by L.H. Cosway
Ellen
Julian was looking at me funny.
His features were flat and serious, and I couldn’t tell why. Was I talking too much? Was he annoyed that I was hogging all the attention? That couldn’t be it, because the last time we went out, he’d been delighted when I’d regaled people with fake Elodie stories.
“Are you okay?” I asked quietly. Food was being served and a fancy salad with quail eggs was placed in front of me.
Julian blinked, then plastered on a pleasant smile that somehow appeared forced. “I’m perfectly fine,” he replied, lifting his fork and taking a bite of his starter.
I lost some of my confidence after that, too busy wondering what I’d done wrong. His change in demeanour baffled me, but then, I hardly knew him. Maybe this was just how he acted sometimes.
David was busy across the table, chatting with a pretty brunette, while Julian focused his attention on the blonde next to him. I was a little disappointed that he and I weren’t working as a team like we had at the last party. Now he seemed to be doing his best to ignore me.
“You’ve gone quiet,” Keith commented. He sat on the other side of me and I got the vibe he was interested. In fact, he definitely wanted to have sex with me/Elodie. It was problematic, mainly because sex wasn’t really my goal. I derived pleasure from the admiration and compliments Elodie received, the interactions she had, but I didn’t have any urge to take things further. At least, I hadn’t explored it yet.
Maybe that made me a tease. All I knew was, going home with someone wouldn’t exactly be easy. What if my wig came off midway through the act? Or what if one of my contact lenses fell out? I knew lots of women cosmetically enhanced themselves to look better with false lashes, chicken fillets, etc, but the costume was my safety net. If I took it off, I was just Ellen again.
I glanced at Keith and mustered a smile. “I’m just a little tired.”
“I’ll have to figure out a way to wake you up then.”
I knew he was flirting, but something about the statement fell flat. It didn’t make me feel good, not like when…never mind.
To be honest, I was just feeling off because Julian was acting funny.
I needed to sort myself out. He wasn’t obliged to make me the centre of his attention all the time. He probably didn’t even realise he was ignoring me since he was chatting with an attractive woman. My selfish side wanted him all for myself, but I knew I had to quit feeling that way. We were friends. I didn’t have any claim over him.
Across the room, an argument had broken out at one of the tables. It seemed Julian was right. The bride’s side of the family were good for some drama. A middle-aged woman stood, gesticulating wildly at a man who I guessed was her husband.
“That’s it! I’ve had enough of you leering at every bridesmaid who walks by. It’s humiliating!”
The man, who looked bleary-eyed and wobbly on his feet, reached for her but she pushed him away. “I wasn’t leering,” he said. “I was just looking!”
“Same thing,” she yelled and reached for her shoe. She pulled it off and threw it at his head. Thankfully, she missed and several people came and separated them. Scandalised whispers spread amid the other wedding guests.
“I heard he cheats on her all the time,” the woman Julian had been talking to said. I think I heard him call her Val. “Guess she finally lost it.”
Suddenly, I was no longer amused by the scene. I just felt bad for the woman who’d thrown her shoe at her husband. Obviously, her outburst would be the subject of gossip for many weeks to come.
“How does everyone feel about getting out of here? We can go back to my place,” Julian suggested. Val’s eyes lit up at the offer, as did Keith’s.
“I have to stay and take a few more shots, but you go ahead if you like,” David replied.
I didn’t particularly want to go back with Keith, but I was curious to see Julian’s flat. I knew he lived in my neighbourhood, but I hadn’t yet been invited over to his place. A few minutes later, Julian, Val, Keith, and I huddled into the back of a black cab.
I sat on one of the fold-out seats, mainly to keep my distance from Keith. He seemed like a nice guy, but I didn’t want to lead him on any more than I already had. I was directly across from Julian. He caught my eye and mouthed a question.
You okay with this?
I nodded, trying to appear casual and not wanting to come across prudish. I knew he must’ve invited people back to his flat all the time. It wasn’t a big deal to him like it was to me.
