by Mj Fields
“I was sixteen years old, thrown in foster care after watching my mother burn down the only home I ever knew.”
I look up at him, not really wanting to see his tits that are apparently growing as a side-effect of love, but allowing him to speak.
“My mother was a meth head with no respect for her husband or her child. What the fuck did I know?”
“Not a damn thing.” I point to the door. “You and I, we don’t have heart to heart chats and expose our vaginas to one another. You and I jam and party. We’re good-time friends, and you know what, man? Good-time friends are a dime a dozen. I don’t need one. We work together; that’s it.”
He nods. “Well, just so you know, over the past few months, I have looked into your past, trying my best to excuse away your fuck ups, and there isn’t shit, man: Jesse and a divorce; that’s it. Move the fuck on.”
“You don’t know dick about me. And you have no fucking right to look into my past. Get the fuck out!” I scream.
The door swings open, and Keanna and Sonya walk in together.
“What is going on?” Keanna asks.
“He’s an entitled prick,” Finn hisses. “I tried, just like I promised, but he … He doesn’t want to change. He’s gonna kill himself.”
I hear the impact of her hand meeting his face before I see it.
“You leave him alone!”
Holy fucking shit! She hit him!
She covers her mouth and looks at me, horrified.
“We’re out,” Finn says, taking Sonya’s hand. “Because I don’t hit bitches.”
“Finn,” Sonya scolds him.
Before the door shuts, I take her hands and hold them against my heart.
“I’m so sorry.”
I don’t say a word. I have no idea what to say.
She tries to pull away. “I’m gonna get going.”
“Where are we going?”
“No, it’s your birthday, and I just—”
“My birthday. I’ll spend it the way I want. Where are we going?”
“No.” She shakes her head, trying to pull away. “I had no right to do that. I had no right to—”
The door opens again, and Sonya walks in and shuts it behind her.
Keanna’s eyes flood with tears. “I’m so, so sorry.”
Sonya gives her a sad look and a kind nod, then looks at me. “It took a lot out of him to get to where he is right now and even more to open up to you, River. He did it because he wants the same for you. He wants you to heal.”
“I don’t need his forgiveness or understanding,” I retort.
She sighs. “Maybe he needs yours.” Then she looks at Keanna. “Offer still stands. If Tink needs a place to stay until you find a new place, we have plenty of room.”
“The dog stays here.”
Sonya looks back at me. “You’re leaving tomorrow.”
Fuck.
“She stays with the dog here.”
Keanna looks at me and shakes her head while Sonya smiles, then turns and walks out the door.
“I can’t stay here,” Keanna gasps.
“Tink needs a place, and you need to be with her, so you stay here.”
“River, I—”
“No. Just shut it down, turn it off, do whatever it takes to stop you from telling me no. It makes perfect sense. I’ll be gone for a week. It’ll give you time to look for a place and relax. It also has a kickass security system. You’ll be safe.”
“I need to leave,” she says, shaking her head again.
“I need you to stay. I don’t know why, but I really need it.”
“I really need to know why,” she says, stepping back.
Uncomfortable at the depth of this conversation, I look away. What the hell am I thinking?
“Okay,” she finally concedes.
I can’t help smiling at the small victory. I still don’t know what the fucking game is, but I will take this win.
“One more birthday request?”
“Sure,” she whispers, looking up at me.
“Give me those fucking lips.”
“If I give you that, you have to trust me with more.” I look up and see the hurt in his eyes. It penetrates my heart.
I close my eyes, contemplating what to say to make it better for him.
I feel his breath coming closer, and before I have a chance to change my mind, his low, husky voice whispers, “Open your eyes.” His hands are on each side of my face, his thumbs stroking my jaw slowly, lightly, and intoxicatingly.
I force my eyes to open slowly because the heat I feel building in my toes, crawling up my body, is so incredibly hot I feel like I may be blinded by what I see.
