by Stewart, Anna J. ; Sasson, Sophia; Carpenter, Beth; Jensen, Muriel
“I just have one question.”
He stopped but didn’t turn.
“Do you want to keep being unit commander?”
He turned and met her gaze. The chances of him keeping his job were slim to none. Ethan was back and in good shape. His brother would take over the unit and Luke would be back where he was before he’d disappeared. The easy thing to do was lie to Alessa. He was already going to lose the unit, why lose her, too?
“Honestly? Yes, I want to keep command. For the first time in my life, I’ve found something I’m good at. I want to do this. But I also want to be with you.”
She nodded. “Me, too. I can transfer out of the unit to another area.”
He shook his head. “If you were an officer, we could make it work. But you know how the army is about officers and enlisted mixing. Whoever your next commander is won’t put you up for promotion, and if you stay at the current rank any longer, after the combat you’ve seen…” He didn’t need to finish the sentence. She got it. She’d be labeled and given the worst assignments in an attempt to squeeze her out.
“I don’t know any other life. I feel safe in the army.” And those words said it all. Why she couldn’t leave.
The words were on his lips. To tell her that he would quit. Chances were he didn’t have anything to leave, anyway. But even if he did become a civilian again, she wouldn’t. Was he willing to live his mother’s life? A few days of worrying about Alessa had him growing new gray hairs. How could he do it for a lifetime?
“I’d give up the unit for you, Alessa. Will you give up the army for me?”
She stepped back.
“Why would you ask me to?”
“Because I will lose my mind every time you’re deployed. Because I want us to have a life together—not the life my mom had, seeing my dad every few months.” He didn’t need to explain more. She got it. “We need to go.”
* * *
THE REST OF the day went by in a blur. The pain in Alessa’s eyes haunted him as he told Reza and Amine that they would be abandoned. Reza took it remarkably well, thankful that they had the house to stay in until he figured things out. Luke gave Reza a burner phone and instructed him to keep it on at all times so he could call from time to time and check up on them. Luke pressed some money in his hands, though the young man initially refused to take it. They could hide at the safe house at least until the baby was born.
The rest of the team’s exit was smoother than Luke could have hoped. Twenty-six hours later, they were all back at Fort Belvoir. It was late afternoon and Luke had given them the rest of the day off before they had to return to debrief.
Ethan was the first one off the bus that had transported them from the airport. One by one Luke shook hands with each of the unit members as they exited. While he would see them the next day, the moment represented the close of the mission. They were all home safe. Luke thanked each member.
“Thanks for taking care of my unit.” Ethan said before Luke could say anything. Ethan’s smile matched his own. Months ago, if he’d discussed this scenario in hypotheticals, Luke would have bet his life that he’d return from the mission begging Ethan to take the unit back from him. Now, he wasn’t so sure he wanted to give the unit back to this brother. It felt like his.
Dan, Steele and Dimples gave him some variation of “I hope you stick around.”
Boots leaned over like he was giving Luke a hug, then whispered in his ear, “I will follow you to the ends of the earth. But you’ve got to end it with her. Do the right thing.” Luke nodded. Boots was right. He didn’t deserve Alessa. When had he ever followed through with a woman? Rodgers came out and nodded to him.
Alessa was last. She fumbled with her bag until the rest of the unit was out of earshot. Then she shook his hand like everyone else and looked at him with big brown shining eyes. His chest hurt so much that he would’ve gladly taken a bullet wound just to distract him from the pain.
“Thank you,” she said softly.
The simple words were so loaded that he had to ask, “For what?”
“For letting me feel love.”
His throat tightened, and for a moment he couldn’t speak. “Goodbye, Alessa.”
“Goodbye, Luke.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
LUKE ARRIVED AT his office early the next morning to see Ethan sitting behind the desk. “Excuse me, that’s my seat.”
Ethan looked up in surprise. If there was one lesson Luke had learned during the mission, it was that he had spent far too much time letting other people dictate terms to him.
Luke snapped his fingers impatiently, and Ethan stood slowly, hands up in a conciliatory gesture. “Okay, then. I thought you’d be begging me to file the after-action reports.”
“I haven’t been relieved of my command,” Luke said tightly.
Ethan frowned. “You actually want to keep it?”
Luke met his brother’s astonished gaze with an even one. “Turns out, this is what floats my boat.”
Ethan laughed and stepped toward his brother, slapping him on the back. The last time they’d talked before Ethan disappeared, Ethan had been upset at him for wanting to leave the army and berated him for not knowing what he wanted to do with his life.
“Thank you for rescuing me. You’ve earned command of the unit.”
Luke raised his brows. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected from his brother. Certainly, an argument pointing out all the ways in which Luke was not well-suited to keep the job.
“I picked the best of the best. And they respect you. That’s hard to come by,” Ethan said.
“What about you? This is your baby.”
“You know, being chained to a bed for twenty hours a day gives you a lot of time to think.”
