by Jessica Daw
Next it was Mary. She’d managed to commandeer the piano, and was singing. Her voice ruined whatever pleasure her piano-playing may have given, pitchy and unsupported as it was. I saw Dad looking straight at her and went to commiserate.
“Dad, why is she doing this?” I asked miserably.
“It’s time for her to stop, isn’t it?” he replied.
“I wish she would,” I said with despair.
He nodded to himself, and went straight up to the piano, in the middle of her song. “Thank you, Mary. That was lovely. Time to give someone else a turn.”
My mouth fell open. She’d needed to stop, but that was outside of harsh. Mary blushed an unpleasant shade of umber and fumbled to get away from the piano. Louise Hurst was at the piano before anyone else could move.
As if that weren’t enough, when I’d finally made it through the glass door leading to the backyard/forest, it was only to find Lydia engaged in a heavy make-out session with who I assumed, or hoped, was Carter. And anyone who cared to look out the window could see it.
I hurriedly went back inside. I could’ve broken them up, but that would’ve caused a worse scene. I was helpless.
Walking back through the crowd with the vague notion of finding Charlotte, I ran into Collin.
“Have you seen Charlotte?” I asked.
He apparently didn’t hear my question. “Is that gentleman Will Darcy?”
Horror rising through me, I followed his gaze. It was indeed Will Darcy. “Yes,” I said slowly, hoping he wouldn’t do what I suspected he would.
“He is Catherine de Bourgh’s nephew,” Collin announced proudly.
That explained a lot.
“I ought to make myself known to him and inform him that his aunt was in the best of health the last time I was privileged to be with her.”
“Collin, no, that’s what cell phones are for, he can call his aunt whenever he wants to,” I said, grabbing at his sleeve, but I moved too slowly. I watched with the same obscene fascination I felt when I saw things like car wrecks and road kill.
Collin tapped Will’s elbow and—no joke—bowed when Will turned around. I knew he’d introduce himself as our guest, since we’d been the ones who’d told him about the party. Will barely acknowledged Collin, unsmilingly listened, and turned away before Collin finished speaking. I couldn’t blame Will. Collin was ridiculous.
By then, the ball couldn’t end soon enough. I didn’t care that I was still receiving compliments on my dress and mask and hair. I wanted to go home and forget that this evening had ever happened.
chapter seven
We were the very last guests to leave. Will, fortunately, was nowhere to be seen, but Cade and Carrie and Louise were all there, the sisters with tight smiles, and Cade standing a few feet apart from the rest of us, holding Jane’s hand. I was exhausted and frustrated and embarrassed, and finally just walked out of the house and waited in the car for the rest of my family to tear themselves away.
I texted Dawn on the way home and she told me I didn’t need to come to work tomorrow—or today, more accurately. It was well into morning by then, far enough that the sun was beginning to lighten the horizon when we reached home.
Despite my exhaustion, I smiled the best I could as Jane went on with unusual animation about Cade and how wonderful the night had been. I multitasked, listening and undressing at the same time, taking off my mask first and laying it carefully on my dresser, then working on getting my dress off, then starting the arduous task of taking my hair down. It got tangled in the beads and lace, and in frustration I started ripping them out, hair and all.
“Lilly, what are you doing?” Jane asked, her expression worried.
“I have to get them out,” I said with very thin calm.
“You didn’t have a good evening, did you?” she asked gently, coming forward and taking my hands from my hair, taking over the job of working the beads out.
When had I started crying? It wasn’t like anything of import had happened. It was a ball, nothing more. “Not really,” I said shakily.
“It’s okay. Tomorrow—today, I guess,” she said with a little laugh, “will be better.”
It wasn’t.
When I got out of bed, halfway through the afternoon, my head ached terribly, and neither showering or getting ready for the day or eating breakfast made it better. I checked my phone eventually and found two texts waiting for me.
Yuri: Sorry about missing the dance. Thought it would be better not to see Will after all. Send me a pic of you in your dress
Collin: Will you allow me the privilege of seeing you this afternoon at the hour of four?
