In his eyes, someone else was always to blame, never he. Like his sister, he tended to be so involved in his own ideas and affairs; he simply forgot his mother existed.
But, at least, Tusha reminded herself:
He has his good side; his love for his own daughter is unmatched.
Althea had never gotten to know Kaudy. Only once had she seen her, at six weeks old. Nyle’s wife had always prevented any further association.
No, I have no reason to go back. I was always such a thorn in their side. By now, they have gone on with their lives, and I have no value to them.
I have Loki now. He will cushion my transition.
He is unlike any man I've ever known. He is gentle, humble, and keeps wisely private, until action is needed. But sometimes, he's too trusting and confident. He errs on the side of rashness, not backing down when he feels the need is justified. That’s how he came to be here, both at the beginning, and in that most recent encounter with Bom.
But then, even Loki tends to ignore my accomplishments. If he approved, at least he didn’t say so.
At this moment, Tusha could see only the dark side. She could not bring herself to stay positive. In her present state of mind, she was incapable of clear thinking; her memory was selective. She knew she was wallowing in self-pity, but she thought that it was warranted.
Do I not deserve even an iota of respect and recognition? It seems, it doesn’t matter what I do, it is of no benefit in the long run.
Her body shook with anguished sobs; disappointment made her breath come in ragged gasps. With little energy left to fall back on, the tears soon were spent. Then Tusha simply sat there, vacant-minded, numb, waiting for peace.
At long last, with a resigned sigh, she let the past go, prepared to face the immediate future, and rose to her feet. With steps dragging, she took the path, to follow after Loki and Lana.
CHAPTER 45
Loki kept his pace gentle, striding resolutely toward the freedom door. Still Lana had to nearly run to keep up to him.
As he reached the bridge across the gorge, he stopped abruptly. Lana nearly ran into him. He shifted his load, reached back to stop her forward motion, not because he particularly valued her as a person, but because he wanted no more deaths on his watch.
Loki had reached the point where his own feelings had gone numb. Empathy had its faults; after a time overload ensued. And in his own beleaguered condition, he could tolerate no more.
Loki stood examining the intricate platform that spanned the yawning chasm.
There is no way this is natural! Stalagmites don't grow together to make such a perfect filigree network, let alone on a horizontal plane, across a steaming hot open space of this length.
This is mind work!
Most beings viewing this would not realize it was mind-formed, but Loki knew the potential of a Noor mental.
But even Liam can’t do this!
And there was no one else…except Tusha!
Uel had told him, Tilk, the mental Noor queen, had once had unmeasured mind-strength, but until this moment, he hadn’t believed such a thing possible.
If Tusha has done this, what have I created? I only meant to save her life; one tiny human coupled with the essence had become…what? A monster?
I can’t be the judge of that; it's for those of mental aptitude to decide.
Again, he surveyed the thirty-foot length; it had a width of two yards, and was the thickness of at least half that.
How did she find the power to form this? And with limited light available to her.
He shook his head in disbelief. But, then he was reminded of the petite woman’s physical state, the aged countenance, the oozing cuts and open sores.
Loki shivered, as he realized the agony Tusha must have endured.
How many times did she pass out while doing this? No wonder she was gone so long!
And still, as low on energy as she must have been at the end, and suffering from unbearable exhaustion, she had tried to save Beth.
Such power!
If she had a predilection for revenge, or even mild self-indulgence, imagine what she could do.
But as selfless as Tusha appears to be…
She is mostly a follower; her leader skills seem nil, and she is unschooled in the methodology of mind-practice; maybe…as other Noor have, she will travel the path to integrity when she gains her peak.
Yet, one wrong experience could turn her the opposite way, and that worried Loki.
No! I'm certain Tusha will never be a dominating, self-centered, lethal dictator. It just isn't in her basic nature to hurt others. I have never known a female with this level of self-sacrificing disregard for her own welfare.
At home males lived in the shadow of the females; their duty was to serve and protect, and some of their partners took mild advantage, but most were benevolent. Still, he knew none, save Dia, who would give their lives for others.
Tusha is a rare find; my female needs to be protected from herself!
And then, reality struck him:
I can never claim her!
I can never tell her how proud I am of her, how much I love her. It is not my place.
My duty is to take care of her, help her reach her potential, to feel good about herself, show my love…and I have failed miserably on all counts. She has every right to be mad at me!
And to make matters worse, he was about to disappoint her once again.
Exceedingly grieved at heart, Loki started down the bridge with Amara and the baby in his arms, Lana travelling after.
CHAPTER 46
When they finally rounded the bend, leaving the dark tunnel of the last leg, and stepped into the open space, with the sand slope that led upward, they found all the refugees huddled together, just short of the exit. As if they feared to go on without proper guidance, or realizing freedom was so close at hand had panicked, they seemed afraid to actually take the step of leaving captivity, doubting they could survive, not knowing what to do on the outside.
Norris and Downy came to Loki, the woman exclaiming profusely at the sight of a living newborn; Norris seemed simply relieved to see them.
The black man immediately realized two were missing.
