Roberta never lost her cool, so this situation—a man puking and screaming—was a walk in the park for her. She looked almost bored standing at the computer in her pink flamingo scrubs as she watched the drama unfold. She always seemed to be watching, and her eyes were keen and focused as if she were just filing away bits of information for future use.
Jason barked out an order for morphine and Phenergan, and Roberta typed the orders into the computer. Then he turned to me. “Dr. Johnson, we don’t really need you here. I’ve already taken the patient.”
The patient in question mumbled something into the emesis basin he held clutched in his hands, but the words were lost beneath the sounds of his dry heaves and moans.
“It’s okay, Mr. Terwilliger,” Jason said in the smooth voice he reserved for comforting patients. I figured he could soothe a pissed off lion with that voice. “Just hang on tight. Your pain medication is on the way, and just as soon as we get it in you, everything will be all right.”
Terwilliger nodded through a series of gasps.
Jason looked up from the patient long enough to instruct Roberta. “Schedule him for an ultrasound. We need to get confirmation that it’s actually kidney stones.” Then he fixed a steely gaze on me that said we were definitely not past what had happened the night before. “Dr. Johnson, I’m sure you have other pressing matters to attend to.”
“Nothing important. And besides, Rosenfeld told me to take care of Mr. Terwilliger.” I knew I was being stubborn, but the sting of rejection kept my feet planted right where they were. Jason might not want anything to do with me sexually, but I’d be damned if he was going to tell me to fuck off at work.
He accepted my challenge with a purposeful glare and dropped his voice so low only I could hear. “I told you I’ve got this. If you want to kiss Rosenfeld’s ass, do it with another patient. This one is mine.”
“I just sent the order to the pharmacy,” Roberta said to Jolene, interrupting our intense standoff. “They should have it ready soon. Would you please run down and pick it up?”
Jolene nodded, unwound her arms from around her midsection, and rushed from the room.
I slung my stethoscope back around my neck and fixed my gaze on Jason. “Could you step into the hall for a moment, Dr. Whitham?”
“I’m working,” he said. “I’m afraid I don’t have time to chit-chat.”
“You’re making this personal,” I growled under my breath.
Things were starting to get heated between Jason and me. It wasn’t the first time, and I was sure it wouldn’t be the last. In a field like medicine, passions ran high, and most of the staff was overworked and under-rested. It wasn’t unusual for us to get snippy with each other. Under normal circumstances, I would have dropped the issue and confronted Jason later on in private, but these weren’t normal circumstances.
I didn’t want Mr. Terwilliger to witness our tension, but there was little danger of that. The man was completely lost in his misery, still heaving into the basin, sweat dripping from his hair. There was no way he could hear our quiet words over the sound of his own retching.
“How could it be personal?” Jason asked, his voice getting slightly louder. The animosity in his tone was unmistakable. “You and I work together. That’s it.”
Roberta’s gaze slid over to us, and she stared hard with those keen brown eyes. Great. Mr. Terwilliger might have been oblivious to our escalating argument, but Roberta seemed to be catching on. That meant it was time for me to go.
“I’ll speak to you later,” I told Jason.
“Fine,” he said.
When I stepped out into the hallway, a frail-looking woman approached me, picking nervously at the buttons of her ratty wool coat. “I’m Grace Terwilliger,” she said. “Is my husband okay? I couldn’t go in there. It tears my heart out to see him like that.”
“He’s fine, ma’am. We think it may be kidney stones since he has a history of them. We’ve got some morphine and Phenergan on the way to combat the pain and nausea, and then he’s going for an ultrasound.”
“Morphine?” she said, shaking her head. “I think he’s allergic to morphine.”
Shit.
“How about Dilaudid? Has he ever had that?”
Mrs. Terwilliger narrowed her eyes in thought, and her nervous fingers stopped worrying her buttons. “I think that’s what they gave him before. Sounds about right.”
“Excuse me, Mrs. Terwilliger.” I stepped back into the room. “We need to change the order to Dilaudid instead of morphine.”
