by Stewart, Anna J. ; Sasson, Sophia; Carpenter, Beth; Jensen, Muriel
“The thing that’s missing in my life. The thing my heart’s looking for.”
“Yeah?” He hadn’t a clue, even while her eyes roved his face with greedy desire and accelerated his heartbeat.
“You,” she said simply, straining against his hold to lean forward and kiss his lips. Against them, she whispered, “You’re what’s missing, Grady.”
That was crazy. It couldn’t be. Her life was everything his was not. He could not be the missing piece because he couldn’t fit into it anywhere.
Somehow that didn’t seem to matter. His body responded as though they were perfect for one another. For now, alone in the softly lit living room, he wanted to believe there was a way to be a part of her life and make her part of his. He wanted to argue with himself that that wasn’t possible, but he simply hadn’t the will.
She lay in his arms, a soft, fragrant bundle of all the wonderful things a woman should be. All the other things about her that were diametrically opposed to everything he believed held no significance at that point in time. His life had been turned into a place of glamour and fuss where there were chandeliers that stood on the floor, fabric that sprinkled light around the room, where his best friend was about to be married to Cassie’s sister, and any portent of doom was unrecognizable.
He cupped her head in his hand and returned her kiss, reveling in the delicious softness and artful enthusiasm of her lips, enjoying her ardor and her exploratory nibbles on his bottom lip then his earlobe.
He lay her down on the cushions and showed her every emotion inside him, the piercing heat he’d held back for days now because he knew the danger of playing with fire. He kissed her breathless, letting her know his feelings had depth and breadth and would push both of them beyond the relationship they’d tried to keep in a comfortable place.
As her hands bracketed his face, he felt a love so strong it both frightened him and filled him with a scary sense of happiness entirely new to him. Heaven help him. He was in love with Cassidy Chapman.
And she’d told him he was what her life needed.
She put both hands against his chest and pushed back. Staring into his eyes, hers were wide blue pools of turbulent emotion he couldn’t quite define.
“Is this crazy?” she asked, looking as though reality was beginning to descend on her.
He knew about reality. Or, he had once. It was the killer of moments like they’d just shared.
“Yes,” he had to admit.
“Then…it’s stupid?”
“What is?”
“You and me. Us. Together.”
Again he had to be honest. “No.”
She blinked and smiled, clearly surprised by his answer. “You don’t mind that you’re the missing piece of my life?”
“No, I don’t mind.”
“You kissed me like I’m the missing piece of yours.”
“I kissed you,” he said carefully, thinking hard, maintaining honesty, “because I love that you want me.”
She thought about that a minute and sat up, pushing him back as she did. “But not because you need me?”
“I love having you around, Cassie. I love your warmth and your sense of humor, and the fact that you love everyone and everything.”
“But you don’t love me? I mean, I know it’s only been days but…there it is.”
“I don’t know,” he admitted candidly. “Has it even been a full week yet since you fainted in my arms in Texas? Love comes from the confidence of knowing someone and having experience with how they act and react.”
She sighed and her glow seemed to collapse in on itself and disappear. “And knowing they’re not going to turn your home and your life into a crazy place.”
“You make everywhere a crazy place. You can’t help it.” He was coming down from the high of finding her in his arms in the middle of the night. He remembered what she’d done to the life he’d once found so comfortable. Did he still miss that life?
He wasn’t sure. He couldn’t think straight. But just to be safe he said, “And I’m a little more closed off than you are. Maybe it’s selfish, I don’t know. But it’s me. And you’ve just found your family and your whole life is opening up. You can afford to believe in magic, or miracles, or whatever it is.”
Her gaze held depths of wisdom. “So can you. It’s not like your life is over, but you’re trying to live it as though you’re moving into Sarah’s assisted-living facility. As though it’s time to put all adventure aside and let someone else take charge of the rest of your days.”
That hurt a little, but he tried to make light of it. “If I touched you, Jack and Ben would put me in the hospital and possibly I would end up in a nursing home. I’m not sure three days before your sister’s wedding is the time for life-altering discoveries.”
“I think life-altering discoveries come in their own time.” She swung her legs off the sofa, gracefully dodging him as she did so. “But what do I know? You’re probably right. What man in his right mind would want to get mixed up with the daughter of a woman who was a drug addict and died in jail? Who fears small, dark places and humiliated herself in a video that’s been seen all over the world?”
He stood and caught her arm as she tried to walk away. “This has nothing to do with any of that, and you know it. And, anyway…” He spread both arms in exasperation, feeling as upset as she seemed to be. “If you’re afraid of darkness and confinement, why on God’s earth would you want to be in love?”
CHAPTER TEN
GRADY AND BEN walked out of the station, heading for their unit while arguing about breakfast. “I’m stuffed,” Grady insisted. “And you just snagged a maple bar from the break room. How can you still be hungry after the huge breakfast we had?”
