Chapter Nine
Early September was almost always warm in Brooklyn, at least in Avery’s experience. But this year amped the warmth up quite a bit. Summer was still hanging on tenaciously, warning autumn to keep its distance.
Kids were back in school, still carrying a lot of their summer energy, not seeming to mind having a little more structure to their days. At least that’s how they seemed as they raced out of PS 25 in Bed-Stuy. It was just two thirty, and Avery had tons of time to kill until she had to be at tonight’s location to set up for Short Shorts, her first since the move. She should have gone to the office, but Helena hadn’t specifically asked her to come, so she’d decided to soak up some Brooklyn magic while she had the chance.
She’d only been away for a little more than two weeks, but it seemed much longer. Everything appeared to be a little brighter, a little louder, a little dirtier. But it was her kind of seedy, and she loved it.
If she could only ignore the fact that she’d have to get to the bar soon to monopolize the bathroom to pump, she could have convinced herself that she was once again footloose and fancy free, with no obligations other than a demanding job. The sun was shining, and the birds might have been singing if she could have heard them over the shouts of the kids. A group of moms were waiting patiently by a railing, and they seemed to have formed a clique, talking quietly while they scanned the crowd for their little ones.
She was feeling really buoyant when she stepped off the curb, only to be nearly crushed when a delivery van whipped around a double-parked car and caught her tote bag, ripping it off her arm and flinging it into a shallow puddle, with some of the water splashing against her shins. The waiting women all made sympathetic noises about how no one paid attention anymore, but her heart was banging so hard in her chest she could barely make out the words. Her life hadn’t flashed in front of her eyes, but she was immediately overwhelmed by images of Lisbet being raised by her grandparents.
There was no place to sit, but she compelled her shaky legs to guide her over to a bike rack, then leaned against it, trying to catch her breath. The images kept assailing her, and she found herself simply letting them come, hoping that acknowledging them would allow them to pass.
If this had been her last day on earth, it would only take weeks for Lisbet to basically forget her. Her grandparents would become her parents, leaving no trace of the bonds so deeply etched into Avery’s brain she was certain they would always remain.
Her hands were shaking so hard she could barely get a grasp on the dripping wet canvas bag, which she’d been able to retrieve. She was going to believe there was nothing but water in that puddle, since that was the only way to thrive in a big city. You had to shake off the bumps and bruises and move on without a second thought. But as she got herself together and started to walk toward Franklin Avenue, she didn’t think she’d be able to do that this time.
The truth settled on her like a scratchy blanket on a hot day, stifling her. She was no longer footloose and fancy free, and those days were not simply on hold. They were over. Raising a child wasn’t a priority—it was the priority.
By the time she got to the bar, she was over the fright, but the thought remained that she was no longer living her own life.
Avery found a barstool in the otherwise empty room and sat down until she could shake off some of the disturbing feelings. It was pretty odd that it had taken her all of these months to realize that having Lisbet had destroyed her old life, but it was an unassailable truth. Things would never again be what they had been. She was living a new life now, one that was so inextricably entwined with Lisbet that she couldn’t afford to be so cavalier about her choices.
Tonight, after she finished up, she was going to have to take an Uber to Penn Station, something she never would have done before. But walking around alone, at night, in a neighborhood she didn’t know well wasn’t an option any more. The expense would be hard to swallow, but she had to get home to her baby intact. Now she just had to worry about being murdered by the Uber driver, a threat she’d never considered until this second. Great. Just great.
***
Casey left work around three, watching the brewery get smaller in her rearview mirror. Actually, this was one of her favorite views of the place. The plant looked like a simple farm from this part of the long driveway, and she loved that rural vibe.
It took about twenty minutes to get to Kathy and Ken’s, and she paused for a moment before she parked. A car she didn’t recognize was in the drive, and she didn’t want to interrupt if Kathy had a friend over. Then she had second thoughts, deciding Kathy might have a better visit if she didn’t have to keep an eagle eye on Lisbet.