I didn’t reply to either of the texts just then. Dawn had taken actually quite a few pictures of me all dressed up but I was inclined to pretend she hadn’t—I was bothered that Yuri hadn’t even texted me last night. And I just didn’t want to answer Collin.
Apparently Collin took silence for a yes. He knocked on the front door at precisely “the hour of four” that afternoon. Mom answered, meaning I couldn’t ask her to pretend I wasn’t home.
“Lilly! Door for you!” she called.
I was sitting on the top of the stairs, invisible from the door, seriously considering going to the nearest bathroom and locking myself in. Then Kitty ousted me, coming from behind me.
“She’s here!” she yelled.
I glared at Kitty, and she smirked in a very Lydia-esque way. “Brat,” I muttered.
“Ha, ha,” she said, traipsing down the stairs.
Mom came over to the stairs. “Come down, Lilly. Collin wants to see you.”
Sighing heavily, I stood. Mom rapidly vacated the premises, leaving Collin and me alone. Great.
“Elizabeth. There are times, in this world of turmoil and despair, when two lonely, lost, hopeless souls find each other, and when they find each other they discover that there is more than turmoil and despair—that there is light and beauty and joy and happiness. Together, they find the strength to rise above all that is wrong and embrace the single truth that they know is right. That truth is love.”
Was he really saying what I thought he was saying? I had to work too hard to smother my laughter to speak, so he went on.
“When two souls find that love, it is their duty to unite. You and I, Elizabeth, have found love, and we must unite.”
He was really saying what I thought he was saying. “Collin—” I began, but he held his hand up. I was so shocked that he cut me off like that that I did fall silent.
“Elizabeth,” he began again. He really had an inordinate fondness for my full name. “I must tell you why, beyond the absolute forces of love, I am determined to marry. Firstly, it is the advice of Catherine de Bourgh. It is her devout opinion that any man over thirty who is unmarried is a pitiful soul whose life cannot be on the right course. Therefore I am determined to wed, and soon.”
Wow, that was a leap, from the whole two-souls speech to Catherine-says-so. I mean, he had no chance anyway, but come on. Didn’t he know that it’s not romantic to mention another person’s opinion as a reason to get married? Evidently not.
“Secondly, I believe it important to be wed. It offers stability to life, a steadiness that is not given by anything else. A married man commands more respect than a bachelor. Marriage also offers manifold comforts to both parties. You, naturally, once married to me would no longer work, as I make quite enough for us to live easily on. You would be able to stay at home and perform wifely duties, as well as indulge in whatever seemly hobbies you wish to. I would not even object to you redecorating my humble home in an appropriate style. I would also ascertain that you had a monthly allowance for pleasure spending. We would, I am convinced, be very happy together indeed.”
“Collin,” I said, quicker this time. “I haven’t answered you yet.”
“No. And I have not yet asked.” He dropped to one knee too quickly for me to stop it, and pulled out a ring box. He opened it, revealing a fat, inelegant gold band with a single
gaudy diamond. “Elizabeth Bennet—do you have a middle name?”
“No, and I—”
“Elizabeth Bennet,” he began again firmly, “will you do me the honor of marrying me?”
“No,” I said without hesitation.
He didn’t react immediately. “Ah. I see. You are flirting with me.”
Flirting? Who was this guy? “No, I’m not flirting,” I said irritably.
Standing, he shook his head, a smile revealing his slightly crooked teeth. “Elizabeth, Catherine de Bourgh told me that women often reject proposals the first time offered, as they consider it romantic to have a man pine after them for a time before they release him. Never fear—I am very patient and will renew my addresses until you feel I have pined sufficiently.”
I could only stare for a minute. He went on smiling. Finally, I managed to splutter, “No, no, no!”
His smile widened. “Now I shall kiss you.” And he moved forward. With speed and agility I hadn’t known I possessed, I did a twisting backward jump, landing in a semi-crouch with my hands out.
“No kissing,” I said flatly.
