I spent the rest of our visit to Music City Pastry lost in my dark thoughts. Jason was sullen as he sat across from me and picked at the sweets in front of us, so I figured his thoughts weren’t much different from my own. What had started out as a fun outing had turned into the most depressing date ever.
And yes, I thought of it as a date. I hadn’t called it that to Jason or formally asked him out, but I hoped he considered it a date, as well. He’d told me I had to earn his virginity, and I was taking the quest very seriously. I just wasn’t sure how I was supposed to do it.
When we’d paid and packed up our to-go bags, we walked silently back to the car. I couldn’t help wishing I had thrown caution to the wind and asked Jason out a long time ago. I hated that the joy of discovering each other had been tainted by drama and anxiety.
Jason’s words came back to me. The ones he’d said while we lay sated on my bed. Think of the time we wasted not doing this. How right he had been. It hurt to remember how hard I had tried to deny my desire for him, and how I’d forced myself to sit back and watch as other men let him know how sexy he was and tried to claim him when that’s all I wanted to do myself.
And now that I had everything I’d longed for within my grasp, what would I do? Did I have any more courage than I’d had yesterday? Would I be content to watch as Jason eventually fell in love with someone else? Was my family’s approval really worth losing a shot at the only man I’d ever truly felt something for? Most importantly, what did it say about me that I didn’t know the answer to those questions?
Fuck me. I would rather deny my own happiness than risk the disapproval of others. How had I never realized what a coward I was?
“Pull over, Mark.” Jason grabbed onto my arm from the passenger seat.
I came back to the present and noticed we were driving down Church Street, several miles from the bakery. Apparently, I’d been driving on autopilot as I pondered the meaning of my miserable existence.
“I’m serious, Mark. You need to pull over.” Jason groaned, and when I looked over at him, his face was so pale it was nearly white.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, slowing down and looking for a place to stop.
“I can’t breathe,” Jason said. He pulled at the collar of his shirt. It wasn’t the least bit tight, but he was grabbing at it like it was a hungry anaconda about to squeeze the life out of him.
I pulled into the parking lot of an insurance company, and Mark nearly fell to the pavement in his haste to get out of the car. I put the Porsche in park, jumped out, and ran around to his side. He was squatting down, using the back wheel as support, and gasping for breath.
I knelt down beside him. “What is it, J? Do I need to call 911?”
He nodded, then shook his head, tears coursing from his eyes. “What if I go to prison, Mark? How did this happen to me? And to Mr. Terwilliger?”
I cupped his face in my hands and did my best to wipe the tears from his cheeks with my thumbs. “I don’t know, J. I don’t understand it, either.”
He sniffed and closed his eyes, then let out a tortured moan. “One minute, he was puking from kidney stones, and I was just a doctor doing my job. I was just trying to fix him. I was trying to—” His next words were lost in a torrent of sniffles and tears.
I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and pulled him close, feeling him tremble in the circle of my embrace. His sobs were so heartbreaking, they brought tears to my own eyes.
“He’s dead, Mark. He’s dead, and it’s all my fault. I must have said the wrong thing like I did when I was talking to you. Or maybe I’m just fucking crazy. Maybe I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. Maybe the job has gotten to me.”
I couldn’t help the sputter of inappropriate laughter that burst out of me. I pushed Jason to arm’s length, gripping his shoulders tightly. “That’s ridiculous, J. The only thing crazy about you is what you just said. Don’t you think I would have noticed if my best friend was off his rocker?”
He sniffed, looking so vulnerable it broke my heart. “Your best friend?”
I brought one hand up to rub the back of his hair. “Who else would be my best friend, you dork? We’re up each other’s asses twenty-four-seven. I don’t have time to have another best friend.”
“Partners,” he said.
“Partners in crime.”
At that, he pushed away from me and burst into a fit of hysterical giggling. When he finally caught his breath, he was lying flat on his back in the parking lot looking up into my bewildered face. “Partners in crime,” he said. “Bet you never thought that nickname would end up being literal.”
