, you know.”
“Seriously? If that’s all it took I would have been in a hundred relationships. I’ll admit I like Casey a lot, but she’s not my type. We have Lisbet in common, and that’s about it.”
“So?” She kept gazing into the mirror, her expression so intent Avery felt like she was being inspected.
“Are you really saying you don’t need things in common to make a relationship work? ’Cause I’m here to tell you that you really do. If Michelle and I had only been physically attracted to each other, we wouldn’t have lasted a year.”
“That would have been better all around. Then you could have found someone who valued you. Michelle,” she muttered, her dislike of Avery’s ex much stronger than it should have been.
“We had a good run, Mom. We supported each other’s careers, gave each other tons of professional feedback, had wonderful discussions about the books we’d read, the plays we saw, the articles that captured our interest…”
“That’s it? That’s what creates a good relationship?”
“I think so. We always blew an hour lying in bed on Sunday morning doing the crossword, and I still hold those memories very close.” She searched her memory to make sure she was remembering things correctly. “It’s not like that with Casey. She hasn’t mentioned a single thing I’m interested in, besides Lisbet.”
Her mom rolled her eyes. “You can get every single bit of that brainy stuff from your friends. For a love interest, all you need is chemistry. Then you have a baby or two and you’re both hooked in for life. That’s the natural order of things.”
“Huh. That’s very good to know. Feel free to order the hers and hers towels as soon as you get home.”
Chapter Eight
Lisbet had been eating solid food for over a month now, albeit just a few tablespoons per day, but that little bit of bulk in her diet filled her up enough that she was only waking up once a night. At least that’s the rumor Avery had heard—since she’d been conked out cold for eight hours every night that week.
They’d been back in Hudson for ten days, and she felt as good as she had during her second trimester, when she had energy, and optimism, and was sure she’d sail through the rest of her pregnancy. That had been a little over-optimistic, but she’d done just fine. And now that they’d adjusted to the quiet of Hudson, they were ready to move to an even quieter spot.
Avery wasn’t even sure exactly where her new house was. In her mind, it was just south of Stockport, but the town didn’t claim her address. So she would use the Stottville address the post office believed was correct. She didn’t much care who claimed her, since all she needed from a governmental body was electrical service. She had well water, a septic field, and oil heat, all new experiences for her. This was living far off the grid in her opinion, although her father assured her she was mistaken.
Her dad was going to take her to Brooklyn at the crack of dawn the next morning, but she wanted to clear out her childhood bedroom that afternoon when he got home from playing golf. She had a feeling they’d be too tired to finish up the next day, so every little bit they could get done now would help.
Her dad’s truck was small, a little Japanese number that he’d had for at least fifteen years. But he knew it like the back of his hand, and he’d insisted it was plenty big for her bedroom furniture, at this point the only things she had to move.
Two of their neighbors came over to help, and while the guys were arguing about the proper way to place everything she spent a minute double-checking the closet.
Out of nowhere, she felt a tightness in her chest, then realized she was about to cry. It was still unreasonably hot, and Lisbet, cranky from all of the tumult, began to wail.
Avery resettled her, holding her the way she’d liked when she was tiny and her tummy was upset, kind of like a running back with a squirming football. Her little legs kicked in frustration, but her crying settled down to a grumpy “I’m pissed off but I don’t know why” kind of cry.
Avery certainly wasn’t pissed off, but she could hardly stop herself from bawling right along with the baby. Her parents had allowed her to take her bed, her dresser, and her desk, all of which had populated the room since she could remember. Now the space was just an empty square, painted a pale lilac, with marks and scuffs on the walls from years of use.
She wasn’t usually very sentimental, but her natural level of sentiment had grown since she’d given birth. Actually, she was more emotional about everything. But being upset about leaving puzzled her, since today certainly wasn’t the first time she’d done it. Since she’d gone to college, she’d never returned for more than holidays. But this felt like more of a break than that original departure had been. One she wasn’t entirely ready to make. She and Lisbe
t were going to be completely on their own, and that filled her with anxiety. While she craved independence, the time they’d been in Hudson had been healing in so many ways. Having her mother get up with the baby in the middle of the night, having lunch delivered to her while she worked, and enjoying a homemade dinner every evening was something she certainly wouldn’t get any longer. And even though she’d gotten used to being alone while living in Brooklyn, this felt different, more permanent. Maybe even irrevocable.
A noise from behind made her turn to see her mom, giving her a sad smile. “I never thought you’d really leave… You know?” Her chin was quivering, and Avery felt like her heart had been pierced.
“I do know,” she said, losing the battle to stanch her tears. “I haven’t even had my little sweet pea for a year and I can’t bear to think of her leaving me one day.”
“It’s pretty awful.” Her mom sighed deeply and wiped her eyes with her hands. “But you’ve always been the most independent girl I know. You’ll be fine,” she said, putting an arm around her and hugging her tight.
“Thanks,” Avery said, touched that her mom would try to cheer her up when she was sad too. “The house isn’t perfect, but I think we’ll be good there. I just have to buy some furniture for the living and dining rooms, and get a car.” She let out a laugh. “That’s kind of a big list, isn’t it.”
“Too big for someone as thrifty as you are. I want you to take my car for a while. Just until you can find a nice used one.”
“Oh, mom, I can’t do that!” she said, staring at her. “You need your car.”
“I know I do, honey. But I don’t need it every minute. Just until you buy one,” she insisted. “The car seat’s in it, so it’s ready to go.”
“But—”
“Avery,” she soothed, “can you imagine how worried I’ll be if you have to call a cab to leave the house? Come on now, give in for a change.”
She pondered the offer for a minute, then nodded. “All right. I’d be worried every second if I knew I couldn’t get Lisbet to the hospital quickly.” She let out a sigh. “Everyone tells you about all of the annoyances of parenting, but no one talks about how you worry. It’s constant.”
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