As I was walking, I couldn’t stop thinking about our last argument. It is going to be a very interesting year, I thought to myself, when somebody interrupted me by calling my name. I turned around - it was my ‘Guard’, Nathan.
“Hey, how are you?” Nathan yawned. “We should meet up some time and get this project done. What are you thinking? PowerPoint presentation?”
I looked at him, there were bags under his eyes and he smelled faintly of beer.
Great. I guessed that meant I was going to be doing all the work whilst he sailed through everything and took half the credit. What’s going on with these guys? Ah well, at least the subject matter wasn’t too difficult, but I did a few presentations in high school and they were always dull. They were dull to create and even duller to watch.
“I don’t know about a PowerPoint presentation,” I said hesitantly. “Everyone does them and they--”
“--Yeah but they’re easy,” Nathan interrupted me.
I swallowed a sigh.
“I just think that we could--”
“--Well, whatever, we’ll figure something out,” he interrupted again. “Hey, we should swap numbers,” and mischievously winked at me.
I frown at Nathan. “I think email will be fine.”
“Even better,” a gorgeous smiled formed on his face. “Then we can swap a few pictures.”
I opened my mouth in disbelief.
“I meant for the presentation,” he laughed, “Don’t worry.”
***
Eurgh. I couldn’t believe I had to work with him. If that was his attempt at flirting, it was poor. He was nineteen; that meant his parents probably sent him on a gap year across Europe; the ultimate way for middle-class white boys to spend a bunch of their parents’ money on booze, and claim they went on some spiritual journey across the world. The rest of the day went by relatively smoothly. I just couldn’t wait to get back to my tiny little dorm room and make up with Tim. I avoided the usual small talk with my hall friends, and went straight to my dorm room, only to find Tim was not there. I sat on the edge of the bed, pulling my phone out of the pocket and calling his number.
“Hey, Cara,” he answered after a couple of rings.
“Hey,” I said, “What are you up to?”
“I’m just at the library,” he stated. “I’ve got an essay due on Thursday, my friend Rachel is helping me with it.”
“Oh,” I gasped in slight shock, “I thought you’d be here by now.”
“I will be there, just give me a few hours.”
“Oh, okay,” I said disappointedly. “Speak to you soon.”
“Yeah sweet,” Tim replied, clicking the phone shut.
I didn’t want to shout over the phone. So I drew up a text message.
“Tim, who is this ‘Rachel’? And since when do you spend late evenings at the library? I really wanted a cuddle tonight and you’re not even here.”
A moment passed before Tim’s reply came:
“I can’t win with you, can I? If I miss a seminar, I’m not trying hard enough. If I’m studying, you want me to come home. And Rachel is just a friend from a seminar; you’re acting like a jealous child.”
I threw myself down on the bed and seethed. College is shit. My assignment partner is a lazy middle-class creep, and my boyfriend - who I followed to the college to do a course I didn’t even want to do - is too busy with his new best friend to even hang out with me.
Something had to be done, but I’d been saying that for years. I should have followed my first choice - but I didn’t - and now I was paying the price. Maybe this was going to be the final straw for Tim and I. Maybe I was going to waste three years of my life for a man who was barely motivated enough to go to the seminars he paid for.
Chapter 3
“So,” Mr. Osidipe spoke, “how are your presentations getting on?”
A few people nodded listlessly. The truth was, Nathan and I had still not even decided whether or not to do a PowerPoint presentation.
“This was the response I expected. I told you last week that you had three weeks,” he grinned. “I bet when you heard me say that, you thought ‘hey, three weeks, I’ve got plenty of time!’, am I right?”
Suddenly, the class all turned their attention to Mr. Osidipe.
“Well, when it comes to your dissertations, you will think exactly the same thing,” he continued. “But when it comes to the last week, you’ll be fighting for space at the library, pulling all-nighters, and consuming borderline lethal doses of caffeine.”
Mr. Osidipe grinned broadly at the class enjoying the confused looks of all students.
“This is why I lied. You actually have just one week to finish your presentations,” he finally revealed. “Now I know some of you will hate me for saying this; but this is a lesson within a lesson: Don’t leave things to the last minute!”
Panic suddenly emerged through my body. One week?! How was I supposed to get that done in time? Shit, maybe I should just do a PowerPoint presentation. Nathan was right, they are easier.
No. That’s what Mr. Osidipe would expect, and on the day we’d just be watching a lazy slideshow after another lazy slideshow. In hurry, I wrote an email to Nathan who was, in fact, sitting right at the other side of the class:
“Okay Nathan, so one week really isn’t a lot of time. We need to meet at the library tomorrow, straight after lectures. Be there, and be on time. And we’re not doing a PowerPoint presentation.”
“Alright Cara,” Nathan responded in a matter of few seconds, “Let’s kick the shit out of this presentation.”
“Delicately put,” I replied, anxious of whether I could trust this guy.
***
“Okay, so what were you thinking?” Nathan asked right after his arrival, locking eyes with me confidently.