I felt the corner of my mouth turn up as my own smile threatened. “You mean because you’re going to be a convict?”
He nodded. “Are you going to come to the prison on weekends and talk to me through the glass?”
I pretended to consider it. “You know I work most weekends. But I might be able to make an exception if you could score us some conjugal visits.”
His tears had stopped falling, and he swiped the rest of them away with the palms of his hands. “I think maybe you have to be married to have those.”
I waggled my eyebrows. “Might be worth it.”
And that comment sobered us both up. Fuck, what were we even talking about? Getting married? Maybe we were both off our rockers and didn’t know it yet. Whatever the case, we needed to shut the hell up and get back in the car. This conversation was dangerous. Mainly because it had me thinking things I shouldn’t, and from the look in his watery blue eyes, Jason was thinking them, too.
“Where are we going?” Jason asked when we were back on the road and headed in the opposite direction.
“To see my therapist.”
“Joe?”
I laughed. “No, not Joe. My real therapist.”
Jason’s eyes widened in surprise. “I didn’t know you saw a therapist.”
“I only visit him occasionally these days. How did you think I got a prescription for Xanax, the Tooth Fairy?”
“Or Santa Claus. How the hell was I supposed to know? You never mentioned it.”
I gave him a narrow-eyed side glance. “You think less of me now?”
“Of course not. I just didn’t think someone like you—” He bit his lip and looked out the window, leaving something unspoken.
“Someone like me?” I prodded.
“You just always seem to have it together. Like you’re perfect. In fact, that’s my private nickname for you. Dr. Perfect.”
“Really,” I said, raising an eyebrow. “Do tell me more about this perfection of mine.”
He laughed and turned fully around in his seat to face me. “It’s not a compliment, Mark.”
I was stunned, and from Jason’s renewed laughter, it obviously showed on my face.
“Oh, come on. You don’t have a secret nickname for me?”
“You mean other than Sexy?”
He smirked. “I mean something I wouldn’t like.”
I gave him my stunned face again. “You think I’m going to tell you if I have a nickname you wouldn’t like? I think that would be counter-productive to my trying to seduce you.”
“Come on, Mark. I told you mine.”
“And it hurt me, J. It hurt me bad.” The twitch of my lips gave away my amusement.
“Mark…”
“Okay, fine. Sometimes—not very often, mind you, but sometimes—I might possibly almost call you Tight Ass.”
The space between Jason’s eyebrows creased in confusion. “You already told me that one. At the New Year’s party. Well, sort of. You told me I needed to loosen up that tight ass of mine.”
“Did I?” I shook my head and laughed. “Damn, I must have been really drunk. Did I also tell you it has a double meaning?”
“No. In fact, you were very quick to point out it didn’t have anything to do with my actual ass. As you blushed from head to toe.”
“I don’t blush,” I said.
“Well, you did that n
ight. Trust me, I’ll never forget the first time I made you blush. I really quite enjoyed it.”
“Oh, did you now? And what did you say when I told you that? I know you, and you would definitely have had a comeback.”
“I told you that I did indeed have a tight ass.” He ran the knuckles of one hand down my arm and gave me the sexiest fucking look in the history of the world. “As in virgin tight. As in never-had-a-man-inside-me tight.”
“As in if you don’t quit teasing me, I’m going to pull this car over and fuck you up against that light pole in front of God and everybody.”
Jason pulled away with a smug smile. “You’re blushing again, Dr. Perfect.”
“No, I’m not. I’m just so damn hard my face is turning red.” To illustrate the point, I adjusted my dick, making sure he got a good look at the bulge that now stretched down the left leg of my jeans.
“You’re really proud of that thing, aren’t you?”
I raised an eyebrow and looked over at him. “Do you like it?”
“Hell, yeah, I like it,” he said, his voice slightly breathless.
“Then I’m proud of it.”