Ben took offense. “You might be sharing digs with a great cook who is so grateful for a place to stay that she offers to send you off to work with a big breakfast, but I live with a woman who’s learning to cope with two lively children and is getting married in two days. I get nothing to eat unless I bring it home or steal it from the kids.”
“And you’re not still full from last night?”
The entire family had filled Grady’s great room the night before. His mother had apparently called Cassie just to chat and learned about the impromptu dinner, so she’d volunteered to drop by a dessert. Cassie had been thrilled.
Raspberry cheesecake had always been his favorite and apparently was now everyone else’s, too. There hadn’t been a crumb left.
He loved the Palmer-Manning family, and the two children Ben and Corie had brought home with them, but he’d been a little unsettled by their constant presence in his home—often all of them, sometimes various combinations of them.
Last night, though, he’d noticed a sort of warm easiness in himself as the big group gathered to eat around a Ping-Pong table Jack and Sarah had brought over. Cassie had spread a fresh bedsheet over it and served dinner after gathering every chair in the house to seat them all.
He’d grown up with a family far less animated, and with less reason for laughter. Or, so it had seemed. It occurred to him for the first time that it was possible the reason for general grimness was not matters from outside but lack of proper attitude inside.
He’d been surprised by how lively his mother had been, already fast friends with Helen Palmer and on cozy terms with Cassie. She’d helped her serve and when Cassie ran out of Parmesan cheese, his mother would have gone home for her own if Cassie hadn’t stopped her. He didn’t remember her ever being this connected to anyone except her immediate family and her three sisters.
It worried him a little to see his mother and Cassie getting on so well, but in another way, he was glad they liked each other. His mother looked so happy, and Cassie hadn’t had a mother. They wouldn’t have each other for long, but for a few days, it would be a good t
hing.
“Dinner last night was outstanding,” Ben replied. “But I have a high metabolism.”
“Relax. I’ll buy you another maple bar.”
“Now you’re talking.”
During their lunch break, Grady and Ben met the Realtor to sign papers for the office rental.
They stood as Melanie left, then Ben turned to Grady and offered his hand. Surprised, Grady reached out to shake it.
“I appreciate what a good friend you’ve been,” Ben said with a gravity that was unusual for him. “I’m so grateful that you went to Texas to help me out, and that you let Cassie stay with you. I know that isn’t easy for you.”
“What?”
“You know. All the folderol that goes with a houseguest. Especially one who’s planning a wedding. I know you hate upheaval. Although you seem more relaxed with it than you usually are. When we had to provide security for the Beggar’s Bay Beauty Pageant, I thought you were going to explode on me. Fuss normally gives you hives, but you’re taking all this like a champion.”
“I promised,” he said, rolling up his copy of their contract. He stood and glanced at his watch. “You ready to go?”
“You have a thing for Cassie?” Ben asked, getting to his feet and elbowing him. “You can tell me.”
Grady opened his mouth to deny it but after Ben’s declaration of friendship, he couldn’t lie. “Yeah,” he admitted. “But I don’t want to talk about it.” He headed for the car.
“Why not?”
“Because it’s personal.”
“I’m like your brother.”
“Don’t say that. It makes her like my sister. Because if she’s Jack’s sister and he’s your brother, and I’m like your brother…”
“Yeah. Complicated. But there’s no blood involved—at least on your part—just a strong…connection. What are you going to do about it?”
They’d reached the car and he gave Ben an impatient look over the roof. “Nothing.”
“Why not? You are an uncivilized so-and-so, but she can help you with that in no time.”
“Hey.”
“No, you’re right,” Ben replied as Grady got into the car. He ducked down to look at him before he continued. “Your problem is that you’re too civilized. You’ve taken all the risky stuff out of the equation for your future. That’s not very appealing to a woman.”
“How would you know?” Grady demanded as Ben got in behind the wheel. “You’ve got one woman, and that only happened because you’re related to her. Sort of.”
Ben frowned at him. “One woman is all we’re allowed, man. You marry two and you go to jail.”
Grady let his head fall back as he pleaded with the heavens for patience. “I meant you’re not exactly the voice of experience. Anyway, I can’t imagine a way Cassie and I could ever be together. Not just geographically but…any way.”
Ben made no effort to start the car. He stared out the windshield and said, “You’ll have to explain that to me.”
“No, I won’t. Let’s just get back to work. Call Dispatch.”
“Would you explain it to me?”
Completely exasperated, Grady swore. “What are you not getting? She’s worth a small fortune. She’s experienced international acclaim. She has the kind of…I don’t know…presence, I guess it is, that suggests she has the confidence of a woman of the world.”
“That all sounds like pluses to me.”
“I’m a cop in a little coastal town in Oregon. My bank account often borrows from my savings account when I overdraw. I traveled around Europe as a kid ’cause of my parents, but not as an adult. I’ve been to Mexico and Canada, but who hasn’t?”
Ben turned in his seat to face him. “And you have the presence of a public servant who cares about everyone around him—unless it’s a woman, then you run. Why? Is it that you don’t want to be hurt again like Celeste hurt you? Because I hate to tell you this, but pain is universal.”