“I’ve wanted this since seeing you in the doctor’s office. I just didn’t realize how damn badly until the other night. And now, Keanna—beautiful, sexy, Keanna—your lips are already like an addiction, and I haven’t even gotten to them yet.”
He runs his lips and tongue up my jaw as he angles my head, giving him better access to my flesh, flesh that is tingling in the wake of his kisses. My skin begs for his lips to return, but the untouched skin begs for it even more.
“River.” My breath hitches.
“Shh,” he whispers against my ear, his thumb tracing my lip. And then, eyes wide open, his beautifully full lips touch mine.
The connection is electric and magnetic. I can’t pull away. I don’t want to pull away.
He grips the nape of my neck and wraps his other arm around me, pulling me to him completely, while I place my hands on his hips, bracing myself for the inevitable fall.
I love and hate the feeling of the fall that comes with a kiss like this. Its wait is painful, its touch one hundred ten percent pleasurable, but the aftereffect is the shattering of one heart. It’s horrible and wonderful. It’s giving a part of you away that you will never get back and taking a promise that will ultimately be broken, yet deeper than any other sexual connection.
A kiss ultimately means more.
Dear god, what am I thinking?
I don’t even want to be the stupid girl who’s waiting and wanting more.
His tongue slowly traces the seam of my lips before slowly pushing in. His groan calls to my moan, his tongue stroking mine and mine his. Then his body shifts, and I feel his erection against my stomach. I shift, causing our bodies to connect, to become so close I feel like I am inside of him and he is inside of me.
The intensity builds slowly and then all at once as he takes both sides of my face in his hands again, and the kiss deepens. He again angles my head upward, and I grip his shoulders for fear I may fall. He then pushes me back against the wall, his knee between my legs. One hand leaves my face, and he shoves it down the front of the sweatpants.
“River,” I gasp as his forehead touches mine.
He stalls momentarily, and I search his eyes for something … more, but I don’t know what.
“I’m … I’m.”
“Soaked,” he growls as his fingers find evidence of exactly what his kiss has done to me. “Fucking hot.”
Embarrassed and on edge, I rest my forehead on his shoulder as his finger slowly enters me. I thrust my hips forward unintentionally, and he pushes his knee up snugly against me as he drags his finger out of my pussy, grips my hips, and rocks me on his knee.
“Don’t,” I beg, but his mouth covers mine, his tongue shoving in without permission as he continues rocking my hips against him until I feel my orgasm coming strong. Then he pulls back, panting, and looks into my eyes.
“Take it, babe. Fucking take it,” he demands.
I wrap my arms around his shoulders and hold him tightly as I come, riding his knee.
One knock on the door and it opens.
“Dude, come on,” Memphis yells in and then I hear the door shut behind him.
“I’m gonna start locking that fucking door,” River whispers in my ear before grabbing my face and kissing me quickly, then rubbing his lips across my forehead. “Best birthday present ever.
”
“How was that a gift for you?” I ask, leaning back against the wall.
“You gave me something I’ve been craving, and it more than exceeded any expectation I had. Perfect.”
He looks down, and I close my eyes. Then I hear him laugh, and I look up, embarrassed and uncomfortable.
“Oh, no, you don’t.” He chuckles.
“Don’t, what?”
“Get all stuck in your head. You may have come without my dick or mouth on you, but you weren’t alone. I fucking came in my pants.”
I look down and gasp. “Oh, my god.”
“Hey, don’t look at me like that. It was all your fault.” He kisses me hard again, then steps back. “I’ve gotta get cleaned up.” He steps away, then turns back. His brows furrow as he shakes his head and motions between us. “What the fuck is this?”
“Friends,” I answer weakly.
He gives one nod, then turns around and walks into the bathroom.
I immediately straighten myself up the best I can before walking out of his room, unsure if it would be more awkward to face his friends or him. Right now, I choose his friends.