He looked good, I had to admit but there was no time to admire his well-toned muscles. Besides, I was in a relationship. I took a breath. “Well, I know Mr. Osidipe is one of those think-outside-the-box types, so I think we should play to that.”
“That’s exactly what I was thinking. We could draw examples from other experiments… Maybe the Milgram Experiment--”
“--Milgram experiment? What’s that?” I asked curiously.
“It was an experiment in which subjects were asked to deliver potentially lethal doses of electricity to others, to see how compliant the average person was.”
That statement - pardon the pun - shocked me a little. I suppose I’d become so accustomed to Tim’s laissez-faire attitude to research that I didn’t expected Nathan to had actually done any.
The hours winded on, and I realized that perhaps I had misjudged Nathan and his abilities. It was very easy to forget about the time when I was in the company of this gorgeous boy. And not only was he very attractive but smart and well-read too. I found myself exchanging with him flirtatious comments here and there. To my surprise, I din’t mind it at all. In fact, I started liking Nathan more and more.
We were making a good progress on the project but there still seemed to be a ton of work to be done. As night began to fall, Nathan suggested to take a short break. I eagerly agreed, happy to stretch my slender limbs. I stood up, walked across the library and got us two cups of coffee from the vending machine.
“I know this stuff tastes like rancid frog vomit, but it might keep us awake long enough to get this done,” I said, handing him the plastic cup.
“No thanks,” he shook his head, “My car’s outside, let me take you for a proper one down the road, alright?”
I checked my phone. In entire day Tim didn’t bother to send me one single message. “Sure.” I smiled at Nathan, throwing the phone into my bag.
***
I looked at his car. Leather seats, flashy GPS, and enough mod-cons to make James Bond jealous.
“So, Nathan,” I glanced across at him, my curiosity taking the best of me. “You’re nineteen. How did you afford this?”
“My parents paid for it.”
“
And what about your gap year in Australia?” I asked mockingly. “Did they pay for that too?”
“It was New Zealand actually,” he sniggered.
“And where do you live? In a tiny little student room?”
“I’ve got my own rented condo actually.”
“And I suppose your parents pay the rent on that too, do they?”
“Yep,” he says, as the smug smile fell from his face. “It has four bedrooms.”
“Sounds awful,” I replied sarcastically.
“No, it’s great,” he sighed rolling his eyes, “Look, you don’t need to make fun of me. Yes, I get to live in a four bedroom apartment - with nobody in it. My dad doesn’t want me living in student halls. Says that I won’t get anything done. Says that halls are for failing students who don’t focus on their education. If I don’t focus on my education, I won’t be rich like my father, or his father before him. But I fucked up; I didn’t focus on anything, which is why I didn’t get into an Ivy League university.”
He looked down, sadness appearing on his face. Enough of my sarcasm. I could only imagine what it had to feel like to have demanding parents with high expectations. The pressure to be as good as his father, possibly even better. No, I wouldn’t trade that for a four-bedroom condo.
“Well neither did I! Fuck the Ivy League,” I announced with the intention to cheer him up.
“Guess that’s just it, isn’t it?” Nathan sighed, a weak grin appearing on his face. “My family has money, and when you have money, people do things for you. And when people do things for you, you start to think that you’re more important than others, and that’s when you lose touch with humanity.”
My eyes widened in shock, I had no idea Nathan felt like this.
“See, I don’t want to be rich like my father. I don’t want this car or my big empty apartment. I just want something different. I don’t want to accumulate money - I want to grow, adapt, evolve. I want to love infinitely.”
Without warning, I leaned over and kissed Nathan hard on the lips. The car skidded to a halt in the lay by as we began to kiss passionately and deeply. His hands ran through my hair, gripping it tightly and pulling me in closer. I put my hands gently on his neck, feeling his soft stubble against my fingers. I didn’t know what got into me but the kiss tasted so divine.
Then, different emotions began to run through my body. I wanted this moment to last forever but at the same time, I felt so guilty. Suddenly I pulled back.
“We can’t do this,” I stated. “I’m sorry. I have a boyfriend.”
Nathan only silently nodded. At once he turned his attention back to the wheel and stepped on the accelerator.
“Let’s just get that coffee.”
***
The next evening at the library, we sat with the rancid vending machine coffee in our hands. The taste was bitter, a perfect complement to the bitterness I could see in Nathan’s eyes.
“You know sometimes,” he said, placing his hand on mine, “I feel like I’m uninteresting because I’ve never had to struggle in life.”
I looked across at him, “Uninteresting?” I asked in disbelief. “I’ve spent the last three years following my boyfriend. I even followed him here, did the same course. And why? Because I didn’t want to lose him. I don’t want to lose him because I love him, but right now, I begin to question my feelings. Sometimes I feel like we are together just because we are so used to it. And for some reason, I’m still hanging on to him. When I get in from the library, he’s usually either playing a fucking computer game or smoking a joint out of his window. He doesn’t even kiss me when I get in.”