Grady yanked off his BBPD ball cap and ran a hand through his hair. Ben was making his head hurt. “I know there’s no hiding from pain. But isn’t it a betrayal of intelligence to lose yourself in the same game you lost the last time?”
“Well, see, that’s where there is a question, because all women are not the same. Even the beautiful ones. To some it isn’t a game, it’s real. You’re the one that’s always talking about wanting your life to be real. Well, the reality is, some women play with your affections, like your ex-girlfriend, and some women just want to love you and be loved by you.”
Ben shook his head as though unable to find the words to clarify his position. “For all Cassie’s wealth and fame, she seems genuine. She loves all the same people we love. So what if she knows all about elegant stuff we’ve never heard of, and she can command those chandelier things, and fabric from Paris, and flowers from God knows where? She can do that, but she doesn’t act like a goddess because of that. She just looks like one.”
Exhausted though he’d hardly spoken, Grady said quietly, “But she lives in Paris and New York.”
“Wouldn’t you like to get to know those places better than the glimpse of Paris you got as a kid?”
“I live here. And…I can’t see her living here.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t decide that for her. She seems to like it fine in Beggar’s Bay.”
“For a lifetime?”
Ben smiled. “So, you are thinking in those terms?”
“I’m going to tase you in a minute. For the sake of argument, do you think she could live a lifetime in Beggar’s Bay?”
“Maybe she could. Her entire family is here, and if she had a husband and children…”
“Really? Do you see me as a husband? And she has a career that spans continents. Why would she give that up? I mean, she can hop on her father’s plane to visit her family here anytime she wants.”
“Don’t try to read her mind. And don’t close yourself off to what following her around could do for your own life.”
“What about our business? We aren’t even open yet and you’re trying to get rid of your partner?”
“No. I’m just saying, if you have to go with her until she fulfills her contracts, it won’t kill you to see new places and new things. Meet new people. Loosen you up.”
Paris and New York. For long periods. He couldn’t see himself there. Though he’d known she was going back some time after the wedding, he just hadn’t taken the trouble to think deeply about what it meant. Actually, it didn’t require much depth of thought. It meant absence. Loneliness. Loss.
“I think the perfect scenario,” Ben said, cutting into his thoughts, “would be that you follow her until her contracts are fulfilled, learn to speak French, buy a beret, consult knowledgeable Frenchmen about how to love a woman. Conventional wisdom is, they’re the ones who know. Then, when her contract is met and you’re now this accomplished man of style and wisdom, you can come back and resume your place as my partner. We’ll clear those trees behind your property, build some homes back there where the elk hang out so that we have a Palmer-Manning compound and be the happiest damn tribe the world has ever seen. We can leave the elk some salmonberry bushes.”
Pipedream, Grady thought, but aloud he said, “Manning-Palmer-Nelson compound. And there has to be room for my mom.”
“Of course.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CASSIE STUDIED HER REFLECTION. She was wearing the little black dress she’d bought along with her dress for the wedding. She’d gotten that princess feeling she used to get as a little girl when she was all dressed up for a birthday party, or for church.
Despite the glamorous clothes with the high price tags, her work didn’t really give her that. She could make herself look the part, but that princess feeling had to come from inside, from feeling happy.
It still amazed her that she was reunited with her siblings. The happiness that knowledge gave her was impossible to describe. She’d made a decision during a sleepless night that she would fulfill her contracts with Josie and Eterna, and work like a fiend at whatever she could during that period to make enough money so that her foundation would be self-supporting.
Then she was coming back to Beggar’s Bay. This was home now. She loved Paris, felt connected to the lifeblood of New York City, but her heart would now always be here. She wondered how her father would feel about life in Beggar’s Bay.
She heaved a sigh and clasped a necklace she’d bought at the boutique around her neck. It held three charms—a fleur-de-lis, a heart and a pretty little sparkly crystal. They fell to just below her breasts. She added a pair of one-carat posts she wore all the time, and used a small black Ferragamo makeup bag as a purse.
Mercifully, her shoes had arrived. She hoped Grady wasn’t offended by the fact that she might stand as tall as he did, maybe taller.
Grady. She experienced an upsurge of emotion in her chest and swore she saw the crystal sparkle. She put a hand there to push down on sadness at having to leave him. She could stay here and commute to Paris or New York from Salem every few weeks, but she had to drive a couple of hours to get there. And the small airport did make travel more complicated.
She was taking the risk that he’d fall in love with someone else during her absences, but that was a chance every lover took. Of course, the sticking point was that he didn’t love her. But she was hoping to change that.
Of course, there was the possibility that he’d lose his appeal for her.
She laughed at herself. No, there wasn’t. She’d never forget all he’d done to help her, all the kindnesses he’d showed…the way it felt to lean into his shoulder and have his arm close around her. It was that rightness that had been missing for so long.
And that she’d have to learn to live without if she couldn’t change his mind.
She smiled at herself then grabbed a short red coat Corie had given her; one of the samples she’d made for her new line.