As soon as the words were out of my mouth, Roberta started typing on the keyboard again.
Jason glared at me and growled under his breath. “Did Rosenfeld tell you to babysit me, or are you just trying to get more brownie points at my expense?”
“Would you get your head out of your ass?” I said quietly. “The wife says she thinks he’s allergic to morphine.”
“Thinks, or knows?” Jason looked to Mr. Terwilliger. “Is that true? Are you allergic to morphine?”
Terwilliger shook his head and heaved some more. A deep bellow came out of his throat, and he nearly came up off the bed. “I need to go to the bathroom.”
Jason eyed me suspiciously. “Mr. Terwilliger doesn’t seem to be aware of any allergy, and I didn’t see it in his chart.”
I threw up my hands. “Dammit, Jason, just order Dilaudid instead. What is it going to hurt? It’s better to be safe than sorry.”
Jason turned to Roberta, who was now fiddling with the IV at Mr. Terwilliger’s bedside, and grudgingly snapped out an order for Dilaudid.
“Already done,” Roberta said. At Jason’s confused expression, she added, “I heard Dr. Johnson order it when he came back into the room.”
“I gotta go to the bathroom,” Terwilliger yelled.
Jason turned to Roberta. “Could you please escort him to the restroom and wait for him, Roberta? We don’t want him falling down.”
Roberta nodded and helped the man to his feet. She let him lean on her as they left the room and headed for the restroom just down the hall.
As soon as they were out of earshot, I whirled on Jason. “Stop making this personal. I’m not trying to upstage you or whatever it is that you think.”
Jason laughed. “I know how all of this hospital politics stuff works. You think I’m stupid, but I’m not. You’re going to go to Rosenfeld and tell him I’m incompetent and that you had to step in and change my order. Then he’ll pat you on the back and tell you how you’re the best damn resident this hospital has ever seen. Before you know it, you’ll be fucking Chief of Staff, and I’ll be working in some little hundred-bed hospital in Bumfuck, Nowhere.”
“And you’re willing to jeopardize a patient’s safety just because you’re jealous of my success?”
“Of course not,” Jason said. “I changed the order, didn’t I? Even though the patient is obviously not aware of any allergy. You’re getting what you want, no harm done. Just know that I’m onto you.”
“You’re paranoid,” I said. “You think that just because you turned me down last night—just because you left me with my dick in my hand—I’m trying to sabotage your fucking career? Grow up, Jason. You’re not that important.”
The look of hurt on his face was like a punch to the gut. Oh, my God. What had I just said? I hadn’t meant it, but he had me so worked up I was saying crazy things. Was this how it was going to be from now on? Were we enemies now just because I’d gotten drunk and tried to seduce him?
“I know I’m not important to you. You proved that last night.”
My eyes went wide. “What? You’re the one who walked out on me, remember? Left me there like some—” I dug my fingers into my hair and pulled. “Like some desperate pervert.”
“And you’re not used to being turned down, are you? Not the almighty Mark Johnson. We’re all just supposed to bend over and let you stick it to us. No date, no wine, no flowers, no respect. Just shut the hell up and let you satisfy that big, g
reedy dick of yours.”
“Look, I don’t know where you got this idea you have of me.”
“You gave it to me, Mark. Couldn’t you have at least asked me out first before you tried to shove it in?” Jason clamped his mouth shut, stunned by his own words.
All of the air rushed from my lungs, and it took me a few seconds to find my voice. “Is that what you want? You want me to ask you out?”
Jason’s face went beet red. “No.” But his eyes—those expressive ocean-blue eyes—said otherwise. Or at least I thought they did.
I imagined what that might look like, asking Jason out. Taking him to a nice restaurant, staring across a candlelit table at that gorgeous face, kissing him chastely at the door. Jesus, why did that sound better than a quick and dirty fuck with—well, anyone?