“Where are Tusha…and Beth?” His tone told he feared the worst.
Loki lowered Amara to the gravel, while Downey took over immediately, hovering protectively at the side of mother and child.
His back still turned away, Loki answered. “Beth went over the cliff.” He did not elaborate beyond that, laying no blame.
Norris sucked in a breath. “And Tusha?”
“She needs some time…she tried to save her…”
Loki left the thought hanging, deliberately, allowing Norris to imagine all sorts of scenarios.
“Is she hurt bad? Will our liberator survive?”
The Noor refused to speculate. “I’m going back to get her now,” Loki stated.
Norris abandoned his questions. Perhaps, he didn’t want to know, or dreaded to be told the whole story. Acceptingly he let it pass, certain that in time, he would gain the details. He was much like Loki, a watcher, a listener, but considerable wisdom was under his mantle.
Loki turned to glare warningly at Lana, who had backed into a corner by herself. “Don’t let that one near the baby,” he ordered.
Curiosity got the better of Norris; he voiced the question uppermost in his mind. “Was Lana responsible for Beth’s death?”
But Loki made no answer, left the idea hanging in the air.
****
Loki found Tusha halfway across the bridge. She didn’t meet his eyes, still seemed to be nursing a grudge against him, or so he assumed.
Taking in her obvious lethargy, he realized it was more resignation and despondency than actual displeasure with him. Her eyes were half swollen shut, her cheeks sallow and sunken; she looked a wizen ninety, stooped, broken, despairing. She had cried herself into a state of stupor.
His heart went out to her. Desir
e to heal away the hurts, both physical and emotional, thundered to the surface, but his own previous injuries, never completely dealt with, were burning and festering for lack of water, and having gone so long without adequate light, the energy behind his ability was nil.
It struck him then.
Since Tusha has developed her Noor nature, she has never known a true light source; she has never been in the sun!
In awe, he marveled.
Considering the power she has already displayed, what magnitude might she be capable of when she finally steps outside?
But now, at the very least, I can ease her aches.
Loki reached out, and touched her hand.
Sensing the desire, and the motivation behind his action, she pulled back, extracting that small member.
“Don’t!” Her voice came out a hoarse whisper, but the force was there, and the annoyance. As always, true to her inherent considerate nature, she wanted no part in using another selfishly.
So he conceded, yet quickly sought for another means to help.
“I’ll carry you,” he offered.
“No! Leave me be!”
Admitting defeat, he turned, and walked next to her, gauging his steps to match hers. Stubbornly, she moved ahead of him instead.
He knew she meant for him to follow; obediently, he did so.
****
Travelling that last mile through the darkness, Loki watched Tusha. The glow around her body was so faint, visible only here in the utter blackness.
She has used her powers constantly for days, without having adequate means to replenish the energy used. Eventually, she is bound to go down completely.
He waited, patiently, watching as she faded slowly. Expecting it. A half hour’s walk from the exit opening, like a rag doll, she folded toward the floor of the tunnel. Quickly moving forward, he reached her side, and scooped her into his arms, before she fell.
Her head sagged against his shoulder, flopping like an inanimate toy doll. He cuddled her close, relishing this last close contact.
If only Liam can love her as I do, all will be well, but I must step aside, wait for my mental to notice her. Until then, I must forfeit my claim, and give no inkling I've found our future partner.
Everything in him rebelled. Loki didn’t want to do what he had to do.
The rest of the way, he carried her, moving at as leisurely a pace as he dared…to delay the inevitable.
CHAPTER 47
As he rounded the bend, into the semi darkness of the moonlighted space, Loki found all humans just as he’d left them…save for one.
He frowned. “Where’s Lana?” he demanded, looking about apprehensively.
Norris rose to meet him, answering with an offhand attitude. “She preferred to take immediate advantage of the prospect of freedom. About an hour ago, she just walked through the opening into the night. Guess she didn’t want to be here when you got back.”
Loki grunted disparagingly, shifting his burden. “And…were the Roog out there to welcome her?” he asked hopefully.
Norris laughed, identifying with the frustration of the Noor male, excusing the uncharacteristic lapse of compassion.
“None that we heard from in here.”
Sighing with relief that that woman had not brought about their recapture, Loki eased down to a sitting position against the wall, yet not relinquishing the treasure in his arms. He leaned back, with the still unconscious Tusha on his lap, her head against his chest, holding her close, as if he planned to keep her there for eternity.
“We’ll just wait here for the sunrise,” Loki suggested. “Give Tusha some time to recover. By then the dogs should all be asleep.”
Norris studied the elderly woman in his arms, shaking his head. “What’s happened to her?” He slipped down to sit beside Loki. “Does every Noor suffer like this when they use their abilities?”
Loki furrowed his brow.
What is this? The man knows Tusha is no longer fully human? When did that happen?
Did she tell him?
Norris anticipated the unspoken queries.
“I watched her go mind-travel, and…I know, she made the first hole…and the down ladder. I will not tell,” he added in a whisper.
Loki made a quick decision.