When we arrived at Julian’s building, I stepped out into the cool night air and inhaled deeply for courage. Julian was obviously going to have sex with Val. I might witness some of their foreplay. I’d never seen two people do sexual things in real life before. I couldn’t tell if that was why I was nervous, or merely because…
Because a part of me wished to be Val right now.
The realisation was sobering, but not very shocking. Julian was beautiful, charming, and kind. He was the first person to try to befriend me in a really long time. Obviously, I was attracted to him, but I wasn’t under any illusions that my attraction was reciprocated.
Sure, he’d fancied Elodie at first. But now he knew the real me, and I was certain he didn’t still feel that way.
We climbed several flights of stairs to his flat on the top floor. It was an older building, so there wasn’t a lift. I had to stop midway to take off my shoes. Keith, who was directly behind me—and I was pretty sure checking my arse the entire time—said, “I can carry you the rest of the way if you want.” His voice was low with a hint of flirtation. Again, I wasn’t feeling it. Being Elodie in a public setting was a whole lot different to being her in private. It was too close. No escape routes.
“That’s okay,” I replied in a sassy voice. “I’m an independent woman, I can carry myself.”
Julian’s chuckle sounded from up ahead, clearly having heard Keith’s offer and finding my refusal amusing. I chanced a peek at Keith and he appeared a tad chagrined.
When we reached Julian’s flat, he opened the door into a spacious yet cosy space. The walls were covered in various artworks and photographs. Lots of memories. I noticed several pictures of him with his friend, Rose. There was a large bookshelf loaded with paperbacks. For a second, I froze, heart beating fast as I scanned for any copies of my own books. His friend read them, after all. Perhaps Julian did, too.
The idea of him reading my stuff was nerve-wracking, mainly because many of Elodie’s anecdotes were stories from my novels. Sure, some of them I made up on the spot, but the more detailed stories came directly from Sasha. If Julian ever put two and two together…
Well, I wasn’t sure how I’d feel about it. I’d never had to explain my profession to anyone before, because I kept it to myself. Although it wasn’t hard to keep secrets when the only people I ever really spoke to were my pet birds. Sure, there was my boss, Bernice, but though we were friendly, we weren’t close. Most people thought I only worked in the bookshop. No one expected someone as quiet and unimpressive as Ellen Grant to be an international bestselling author.
I was relieved not to find any of my books in his collection. They were mostly classics. I did smile when I saw he owned all of the Fifty Shades books, plus a few Jackie Collins. Julian read romance?
He caught me looking and came to whisper in my ear, “Those belong to Rose.”
I smirked. “Sure, they do.”
His eyes sparkled at my teasing. “Christian Grey is admittedly dreamy.”
I laughed louder than expected, garnering the attention of Val and Keith.
“What are you two snickering about?”
“The allure of bondage,” Julian answered, not missing a beat as he turned to her. “Would you care for a drink?”
Val preened. “I’d love one.”
I was surprised when Julian produced a bottle of expensive wine, given the fact he didn’t drink alcohol. It reinforced the idea that he entertained people here often.
/>
I took a seat on the plush love seat, only realising my mistake when Keith lowered to sit beside me. He threw his arm over the back and I stiffened. It seemed being Elodie gave me confidence only so far as talking to people. Physical contact was a whole other ball game.
Julian came and offered me a glass. I took it gratefully, needing some Dutch courage. He went and sat next to Val on the larger couch as she asked him questions about the artwork he owned.
I decided I needed to make an effort with Keith. It was rude to come back here and not even talk to him. “Do you live in London?” I asked.
“No, I’m from Nottingham,” he replied. “The groom is my cousin, so I came down for the weekend to attend the wedding.”
The fact he didn’t live close was a relief. At least there wasn’t much of a chance I’d see him again. Maybe I should take advantage of this situation and practice my non-existent seduction skills. He was a good-looking guy, so it shouldn’t be too difficult.
“Well, Julian and I are wedding crashers. We don’t even know the couple.”