Suddenly, the door flew open, and Jason and I jumped apart like we’d been caught making out instead of arguing. Jolene came in, looking remarkably better than she had earlier. Maybe the walk had done her some good. Or maybe it had been the smell of puke that had her green around the gills. I had to admit it was awful.
Jason cleared his throat. “Mr. Terwilliger is in the bathroom. Let’s go ahead and get the meds ready so we can rush him right down to get an ultrasound.”
I gave Jason one last look and left the room. Whatever had just happened between us was too much to deal with at that moment, and until it was resolved, we didn’t need to be around each other at work. Let Jason handle Mr. Terwilliger and his kidney stones. I didn’t know why I’d been so hell-bent to push it in the first place.
Of course, it was probably a good thing I had. Morphine allergies were nothing to sneeze at, and if I hadn’t run into the patient’s wife, no telling what would have happened. Jason would never admit it, but I’d probably just saved his ass.
7
Jason
The day after Mark and I faced off in Morris Terwilliger’s vomit-fouled ED room, we weren’t scheduled to work. I’d shut myself up in my tiny apartment for the entire day, with only Bill for company.
We’d ordered Chinese delivery. I’d had General Tso’s chicken, and Bill had eaten a couple of sushi rolls minus the rice. We’d listened to the audiobook of The Handmaid’s Tale and rearranged the bathroom cabinet. Bill hadn’t helped much with the physical labor part, but he’d sat close by and watched me through most of it. I got the feeling that Bill hadn’t had much love in his life, and he seemed content to be near me no matter what I was doing. I liked that about him; I needed him, too.
My parents were back in Florida. I’d rarely visited since my high school graduation, so we’d drifted apart. I had one sister, Melanie, and she’d stayed close to home. I supposed no one missed me too much. I was practically a stranger to them now.
I kept busy, though. Between college and work-study, and now work and my twice-weekly visits to Belle Meade Country Club, I didn’t have much time for friends. Mark was my friend—or he had been up until New Year’s Eve. Now I wasn’t sure where we stood.
Several times over the last two days, I had thought about calling him. It was rare for us to talk on the phone, but I did have his number, and we texted fairly frequently. Mostly we just talked about work or tennis, and the messages were brief. No long confessions or philosophical discussions. We were both single-minded about our careers.
That’s why I had gotten so upset about the Terwilliger incident. Mark had gone over my head—or behind my back—before on cases, and it always ended up with me looking borderline incompetent. It’s not that I thought he was trying to sabotage my career; I was pretty sure he wasn’t. But those little things stacked up in Rosenfeld’s eyes, and the more times I was found lacking, the closer I was to being left flapping in the wind after my residency was over.
I don’t think Mark saw it that way. He was just doing his job like I was, and he had every right to go over my head if he thought I’d made a mistake. Hell, he had a professional obligation to call me out. But he was just so damn perfect, and he didn’t understand the problems we mere mortals faced.
I was a good doctor, and I knew it. But Mark was better, and he was making me look bad.
And you’re angry, a small voice in my brain whispered.
It was true. I was angry about the way Mark had treated me. He’d never so much as hinted that he was gay or interested in me, and then he’d expected me to—
You want my big cock inside of you?
It was humiliating, and I couldn’t forget it. I was still obsessing over it when I arrived back at work. Jolene noticed the difference in my demeanor when I blew past the ED nurses’ desk on my way in.
“What’s got you so sour-faced this morning?” She fell in behind me and followed me a little way down the hall. “Hey, stop walking, will you? I can’t keep up with those long legs of yours.”
I stopped and whirled to face her. “I’m in a hurry. What’s up?”
“I just told you. I wanted to know what’s wrong with you. Does it have anything to do with the fight with Dr. You-know-who?”
I gaped at her. “What are you talking about?”
“You know…” She twirled her red braid around her finger and cut her eyes toward room six. “Roberta said you and Dr. Johnson had a blowout the other day when I went to the pharmacy. Said you guys were really hot under the collar about something.”
“Yeah? And what else did Roberta say?”