“Cruel temptress,” he said, clearly not meaning it since he came forward with the same amorous intention.
“Collin, stop it!” I commanded shrilly. “I don’t love you even a little, and I don’t know what in the world Catherine was talking about, but I don’t know any sane woman who would reject a guy’s proposal if she really wanted to marry him. I do not want to marry you,” I said distinctly. “At all. Even a little. I’m sorry if that’s rude, but I’ve told you no twice and apparently you don’t understand.”
His smile thankfully started slipping. “But . . . Catherine de Bourgh assured me . . . perhaps you didn’t realize I intended us to run romantically away, to Las Vegas or another place of your choosing.”
“Collin, no. We are incredibly unsuited for each other and I would make you as miserable as you would make me. Please, just stop. I’m not marrying you.”
I’d finally made it clear enough. “You’re not marrying me,” he repeated slowly.
“No, I’m not,” I said, relieved enough to smile.
Dang it. He caught the smile, and smiled himself. “You are flirting!” he proclaimed happily.
“Argh!” I said angrily, and, my patience gone, I swirled out of the room and ran out the backdoor. I slid into the shade under my favorite weeping willow and sat down at the base.
I hadn’t had any intention of leaving that spot for a good long while, but Mom tore into the backyard, furiously shouting for me to come back into the house. I crawled hastily to the opposite side of the willow and then took off running, not stopping until I was deep into the forest that butted up against our house. Very mature, I know, but I was not going to talk to Mom in my present black mood and hear all the reasons I was an idiot for rejecting Collin.
Once I was sure I was alone, I sat back in the dirt, leaning my head against the rough bark of the tree behind me. Why could I get Collin Williamson to propose, and Yuri Wickham didn’t even show up for a ball I’d sort of thought we were going to together.
Not that I wanted Yuri to propose. I mean, not really. A silly part of me did, just to know that someone wanted me who wasn’t the biggest idiot I’d ever met. And even Collin didn’t care about me. I knew he didn’t. I’d just been convenient, available, pretty enough, and bullied into dating him. He didn’t know the first thing about me.
It wasn’t like I was dying to get married. I wouldn’t have minded being in love, though. Really in love—the kind of love that makes you want to be with someone all the time, makes you wonder what they’re thinking when they’re with you, and wonder what they’re doing when they’re not. The kind of love that makes a day spent just talking with that person the best day of your life. I’d never felt that way.
Sighing, I slid further down and laid flat on my back in the dirt and last fall’s dead leaves. In the distance I heard Mom yelling for me and didn’t even consider answering. She could yell herself hoarse. I’d already done more than my fair share of obeying by being nice to Collin, and look where that had gotten me.
Yuri hadn’t texted me again, by the way. I had my phone with me, and I had service. I couldn’t muster up the energy to resent him, or even be all that annoyed. Apparently I meant about as much to him as he did to me, which I discovered wasn’t all that much, as I lay there and examined my own heart, at least a little. Just enough to ascertain that Yuri Wickham held no part of it. When Mom started calling me I didn’t hesitate to turn my phone off.
When it was getting dark enough that I wasn’t sure I’d be able to see the ground beneath my feet, I stood. I walked slowly back home. I’d have to face Mom and whoever else when I got back. I could do it, but I wasn’t in a rush.
I should’ve hurried. When I arrived Charlotte was sitting in our front room.
“Charlotte? What are you doing here?”
“She’s been calling you for an hour, Lilly,” Lydia told me authoritatively. I hadn’t noticed her upon entering, but now I saw that she and Kitty and Mom were all crowded into the room. “Why’d you turn your phone off?”
“No reason,” I said vaguely. “What is it, Charlotte?” She looked pale and uncomfortable.
“I need to talk to you, Lilly,” she said in a strained voice.
“Of course.” I looked at my sisters and mother. “Let’s go outside.” She nodded and followed me out the front door. We sat down on the porch swing Mom had found at a garage sale and repainted years ago. The porch light was out. Mom had been telling Dad to replace it for weeks, but he hadn’t gotten around to it, and of course Mom couldn’t do such a menial task herself.