She parked and walked up to the door, knocking gently just in case Lisbet was asleep. When she got no answer, she walked around to the side of the house, spotting the pair near the vegetable garden Kathy was tending.
“Any tomatoes left?” Casey asked.
Kathy looked up and smiled. “I was hoping you’d come by today. I meant to get your cell phone number from Avery so I could text you with an invite, but I forgot, and I didn’t want to bother her when she was at work. She gets very tense about her radio show.”
“You’re proud of her, aren’t you?” Casey asked, seeing the pleasure in her eyes.
“Of Avery? God, yes. If Lisbet makes her as proud as I am of my girl, she’ll be a very lucky woman.”
“I think Avery’s the lucky one.” She squatted down and lifted the light blanket that covered the baby’s car seat, seeing that she was sound asleep. “She’s got parents who love her a ton, and a baby who couldn’t be sweeter if she tried.”
“We’ve all been lucky. We get along well, and we’re healthy. That’s plenty to keep me happy.”
“That would be enough for me, too,” Casey said. “I’m not sure that’s true for Avery, though. I think she needs more than that.”
Kathy rolled her eyes as she sat back on her heels. She was wearing bright orange Crocs, and they were caked with mud. “I know that was true before, but I’m hoping she eventually realizes that you can’t have everything.” She smiled at Casey. “She’s always gotten what she’s wanted, mostly through hard work. But some things just aren’t possible.” She put her hands on the soil and pushed herself to her feet. “I love my daughter more than I have words to express, but I also really like her. Having her around more has let me acknowledge how much I’ve missed her. And now that Lisbet’s here…”
“I miss Lisbet when I haven’t seen her for a couple of days,” Casey said. “And we’re basically strangers.”
“That’s not even close to the truth.” She extended a hand and pulled Casey to her feet, showing some hidden strength. “I’d never insist that a stranger join us for dinner. I’ve got a couple of heirloom tomatoes still warm from the sun, and I’m going to make BLTs, my favorite sandwich. Are you in?”
“Let me text my mom and tell her I won’t be home. Can I help you put your gardening things away?”
“Either that or take the baby inside. Your choice.”
“Ha! You think you can trick me. But I’ll surprise you by rinsing off your tools. See you in a minute.”
***
Given Avery’s bedroom had been cleared out, Kathy had obviously been forced to improvise. She was using an end table to change diapers, and she now had only the Moses basket to use as a crib.
“This room looks very, very big,” Casey said as she poked her head in. “How did everything fit before?”
“It was a tight squeeze.” Lisbet only weighed about eighteen pounds, but she looked bigger while lying on the small end table, kicking her little legs wildly as Kathy tried to get her changed. “It’s going to get a little more crowded when I buy a crib—which I’m going to do very soon.”
“Avery doesn’t want one here?”
“She’s the cheapest girl in town,” Kathy said, laughing. “But Lisbet’s at the point of not being able to extend her legs in that little basket, and I’m no
t going to put her on the floor.”
Some framed pieces were still on the wall, and Casey took the time to check them out. “The University of Iowa,” she said. “Avery told me she got a master’s degree from there, but she never said how she wound up in Iowa. Do you have family there or something?”
“Hmm? Oh, no,” Kathy said. “According to Avery, Iowa has one of the best schools for aspiring writers.” She pointed to a framed article that hung by the window. “That was her goal, you know. To write full time. When her book was published, we thought she was well on her way.”
Casey felt her mouth drop open. “She wrote a book?”
“Sure did,” Kathy said, clearly proud. “It was reviewed in the New York Review of Books, and I’m told that’s a very big thing.”
Moving closer, Casey read the article carefully. “Wow. Whoever wrote this really thought she had promise. He said so like three times.” She looked at Kathy. “Why didn’t she stick with it?”