Jolene flinched, probably sensing she’d already said too much. “She just said you were tearing Dr. Johnson a new one, and he wasn’t none too happy about it.”
“And?” I prompted, knowing Roberta wouldn’t have stopped there.
“She said the two of you were fighting right in front of the patient and that Mark said it was personal. So, what happened? You two are so close.”
“What do you mean close?” I demanded, my face heating.
“Best friends,” she said. “Why do you always try to play it off like y’all aren’t that close? Everybody knows you two are inseparable.”
“We’re work colleagues. Just like you and I are.”
She looked hurt. “Is that all we are? I thought we were friends.”
Dammit. I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. “We are. I definitely consider you a friend.”
“So why were y’all fighting?” She pressed.
“It was nothing. I was just a little on edge, and Mark came in trying to take over my patient. I told him I had it, but he just wouldn’t get the message. He did happen to talk to the patient’s wife and find out some key information, and I’m grateful for that, but he shouldn’t have come in with his guns blazing trying to take over when it was my name on the patient’s file. Ultimately, I was the one who responsible for Terwilliger’s care, and Mark should have respected that.”
“Hey, I get it. He shouldn’t have tried to take over. But Roberta said it was personal.”
“Forget that,” I said. “There is nothing personal between Mark—Dr. Johnson—and me. You’re blowing our relationship way out of proportion. It was just business, and none of it should have happened. He shouldn’t have tried to take over my case, and I shouldn’t have said anything in front of Roberta and the patient. Like I said, I was on edge. It was a rough day, and emotions were running high. Tell Roberta I’m sorry she had to witness it, but it was nothing. Really.”
The lie sounded good. I almost believed it myself.
“All right,” Jolene said. “But if you need to talk about anything, I’m here. I know you, Jason, and I feel like you’re keeping something from me.”
God, I needed to change the subject before I said something I shouldn’t. “So how are things with you and Stan?”
“Steve,” she said, and the name didn’t sound nearly as sweet coming off her lips as it had the night of the party. “We’re fine. Did I show him to you? He’s really hot.”
All I could think of was the way he’d been flirting with that bartender. My first impression had been that he looked like a womanizer and a criminal, with
his long black hair, black leather jacket, and sleazy smile. “Yeah, he’s hot. But does he treat you right?”
Jolene gave a nervous laugh. “Of course. Yeah. He’s great.”
Not exactly a ringing endorsement, but it seemed that Jolene was just as reluctant to get real about her new boyfriend as I was to acknowledge that there was more between Mark and me than work and tennis. Apparently, we both had secrets, and since I didn’t plan on sharing mine, I had no right to grill her about hers.
“I’m glad he hasn’t turned into a pumpkin,” I said, touching her arm. “Look, I hate to run, but I have to get to the computers and start my day. Hopefully, it will be a quiet shift.”
“I heard that,” Jolene said. “I picked up an extra shift yesterday, and we had three codes. Fingers crossed for none today.”
I took a deep breath and made my way down the hall, hoping I wouldn’t see Mark. I didn’t know what I was going to say to him the next time we met, but I knew it wouldn’t be long. We were on the same team, so we always worked together. Would Mark still be angry about the argument we’d had? Was I?
Mark was sitting at one of the computers, and I walked past him without speaking, took one of the other computers, and logged on. I was glad there was another doctor charting, but all too soon he logged off and left. “Have a good day,” he mumbled as he walked out.
Mark and I both muttered back, and then the room was quiet, and we were alone. I took a deep breath and considered leaving.
“I’m sorry about the day before yesterday,” Mark said.
I was stunned by the unexpected apology. “Uh… me, too. I’m sorry.”
“I shouldn’t have interfered. You asked me to leave, and at that time I had no indication that my assistance was needed. I should have respected your wishes.” He pushed back from his computer and ran a hand through his dark hair, looking tired and contrite and sexy as hell. “It turned out to be a good thing I ran into Terwilliger’s wife, but the decisions I made up to that point were wrong.”
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