We started swinging gently, neither of us speaking right away, enjoying the way the night had turned the oven day into a perfect afterimage, warm and beautiful. We’d sat there and swung like we’d done dozens, maybe hundreds of times. My house was usually occupied by at least one of my three younger sisters or Mom, none of whom were very conducive to easy conversation. But despite the habitual feel, something was different. Change was coming, and I didn’t want it.
The funny thing about change is it comes whether you want it or not.
“Lilly, I’m getting married,” Charlotte said in a rush, and I realized she hadn’t been as comfortable as I was.
I should’ve been shocked. Charlotte hadn’t dated anyone in a long time. I wasn’t. “To who?”
“Collin. I’m marrying Collin. We’re running away tomorrow. He wanted to run away tonight, but I told him I needed time to get packed. I needed to talk to you.” Her eyes turned to me, and I could see their pleading for understanding in the faint light from the distant streetlamp.
I felt numb. “He proposed, then?”
“Yes, a few hours ago.”
He must’ve gone straight from my proposal. “Did he give you a ring?”
“Yes.” She held up her hand, showing me the same ugly ring he’d offered me.
“Do you like it?” I asked.
She shrugged. “It’s not important.”
“You’re marrying him,” I burst. “It is important. You don’t love him, I know you don’t. You’ve hardly even spoken with him.” Not numb, apparently.
“I don’t love him, you’re right,” she said calmly. “Lilly, I can’t live with my parents forever. Collin told me I won’t need to work, so I can keep working on writing, full time. I googled Hunsford, and it’s beautiful. I’ll be happy there. I’ve outlived my time in Meryton.”
“Then move!” I exclaimed. “You don’t have to get married to ditch Meryton!”
“Yes I do,” she said imperturbably. “I don’t have the money to live on my own. I’d have to work all my energy away. This way I’ll just have to keep the house tidy, cook for him, eat dinner and breakfast with him, and the rest of my time I can work on writing. Besides, he’s an in, Lilly. You know that it would mean everything to me to have someone pick up my scripts. This is the best chance I’ve ever had. I’d be a
fool not to take it.”
Despite her calm words, her face still pled for me to understand.
Sighing, I looked away, over the street. “You’re right, Charlotte. You’ve always been sensible. If you think you’ll be happy in a loveless marriage, then I’ll congratulate you.”
“I never expected to find love. I’m too quiet and plain and my best days are behind me. But this way I’ll be comfortable, and I’ll have hope for my dreams.”
I managed to turn back and look at her. “Oh, Charlotte. I’m just afraid you won’t be happy.”
“I will,” she said earnestly.
“Then congratulations.”
“Will you come visit me?” she asked immediately.
“Oh. In Canada?”
“Yes,” she said with an of-course-silly smile. That smile gave away how badly she wanted me to come.
“I’ll visit, Charlotte. Of course I’ll visit.”
“Thank you, Lilly,” she said sincerely.
By the next afternoon word had spread of Charlotte’s elopement. Everyone was talking about that. Well, that and the decamping of everyone that had come for Cade’s movie. I knew Yuri was gone, just like everyone else. Off to his next project, and next girlfriend. Not that I’d been his girlfriend.
It wasn’t until that evening, when I came home from work and found Mom whispering to Lydia and Kitty in the front room that I realized everyone had left.
“What are you whispering about?” I asked bluntly.
Mom, with a tragic look, said, “Cade Bingley left without a word to Jane.”
“He what?” I asked, immediately outraged.
“That’s right. Without a word,” Lydia reiterated, relishing the gossip more than she should’ve.
“Oh no. Where’s Jane?”
“In her room, poor dear. She—” But I wasn’t listening, hurrying to Jane.
She wasn’t doing very well. It wasn’t that she was collapsed on her bed, sobbing hysterically. Occasional tears slipped down her cheeks, but that wasn’t what killed me. It was the utter lack of her usual inner happiness. She was crushed.