Keith grinned down at me, took a sip of wine and said, “Little rebel, are you?”
“Yes, very rebellious.” What are you saying?
Keith arched an eyebrow and moved a tiny bit closer, lowering his voice to a whisper, “Care to show me how rebellious?”
I smiled my best Elodie smile, it was all puckered lips and flirty eyes. “Maybe,” I whispered back, then forced myself to be spontaneous. I pressed my lips to his. He tasted like wine, smelled like generic cologne. The kiss was pleasant, but it didn’t make me feel much of anything. He pressed closer, his lips coaxing mine to open. He slid his tongue into my mouth and I instantly broke away. I stood and looked around. Julian was too busy chatting with Val. He didn’t even see the kiss.
“I need to use the bathroom,” I said, then turned and hurried down a hallway. I opened the first door I saw and stepped inside. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the bathroom, but Julian’s bedroom. The sheets were mussed, as though he’d just decided to leave them that way, and there was a gigantic painting of a naked woman over his bed.
I was taken aback for a second. It was just so sensual, so unexpected. It looked like an original, too. The woman lay in bed, a dark silk sheet strewn across her torso, her breasts and bottom half exposed. My cheeks heated just looking at it.
I stepped closer to study the painting better, still trying to catch my breath after the kiss. To anyone else, a kiss like that would be nothing. But to me, it was a very big deal. I didn’t kiss people, not ever. The last time had been when I was a teenager, and that memory was so old it hardly felt real anymore.
I sat down on Julian’s bed, the familiar smell of him soothing my nerves, and stared up at the large painting. Whoever the artist was, they were more skilled than me. I mostly painted flowers, sometimes scenery, but I wasn’t great with people. I didn’t have the technical skill to get their proportions right. Any time I tried, I’d always make their legs too short, or their torso too long. Not this artist though. The naked woman in the picture was so well executed you felt like you could reach out and touch her skin.
I jumped when the door opened, and Julian walked in. “Is everything all right?”
“Yes, I just...I needed a moment.”
He studied me. “Everything okay with Keith?”
I glanced away. “Not really. I kissed him, then freaked out and came in here.”
Julian rubbed his jaw and came to sit down beside me. “I saw.”
He did? I thought he’d been too busy with Val to notice. A measure of embarrassment trickled in. “I’m not sure if Elodie is meant for kissing.”
Julian reached out and touched a tendril of hair on my wig. “Of course, she is,” he murmured. “She just needs some practice.”
“I don’t know. Maybe I’m just not attracted enough to Keith. I’m not sure how to handle advances when I don’t like the other person.”
“Oh darling, you’re talking to the master of handling unwanted advances. Come, let me show you.” He patted the space beside him and gestured me closer. I shimmied over, wondering what he had in mind. “Pretend I’m a woman,” he said.
Well, that wouldn’t be too hard, since he was prettier than most girls anyway.
“Okay, I’m pretending you’re a woman. Now what?”
His gaze was unwavering. “You’re the man. You’re interested. Come on to me.”
“I…um...”
“Chat me up. Touch me. Try to kiss me. Whatever you want.”
I swallowed thickly, not sure this was helping me so much as making me more nervous. Still, sitting here with Julian, being this close to him, was intoxicating in a way it definitely hadn’t been with Keith.
I readied myself, then placed a hand on his knee. “Hi, uh, what’s your name?”
Julian fluttered his lashes, and that action alone made me tongue-tied. His expression was sultry, but there was strength behind it. “I’m Tiffany. Please be a dear and take your hand off my knee.” His voice was sweet and coaxing. It charmed even while it rejected.
I instantly removed my hand. “Right. Sorry.”
Julian laughed. “We’re role-playing. You don’t need to apologise. Besides,” he waggled his brows. “I don’t mind your hand on my knee.”
I cleared my throat, feeling shy now. “What should I do next?”
His look was mischievous. “Try to kiss me.”
I blinked and leaned forward. Intoxicated by the smell of him, I licked my lips. His eyes lingered on the movement, and my entire body flushed. Was it just me, or was this room getting hotter?