“Money.” She let out a soft sigh. “Ad Infinitum offered her a full time job while she was still working on finishing the book. But even though it got great reviews, she only sold a few thousand copies. Avery tells me that’s the norm, by the way. Especially for a book of short stories. She couldn’t afford to quit her job at that point, and the job keeps her so busy she hasn’t had time to write another book.”
“But she likes her job, right? She says she does.”
“Oh, yes. I’m sure she likes it. But if she could manage it, she’d write. At least I think she would. It’s hard to tell sometimes.” She smiled warmly. “My girl doesn’t always tell you everything that’s on her mind.”
“She certainly doesn’t boast. She’s never mentioned that she wrote a book.”
“In her world, everyone’s written a book. She doesn’t seem to think it’s unique.” Her smile grew. “But I do. She’s the first one in either of our families to graduate from college, and she’s a published author. I couldn’t be more proud of her.” She’d finished up with Lisbet, and now leaned over to speak right into her face. “Your mommy’s the smartest person I’ve ever known, Lisbet. You’re going to have to work to keep up with her.”
She picked the baby up and handed her to Casey. “I’m not sure where she got it from, but Avery’s always been driven. Whatever she does, she does well.”
“Including having a perfect baby,” Casey said, smiling down at the child. “Your mommy’s off in the big city right now, slaying some dragons.” She looked at Kathy, who was putting her diaper changing accessories into a tote bag. “Do you know what she really does at her job? It sounds pretty…vague to me.”
“I think I do,” she said, wrinkling her nose just the way Avery did. “But sometimes I’m not so sure. Since she’s been home, she’s been editing pieces for the magazine. Even I can understand that. But today? I’m not really sure how the radio show’s done. Isn’t it kind of odd to have a show in a bar?”
“Search me. I’m very familiar with bars, but I’ve never been to one where people read stories.”
“Everything’s a little different in Brooklyn,” Kathy said, and Casey didn’t have any reason to disagree.
***
By six o’clock, at least half of the staff from Ad Infinitum had arrived at the bar. Avery was immensely grateful they’d shown up to help, and she started assigning them little tasks, freeing her to supervise. Helena arrived a short time later, looking cool and professional as always. She was only about ten years older than Avery, but she’d always seemed much more mature. Or maybe worldly was more precise.
Helena seemed to know everyone who was anyone in publishing, and she used her influence to hook new writers up with agents, help them nail down book deals, and generally try to get promising talent recognized in any way she could. She’d tried to convince Avery to continue to write, but she honestly felt like she’d done her best work on her short story collection, and the two years of work she’d put into creating it had barely returned enough to cover a few months of her living expenses. Gone were the days when a writer could sell a piece or two a year and make ends meet, and Avery was too practical to hold onto dreams that didn’t seem likely to pan out.
She’d only been in Brooklyn for six hours, but being surrounded by her work family gave Avery a boost that soothed her soul. It was a thrill to be around people who spoke the same language, were all interested in roughly the same things, and were similarly dedicated to promoting good writing. When you shared a passion, friendships followed.
She was walking over to an engineer who was adjusting sound levels when she heard her name. Turning, she smiled and waved at Freya who was walking in with Rebecca, an assistant in the promotions department. It had been a while since she’d seen the woman, since she worked on another floor, and Avery did a double-take, certain that Rebecca had either gained weight in a very specific spot, or was pregnant. She wasn’t showing much, but her clingy jersey dress showed just enough of a bump to make Avery take notice.
“Surprise,” Rebecca said, patting her belly after giving Avery a hug. “If you come back, we can take turns walking our kids to school.”
“That’s fantastic!” Avery gushed. “When are you due?”
“Early March.” She put her hands on Avery’s arms and spoke slowly. “I need you to tell me how easy it was to give birth. Lie if you need to, but you have to convince me.”
“Piece of cake,” Avery said. She let out a laugh. “Ask Freya. She was with me until my mom and dad got to the hospital. We just watched TV and laughed, right?”
