“Oh that’s right,” Lillian said. “I’d forgotten… doesn’t that mean graduation is around the corner?”
“It is,” Kristina nodded. “You and Dad are coming, aren’t you?”
“I will be coming of course,” Lillian replied as her tone changed considerably. “You’ll have to ask your father yourself.”
Kristina sensed the change and felt her body tense in response. “What’s wrong, Mom?” she asked. “Did something happen between you and Dad?”
Lillian didn’t even hesitate. “Your father and I have separated,” she said without emotion.
“Separated?” Kristina repeated. “When?”
“A few weeks ago,” Lillian replied.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Kristina demanded.
“I was a little busy, darling,” Lillian said unapologetically. “What with my schedule and kicking your father out and all.”
Kristina took another deep breath. Sometimes she felt as though her relationship with her parents were just a series of steady, deep breaths. “You kicked Dad out?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“He was cheating,” Lillian replied. “With some hussy at the firm.”
“I always suspected Dad would end up as some sad cliché,” Kristina said before she could stop herself.
To her surprise, Lillian laughed. “He is, isn’t he?” she said.
“How did you find out?” Kristina asked.
“He told me,” Lillian said after a slight pause.
“He told you?” Kristina replied incredulously.
“Yes,” Lillian replied. “He came home one night a few weeks ago and told me that he had been sleeping with some woman from the firm… he told me it had been happening for over a year and he was in love with this other woman.”
“What did you say?”
“What could I say?” Lillian said. “I stood up. I told him to pack his bags and leave—and an hour later, he drove away.”
“And what happened after that?”
“I was called into work,” Lillian replied. “So I got dressed and went in for a fifteen-hour shift. I haven’t spoken to your father since that day, and I don’t care to.”
“So… what is this separation exactly?” Kristina asked hesitantly.
“What?”
“I mean… is this a separation with hope of reconciliation, or is this a separation with the intention of divorce?”
“You think I should take your father back after he cheated on me?” Lillian demanded as though she was insulted by the thought.
“I didn’t say that,” Kristina said immediately. “I’m just asking a question.”
“There’s no question,” Lillian replied coldly. “I’m divorcing that mother fucker and I’m going to milk him for all he’s worth.”
Kristina felt her muscles clench with tension. “Do you really think that’s wise, Mom?” Kristina asked, unable to keep from asking the question.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that Dad is a lawyer,” Kristina said. “He’s a shark and so is every other lawyer at his firm. Do you really want to go about a divorce that way?"
“It’s not even about the money, Kristina,” Lillian said. “It’s about the principal. He did something despicable, and now he’s going to pay for it.”
“The question is not whether he deserves to pay for it or not, the question is whether you can win this battle?”
Lillian was quiet for a while. “I have to do this.”
Kristina sighed to herself. “Alright.”
“Let’s stop talking about this now,” Lillian said abruptly. “It’s giving me a headache. Let’s talk about you.”
Kristina was already regretting her decision to call her mother. “I’m fine, school’s fine.”
“And how is Marley?”
“It’s Marie,” Kristina said. “You’ve met her a few times.”
“Yes, yes,” Lillian said impatiently. “How is she?”
“Fine.”
“Do you have a boyfriend?”
Kristina hesitated. “I… I… no… I don’t,” she said stumbling over her words.
“That didn’t sound very convincing at all.”
“It’s complicated,” Kristina said.
“Isn’t every relationship?” Lillian said. “What’s his name?"
“I… his name is Keith,” Kristina said finally.
“What is his major?” Lillian asked immediately.
Kristina rolled her eyes. It was so typical of her mother to be interested in that one aspect above everything else. “He’s not in college, Mom.”
“An older man?” Lillian asked sounding impressed. “Is he a professor?”
“I didn’t meet him on campus,” Kristina said. “He’s not in college at all.”
“Ah, he’s already graduated then?” Lillian assumed. “Where did he go to college?”
“He didn’t,” Kristina said, inviting in her mother’s disapproval. “He dropped out of high school early on and left his schooling behind at the same time.”
There was silence on the other end for quite a while before Lillian finally said, “Oh Kristina.”
“What?” Kristina demanded defensively.
“He’s a high school dropout?” Lillian went on. “Well, obviously I assume this is a short-term relationship.”
“Why would you assume that?” Kristina asked. “Maybe it’s not. Maybe I plan to be with this guy for a very long time.”
“Don’t joke.”