I thought I heard him inhale ever so slightly when I moved to press my mouth to his. Right before our lips met, he turned his head to the side, and my mouth collided with his cheek. Even a sweet, chaste kiss on the cheek felt naughty with Julian Fairchild.
He placed a finger to my shoulder and drew away. “If I want to kiss you, I’ll make the first move,” he said, again in that sweet, unassuming voice.
“O-okay,” I stammered, still reeling from the feel of his skin on my lips.
“You see,” he gestured between the two of us. “It’s not difficult to decline advances, so long as you do it in a certain way. Sometimes, people like a challenge. It’s their problem if they’re foolish enough to believe they’re going to get anywhere with you.”
“I feel like you have a lot of practice with this.”
“Women can be just as forward as men, you know. Just the same as there are be shy men out there, inexperienced with flirting.”
“Like me,” I said, chagrined.
“There’s nothing wrong with shyness, and there’s nothing wrong with confidence, either. We all act how we feel. People tell themselves they need to be a certain way. But really, all we need to be is ourselves.”
“You do realise you’re talking to a woman in a costume right now? I wouldn’t know how to be myself if it slapped me right in the face.”
He fiddled with a strand of my wig again. “I already told you. If Elodie comes from within you, then she is you, Ellen.”
I stared into his eyes, lost for a moment, when suddenly the bedroom door opened. “What are you two doing hiding in here?” Val questioned, looking between us in suspicion.
I stood from the bed and ran my hands down my dress. “I’m going to order a taxi.”
Julian turned to me. “You don’t have to go.”
“I’m tired. I think I’m done for the night.”
He seemed sad that I was leaving, but I’d reached my stimuli limit for the day. Kissing Keith was one thing, but that whole role-playing with Julian set my heart racing. Getting close to him excited me. I’d wanted to kiss him. When he gave me his cheek, deep inside I was disappointed.
Funny how I’d thought our friendship was platonic, because for me it definitely wasn’t.
Thanks to the miracle of phone apps, my taxi arrived in less than five minutes. Keith suggested he escort me back to my place, but I wasn’t
silly enough to fall for that. Julian hugged me before I went, placing a soft kiss on my cheek, just shy of my ear. It was almost the same place I kissed him, and it made me tingle all over.
I couldn’t stop thinking about him during the short journey to my house. Even as I went inside and greeted Skittles and Rainbow, I was distracted. The fact of the matter was, I wanted to explore things with Julian. I wanted to know what it would be like with him, but with his profession, I didn’t even know if he dated people.
Maybe I should just hire him.
The thought startled me. I couldn’t believe I was even considering it, but it made logical sense. Whatever he charged, I had more than enough money to pay him. And eventually, I did want to have a relationship, find a man and fall in love, get married, have babies.
Right now, Julian was the only man who made me feel comfortable. He was the only man I was attracted to. I was far too inexperienced to go out there and meet someone. I needed training wheels first before I could learn to cycle on my own.
Hell, even thinking about broaching the topic with him made me break out in hives.
But then, any time I’d been embarrassed around Julian, he’d never judged me. Never made me feel small.
These thoughts pitter-pattered around inside my brain all through the night and following morning. I’d just added two thousand words to my manuscript and was getting ready to take a break when my phone rang. It was Dad.
I picked up, my voice cheery. “Hi, Dad. How is everything?”
“Everything’s good down here. How are you? Nick and I have been hoping you’ll come visit soon.”
“I’m well. And I’m going to visit. I just need to finish this book I’m writing and then I’m coming to Torquay for a weekend. We can go have dinner at Lily’s, my treat.”
“I do love their steaks. Sounds like a plan. How did everything go with Cameron? He stayed with you last week, didn’t he?”
“He was fine. His usual self.”
Dad chuckled. “I wouldn’t describe Cam’s usual self as fine, but okay. I actually called because I have some big news.”
“You do?” I questioned, hoping it was good big news and not bad big news.