He leaned toward me across the car and wrapped his hand around the imprint of my dick, cupping it as best he could while it was sheathed in denim. “You dress to the left, I see.”
I sucked in a sharp breath at the feel of his hand massaging up and down my swollen flesh. “Why don’t you stop making observations about my cock and do something with it?”
His lips stretched into an evil grin as he unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans. “Think you can drive if I take it out and suck it?”
I bit back a groan and lifted my hips off of the seat so that he could work his hand in and pull my cock up through my open fly. “You just get that hot mouth of yours on there and leave the driving to me.”
I gasped when I felt the heat and the pressure of his lips around my cock. With all of the dirty talk he’d been doing, I was near the point of exploding in his mouth already. I leaned the seat back to give him better access and tried my best to keep my eyes on the road and my foot working the pedals properly.
And then my eyes nearly crossed. Good lord, he was good with that mouth. His tongue seemed to be everywhere at once as he lapped at me mercilessly. Then he started sucking, and I nearly lost my grip on the wheel.
“Sweet Jesus, where did you learn to suck a dick?”
Jason pulled off long enough to look up at me and lick his lips. “I told you I could do things.”
“Do things.” I chuckled, but then his mouth was back on me, and I was groaning. I fucked up into his throat over and over so enthusiastically that I came within inches of slamming us into the back of a pickup truck. “Holy fuck, J. Stop. Stop. You’re going to get us killed.”
Instead of stopping, he went to work even harder. We were stopped at a traffic light now, and I chanced a glance over at the car next to me. There was only one person in the car—a man—and he was watching avidly as I got my dick sucked.
Normally, something like that would have instantly killed it for me, but Jason’s mouth on my cock had me too worked up to care. Let the guy watch. Let him pull his own dick out and start stroking. Hell, he could have recorded it and posted the video on Good Morning America, and I wouldn’t have given a shit. I was about to come in Jason’s sweet mouth, and that was all that mattered in that moment.
Traffic started moving again, and it was all I could do to remember which pedal was the brake and which was the gas. I was squeezing the steering wheel so hard my knuckles had turned white. Somehow I got us moving again, but my brain was fried. I was truly afraid I was going to wreck.
“Come in my mouth,” Jason gasped from down below, and an idea had never sounded so good. He continued to stroke my cock with his skilled fingers as he looked up at me with those big blue eyes. “When I start sucking again, you fill me up, okay?”
“I’d like to fill you up, all right,” I said through gritted teeth.
Then his mouth was on me again, and I could have sworn I’d died and gone to heaven. That tongue was ridiculous, like a wet hand jerking me off while he sucked.
“Your tongue,” I said. “What the fuck are you doing to me? That’s— Ahhhh Jesus…” And then I was coming so hard I saw stars in front of me on the road. Heat washed over my entire body as everything inside me tensed and then released, and I was suddenly boneless and tingling all over.
Jason sat up and grabbed the wheel, a self-satisfied smile gracing his gorgeous face. “Was that the first blowjob you’ve ever gotten in a car?”
My voice was slurred like I’d been drinking when I said, “If that was a blowjob, I don’t think I’ve ever had one before at all.”
14
Jason
After our X-rated car ride, I was feeling much better, but Mark insisted on taking me to his therapist for an emergency consultation. Dr. Roberts was in his early forties and dark-haired like Mark, but not nearly as handsome. He had a nice smile, though, and green eyes that communicated understanding with every glance.
While Mark sat in the small waiting room, Dr. Roberts took me into his office and beckoned me to sit on a comfy green sofa. Everything was green in his office, from the moss-colored walls to the calming pastoral paintings lining the walls.
I hadn’t particularly wanted to talk about my problems, especially with someone I’d never met before, but his smile made me weak and vulnerable. I supposed that smile was a good tool for a therapist to have in his arsenal. In the end, I’d looked into his deep green eyes and spilled my guts. I’d even told him about my family, and that was something I never talked about.