If Tusha chose to trust this male, so will I. She is a good judge of character.
He explained. “Since I infected her,” he confessed. “She has had no contact with a real energy source. For us all, the sun is best. Because of this lack, her mind takes substance from her own body, like a starving marauder might blindly mistake its own extremities as food.”
Norris shivered in revulsion. “You are self-mutilating? Cannibalistic?”
“Not usually. It is a deficiency found only in an instant healer, and some of our stronger mentals, more so, ones that are female. Tusha, being inexperienced, and self-taught, was unaware, and unprepared to handle the handicap. She does not know how to alleviate or correct it. She is like a child, still learning. And I cannot instruct her, as I am merely a physical.”
“Can she teach herself?”
“Hopefully…when she has a taste of sunlight. She also learns from watching it done.”
“Why don’t you just heal her yourself?"
“Not enough of a light source. And we both also need water…”
“So, that’s really why you want to wait for morning?”
Loki nodded quietly.
Tusha stirred, slowly opening her eyes, ending any further discussion.
****
They stood in a boulder-strewn field, in the bright sun, watching the humans cross the sparse grass, and disappear into a band of trees beyond.
Tusha was awed.
It is summer up here on the surface. I have been underground for near nine months.
She turned to watch Loki, his eyes closed, as he raised his arms to the hot sun, soaking up its light, as if he were a winter-starved tree. His dirty and battered stark naked body seemed to shimmer, like a desert mirage.
She slipped into his mind to watch what he was doing, curious at the phenomena.
His still festering wounds vanished, as did his tail. He had willed it to be non-visible. The filth from the prison disappeared, and clothing: leggings, a long sleeved collarless shirt, took its place. He stood there, looking more humanoid than feline now.
He’s handsome, when he's fully healed. That mop of ginger curls. And the muscular chest, powerful legs, not half bad either.
Tusha shivered with want, then shaking it off, turned her thoughts to other things.
Loki lowered his arms, but remained gazing into the sun, as if he were absorbing its rays like a shower of water, washing away the ugliness, relieving himself of all the horror, pain and tragedy he’d experienced in the bowels of the earth below.
Shocked by his transformation, and what she’d seen him do with his mind, Tusha marveled.
What a handicap! He is unable to instruct me, as any normal person might. Yet he can do this, and by accomplishing it, show me the method. It's a puzzle. So this must be the difference between a mental and a physical: one tells, the other shows? Incredible!
She turned her eyes toward heaven, staring up at the sun. Now, she could feel it too, an energy gained from that great glowing orb; it tingled on her skin, invigorated the mind, so sharpened your powers, they leapt to the forefront, waiting to be used.
Is this what it means to be Noor? Dare I try what he has done?
****
He turned, and was astounded, as he watched her close her eyes, raise her arms, and like a learning toddler, imitate his actions.
How fast she absorbs knowledge; things that have taken me years of practice to perfect, she instantly comprehends and is skilled at, simply by watching the process of my mind. It's not even necessary to teach her; her ability to fathom is phenomenal!
Loki observed, as her body changed. The bruising, the angry wounds, the festering sores, all disappeared in mere seconds. The elder w
izen creature became a beautiful younger maiden, with a short crop of silver white waves crowning her head. Even from where he stood, the hair looked soft as infant silk; the ends curling up around her ears and across the back of her neck. The skin of her face was pale cream-pink, smooth and unblemished; even her exposed arms were free of the former ancient age.
The lashes that swept her dusty-rose cheeks were long and white-blond; the lips beneath, soft and sensuous.
Loki’s eyes dropped, caressing over the grubby shirt and jeans, as they changed to a clean frilled blouse and dark slacks. She now stood, approximately five foot three, still lean, small breasts, full and firm; tiny waist; hips curvaceous, slim long legs, and tiny naked toes.
He caught his breath at the sight of her.
This stunning creature could be mine…if I choose. But...I must wait.
It was then he realized, in this unguarded moment, her mind was open. He saw what troubled her; all that had gone before, prior to her capture, the hurtful things said to her by both daughter and granddaughter; the anger and neglect forced upon her by her son.
So this is why she fears to go back into this upper world!
Suddenly aware he’d caught this glimpse, she quickly blocked him from seeing more, but he’d garnered enough to know, he must give rebuke; direct her to a more pleasant mindset.
CHAPTER 48
“Don’t hold a grudge, Tusha. Don’t let the past spoil the future,” he cautioned.
Knowing exactly to what he referred, and realizing he was right, she was silent.
Sympathy was in his very words, as Loki continued. “I know that children can be very unwise and selfish creatures, even after they have reached maturity. Many have the idea they are the only ones hurt in life; and they blame all unsatisfactory situations in their world on the elder generation. But we know, even if it may hold true in some cases, it is rare that any parent has total responsibility.
“Sometimes, the cruelty of the young ones scar deeply, hurting those who sacrificed everything to bring them to the place they are. They repay with disrespect, take advantage excessively of a generous spirit, and when refused what they want, they strike back, by abandoning those who love them unreservedly.”
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