“Sure,” she said, smiling. She pulled Avery in for a hug. “It was such an ordinary day I hardly remember it.”
“Henry must be thrilled,” Avery said.
“Oh, he is, but he’s as worried as he is excited. He’s just in the second year of his residency, so he’s got four more to go. Our timing wasn’t great, but…” She shrugged. “I was switching birth control pills and… Bam!”
“You’ve got my number. If you have any questions, just text me. And I’ll have lots of clothes for you. I’m going out of my way to buy unisex styles when I can, so they should work for a boy or a girl.”
“I’ll take you up on that. Henry doesn’t earn much, and god knows I don’t either. We might have to take in a roommate.”
“No one wants to live with a baby they didn’t give birth to,” Freya said, revealing a slightly guilty smile. “At least that’s what I’m told.”
***
By seven fifteen, the three writers who were going to read were nervously pacing around the jury-rigged backstage Avery’s interns had constructed with only a black drape and a staple gun. She didn’t tend to get nervous at readings, mostly because she always crafted at least fifteen questions for the little chat she conducted, and they never had time for more than three or four. Being prepared had always been her antidote to anxiety.
She’d edited each of tonight’s pieces, cutting one down by almost a thousand words, the other two with less severe shearing. It wasn’t that any of them were truly too long, but they had to fit into the format, which only allowed twenty minutes for each story. Michael Stefanic, the writer whom she’d had to cut so harshly, was still a little testy about the edits. But he’d agreed in the end, wanting the publicity from the podcast more than he’d wanted to protect his precious words. He was off in the corner, smoking, even though it was clearly against the law. She was about to go and banish him to the sidewalk, but she wasn’t in the mood to get into an argument. Besides, she had to find a private spot to pump before it was time to take the stage. She waved to Freya, who’d already helped solve a few logistical problems. “I need to find a quiet spot for about twenty minutes. Can you help?”
“I’ve already found a place,” she said, smiling with accomplishment. “It’s not pretty, or very clean, but it’s private. You don’t mind using the employee toilet in the kitchen, do you?”
“Mind?” It took her a moment to wonder who wouldn’t mind. “If that’s the onl
y option, I will thank you sincerely and go get my pump.”
“The only other option is a park down the street. I really tried,” she added. “The world just isn’t very accommodating for working mothers.”
***
Casey cleaned the kitchen after dinner, while Kathy sat at the table, giving Lisbet a bottle.
“I like to watch her eat,” Casey said, turning to smile at the scene. “I’ve never seen anyone who likes food as much as she does.” The baby’s eyes were wide open, and her little hands shook and twitched as she tried to gulp the milk down as quickly as possible. “She always looks kind of frantic, like she’s afraid someone will take the bottle away before she drains it.”
“I don’t remember Avery being like this,” Kathy said, looking down at the baby fondly. “But I was so tired back then that I’ve probably forgotten ninety percent of what happened.”
“I think Avery’s tired too, but she sure doesn’t complain.”
“No, she’s not much of a complainer. She’s as hard-headed as they come, though. Living on her own when she could stay here for free? The kid’s insane.” She let out a laugh. “I’ve got a lot of nerve talking about her, since I’m almost as bad, but a mother has the right to give her kid a hard time.”
“She’s really lucky to have you,” Casey said. “We talked about her work a little, and I got the impression she needed quiet to get anything done.”
“She always has. When she was in first grade, she’d be in her room, doing her homework with Ken’s big headphones on. No music playing, mind you. Just the headphones. I’m still amazed she was able to work in that noisy apartment of hers.”
“That’s in the past,” Casey said. “The only noises she’ll hear now are from wildlife. Her new neighborhood’s quieter than mine, and we have twice the acreage.”
“I didn’t look around much on Saturday. Is it really that rustic?” Kathy stared at her, looking a little jumpy. “She’s never lived outside of a city, you know. There aren’t bears up there, are there?”
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