“I’m not joking,” Kristina said raising her voice. “I really, really like this guy.”
“Why?”
“Because… I don’t know… because he’s different from everyone I’ve known my whole life.”
“Ah…so that’s it, is it?” Lillian asked. “This is you rebelling?”
“Oh, for God’s sake, Mom,” Kristina exclaimed. “This is not about rebellion.”
“Of course it is,” Lillian insisted. “This is the same reason you’re father cheated.”
“Excuse me?”
“He got bored,” Lillian went on. “He got bored with his perfect, carefree, drama-free life, so he decided to go out there and rebel against it. He decided to throw away his perfect life in favor of something inferior. Only he doesn’t know that yet.”
“And you’re comparing him to me now, are you?” Kristina demanded.
“You have had a perfect life, my darling,” Lillian said with certainty. “And you’re bored with it. So you’ve decided to involve yourself with someone completely different so that you can escape that boredom. But I’ll tell you this… it won’t last. It won’t last because he’s not worthy of you. You deserve someone amazing.”
“And by that you mean someone who went to college and has a successful career and a respectable family?”
“Well, of course,” Lillian nodded. “You may be too young to see the value of those things now, but trust me, one day you will.”
“Did you?”
“Excuse me?”
“Given the current state of your marriage… do you really think that those things are still important?” Kristina demanded.
“Yes.”
Kristina shook her head. “All I’m trying to say is that I want substance over superficiality,” she said, trying to make her mother understand. “I don’t care what he does or where he went to college, or if he went to college at all. I just want a relationship that is born out of sincerity. Even growing up, sometimes I felt as though you and Dad got married because it was the best option, not because you were in love with each other.”
“We did love each other…” Lillian said, but she sounded unsure of her own words.
“Maybe you just thought you loved each other,” Kristina said. “Maybe you were blinded by his respectable family and his ivy league education and his successful career. Maybe you mistook that for love.”
“You’re wrong,” Lillian said, but again, Kristina could hear the doubt in he
r mother’s voice.
“Do you know that I never saw you being affectionate with one another?” Kristina went on. “It was like the two of you were business partners. There was no feeling between you two. None that I could see at least. I always wondered how you made it work.”
“Can I ask you a question?” Lillian asked softly.
“Yes.”
“Were you surprised when I told you that your father had cheated?”
Somehow, Kristina had been anticipating that question. “No, Mom,” she said as gently as possible, “I wasn’t surprised.”
“I see,” Lillian said as though she were far away and talking to someone else.
“Mom?”
“Yes?”
“This guy… Keith… I feel so… alive when I’m with him,” Kristina tried to explain the feeling. It was like lightening in a bottle. “It’s like I can breathe easier and laugh easier. My body is on fire every time he touches me, and all I want to do is be with him, near him, whatever I can get. I’ve never had that with anyone else, and I’m not sure if I’m ever going to.”
“You will,” Lillian said after a moment. “And you will have it with someone amazing.”
“Mom…” Kristina said sadly.
“No. Listen to me,” Lillian insisted. “This boy… this Keith… he’s not right for you. He’s just a bum who couldn’t stick it out in school. And if he couldn’t commit to his education then what makes you think he will ever be able to commit to you? He’s on a downward trajectory in life, Kristina, and you don’t have to go down with him. You hear me?”
Kristina opened her mouth to say something, but she changed her mind at the last second. “Yes, Mom,” she said finally. “I hear you.”
“This boy is not for you.”
“I know,” Kristina was forced to agree. “I know he isn’t.”
Chapter Twenty Four
Keith
“Keith?”
“Hmm?”
“Keith?” Kristina’s voice was louder than before and more indignant. Keith turned to face her as his eyes focused on her face. She had a kind of brightness that seemed to illuminate her features. It made everything so much harder for him.
“Yes?” he asked, keeping his tone emotionless and distant.
“Are you ok?” Kristina’s voice melted into concern. “You’ve been distracted since you picked me up from campus.”
“I’m fine,” Keith said a little too fast and a little too clipped. He knew he wasn’t being subtle, but the time for subtlety had long since passed. He saw Kristina’s eyes narrow with hurt, and he wanted to kick himself for letting it get so far that he was forced to resort to these methods.
“You don’t seem fine,” Kristina said accusingly. “In fact… you don’t seem fine with me.”
“Well, I am,” Keith insisted in a tone that plainly suggested that he wasn’t. “I’m just… I’m stressed out.”