Nathan took a sip of his black coffee. “God, this stuff really is awful shit,” he pulled a funny face that made be to smile. But in a split of a second, he looked serious again. “Listen, Cara. I’m really sorry about last night. I didn’t realize you had a boyfriend. You are a beautiful and intelligent girl; whatever turn your relationship with your boyfriend will take, whatever decision you will make... it must come from within your heart. I don’t want to be the one who stands between you two,” he explained taking another sip. “Let’s just finish this shitty coffee, and finish this shitty assignment. I won’t be in your path then.”
How could I possibly tell him that my heart beated for him and Tim equally?
Chapter 4
When I arrived home, Tim sat at the desk, his face buried in his laptop. As I came closer to him I could see that he was studying; quite a change from playing computer games.
He turned to face me. “Where the fuck have you been?” he spat out of the blue.
“At the library, studying.” I said angrily, “Don’t talk to me like that Tim.”
“You’ve been out every night at that library,” he seethed. “My friend Rachel said she saw you drive off in some guy’s car the night before!”
“I went to get coffee!” I replied in my defense. I couldn’t believe we were going to have an argument again.
“There’s coffee machine at the library!” Tim barked.
“Have you tasted that coffee, Tim?” I begin to lose my nerves. “It tastes like liquefied rat anus.”
“Whatever,” he grunted.
“Listen, Tim. Our teacher - Mr. Osidipe- put us in pairs, then he cut the assignment date by a week. I’ve got a few days to get it done. I’m under a lot of stress, I can’t even sleep because of all this shitty library coffee I’m living off, and then I come home to this?” I shouted, “Half the time you’re pissing about on games or smoking weed with Jim and his group. It’s not like I’ve been out clubbing and getting shit faced!”
“Well, how do I know you haven’t, eh?” he barked again.
“Because I never get to anyway!” Now I was really getting pissed off. I couldn’t understand what this all was about. “Everyone on fresher’s week was out getting wasted, getting laid… having fun!”
Tim stared at me with his enraged eyes.
“And what have I done?” I questioned, “Followed my boyfriend to a college I didn’t want to go to, to do a course I didn’t want to do!”
Tim stood up from the desk angrily, “Fine then!” he shouted, “You wanna go out and get wasted? Go - do it! You wanna go out and fuck every guy under the sun? Go - do it! See if I fucking care!”
I’d never before seen Tim so angry before. I knew that before he met me, he’d been in a few fights, and once had a violent streak, but he’d never raised a hand on me nor threatened me. Backing slowly away I reached for the door handle, before leaving the room and marching off down the hall and out of the building.
I stormed across the quadrangle and straight into the student union. Perching myself upon a stool, I ordered a vodka and coke and threw it straight back before ordering another. Suddenly, a deep warming voice came from behind me.
“Guessing you couldn’t sleep either, right?”
I turned to see Nathan smiling warmly.
“Yeah,” I tried to laugh whilst choking back a sob, “that coffee, eh?”
Nathan pulled up the stool next to me. “Jesus Cara, what’s happened?” he asked, putting his hand on my shoulder.
“It’s Tim,” I explained, “we had a big fight.”
“Was it serious?” he demanded, peering compassionately through those big brown eyes.
“He’s been distant lately, and I’ve been so caught up with this assignment. I just had to get away from it all.”
Nathan ran his hand down my arm. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
I looked up at him; his arms were strong and comforting, his eyes full of understanding. I wanted to throw myself forward, wrap myself in those arms and just stay there, nestled in his safe calming hug.
“Come on,” he smiled at me, “I’ve not had a drink yet, let’s go for a drive.”
We drove out about fifteen miles to the shore, parked up across from the beach. The beaches around here were nothing to write home about; littered with cigarette butts and stones –and of course, the occasional broken bottle
- but the view was breathtaking.
“I come out here now and again just to unwind,” Nathan said quietly.
“Yeah, I bet that’s what you say to all the girls.”
“I sure do,” he laughed. “Makes me sound deep and complex, doesn’t it?”
“More like tacky and contrived,” I chuckled. “But I can’t deny, it’s a hell of a view.”
“Yeah the light pollution out here is so little you can see more stars.”
“Oh, really?” I asked with the interest. “Which constellation is your favorite?”
“Erm…” Nathan shrugged. “That horse one? Is there a horse one?”
“Probably.”
I looked out at the stars; he was right, you could actually make out the band of the Milky Way from where we were sitting, even through the glare of the windscreen.
“So,” he asked timidly, “Do you think you’ll patch things up with Tim?”
“I hope so,” I said honestly. “We’ve been together for three years. I don’t want to throw that all away.”
“I see your point. But is that all you’re basing it on? Just because something is old doesn’t necessarily mean it’s more valuable. Just because something’s new, doesn’t mean it’s special. I mean, you guys must have been together since secondary school. That’s the time when people change the most. You will have changed and so will he, that’s part of the beauty of life. Our personalities are not static, but ebb, flow and grow with time. There is beauty in the temporal.”
Bad Boys Rule Page 39