Luke smiled. His brother had always been a go-getter. Even as a teenager while Luke slept in, Ethan was out playing tennis or working on a project. He’d never seen Ethan stand still for a minute.
“Did you figure out the cure for cancer?” he quipped.
Ethan rolled his eyes. “Actually, I wasted that entire time thinking about you.”
It was Luke’s turn to roll his eyes. “Don’t tell me, this was all an elaborate plan to make me want to stay in the army. Well, congratulations, it worked.”
Ethan laughed. “Now, that would have been something. No, I thought about what you said before I deployed… How you wanted to do something with your life that would energize you. You know, something that floats your boat.” His mouth quirked up in a smirk. “To do something you’d chosen rather than been told to do.”
“I thought that’s exactly what you did.”
Ethan shook his head. “I did what Dad told me to do, just like you. Even this unit was his idea. He browbeat me into taking it on. Said the idea came directly from the White House and he wanted someone he could trust.”
Luke shook his head. “We are quite a pair. Dad pushed you and you pushed me.”
Ethan smiled. “I never thought of it that way. Maybe subconsciously I wanted you by my side. Misery loves company.”
Luke extended his arm and hugged his brother. “I’m glad I saved your sorry behind,” he whispered to him.
“I’m glad you want the unit. It’s a good group of men, and you’re the best leader they’re going to get.”
After Ethan left, it took Luke a few minutes to boot his computer. All his life he had struggled with how to build an identity away from Ethan. Wasn’t it ironic that it was now Ethan giving him a path toward something that could be all his own. He knew it wouldn’t be long before Colonel McBride came tapping on his door, and there were some important things he needed to take care of. There was a knock on the door. He looked up. Just the person he was expecting to see.
“Sit.”
Rodgers scraped the guest c
hair back and plopped down. The man looked exhausted. “Didn’t get much sleep?” Luke asked.
Rodgers shook his head. “The guilt is killing me. I never meant to harm the team.”
“I’m pretty sure I know who ordered you to report from the field, but I want to hear you say it. Just you and me, nothing official without your JAG.”
Rodgers shifted in the chair. “Okay, first, this has been going on a long time—since before Ethan’s disappearance. I was asked to come try out for the unit, with an implicit promise that I’d make it, and that I was marked for a fast-track promotion if I reported on the unit. I promise I never thought my contact was a traitor.”
Luke didn’t blame Rodgers. In his situation, Luke wouldn’t have suspected it, either.
Rodgers sighed, as if he was glad to be relieved of the burden of his secret. “The person who I’ve been reporting to is General Williams. Your father.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
ALESSA TURNED TO GO, then thought better of it. She’d come this far. Closing her fist, she rapped on the door. She didn’t know whether to hope for an answer or not. A few moments later, she heard footsteps and kept her feet firmly planted.
The door opened and her sister’s eyes widened. “Lessi!” She waved her sister inside.
The two women had not been physically affectionate with each other since they were kids, so a hug would have been awkward. Julia was the same height as Alessa but with softer brown hair and hazel eyes. She was also curvier, having inherited their mother’s more voluptuous build.
“Come in. It’s a little messy, I wasn’t expecting you.”
Alessa realized she’d never been to her sister’s apartment. It was a studio with a living room that also functioned as a bedroom and a galley kitchen on one end. A nice, cozy place.
“It’s not much, but it’s mine.”
Alessa smiled. “It’s lovely.” She took a seat on the daybed. “Sorry, I should’ve called, but I needed to see you.”
“Is everything okay?”
Alessa nodded. Luke had put in a glowing commendation for her and said he would make sure she got a decent transfer. Whatever that meant. Something big had gone down with Colonel McBride. She wasn’t privy to everything that had happened but the rumors around the post were that Luke was meeting with some heavy hitters at the Pentagon. He’d been officially offered the unit command position, permanently, and he’d accepted. Only a month had passed since they’d returned from the mission but things seemed to be moving quickly.
Boots had promised not to say anything about the kiss he’d witnessed once she announced she was leaving the unit. He was a good man and didn’t want to see Alessa or Luke lose their careers over what he saw as an infatuation that had petered out.
Not once had Luke offered to turn down the position that had been offered to him. While she was technically still under his command, she was on detail to another commander at Fort Belvoir running training exercises. Light duty. After their time in Pakistan, she couldn’t imagine doing anything other than special operations. She was bored out of her mind so had requested leave to take care of the things that had been bothering her.
Julia sat down beside her. “What is it, sis?”
“There’s something I’ve never said and I want to say it now.”
Julia sat up straighter.
“I’m sorry I left you alone with Dad. I escaped when I joined the army, but I left you behind. I know you hate me for it, and you deserve to.”
Julia frowned. “I don’t hate you, Lessi. I was angry at you for leaving, but that’s because I missed you, not because I couldn’t deal with Dad. In fact, I learned from you. I watched how you dealt with him and I followed suit. You scared him, so the first time I showed some gumption, he backed off.”