I didn’t tell him about what was going on between Mark and me. That felt way too personal, not to mention the fact that Mark was in the closet. There was no way I was telling Mark’s secrets, even to a man who probably already knew more about him than I did.
Dr. Roberts decided I was sufficiently fucked up to score a prescription of Xanax, and he scheduled a two-week follow-up with me. Before we left, he gave Mark a stern look and told him he needed to schedule a visit as well.
“It’s been several months,” he said. “I need an update on what’s going on with you.”
Mark smiled. “Everything is fine in my life. It’s Jason who’s going through some shit right now.”
“Well, I still need to see you every now and then, even if it’s just to grab a coffee and chat. I’m not trying to hound you for business, Mark. I’d just like to know you’re okay. I sense there have been some…changes since we last spoke.” He glanced pointedly at me and back to Mark.
“You want to know if I came out to my parents?”
Dr. Roberts shrugged. “Among other things.”
“Well, the answer to that one is no. I have not come out to them, or anyone else for that matter.” He grinned sheepishly, and his eyes slid to me. “Well, I came out to Jason, if you hadn’t figured that out for yourself. You know we’re partners at work, and we, um— Damn, doc, I can’t talk about this with J here.”
Dr. Roberts smiled. “That’s why I suggested you schedule a visit, silly.” He clapped Mark on the shoulder and pulled him in for a hug. “Just go take care of Jason, and we’ll see each other soon.” To me, he said, “Let him help you through this, okay? We all need a friend to lean on when things get tough. And call me if you need anything. Mark has my number.”
“Thanks, Dr. Roberts.” I shook his hand followed Mark out through the maze of hallways and back to the car.
It was afternoon now, and the sun hung low over the West side of town. Mark’s place wasn’t far from Dr. Roberts’s office.
“We need to get these treats to Bill,” Mark said as he drove. “I can’t wait to see if he likes them. Can you imagine? It will be like having his own chef.”
“Uptown kitty.” I really tried to keep the bitterness out of my tone, but I didn’t succeed completely.
It was sweet that Mark was excited about my cat having gourmet treats, but I wa
sn’t going to be able to buy them for him on a regular basis. Things like that were part of Mark’s life, not mine. I barely had enough to eat and get back and forth to work. I didn’t splurge on anything except the ridiculous country club membership I’d gotten just to be close to Mark.
It was difficult to explain these things to people because no one ever got it. Why did I live like a pauper when I made decent enough money? I couldn’t tell them the truth without looking like an idiot, so I kept it all bottled up inside. I ignored it when people eyed me skeptically as if they thought I had an undisclosed gambling problem or something, preferring that scenario to the truth. Even Mark didn’t know where my money went, and I planned on keeping it that way.
“You know, I’ll bet he would like one of those fancy jungle gyms they make for cats,” Mark went on. “You’ve seen those things, haven’t you? When I was growing up, one of my neighbors had one that took up half the living room. But then she also had a bunch of cats. Maybe ten.”
“I’ve never seen a cat playground that big,” I said. “And I don’t know if Bill likes to play. He seems pretty content just to cuddle and follow me around.”
Mark shrugged. “It was just an idea. I don’t know anything about cats.”
“So, you never had a cat before?”
“Never had a pet before, period. I wanted a dog, but Mother hates animals.”
I gasped. “Why in the world would someone hate animals?”
Mark looked over at me with wide, startled eyes. “No, I didn’t mean it that way. Hate is too strong a word. I think maybe she just doesn’t feel comfortable around them.” He shrugged, looking shy and vulnerable all of a sudden. “I know she comes off like a bitch, but she’s really not as bad as she seems. It’s this life. It does something to a person. You know what I mean?”
I didn’t think I did, but then my life wasn’t all peaches and cream, either. I studied Mark as he drove. That look on his face—so damned vulnerable and unlike his Ken-doll mask he wore at work—and for the first time, I felt sorry for him. He looked like he was drowning, so I decided to throw him a life preserver.
Dr. Perfect: A Contemporary Romance Bundle Page 14