Keith expected her expression to change. He expected her eyes to narrow as her face-hardened against him. He expected her to look at him with annoyance as she asserted that he had no right to talk to her that way. His hopes were dashed the minute he saw that look in her eye. It was a gentle look, the slightly maternal look of caring. When she spoke, her tone was soft and calming, and it lingered somehow in the air so that Keith felt as though he were being touched.
“I’m sorry,” Kristina said. “I don’t mean to harp on about irrelevant things. Of course you must have so many things on your mind what with everything going on. How are things at Seton and Lee?”
“Miles told me he called you,” Keith said.
Kristina nodded. “He told me that it was best that I stopped working there.”
“And you disagreed?”
“Yes,” Kristina said with a shrug. “But I also don’t want to cause trouble for anyone. So I told him I would stop working there, but I couldn’t promise never to come around.”
“Why would you come around?” Keith asked.
“To see you,” Kristina replied as though the answer was obvious. “And I told him that.”
Keith stared at her for a moment. “He’s right though,” he said. “Miles is right. You shouldn’t be coming around the auto shop for me or any other reason.”
Kristina raised her eyebrows as though she was trying to figure something out, but she didn’t say anything. There was silence for a few minutes, and then Kristina turned to him with a new expression on her face.
“I spoke to my mother yesterday,” she said abruptly.
That momentarily distracted Keith, and he looked at her with curiosity. “I haven’t ever heard you mention your parents.”
Kristina shrugged. “Well… I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about them.”
“Why?”
“Well… cause it’s uncomfortable… kind of like my relationship with them,” Kristina said with a sigh. “They’re just so… well they’re a certain way, you know?”
“Not really,” Keith said honestly.
Kristina sighed. “Well, I wouldn’t expect you to… it’s different for you. I know you didn’t have a real father… but you had a mother who loved you, and so at least in one sense you knew what it was like to have family.”
“Did you not feel like you had family?” Keith wondered out loud, as he found himself being drawn into the conversation. She was opening up to him, and he found that feeling intoxicating. It was hard to resist, and he fell into it easily, without thinking too hard about the consequences, without thinking about the conversation he knew he had to have with her soon.
“Not really,” Kristina admitted, her tone was weighed down by her words. “I used to wish that I had a brother or sister so that I didn’t feel so lonely all the time. Half my life I was with nannies and the rest of the time I was with friends.”
“Friends can be family,” Keith pointed out.
“True,” Kristina nodded. “But you have to find the right friends, and it’s not as easy as you may think. I lost touch with all my high school friends after I started college. Marie is the one friendship that stuck.”
Keith watched her, as her eyes travelled some distance away. She was lost in her thoughts, in her past, in her childhood. He could see the memories reflected in her eyes; he just didn’t know what exactly they were. He could feel the tenor of her mood however, and he knew it was leading to something.
“I called my mother yesterday,” Kristina repeated again, as though she were sharing the information for the first time.
“You mentioned that,” Keith reminded her.
Kristina nodded. “My parents are getting divorced; my dad cheated.”
Keith was silent for a long time. “How do you feel?” he asked at last, because he genuinely wanted to know. The expression on her face was confusing. It was as though she were trying to organize her thoughts, as though she were trying to make a decision. She didn’t look sad or angry. She just looked… intense.
“I feel…” Kristina stopped short of finishing her sentence, and then she shook her head. “You know that was the sad part. When my mom told me what had happened… I wasn’t even surprised. I was… nothing at all. I didn’t feel anything at all. It was almost as if I had anticipated this divorce happening years ago, and when she told me, I had this feeling of ‘oh at last, it’s finally happening.’ It was sort of like I had accepted the inevitability of this years ago, so I’d already gotten over it. Does that make sense?”
Despite her convoluted explanation, Keith did understand what she meant. “You suspected they might divorce one day?” he said.
“Yes,” Kristina nodded, as though she was glad she didn’t have to try and explain herself. “That’s exactly it. I suspected it since I was a little girl. My friends’ parents were getting divorced all around me and I kept looking at my parents and thinking… they don’t seem to love each other… so why aren’t they divorcing either? It didn’t make sense to me.”
“And now?”
“It makes sense,” Kristina
nodded. “Which is what actually makes me sad. Isn’t that sad?”
Keith nodded. “It is sad.”
She seemed to be in a world of her own, trying to navigate the confusion she was surrounded by, and Keith had just happened to be there while she was trying to sort all of this out.
Tempted: The Numb MC Page 43