“I’m Taelyn,” the redhead from Natasha’s office says, walking briskly over to me with her hand outstretched.
I shake her hand. “I remember you.”
“It’s so nice to see you again,” she says with a little bit too much excitement and emphasis on the “again.”
“You, too.” I smile, watching her look at me, appraising me.
“So you—”
“Have a cake to finish,” I say, which makes her laugh. “Sorry, I hate how awkward this is.”
“You need help?” Sonya asks. I am surprised she’s still here.
“I’m sorry,” I say, looking away. “I … um … I’ve got it.” I hurry toward the kitchen and open the fridge.
Billy comes over. “Let me know what you need.”
“Meat tenderizer, cutting board, sauce pan.”
He puts his hand on my shoulder, and I look at him.
He smiles. “How about a drink?”
“How about two?” I smile back.
After grabbing me all the things I asked for, he walks away.
I feel eyes on me, and I hate it. I glance up once and make eye contact with Finn, the man I slapped in the face. He doesn’t look away, doesn’t look angry, doesn’t look anything, but I know he is trying to figure me out. And hell, if he can shine some light on what is going on with me, I’d thank him.
Billy walks out and sets a glass of wine on the counter in front of me, and I thank him before taking the chicken breasts out and I begin to tenderize them with complete focus. I have such focus that I don’t see River walks out until he is standing beside me, and I feel the weight of his eyes on me.
“River.”
“Keanna.” A pause. “Can I help you?”
“You can go”—I point to the living room—”and hang out with them and let me get to work.”
“What are you making?” He leans forward and places his elbows on the counter. “Besides me hard again.”
I look up, hoping no one is looking at us, and he laughs before walking away.
I turn the stovetop on to boil the water for the pasta, which keeps my eyes focused away from the group of men and women in the living room who are surely wondering what the hell I am still doing here. Hell, I’m wondering what I’m doing here and why he wants me here. I want to be his friend; I want him to trust me, but for what?
Out of the corner of my eye, I see River squat down and pet Tinker Bell. Her tail thumps on the ground a few times, and I feel immediate guilt about leaving her here and about staying with her last night instead of leaving.
River then moves and sits next to Taelyn, who is smirking at him as he whispers something in her ear, making her laugh. I am suddenly jealous of their interaction with him.
Jealousy is an emotion, a feeling I despise. It weakens us, makes us feel less than. I’m not less than.
I am thankful the water is rumbling behind me so that I can turn around.
I put the pasta in the boiling water, then go back to tenderizing the chicken breasts, breading them and frying them for just a few seconds.
When the pasta is done, I use the strainer that Billy set out for me. I have a hunch that he does most of the cooking around here. He seems like a great guy.
When the Chicken Parmesan is in the oven, I’m setting out to frost the cake when Sonya walks in with Memphis’s girl they call Tales. They both grab the ingredients to make the Caesar salad while I busy myself with the cake, hoping the idea in my head actually ends up being the final project.
“Are you making a drum?” Tales asks with a sweet smile.
I glance up and smile back. “I’m trying.”
“The drumsticks?” Sonya asks.
“I still need to get those done. Thank you for the reminder.”
“I put the bag in Finn’s old room, right next to River’s. We can make sure he doesn’t see you slip in there,” she tells me sweetly.
“I appreciate it.” I see Sonya filling my glass and shake my head. “Thank you.”
“Trust me; I’d be joining you if I wasn’t pregnant.”
I look up at her. “You’re pregnant? I mean, I thought maybe, but you aren’t showing.”
“Lucky, I guess. The baby is due at the end of July.”
“Finn’s baby?” I ask, and she nods. “The man I—”
“Yes.” She chuckles then jokes, “He’s still here, isn’t he?”
“He must hate me,” I mutter as I spread the frosting on the vanilla layer of the cake.
“Not at all, and neither do I. River’s never had a female … um … hang out for very long,” she whispers.