Why have I waited so long to have this conversation? She’d carried around the guilt of leaving Julia, too fearful to ever talk with her sister about it.
“You know, you inspired me to work toward college. When you enlisted, you got out and it gave me hope that I could have a different future, too.” Julia didn’t have to specify that she meant a different future from their mother. Then it struck her. All her life, Alessa had tried to get her mother to leave the only life she knew, and she’d never understood why she refused. But Alessa was doing the same thing with her own unwillingness to leave the army.
They chatted a while about how law school was going for Julia. Alessa smiled as her sister went on and on about what she wanted to do after she passed the bar exam. “I mean, I could get a loan to go do an international fellowship or I could work for a few years and earn enough money…”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll pay for the international program. You focus on getting in,” Alessa said.
Julia wrapped her in a huge hug, the former awkwardness gone. “You’ve done so much for me, paying for my undergrad and then law school. But these international programs are really expensive, and I wouldn’t be able to work part-time like I am now to pay for housing.”
Alessa bit her lip. Even with combat pay, she could only barely afford Julia’s tuition. If by some small miracle she got promoted, the pay increase still wouldn’t be enough to cover her living expenses on top of the program fees.
“It’s okay, sis, I’ll figure something out,” Julia said.
“We’ll think of something together,” Alessa said firmly.
“You know, it’s not too late for you.” Julia said.
“What?”
“College.” Julia explained.
Alessa scoffed. “I’d be the oldest student in the class.”
Julia shook her head, her soft brown curls falling over her shoulder. “Not these days. I have people who are like Mom and Dad’s age in my classes. Didn’t you once tell me you wanted to be a lawyer?”
Alessa smiled. “I think what I said was that I wanted to help women like mom who were trying to get out of a bad relationship but needed legal assistance to do that.”
“So like a social worker.”
Alessa blinked.
Julia continued, unaware of the sudden thumping in Alessa’s chest. “Legal social workers help people navigate support services. Like battered women or abused children. They’re like the child services people that came and talked to us every time Mom went to the hospital.”
It sounded like exactly the kind of thing she’d be interested in. Except her solution would be more than just social services for the woman and child. It might also involve a certain physical lesson for the perpetrator. It was just as well to stick with the army. There was less of a chance she’d get into trouble.
“I’ll think about it,” she said noncommittally. Julia looked like she was going to press the issue, so Alessa changed the topic.
“So do you have anyone special in your life?”
Julia shook her head. “The guys here are so immature. All they think about is what they want. What about you?”
Alessa thought about Luke. Was he in her life? Certainly not, given the way he’d been avoiding her. She wanted to tell Julia about Luke but she couldn’t formulate the words to describe their relationship. It’s complicated didn’t even come close.
She said her goodbyes to Julia with a genuine promise that she’d visit more often. Julia begged her to stay for a few days but Alessa only had ten days leave and she had another important task that would take her considerably more time.
She touched Julia’s cheek. “It’ll be different between us from now on,” Alessa promised.
“Are you sure you aren’t seeing someone, sis?” Julia squinted at her.
Alessa couldn’t stop the heat that rose in her cheeks. “Why do you say that?”
“Because, I don’t know, you seem different. More open. When we were growing up, you were always so standoffish, like ‘don’t come
near me.’ But now…” Julia didn’t have the words so she just gave Alessa a hug. Alessa returned the gesture, holding on to her sister tightly. What she thought Julia was trying to say was that she seemed more open to receiving love—apparently not just from Luke.
Maybe love wasn’t the only thing she was more open to. She just hoped she wasn’t too late.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
IT HAD TAKEN longer than Alessa had hoped to get here, but as she surveilled the house she realized she’d made a lot of assumptions. She was hiding behind a tree trying to get a look inside. There were several signs that someone else was in the house. First, there were two jeeps in the driveway. They’d left one of them for Reza. Who did the second belong to? It could be a doctor or another worker Reza had called. Or maybe Reza and Amine were long gone and there were squatters in the house.
“I should’ve known you’d show up.”
She whirled to find Luke standing behind her.
“What are you doing here?”
“Same thing you are,” he replied easily, shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe that she was really here. Alessa stared at him expectantly, hoping he’d take her into his arms and tell her he had ached for her as much as she had for him. That he was willing to let it all go for her. Because that was important. She needed to know that there would be equality in their relationship. If they had a relationship.
“Come on. Reza and Amine are inside, and I want you to meet someone… She’s very special to me.”
Her heart skipped a beat. Who could be that important to him? It had only been two months since they’d last been in Pakistan. Had he already found someone new? Fabio, an inner voice said jealously. He was every woman’s dream.
The door opened and a blond woman in jeans and a kurti, a shorter version of the kameez, stepped out. She had a shawl loosely around her neck, and her hair was neatly tucked into a bun. “Don’t tell me this is Alessa.” Luke must have nodded behind her because she stepped forward, her arm extended. “I’m Kat Driscoll-Santiago.”