“Well, I think River and I are gonna be good friends.”
“I hope so,” Tales says, rolling her eyes. “God, the women they attract are complete and total sleazebags.”
I can’t help snickering. “So what does that make them?”
Tales giggles. “Reformed man-whores.”
“It takes a strong woman to end up with one of these guys.” I look up to see Taelyn sitting down across the island from me. “I just hope you like him as much as he seems to like you.”
“We’re friends,” I comment, looking away briefly.
“Perfect. That’s a good place to start,” Taelyn quips.
Start? What makes her think this is anything more than a friendship or a fling?
I look down at my cute, little drum cake and write River’s name in script below Happy Birthday. Then I set it to the side, and all three swoon over it. I laugh, thanking them, and then ask Sonya which room is Finn’s.
Once inside, I get to work on the sticks I bought to add the finishing touch to his cake.
When I walk out, River spots me. “You done, Betty?”
I nod and smile.
“Good. Come and chill.”
He has obviously had a couple drinks, probably smoked some while in his room, but he looks relaxed and happy, so who am I to judge a friend?
When dinner is over and the table is cleaned off, River, Memphis, Finn, Billy, Xavier, and their women are still at the table, talking about the tour. I’m thankful Sonya went to the store with me, or I wouldn’t have known more people were coming. River isn’t saying much. It’s clear that both Tales and Sonya, whom some of them call Yaya, work for the band; both will be traveling to California with them.
River’s phone rings, but he hits ignore. It’s the third time he’s done it.
“Dude, is that your mom?” Memphis asks.
He shrugs. “Yeah.”
I can’t help giving his knee a squeeze under the table. He doesn’t even look at me, though.
“She’s called, like, a hundred times.”
“So?” he says.
Memphis grins. “Well, she did push you out of her snatch.”
“For fuck’s sake, Memphis,” Xavier groans, running his hand through his hair. “Seriou
sly, he mellows out, and you just keep getting more out of control.”
Feeling a little insecure about River completely ignoring my gesture, I stand up to get the cake. Feeling more insecure, I stick the drumsticks into the cake that I decorated like a sixteen-year-old girl crushing on her favorite drummer.
“I’ve got the ice cream,” Sonya speaks up from behind me.
“Thank you.”
After putting the candles in the cake, we walk over to River, and Memphis, the band’s front man, starts singing, “Come as you are, as you were / As I want you to be.” The rest of them continue singing the Nirvana song. It’s not an uplifting song, but the grin that creeps up on his face tells me he likes it a lot.
I set the cake in front of River, and he looks up and smiles. It’s a much different smile, a shyer smile than he gave the others while they sang.
He mouths, “Thank you,” then closes his eyes and blows out the candles.
He pulls out the drumsticks and reads them aloud. “I’m just a drummer”—he shakes his head—”one who holds it all together.”
Everyone laughs, including him, but I don’t. I know that’s the drummer’s job, and whether he believes it or not, tonight makes it apparent. The band knows they can’t do it without him.
When he blew out his candles, I made a wish for him. The wish was for him to see the value he holds.
He pulls out the other stick and reads it. “I don’t take orders; I don’t follow rules; and I—”
I reach out and cover his mouth without even thinking, and he pulls my hand away.
“What?”
Memphis snorts. “Oh, come on; now we have to hear it.”
I close my eyes and wait for it.
“Nah.” River laughs, and I open my eyes, shocked. “This is mine.” He nips at my hand. “All. Fucking. Mine.”
He then gets up quickly and walks to his room, drumsticks in hand, and when he comes back out just as quickly, they aren’t with him.
Relief rolls over me. I give him a smile that I know is exaggerated because of the amount of wine I drank. Then I nod and cut the cake while Sonya begins to scoop the ice cream.
As soon as the cake is eaten, everyone leaves to pack for their trip.
Tomorrow, at noon, Steel Total Destruction hits LA to make their first music video.